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(I misread a line once–)

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“….then you came along.”

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Damian: Father. Please revoke your ‘No profanity’ rule.

Bruce: Why?

Jason: *Somewhere in the manor* WELL THAT JUST DILLS MY PICKLE.

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#nbd just checkin in on ur bae nemesis

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Jason: MAN I want a new bike.

Jason: But it’s like five thousand bucks.

Steph: *texting nearby* Well, where’re you gonna get that kind of money?

Tim: *laying on the floor* We could sell Damian?

Damian: WHAT

Jason: Well…

Steph: But then where would we get the other $4,995?

Damian: HEY

Tim: Well…

Bruce: *walking past* You know you could always ask me to make up the difference.

Damian: FATHER

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I feel like if Alfred got kidnapped everyone would rush in to save him.

We Have Your (insert name here)

This started out innocently enough, and then I…kind of went overboard. Enjoy.

-

Kidnapper: We have your son.

Bruce: Which one?

Kidnapper: Which…? Um…black hair, blue eyes-

Bruce: *tired sigh* You’re going to have to be more specific. 

Kidnapper: P-pissed off, super snarky–

Bruce: More 

Kidnapper: M-more?

Bruce: More specific than that. 

-

Kidnapper: We have your brother.

Dick: OH NO

Dick: OHNONONO WHICH ONE!?

Kidnapper: It doesn’t matter, which one. You have twenty-four hours to–

Dick: IT’S DAMIAN ISN’T IT I CAN TELL BY THE SOUND OF HIS BREATHING DAMI DON’T WORRY I’ll BE THERE IN FIVE

Kidnapper: …

Kidnapper: *to his partner* He says he’ll be here in…in five?

Kidnapper 2: Or what? The kidnapping’s free?

-

Kidnapper: We have your daughter. 

Barbara: ….

Kidnapper: I said we have your–

Barbara: Yeah, I heard you. You have Cassandra. You’re calling me from the basement of a club in the Diamond District called the ‘Lucky Blue’ and I can tell you your date of birth, social security number, and bank account PINs right now. Are you sure you’d like to play this game?

Kidnapper: Wh–

Barbara: Oh, and by the way, you are gravely mistaken. You don’t have her. She has you.

Kidnapper: *disconnected screaming*

Barbara: Heh. That’s my girl. 

-

Kidnapper: We have your brother. 

Jason: Cool. Tell him I said ‘hi’. 

Kidnapper: …

Jason: *hangs up*

Kidnapper: …

Kidnapper: He says…um…’hi’…

Dick: Oh, sweet. Did you say hi back? Please tell me you said hi back.

Jason: *kicks down the door*

Dick: Hey, bro!

Jason: *sighs*

Jason: *cocks gun* The things I do for you freeloading–

-

Kidnapper: We have your brother. 

Steph: My BROTHER brother, or my boyfriend brother? Or do you mean my boyfriend brother’s boy-slash-friend brother? Or do you mean my not-quite-dad’s son brother? Or my new brother who is sort of terrified of everyone? Or–

Kidnapper: *hangs up*

Kidnapper to Tim, who’s tied to a chair: Do you have…anyone else we could call?

Tim: Would you like to talk to my boy-slash-friend brother, my oldest brother figure, or my not-really-related-but-still-kinda-sorta-little brother? If they’re not available you can try my brainy sister, my bad**s sister, my punk sister or my lesbian aunt. Or–

Kidnapper: I will pay you to just…leave.

-

Kidnapper: We have your brother.

Damian: Sorry, I don’t accept returns.

Kidnapper: …

Damian: *hangs up*

-

Kidnapper: We have your brother.

Tim: Oh, sweet. You can take his ransom out of the $50 he owes me.

Kidnapper: I don’t und–

Tim: Jason? If you can hear this, I’m cutting you off. No more begging me for cash to buy tamagotchis off the internet.

Jason: *through his gag* IF YOU LET JAY JR. STARVE WHILE IM GONE–

Tim: Oh, and just a tip: remember to use a few extra layers of duct tape. He’s a biter.

Kidnapper: I–

Tim: *hangs up*

-

(Cass got to the kidnappers before they even picked up the phone.)

-

Kidnapper: We have your brother. 

Duke: Man, how can I ever thank you?

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I've been waiting 8 seasons for Tom Welling to make an appearance!!! This better be true 😭!

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“It was the laughter that drew me in.

So light-hearted, so care free.

So much like him.”

Wrote a brand new Batflash fanfiction! I hope to update this one and my Birdflash fanfiction soon!!

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LOVE THIS

So you want to play the Batfam in D&D?

Here’s some ideas for you—this party is unbalanced as heck, entirely human, and kind of a mess. I did this for Disney Princesses on another blog and am probably going to do more for other superhero teams at some point.

Bruce Wayne / Batman

Look, I feel like this man would be multiclassing as heck because he is That Extra. Depending on optimization and whether certain things matter more in your version of the bat, you might lean more heavily or entirely on one class more than another, but my main ideas for Bruce would be:

Barbarian—Path of the Totem Warrior. Use stats for Eagle but call it the Bat, or homebrew a Bat Totem.

Fighter—Champion, because Bruce hones his skills so heavily

Paladin—Now, I don’t see him as a heavy magic user, but Oath of Vengeance is pretty much his schtick, and he could use Gotham personified as a deity/a bat god or a similar being as his divine patron.

Rogue—Inquisitive, because he’s the World’s Greatest Detective guys.

Now, his background could be Noble, Folk Hero, or Haunted One, depending on what you choose to focus on backstory wise, but whatever you do for his background keep in mind that he is Rich as Hell so his wealth is going to factor in to how much he starts off with.

Alfred Pennyworth

The man takes really good care of the batfam, and though his background was British Military or spying if I recall, I would leave his class as Cleric—probably in the Life Domain, as he’s always the family’s rock and if they don’t make it to Leslie Thompkins’ clinic you can bet he’s the one helping them stitch each other up

Commissioner Gordon

Look, I know he’s not a vigilante, but he’s important to the Batfam and is on their side in the ways that matter. As a cop, I’d have him as a Paladin (Order of the Crown) or a fighter of some kind (maybe Battle Master?)

Dick Grayson / Nightwing

Dick would be—wait for it—a bard.  He grew up in a circus, remember?  But he would be College of Valor, imo, because he inspires the teams he leads and is a fierce fighter. If you want to multiclass him, I’d add Monk (Way of the Open Hand) as is useful.  As for background, I would lean into him as a Folk Hero, because Nightwing is respected among many circles, and back when he was Robin he was Boy Wonder after all.  

Barbara Gordon / Oracle

*slams fist on desk* we need some spellcasters and you cannot tell me that Barbara Gordon would not make a good Divination wizard. Let’s face it, it matches the name perfectly.

Jason Todd / Red Hood

Well, if you ever cast Detect Undead in the room, Jason’s going to ping off on that, so yeah.  As for his class, Jason’s a fighter—definitely has the Firearms Specialist feat—though I can’t decide whether I would place him as a Brute (these new subclasses are interesting!) or an Eldritch Knight ultimately. Both fit into his undead black sheep of the family thing.  

Cassandra Cain / Orphan

Okay so I would place Cass as some kind of Rogue—her stealth is known to be amazing, so perhaps a Scout, with maybe enough levels under the Fighter category to make her a Samurai, because of her assassin background.

Tim Drake / Red Robin

TIM why are you so d i f f i c u l t okay so I would make him a Battle Master fighter because of those other tool proficiencies and his intelligence would be higher than his wisdom because the boy is smart, but not necessarily able to transfer that knowledge to good decisions.

Stephanie Brown / Batgirl

Stephanie would definitely have a higher wisdom than intelligence for the opposite reasons of Tim—she means well, wants to make correct decisions, but doesn’t always know enough to do so.  I would place her as a rogue Scout because I’m reminded of her Spoiler days where she always had the intel on her dad to share, and she builds on that with the fam to maybe learn some wizardry from Barbara or fighting from Cass.  

Duke Thomas / The Signal

One that I know little about, but I’m going to go ahead and call him an Oath of Devotion paladin with some potential aasimar traits, depending on how you handle his abilities.

Damian Wayne / Robin

Rogue Assassin to start, adding some levels of either monk or fighter based on his inspiration from Dick or Bruce.  Since he was Dick’s Robin, I’m inclined to actually give him some Monk levels, as he would not be impressed by the whole bard thing, but his fighting? Heck yeah.

Kate Kane / Batwoman

I believe she’d be a paladin, Oath of the Crown to start with, as she was military if I’m remembering her backstory correctly, but then later would turn to Oath of Vengeance as she intermingles with the family.

Selina Kyle / Catwoman

Um. Rogue thief.  With a criminal background and maxed out charisma. She’s probably the easiest to pick out for anyone—I hardly have to explain myself for her like I do others.

Harper Row / Bluebird

Probably a ranger; if I recall she is a sniper?  Gloom Stalker conclave, because Gotham and because she’s probably going to need the disguise spells to hide that very recognizable hair and keep her brother safe and out of the line of fire.

Jean-Paul Valley / Azrael

Okay, I know the least about Jean-Paul of the people on this list, but I’d actually leave him as a Scourge Aasimar (the angel name was too good to pass up) Oathbreaker Paladin.  It seems to fit him to some degree, and while I know little about him I understand that he breaks off from the family and goes crazy, so Oathbreaker works for me here.

Helena Bertinelli / Huntress

Ranger—and I bet you’ll never guess what conclave?  No? Hunter Conclave.  Yeah, real original. She’d probably take Horde Breaker and Uncanny Dodge when she levels to them.  Definitely a crossbow wielder, or hand crossbow depending on what your personal game allows.  

Terry McGinnis / Batman

Terry is new-ish to the game, so I would have him be less extra than Bruce.  Probably a Champion fighter, with maybe some Artificer levels in there because Neo Gotham translates into battle magic tech for me—likely as an Artillerist.  His brother, Matt, as Robin, would probably just have the same classes. 

[aeralai]

Tired dad doing the best he can with his six children

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My special skills include viola, web design, fluent in sign language…gorilla sign language.

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Don’t you ever scare me like that again! 

She loves me. She’s like the big sister I never had.

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New Chapter up!!! Longer than the other 2, hope to have another in the next week!

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how to draw arms ? ?