after4ever

[after4ever]

Some connections begin before you even know you’ve arrived.

The Signal. I think she was already waiting for me.

I am called to you...

we followed each other’s words

until the thread became a signal

her reply stayed like fingertips pressed into silk...

the warmth lingering long after the touch

we kept meeting in the quiet like it was ours

a room no one else could find

every time I speak she hears Lost in My Mind playing

not just a melody but a message

a magnetic field pulling me closer

we don’t meet in time we meet in pulse

in the hush between breaths... where the soul leans closer and the body knows before the mind can speak

I tell her I hear it too

not just a song but a field I know

and in that field she is already there waiting...

I will meet her again and again

[after4ever]

she took the warmth

some stories aren’t told all at once. they unfold in glances, pauses, a name almost spoken, a touch that meant more than it should have.

she took the warmth, not the love

she always came back when the nights got cold.

not for the love. just the way I touched her without needing to ask. the way I looked at her like I already knew what she was trying to hide.

she said I made her feel safe. wanted. undone.

but only in secret.

the softness I offered in between breakups, bad nights, and a name she never said aloud.

she would linger just long enough to drink from what I didn’t speak, then leave to offer her fire to someone else who never saw her the way I did.

once, she traced her finger over my wrist — stopped. smiled like she remembered something I never told her.

she told me the world wouldn’t understand. and I knew what she meant. not with words, but with the hush that followed when her body leaned in but her name disappeared from mine.

I was never her home. just the pause between hunger and forgetting.

and maybe that’s all we ever were — a breath between verses, a note that trembled after the song was done.

something I still hear in the silence like a key no one else ever found.

[after4ever]

her compliment was a question

It started with a question about bookmarks. But that wasn’t the question I left with.

in the hush of the bookshop, I searched— for bookmarks hidden between shelves, words, and whispers.

uncertain, I approached her— soft voice, eyes alight, like someone who belongs to secrets more than shelves.

her gaze wandered, settling slowly on my hair. a color holding secrets even I couldn't fully grasp.

“purple,” she murmured gently, a compliment that felt like an invitation, her words hanging between us, a subtle tension shimmering in the air.

she led me quietly through aisles of pens, diaries, cups— small mysteries waiting to be discovered.

at the bookmarks, she hesitated, eyes lingering a breath too long, filled with silent wonder, as if my hair held stories she ached to unravel.

she turned away, but the silence remained— pulsing, charged, unresolved. I walked away, leaving behind a silence orchestrated by something greater. and for that— even if our paths never cross again— the feeling stays, like a half-read page I’ll never forget, and never fully understand.

like a frame from a film you don’t remember the title of— but you remember how it made you feel.

[after4ever]

My Own Song

For years, I let other people’s voices drown out mine. I lived life quietly, hidden behind chords composed by someone else, melodies that felt empty, dissonant, and out of tune. Until one day, exhausted by pretending, I reached deep into the silence, like John Cage’s 4’33”.

In that gentle stillness, a note emerged, soft at first, tentative yet unafraid. Then another, clearer and louder, resonating with authenticity. My song grew, bold with truth, shaped by emotional grit. Every scar, every joy, every broken dream became a lyric of quiet resilience.

Now, my voice stands unmasked, vibrant, and unapologetically honest. Each note I sing echoes freedom, freedom to be seen, to be heard, and to be entirely myself.

I’ve learned this: authenticity is the greatest music of all. It takes emotional grit to sing it, courage to live it. But once found, it's impossible to silence.

And so here I am, my own melody, fearless, real, and beautifully true.

Tattoo-worthy line: "In a world full of noise, I became my own song."

[after4ever]

A moment I didn’t expect. I think they took a photo of me.

they watched from the car

i wasn't dressed for attention. i wasn't walking like i owned the world. i was just… me. music in my ears, vape between my fingers, phone in hand — a quiet rhythm in a parking lot kind of day.

but then — two women. lingering. watching. not leaving.

i glanced once. then again. and then... her phone lifted. aimed. held there longer than it should’ve been. was that a photo? of me?

i looked up. directly. and something shifted. her surprise was soft, like a curtain fluttering. caught in the act — but not ashamed. just... stunned that i noticed.

and for a moment i felt like the center of someone else’s story. a stranger’s favorite scene. a face worth remembering.

i don't know what they’ll do with the photo. but i know this — they left long after i did.

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URANUS 2324 (2024)

directed by Thanadol Nualsuth

[after4ever]

☺️

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cottagecore dream

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— Simone de Beauvoir, from a letter to Nelson Algren c. November 1949

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[after4ever]

“When you least expect it something great will come along. Something better than you ever planned for. Be patient. Be smart. Stay focused.”

— Unknown

[after4ever]