agenderlessgod

[agenderlessgod]

Back on my sad sibling shit and there is something about the siblings in MCD that fuck me up heavy.

Like you have Levin and Malachi who were Aphmau’s first babies and both of them out lived their birth parents

Then you have Alina and Lilith who were originally Aphmau’s and Aaron’s but became Aphmau’s and Garroth’s

Followed by Laurance and Cadenza who were both adopted by different dads but became so close that they thought of each other’s dad as their own

Also the whole Ro’meave siblings situation and the horrible things that happened to all of them because their dad was crazy

Nekoette and Dimitri and finding out how to blend a relationship that you don’t fully understand because your a kid and adults don’t always know how to tell you the hard things

Also the siblings that aren’t siblings like Aphmau and Dante and the whole “well she doesn’t remember her past and for sure not her family” and “well nobody from his past remembers him except for the cause of most of his trauma” and them choosing to be family because if you don’t have 1 connection in your life built on nothing but love and respect and trust from the start then you’ll go crazy

I know I’ve made a post about siblings before but the ones in MCD get me because the only ones I can think of as not completely tragic are Nekoette and Dimitri and that is mostly to do with the fact that Kawaii-Chan looked at a boy who looks dead on her husband and an old friend who she could tell has been struggling and decided “well they need help and love and I’ve been doing both of those things for as long as I’ve been on screen so why stop now” and I love that

[agenderlessgod]

One thing I always found tragic about MCD Aphmau and the shipping wars is how most would say that Aaron won because him and Aph had a kid and she tries to get him back from Shad but honestly I never saw Aaron as a winner or that there was a possibility for anyone to win let me explain

We see Aphmau loose all 3 romantic interest in a different dimension at some point Aaron and Laurance to the Neather and Garroth to the Irene Dimension. In all these instances she tries to get them back and before losing them has very important moments with all of them. With Laurance it’s finding Cadenza and working to clear the Chicken Shaman they grow close before he sacrifices himself and she escapes. With Garroth we see a some moments mostly the deterioration of their trust and relationship before Garroth sacrifices himself to save everyone. Finally with Aaron, most of the season is moments between them that cause them to become closer eventually leading to Aaron both selfishly(in my opinion) and selflessly sacrificing himself for Garroth’s return and making sure Aphmau doesn’t have to sacrifice herself.With all of these moments they have about the same set up several episodes of relationship development before a sacrifice. Aphmau never officially ends up with any of them. You could say she does because she has Aaron’s child so obviously they spend the night together and we’re a couple but shortly after that Aaron is dead and Garroth is helping to raise the child. So Aaron and Aphmau are still not together. We also see that she isn’t with Garroth they are mostly just co-parenting and Laurance left at the end of the previous season.

Next we have her 4 children(sorry to Lilith we’re only gonna focus on Levin, Malachi, and Alina) out of the 4 there are 3 that very clearly represent her relationship to the 3 men. We have Levin for Garroth, Malachi for Laurance, and Alina for Aaron. Though we do see Aphmau raising Alina more than we saw her raising Levin and Malachi we do know she spend about the same amount of time with both kids. We hear Jess mention as Aphmau how at nights she takes over for Zoey and we can assume the days that Aphmau is not traveling she plays with the boys as well. The same goes for the girls every so often she gives Garroth a break and when she isn’t on dangerous missions she is with the girls. Now we don’t know anything after the 3 season and her time with the girls other than we can assume she is some how still connected to Alina(though their relationship doesn’t seem especially close).

Now all of this ramble to point out that Aphmau how a very similar relationship with all the men and they all have a very similar outcome. I truly don’t think any of these relationships would have worked out in any way because as we see Aphmau doesn’t commit to them. Aphmau puts Phoenix Drop and her kids above any romance then it becomes the Phoenix Alliance and helping her children, and eventually we see it being the world over all else. I’ve pointed out before how when we MCD Aphmau again she had failed at the original goal OG Irene had which was to live a normal life with human connection because we see her going Irene again and she’s all alone. I think the reason that none of Aphmau’s relationships worked out quite well is because of who Irene is at her very core or at least who she made herself.

We know that Irene was an extremely powerful mage who became a type of Goddess to people she is even given the moniker of “Matron” because she became a type of motherly figure to all. Aside from this we don’t know anything about her. We don’t know where she was born, how she discovered this power, her relationship to her family, or even how long she was wondering the world just simply helping people before meeting the other divine warriors and traveling with them. Irene either built or was forced into the role of a semi detached goddess or motherly figure because of her power. This is why she sealed it away before her reincarnation. Her immanence power ment that if she did just settle down with someone they would either be at risk of getting hurt for being connected to Irene or would have to often be left without word from her as she travelled around the world dedicating her time to everyone else for the sake of a better world. Irene/Aphmau can’t have a close relationship to really anyone as long as she retains the power and status that she has. That is why we see current My Street Aphmau able to have close relationships and not have to keep everyone at arms length. The most pivotal point of her relationship with Laurance, Garroth, and Aaron is she is able to bring them slightly closer than arms length through their encouragement and respect for each other. But this doesn’t last because there is always going to be a bigger responsibility for Irene/Aphmau. Irene as a concept and any incarnation of her that has the same power and memory is bound to live a life of solitary and heartache. If MCD Aphmau is still actually alive during the events of My Street then all of her friends and children have long sense died(idk what is up with Alina there she might be still alive because she’s like a Demi god or something idk).

[agenderlessgod]

Revolving for pride

Happy Pride!

[agenderlessgod]

Dog I got my wisdom teeth taken out a couple days ago and decided to start re-watching spirit and now every time Cora and Lucky have an emotional moment I start to get teary eyed because that is Cora’s baby

Also just the fact that the time the show is set in means that Cora not having kids or being married would be something that others would look down on her for not being married or having and kids and this feels like something Cora would really care about given her looks on society and how a proper girl should act

That being said she put all that aside to help raise Lucky and loves her so much 😭😭😭😭

[agenderlessgod]

Re-watching Spirit riding free and I’m a sucker for an adventure love story so now I just want the show of Lucky’s parents and their lives😭😭😭😭

[agenderlessgod]

Living in a house of 6 crazy because you never know the consistency of a drink the fridge like my Gatorade was chunky and I assume it’s because someone froze it then put it in the fridge so it starting to defrost but I was not expecting it at all 😭😭😭

[agenderlessgod]

I need this

[agenderlessgod]

Dog I have a problem

So ever since the announcement of the next(and probably finale) season I have been thinking about Aphmau and Travis. Now this is all My Street and not Diaries because I haven’t gotten to rewatch that part and don’t wanna fuck it up or say something that was actually just a fic I read or something. But in regards to them in My Street I really wish we got to see more of them being siblings. I really started to think about this when during the 1st Phoenix Drop High season Sylvanna is shown to only really like Travis. She thinks all of the other boys in Aphmau’s life are some sort of threat but Travis is the first one she comes to like. Later we see them being good friends despite all the gross jokes Travis makes(I won’t get into that characterization rn). They do start to fall off more as the series goes on but I love the thought of them becoming super close again while stuck in the hospital together. We know at the end of the season they are the only ones left at the hospital so this means they are probably each other’s only solid support and familiar face in all this. With all of this swimming around my brain I started to think of different headcannons. Mostly just Sylvanna taking in Travis when him and Aphmau are cleared to leave because I doubt Aphmau will be going back to her house and Travis no longer has any family. Also just the warm thought that neither are alone and don’t have to be scared of everything by themselves. The whole reason they became not-alone-buddies was because they didn’t want to be alone and didn’t know how to form relationships that weren’t romantic or with family with real people not online. Now they’re going to be coming out a facility who is probably going to do some testing on them let’s be so for real but also where they can’t form “normal” human connections. Everyone there is a stranger, thought they were dangerous, or tried to kill them. The only ones they can trust are each other.

[agenderlessgod]

Ok now I’m stuck on all the siblings that could have been or were

Levin, Malachi, Alina, and Lily

Levin and Malachi were babies sent away out of love from their parents and taken in by Aphmau. They reflect the 2 love interests in the first season with Levin being the son of a lord and rightful heir to a village and Malachi being an orphan with a fear of abandonment and hurting others they were raised by Zoey and always looked out for each other but don’t get enough screen time we also don’t really get to see them interact with their sisters to my recollection they mention the boys loving their sisters and wanting to see them more but we never actually get that also I touched on this a little bit before but I really think there is something so devastating about watching your siblings get the love and attention you didn’t worst of all it’s not all entirely your parents fault(you could argue Aphmau is to blame but she didn’t know she was gonna be gone for 15 fucking year) and you love your siblings and want them to be happy but at the same time you only got to know your mom through vague memories and stories while your siblings get to go on those adventures and get tucked in and kissed goodnight by your parents more then you ever did

2. Cadenza and Laurance

They were adopted by different men and from different places but ended still being raised together along with presumably both of their dads becoming second dads to each kid(we know this is true for Laurance but less so for Cadenza) by all accounts they shouldn’t be siblings there is absolutely no tie between them other than the fact that Cadenza’s dad happen to live in the same village as Laurance’s and adopt her they are brought together by fate demanding that they be raised together and never separated(even in my street where a lot was changed and some characters gone altogether they were still siblings) and I hate the fact you don’t get to see more of them yeah you get some bits here and there but never really how heartbroken Cadenza would have been to lose her village and brother so close followed by him showing up again then disappearing later without a word or how Laurance didn’t think about his connection to anyone else just Aphmau while undergoing his transformation he kept one track focus and it helped him live but in doing so it distorted his perception of his relationships from that point on he became less about protecting everyone and more about protecting Aphmau and those closest to her I can only imagine this tearing Cadenza apart and being the reason she brings up that Aphmau isn’t a lord anymore and Laurance doesn’t have to stay with her or protect her she had lost all her family and was probably overjoyed at her brother’s return only to never really see him because he has no place in her world anymore she had to move on for Metli and in doing so built a world that Laurance just didn’t fit into anymore and Laurance didn’t create room for Cadenza either he kept his sights on the next thing that could be a threat

3. Alexis and Brian

We NEVER hear Alexis talk about Brian or what happened to him after the time skip you never really find out her feelings about him or how her parents even brought up something like that just “hey you were a baby so you probably barely remember but your older brother Brian is a traitor and you becoming a guard is scary for this family ok love you have fun at training🥰🥰” also the pressure on Alexis to not absolutely fuck up and ruin things like Brian I can only imagine it’s like growing up in the same house your sibling did but they’re off at college now or even living their own life you hear stories from people who knew them but you never really know them yourself you start to from a relationship and maybe even interpret memories through other peoples perceptions you don’t really know the footsteps your following in also the strange feeling of probably hating this stranger for breaking your parents hearts but he’s also the same stranger who used to watch over you while you sleeping, read you bed time stories, and swear to protect you no matter what

4. Garroth, Vylad, and Zane

Oh dear god these 3 break my heart I can only imagine the confusion and anxiety around the fact that your mom who you love so much just had a baby and now your a big brother or an even bigger brother but your dad refuses to let you interact with him at first or maybe let’s you interact but HAS to be talking crazy shit the whole time I just see this dick telling Garroth and Zane “he is only an obstacle who stands in your way to success” or “he plans on taking your spot as heir” which I can see not super effective Garroth because we’ve seen that he was more interested in knights then lords and loved his mom and brothers but I can see this really fucking with Zane and even causing a lot of problems he would have about no longer being the youngest and I’m 100000% positive that Zianna loved all her boys more than anything but I can also see her trying to pay more attention to Vylad to keep him safe or even because he reminds her of her brief freedom just all the tragedy of watching your younger brother succumb to the schemes of your father and even worse knowing that maybe just maybe if you had dedicated more time and attention to being “the perfect heir” they would have been able to live more free lives instead of where they ended up also with the knowledge that you never see the 3 together Vylad doesn’t stay around if Zane shows up and Garroth can’t keep Zane around because he’s just a crazy danger to everyone it’s all heartbreaking because in another life they all get along pretty well they tease each other like siblings but Vylad is again tossed aside and forgotten

5. Kiki and Brendan

These 2 kill me because I have never and I mean NEVER seen siblings who have so little affect on each other the most we see in terms of them caring for each other is when Brendan was on death’s door other wise we never really see them interact you see Brendan and Levin spend more time together then him and Leona at one point you find out that Brendan has a wife and child on the way and that’s just never mentioned again Kiki doesn’t seem to care all that much and you never see the 2 talk about things KIKI WENT MISSING FOR A LARGE CHUNK OF TIME AS A CHILD you would think this would lead Brendan to having some attachment issues idk maybe added to when Sasha just left and Aphmau(one of his very good friends) just disappeared but nah he seems fine that his sister is off in another city just decides the best way to protect his wife is to be “a crazy horse shaman” instead of idk going to the same SAFE town his sister is living in but idk whatever

6. Dante and Gene

Hey does anyone else remember that super fun time when Dante told us that he was Gene’s brother and it plagued him for years because Gene destroyed his entire life yeah well how about the even more fun part of Gene never even thought of Dante till he was face to face with him DANTE BECAME A KNIGHT BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BE STRONG ENUGHT TO KILL GENE(not like those piss baby reasons of protecting the innocent or upholding peace) Dante openly confessed that he knew Gene was sick and twisted but that was his big brother so he ignored all the fucked up things and then later said if it came down to it he would leave Aphmau in danger to kill Gene(also just my personal opinion already liked him better then Garroth and Laurance because those fools weren’t honest and often were conflicted between protecting Aphmau and the innocent but Dante said fuck you I’ve known you for a couple weeks I’ve been planning my life around killing this ass hat) Dante honed his skills so he could defeat Gene but still trained tirelessly because he believed he wasn’t good enough because after everything Gene did to Dante he was still seen as a giant in terms of skill I fully believe that Dante in his peak could have taken Gene but he also wouldn’t have been able to because as we’ve seen during the haunted castle when coming face to face with Gene he just reverts to that small child who lost everything

7. Aphmau and Dante

Yah you can’t tell me they aren’t siblings so we already have this established fear that Dante has of losing his family and looking up to his sibling(s) but I kinda feel like this is flipped not totally on its head but on its side with Aph and Dante I don’t think Dante looks up to Aph the same he did Gene he looks up to Aph because she is genuinely a good person there is no mask to drop she is doing more for her village then lords have been because they are scared of the Shadow Lord she is proof that not every lord is bad and not every person needs to be worshiped when you look up to them from the start Dante and Aph both have an understanding of their relationship Aph knows that if presented the opportunity Dante will leave her to kill Gene and she still keeps him as a guard because he’s honest about his plans and how he views their current relationship we see more progression to siblings as Dante starts to settle into Phoenix Drop Aph is always checking in on him and making sure that he is settling in nice and even takes him around the village to help him make friends you start to see a shift from Dante choosing Gene over Aph to choosing Aph over Gene this all comes together when Aphmau tells Dante to remain at the gate to guard Phoenix Drop and he waits for 15 YEARS he keeps his old uniform the whole time even after Phoenix Drop is stuck to it’s small area he still runs the risk of bandits to go back to his station he keeps waiting for her to arrive(I also saw a post that made me laugh and further solidified the idea of them as siblings in my mind and that is Dante having 2 kids and 2 different baby momma’s while Aph also had 2 kids and 2 different baby daddies) he watches over her sons in her place and teaches them the most he can about being a good lord all of which he learned from Aph Dante states he’s never been assigned to a lord before so he doesn’t really know how they’re supposed to act but we see him showing the boys the ropes and them following in her footsteps they both had so much more potential as siblings and it breaks my heart you don’t get to really see it in My Street(honestly not at all) but I do still love the moments they get together and how Dante was never really portrayed as a love interest the only “romantic” moment brother 2 is an illusion and honestly I think that helped keep them away from a more romantic storyline because at the time they were just strangers

Anyway thank you for coming to my TedTalk hope everyone enjoyed my thoughts honestly I would love to see more on these relationships and this was sparked by that because of all the stuff I was seeing about a lot of these relationships

[agenderlessgod]

I’m back on my aphmau shit even thought I never finished my rewatch because this bitch gets crazy worked up over shit

DOG THE FUCKING 10 YEAR I ALMOST CRIED SO MANY TIMES I DAMN NEAR PISSED MYSELF WITH THE OG CASANOVA STARTED SPEAKING IT WAS THE CRAZIEST MIX OF JOY SADNESS AND UNCANNY VALLEY SHIT EVER

Sense watching that going through tumblr like a crazy person to get all that good shit and now I’m more heartbroken

The crazy complex story that was everything and I love, hate, and understand like all of the relationships and everything they could have been

Like Aph and Dante could have been the best fucking siblings ever(if they had more time)

Laurence and Cadenza could have been beautiful siblings and had absolutely heartbreaking moments so many times

I saw a post on TikTok(I might have mentioned it before idk it’s past my bedtime) about how Zoey would be like the Lucidend’s mom(can remember her name for fucking spell sorry) because she would live long enough where everyone else would die but she would see Aph turn back into Lady Irene and possibly leave or go into hiding(idk what the fuck happened with her in Mystreet) so that’s heartbreaking to think about

Malich and Levin are my babies along with Lily and Alina but we never get to see the 4 of them really together or the boys grapple with the fact that their sisters get to grow up with their mom(also kinda get a glimpse at what their lives would have been like if they did either always on the move or constantly at home with Zoey with Aph showing up for periods of time before having to leave again)

The whole family situation of Dante and his 2 kids with different mom’s and that weekends across the fucking ocean

What the hell happened to Molly and Dale their son literally betrayed everyone leading to a major war and then they just kinda left and Alexis also became a guard but NO ONE talks about Brain

BRENEN HAS A WHOLE SECRET WIFE AND CHILD(also they kinda go “yeah Kiki and Brenen are siblings but they don’t seem to be that close and he never thought to mention his sister getting disappearing for an extended period of time then just showing up again un-harmed)

WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON WITH THE DIVINE WARRIORS apparently everyone was in love with Irene but they also kept being reincarnated(except Irene) which means that Irene probably had more than just the 1 kid with Shad and the other Divine Warriors had kids because they have ancestors also did Shad have a different family or is Aaron and ancestor of Irene and Shad is Leven also an ancestor of some kind or was that all just speculation I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS

GARROTH AND LAURANCE COULD HAVE BEEN A COUPLE(I can’t keep apologizing for my bad spelling 😭)

Point being this series means so much to me and I’m so happy to be here celebrating 10 years and hope that the new season that is coming out will wrap things up nicely and if not maybe I wish upon more stars and get a book

[agenderlessgod]

Hi yeah sorry re-watching Burrows End on Dropout and did they just kinda go over that Tula and Viola had maybe a lot more siblings but Ava and Kenji lost the rest of them!!!!

I’m sorry just imagining a young Ava and Kenji holding 2 tiny babies and hoping they make it because all of the others didn’t!!!!!!!??!??!?!

The harsh winter made them lose a few and then something else caused them to lose the rest!?!?!??!!??

We just blow by that!?!?!!!??

[agenderlessgod]

At this point I’m gonna be doing this every time I have thoughts

I saw a comment about how Cadenza was saying it is so unfair for Aphmau and everyone to try and get Garroth back from the Irene dimension but they didn’t try to get him back from the Neather.

Aphmau did try to get Laurence back pretty much immediately after she came out she was thinking of ways to get him back when she sees him again with little Levin at the old lord’s place she says again she wants to go back for him

There are different people this time I’m not saying that it’s different people stuck I’m saying there are different people who aren’t stuck when Laurence was stuck it was just Garroth who only knew him as a cocky but well meaning knight they weren’t friends at the time and Garroth had to think about Aphmau’s safety before even thinking about getting Laurence(Garroth even makes a statement that is Aphmau went to go get Laurence and died it would make his sacrifice useless)

The circumstances are different these are 2 different dimensions at the time Laurence was stuck lords were being killed and taken from villages left, right, and center everyone knew that if Aphmau went in there is a possibility she wouldn’t come out

At the time Aphmau was the lord of Phoenix Drop if she had gone in and died that would have been the end for Phoenix Drop and everything they had worked to build up till this point now that Garroth is stuck Aphmau isn’t a lord and at this point has only made the promise to try and re-start the Phoenix Alliance she hasn’t made any progress or even set off the adventure at this point any attempts made to save Garroth that resulted in Aphmau dying would absolutely be devastating to everyone but only those who know she is alive it wouldn’t have any effect as it would if she was lord running a village and people were left without guidance or care

Idk just thoughts I have that feel better to type out then scream into the void of pacing in my room

[agenderlessgod]

I’m raging again because I’m re-watching Minecraft Dairies. I’m closing in on the war between Aphmau and Zane and I HATE Garroth rn

for the entire season it has built up that he a very smart man he knows how to take his feelings out of the situation and look at facts. Most of the time Aphmau related things happen we see him get sad or protective

now I understand that the shock of seeing someone you consider a brother and the woman you are in love with kissing can be devastating(I also know that 1 of the main problems he has is them doing it secretly)but this has been going on for days

there is no doubt he has been re playing that scene over and over in his head because of this you would think after a few days he would realize APHMAU WAS STILL AT THE BABY SHOWER she couldn’t have gotten there before him unless she can teleport

I also understand that Lillian has been manipulating him but with everything Garroth knows about Zane and Aphmau you would think the minute he sees Zane he would go “Oh I shouldn’t team up with this guy because he has proven time and time again that his goal is to kill Aphmau and despite everything I love Aphmau” but NO HE STILL TEAMS UP WITH ZANE(also Gorroth has seen for himself that Zane doesn’t care about the lives of others even if he promised to not kill Aphmau it should be so clear he was lying)

Garroth has been neglecting his duties as head guard for so long when Aphmau does the call to arms he doesn’t even know Laurence has had to step up in his place then he gets more upset when Laurence is taking on the responsibility

All of this culminating in finding out that Lillian the girl who is supposed to be helping is allied with Zane(BIG RED FLAG TO IGNORE WHAT SHE HAS BEEN SAYING TO YOU) but he still seeks her out and joins sides with Zane

then he attacks his best friend and steals the very amulet that he himself told everyone to not fuck with because it is bad new bears so what does he do steal it and take it to the guy who like an hour ago was trying to kill everyone he loves obviously

I understand that he’s been pushing aside his emotions for a long time but he doesn’t even try to talk to Aphmau or Laurence(they also make really good excuses for him that make sense to him as a character) but everything is falling apart for Aphmau right now and Garroth acts like her and Laurence have just getting it on with no trouble(he fucking son is in a comma for several days, she has an impending war at her gates, there is a fucking spy somewhere, her son wakes up but now she has the grapple with the idea that something might have been taken from her baby in order to make him live again, etc.)

finally he doesn’t even really come to his sense until Zane tries to actually kill Aphmau then he’s like “OH SHIT” to no one’s surprise Zane has been lying to me

Thank you for coming to my ted talk (I love Garroth especially in the early and later seasons just right now I wanna smash his head through a wall)

Edit: during the war Garroth appears behind Aphmau and she has to ask if he is there to cover her back…. IM SORRY WHEN HAS THAT EVER BEEN A QUESTION IT SHOULDN’T BE A QUESTION IT SHOULD BE ASSUMED THAT GARROTH IS THERE TO HAVE HER BACK HE IS HER HEAD GAURD AND HAS PROVEN HIS LOYALTY TO HER TIME AND TIME AGAIN BUT BECAUSE OF EVERYTHING THAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING AND GARROTH BEING AN EDGE LORD IT HAS TO BE A QUESTION(that just really messed with me it should never have to be a question if Garroth has Aphmau’s back but it is now and that breaks my heart)

Edit Again: it has been SECONDS sense peace is declared and instead of worrying about the village or the people he is asking about that fucking amulet and the minute he finds out he is off to hunt down Laurence and take it from him(also accorded to me that Garroth probably found out about Malachi being human again when Aphmau sent off the kids seeing as he wasn’t talking to anyone and certainly not about things that weren’t immediately related to the war)

[agenderlessgod]

I’m about to rant that makes no sense

In Aphmau’s Minecraft Diaries I saw the whole Irene/Aphmau thing as Irene didn’t want to be alone so she took everything that left her alone(power, memory, etc.) and locked it away. Because of this when she was “reborn” as Aphmau she was able to have connection with people and experience things without the burden of needing to save the realm. The only problem is she failed. When we see her again in My Street she is alone. The first time she is alone in a cabin wearing what the OG Irene used to wear. She wasn’t able to avoid becoming Irene again she ended up following in the same footsteps and is alone again. We do see her with her youngest daughter(forgot how to spell her name :( sorry) but they don’t seem to close or like they are together again to get Shad back and that’s all.

That is what upsets me about Diaries ending so suddenly and My Street continuing. I want to know what happened for Aphmau to end up as Irene again(you see in My Street she is even going by Irene despite she telling people to call her Aphmau in the later seasons).

Idk I just want to know what happened to her that led to it being just her and sometimes her youngest daughter

[agenderlessgod]

I got all of my features from my dad. Everyone says that I look like him if he were a girl. I have his eyes, ears, nose, cheeks, hair, feet, ect. The only thing I from my mom was my butt. That’s what my dad says. That’s what everyone in my family says. My mom gets more precise. I have her hair texture. My hair fights a brush just like her does and god forbid if my hair holds a curl. I also have her arms, her stomach, and her boobs. I loved these things about me because they were mom’s and in some way that also connected me to my brothers. Then she told me she doesn’t want these anymore. She doesn’t want the proof that she lived through the cancer and survived the thing that tried to kill her. She also doesn’t want the proof of her hard work in giving birth. She doesn’t want the scares or the skin around her stomach that proves 3 kids is hard. 51 years is hard. 2 marriages is hard. She doesn’t want the arms that I compared to mine. I know it sounds strange but I always thought we had the same arms. She doesn’t like the skin under her armpits. Talks about her fear of surgery but wishes for enough money and time to go under the knife to remove this part of her. To remove all of the parts of her. I loved my body. I saw nothing wrong with my teeth, my skin, my boobs, my stomach, or the skin under my arms. Then people started to tell me I was pretty. That I shouldn’t listen to what other people say because I was beautiful and it didn’t matter that they thought. My mom said I needed braces. I should try eating better because it would clear up my skin. I should still love my body but she wants to lose a few pounds before the wedding. Now I look in the mirror and consider bringing knife to skin despite my knowledge that I’m not a professional. I don’t know how to make the right cuts and remove the parts of me that once loved because they resembled my mom but she is so desperate to remove them so I should to. These are the ugly parts of myself I was taught to hate because the world taught my mom to hate them and she taught me to hate them.

[agenderlessgod]

Watching Steven Universe with my dad and he already is noticing the issues long before I did when I first watched it