aglimpseofsomethingintimate

[aglimpseofsomethingintimate]

Silly app game got me thinking of more twisted dynamics between old men. Sigh. I will post my outline of thoughts/story concept later since I doubt I’ll be able to do anything w them.

[aglimpseofsomethingintimate]

Dance

Pre-canon. Matthew dances with a (girl)friend at a church social. Set sometime during high school.

“They finally took our music suggestions?”

Matthew spun Nancy around, keeping a hand on her hip to make sure she didn’t fall. “Everyone can appreciate a good rhythm,” he replied. “Variety is the spice of life.”

Nancy grinned, following his lead. “Read that in one of your books?”

Matthew hummed. “Something like that,” he said. “Sayings are just words thrown together. It’s impossible to have something totally original.”

Nancy shrugged. “Maybe.” She glanced at the band. “I can tell you, this music isn’t original.”

“They play it as their own,” Matthew said defensively. He got a glimpse of Calvin on the piano, fingers gliding across the keys. He caught Matthew’s gaze and grinned, tilting his head in acknowledgment. Matthew smiled back before another couple moved and blocked his view.

Nancy signed, and Matthew glanced back at her. “I don’t mean it like that,” she said. “Look, are there any clubs around here?”

The music had slowed down, now. Matthew idly swayed back and forth, Nancy’s hand on his shoulder and his hand on her hip. “Depends what you’re looking for.” He looked over at the crowd of familiar faces, recognizing some of his friends’ parents mingling in the sidelines. “Do you know anyone else here?”

Nancy frowned and shook her head. “Not really,” she said. “My Ma’s friends with the pastor and his wife, but that’s it. A couple of my girlfriends wanted to tag along with me, but their parents wouldn’t let them.”

Matthew turned Nancy around, analyzing all the possible exits. “People know me around here,” he said casually, “but it wouldn’t be impossible to ditch.”

Nancy laughed. “Mr. Daredevil, eh?” She said, leaning closer and resting her head on Matthew’s chest.

“Not too daring,” Matthew said modestly. He looked up and caught Calvin’s eye, sending a meaningful wink. Calvin grinned in response before turning around and gesturing to the other band members. Nancy’s head shot up, looking at Matthew in surprise as the music sped up into a familiar number. Matthew didn’t try to suppress the smile on his face, instead raising his hand and guiding Nancy in a twirl.

“But life isn’t fun without a few risks.”

[aglimpseofsomethingintimate]

sigh hate when i have dynamic ideas in mind but not the plot bunnies or motivation to write them... like for the dishonored ocs. what if i was your childhood hero leading a doomed rebellion for our country's independence. and you eventually betray your co-conspirators because more than anything you want to survive and get tasked with rooting out any stragglers. and you do. you do a horribly, good job of it, learning who to talk to, building connections. but you never find me. sometimes you wonder what you'd do if you did. kill me, spare me? either way you get no closure on that part of your life. now decades later we meet again as part of another conspiracy except in an ironic twist of fate we are working to reinstate the ruling family back to the throne instead of killing them. i don't recognize you, but you recognize me. this will be interesting.

[aglimpseofsomethingintimate]

🌱 - Share one of this oc’s early memories

Fill for Guerra <3

1950s, West Texas

The sun feels like it’s penetrating his skin. Carlos’s lips are chapped when he licks them. Not that he has much spit to begin with. They normally move during dusk or night, but his parent’s pace has gotten more urgent now.

Sometimes, near the edge of the horizon, Carlos can see clouds forming. But they never come closer. Cati sometimes waved at the clouds as if trying to call them home. She’s too tired to do that now, arms wrapped around his neck as he carries her.

He forces his eyes ahead. Papí didn’t say they could stop yet.

His mouth somehow feels both sticky and dry. His eyes hurt from looking at the vast expanse of nothing in front of them. No brush, no grass, no nothing.

His foot catches itself in a crack in the ground. Carlos’s fingers flex, wanting to break his fall.

But he can’t. He’s still carrying Catí.

His knees hit the ground with a thud, the impact stirring up some dust. Carlos winces and rolls over, letting go of Catí before pulling his shoe out the crack.

Catí’s awake now and crying, but no moisture slips out. Her face is all scrunched up, and Carlos can’t help but laugh at the sight. “Ai, Gallina,” he says, getting up and brushing the dust from his pants. “Don’t cry. You look like you just bit into a lemon.”

Catí says something in response, but Carlos isn’t paying attention, his eyes drawn to the crack in the ground. It’s almost as wide as his fist and a few inches deep. He’s never seen cracks as big as that before. It almost looks like an open wound.

Earth shouldn’t look like that.

Carlos shakes off the thought and crouches down. “Stop blabbering,” he says, interrupting Catí. “If you don’t hurry up, I’m leaving you behind for the coyotes.”

Catí grumbles but climbs on. Carlos ignores her yanking on his curls and picks up his pace. The rest of the family have already moved on, further down the path.

He can’t throw tantrums like Catí. He needs to be strong.

He can’t fall behind.

Reference

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2212094715300530#bib6 - 1950s reactions by state and national gov

https://esirc.emporia.edu/bitstream/handle/123456789/1602/Walker%20%26%20Lambert%20Vol%2010%20Num%203.pdf?sequence=1 - account by farmer

https://www.tshaonline.org/handbook/entries/droughts

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/wbna44138341

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MEksY9AMsoI

[aglimpseofsomethingintimate]

🌱 - Share one of this oc’s early memories.

No one asked for this technically ajldfsa;f but it is dedicated to a friend who I know will enjoy this uwu. Just a sweet little young!Kirk(Matthew's brother) and Matthew scene.

The door to the restaurant opened with a slam as Kirk rushed in. “Matthew!” he called, eight-year old lungs working to their full capacity. “I can’t find my ball!” 

Matthew walked out of the kitchen, an exasperated look on his face. “Don’t be so loud,” he admonished in Taishanese, looking around. A few regulars lingered inside the restaurant, along with some employees taking a late lunch. Luckily, none of them seem bothered by Kirk’s sudden entrance. “What’s missing?” 

Kirk took a moment to catch his breath. “The ball you gave me,” he panted. “The spaldeen.”

“Go check the rooftops, then,” Matthew replied, glancing back at the kitchen. “I’m sure you’ll find another one.” 

“I don’t want another ball,’ Kirk said, petulant. “I need to find my ball.”

Matthew’s gaze softened. “Did you ask the others for help?” he asked. 

Kirk looked down at his sneakers. “They wanted to continue playing,” Kirk mumbled. “They said it’d be a waste of time to look.”

There was a pause. Kirk shut his eyes as he heard Matthew walk back to the kitchen. He squeezed his fists, the sharp bite of his fingernails keeping him grounded. He wasn’t going to cry. Not here, not in front of everyone.

A hand landed on his shoulder, shaking Kirk out of his thoughts. Kirk looked up.

“Hey,” Matthew said, switching to English. He’d taken off his work clothes, back in his t-shirt and worn jeans. “Let’s go look together, okay? I’m sure we’ll find it.”

Kirk jerked his head in response and looked back down. Matthew took Kirk’s hand, giving it a squeeze, before leading them both out the restaurant.

[aglimpseofsomethingintimate]

⚠️ ✨⚔️ for lorne, lau, and guerra. in that order. but i wouldnt say no to hearing the answers for ALL of them... EHEHE

⚠️ If this oc came with a warning sign, what would it be?

Lau: ‘generally chill but comes paired with the devil himself. Watch out.’

Guerra: ‘warning: perpetually stuck in the cycle of shame and violence. don’t get sucked in’

Alt.:

‘I’m the active legacy of imperialism and colonialism and all I got was this stupid t-shirt and a trip to the torture lodge.’

✨ - Tell something that makes this oc feel happy!

Lorne: I hate to say it but as much as Lorne loves to annoy the shit out of Lau he also. Geniunely likes doing nice things for Lau too. Enrichment. Picking up interesting pieces of drift wood or scrap for Lau to work on when he’s out on road trips. Buying bookmarks to replace the miscellaneous random bits of paper Lau uses instead. Sigh.

Lau: When he gets in the #zone hyper focusing building something. Might expand his workshop to the garage for wood working perhaps. Likes to make things that will be useful/practical like containers or utensils but also likes carving/adding little details to it after. Has thought about getting into pottery.

Guerra: god. After the hostage domestic abuse AU situation? Showering and washing his hair. Mentioned that he’s proud of his hair, idk if he got it from his mom, maybe from his dad instead, working on his overly complicated family tree… anyway he gets Lau/manages to get some proper hair products so he likes to keep it healthy especially in such a different climate. Actually prob best most intimate thing would be someone else washing his hair but idk if he would trust someone at this point. Because um. Potential water boarding

⚔️ - How does this oc handle conflict?

Lorne: Is it conflict if he's having fun.. :/ throws bricks at him. Lorne is terrible but at the time time I think similar to Lau he suffers from a flat affect/lack of deep or lasting emotions. if that makes sense. strongest he gets is amusement. well now he has lau. for better or for worse. ANYWAY. regarding conflict. he is very good at being intimidating even when he isn't that invested ala this is the hill i will kill you on but i will leave after i'm bored lmfaooo. um i guess it all boils down to wht response he wants from his victim. he's fucking around. derogatory. he's always playful with lau for better or for worse even during the horrors though

Lau: he goes non-verbal. or violent. or a bit of both. overstimulated autistic starts to graphically visualize dismembering people in his head. at first glance it may seem like a freeze response but it's actually a very aggressive and chimp crazy fight response he's bursting veins holding in. like. he gets light headed holding back his andrenaline when he gets really pissed. ough. high blood pressure lau real in the future definitely

Guerra: he's quite confrontational and aggressive too. first instinct. however there has been a lot of cases when he hasn't been able to lash out because. you aren't allowed to be angry or have emotions outside being subservient or you are marked a danger by society haha. so he has experience with that resentment/low simmering rage lau has had to keep pent up. however he has had more chances to 'let loose' for lack of a better word. an outlet for his anger. which backstory time for laterrrr

[aglimpseofsomethingintimate]

emojis oc ask game! These are unabashedly just the questions *I* want to ask about y’all’s ocs. Feel free to copy the entire question into the ask box, because this list is hefty and I wouldn’t mind not searching through it, hahaha. Remember to specify which oc(s) you’re asking about!

🌈 - Do you associate any colors with them?

👁️ - How do other people perceive this oc? How close do their first assumptions come to the truth?

💝 - How much effort do they put into appearances? Do they have a favorite article of clothing?

⚠️ - If this oc came with a warning sign, what would it be?

🌨️ - If this oc had a day free from all their responsibilities, how would they spend it?

💙 - Describe their bedroom! Is it personalized, unchanged? Messy, neat?

👖 - Coffee shop or high school AU, your choice: tell me their role.

☕ - What is their preferred beverage(s)?

🧁 - When is their birthday? How do they celebrate it, if at all?

🧠 - What is their stress response: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn?

💭 - How is their mental health? Do they struggle with guilt or shame?

💔 - Does forgiveness come easily or with difficulty to this oc? Can they forgive others? What about themselves?

❗- What are the highest priorities to this oc (at a point in their life of your choosing)?

⚔️ - How does this oc handle conflict?

🌍 - What are this oc’s religious views?

🌊 - Does this oc have a secret or repressed desire?

✨ - Tell something that makes this oc feel happy!

🧶 - Do they do any arts, crafts, or creative hobbies?

🍪 - What are their favorite scents?

☔ - How does this oc feel about rain?

🌲 - Do they have a favorite location to hang out in?

⚡ - Does this oc have any unusual or “irrational” fears?

🗡️ - Does this oc have a signature object, accessory, or weapon?

💛 - Are they ‘good with children’, or more awkward?

🧡 - Physical touch: good or bad for this oc?

👁️‍🗨️ - Eye contact: good or bad for this oc?

🐺 - How does this oc deal with solitude?

🔅 - How does this oc deal with physical pain?

🌱 - Share one of this oc’s early memories.

🐰 - How huggable is this oc?

🍁 - What is this oc’s favorite season?

🌕 - If this oc was an animal, what kind would they be?

🦷 - Would this oc ever bite someone?

🐉 - Very serious question… are they more like a dragon, or a unicorn?

🐸 - What’s this oc’s sense of humor like?

🚷 - Tell one difference between yourself and this oc!

📓 - Do you associate any quotes or lyrics with this oc?

[aglimpseofsomethingintimate]

💙 - Describe their bedroom! Is it personalized, unchanged? Messy, neat? (From lovely romeo)

Henry and Klos: It’s a very spartan bedroom but neat. Simple wood frame and thin mattress with worn, patched-up cotton sheets. A small wooden bookshelf in the corner where Henry keeps what little books he can scrounge up and Klos displays little knick knacks she found. They have a drawer for their clothes and use the bottom drawer for possibly more illicit items.

Although Henry has some army connections, because they don’t have kids idk if they would get allotted as much space. Henry pasted old newspapers on the walls partly to cover up cracks but it’s also something to look at when lying on the floor or ground exhausted. (Klos is the one who adds magazines to the walls later). The only personal touches Henry ever added were books and papers and a journal he sometimes writes in despite the danger. When Klos comes around she customizes a lot more of their stuff, even carving some designs on the posts of their bed.

[aglimpseofsomethingintimate]

Going a little crazy thinking abt the importance and implication of names within Lorne’s torture house universe. Mention how Lorne ruins Carlitos/that for Guerra but Guerra actually does have a small part of himself he still keeps to himself so crucial and intimate idk if the reader even ever learns the name. Even tho I know it I feel like I’m exposing my man too much.

Basically Guerra’s mom was Hiaki(Yaqui) and gave him and his siblings indigenous middle names. Well ‘middle names’ idk if they were down on legal documents. Not first names because um. Genocide within recent history regarding the Mexican government (which is actually why she moved/escaped to Texas) she didn’t want their identities revealed (hence why the Chicano movement was healing in some ways for Guerra but also ambiguous/complicated feelings about renewed ‘pride’ in indigenous origins for Mexicans while also being painfully aware of Mexico’s own governments complacency in eradication of the Hiaki anyway.

So yeah. He still has that. Something about agency and reclaiming knowledge. In terms of many indigenous groups having closed practices after obviously such a long history of exploitation etc. in some ways it’s why Guerra is so resilient even with all of. That. Because of this. Legacy if that makes sense. Even if it might be probably would be better if he and Lau idk. No winning here. Murder suicide best we can hope for chat

Actually have more thoughts abt that last part re war/survival connected to the differing paths of the Mayo and Yaqui but. They will have to wait .. brew in my brain time

[aglimpseofsomethingintimate]

“love” and affection as an ache and a horror. Putting the sick in love sick <3 Love as body horror/something foreign ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Uncanny valley but for love… it’s the way that Xiang lacks the vocabulary for it 🥰🥰🥰So all the imagery is so violent and brutal because that is the landscape of Xiang. This is romance to me but it is also Meant to be unsettling… Thing that would not work for anyone else but them because Xiang is fucking insane 👍👍👍👍

[aglimpseofsomethingintimate]

https://openpainjournal.com/VOLUME/10/PAGE/65/#:~:text=Although%20some%20theorists%20have%20suggested,patients%20with%20acute%2C%20severe%20pain.

To give context to this— certain pains are tied to the body/soul. 37 still feels pain in his dreams even though dreams are more Xiang’s realm. (When 37 begins to feel pain again can also be a signal he’s about to wake up) Pain as something that steals those you love that chains you to your body.

It’s similar to how Xiang’s tiger charm could not cure his mother of her hunger. Although Xiang’s presence means 37 doesn’t get sick anymore he still suffers from chronic pain and flare ups. This is not surprising to Xiang actually though because even after famine his mother still had to deal with the Hunger TM🤝 trauma’s lingering presence, a ghost, specter even, in the body. Your body is not your own anymore.

Also how this iteration of the Tiger, Xiang’s, big motif is hunger because he grew up/out of famine. Parallels to how those born during famine times can still carry the scars of it after. I love disability in magical contexts.

^ these r old analysis idk if I will keep but still something to chew…

[aglimpseofsomethingintimate]

Just recall how the “Prefaces” author and Zheng Xuan take advantage of the absence of personal pronouns to change the gender of poetic speakers—a lovesick young man in “Ospreys” to Hou Fei, and a young woman passionately in love in “I Beg of You, Zhong Zi” to Duke Zhuang. Without exploiting the ambiguities arising from the omission of pronouns, the “Prefaces” author and Zheng Xuan could not possibly have allegorized the two poems in the ways they did. If the “Prefaces” author and Zheng Xuan were to use a language like English, in which no sentences make sense without a stated subject or an unambiguously implied one (such as the implied “you” in an imperative sentence like “Open the window”), would they be able to change the genders of poetic speakers at will to facilitate their allegorizing endeavors?

Thinking abt China’s poetry to India(she/he queen) and the fluidity and flexibility of the gendered subject in Chinese poetry…

[aglimpseofsomethingintimate]

I should finish A Matter of Need … it does have potential/neater and more decided plot than ‘A Voice That Grows Flowers’ the one I started as a writing exercise. Besides need some weird siblings in my writing catalogue 🫶🫶🫶 I can see myself completing A Matter of Need because I have a rough ending in mind.

‘death of a human’ can be fun to write and immerse myself into the narrator’s head but the plot is much more of a slow burn and will be significantly longer than A Matter of Need. Still at most I’d imagine it to be a novella. I’m not exactly sure where I want to go with it, it was a bit of a writing exercise that spiraled out of control. Idk how much inspiration I could take from No Longer Human until its idk. Copyright. I’m also a perfectionist for historical fiction so I want some more hard dates low-key… hm. I should make an outline for it.

[aglimpseofsomethingintimate]

Rules: In a new post, post the names of all the files in your WIP folder regardless of how non descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the titles that most intrigue them and then post a little snippet or tell us about them. Tag as many folk as you have WIPs.

For @stabknives …. i have a bunch of WIPs 😀 chronic can’t finisher (kills the demons saying I’m a fake writer because of that)

The River - poem about the Yellow River’s complicated identity and shifting relationship with its humans. Connected to my China oc if you know the lore 💆‍♂️

Whampoa Days - China oc fic set during the early 1900s. Communist RPF real.

Peonies and Chrysanthemums - Japan China fic. Sometime during the Meiji era. Perhaps gratuitous usage of Chinese symbolism but that’s what happens when one of you literally studied the other for centuries consciously modeling yourself after them!

Genbaku - America Japan fic. Set during American occupation of Japan post-WWII. Genbaku refers to the atomic bomb whose mention was censored from newspapers during this time ❤️

A Hint of Honey - Lau gets sick. Guerra POV. Alt titled Lorne/Guerra rape fic </3

Unnamed Waka - Lorraine POV when Lorne rapes her poem. Weaponized names and language... Let’s all kill Lorne with hammers

Birthday - fanfic of Flash point (2007)… i love ambiguously unrequited love and unresolved emotional tension…

Obsession is a dangerous thing - Ip Man fanfic. Miura’s Noble Demon + Villain Respect characterization = cocaine for my brain

Sacred Tigers: The Origin of Xiang - self explanatory. Takes place in Guangxi during the Great Famine

Sacred Tigers: Inviting the Tiger in - takes place in HK, sometime in the 70s. I love you outsider POV to give context abt main characters uncanny and abnormal behaviors <3

Sacred Tigers: Mine All Mine - Xiang & 37 fic. Ft. Whatever weird shit they got going on and Xiang’s double edged complicated possessiveness

Sacred Tigers: Facility Lockdown AU - I love tragedy ‼️ sorry Xiang.

FOR THE HUNGER: Fast Friends Arc - me when I realize I need to write Matthew and Gordon meeting each other before I can get into angst 😃 I may have. Been procrastinating on this

NWYW: unnamed thing - epistolary snap shot between Childhood and Bad Timing arc. Letters exchanged between Chan Hap and Lou but now I’m worried it’s too boring so. Idk may scrap

Loving the Slaughter: Wedding scene - sweet Henry & Klos thing before the bitter but I keep getting caught up in being historically accurate. Bangs head against wall

Sunward - one of my few attempts fantasy stories. Some interesting world building ft salmon shifters and mythology… has potential but fantasy is hit or miss with me lol I’ll have to see if I’m in the mood + too easy to rabbit hole into world building

A Matter of Need - unnamed narrator tasked with taking care of his older brother Essie after the latter suffered a stroke. Slow build-up and uneasy references to some unnamed crime Essie committed that has caused both brothers to become pariahs. Interesting horror tbh…

The Light is Someone - Narrative poem of a csa survivor. Experimental voice and narrative

The Invention of Love - different writing voice I needed to get out. Based vaguely on The Invention of Hugo Cabret — takes the train inspector character from the book but that’s it. Takes place 1930s post WWI Paris, France.

Death of a human - novel that follows the writing style of no longer human. Sort of writing practice but I actually like the way it reads still lol

@cntarella @ratsratsratstia neither of u have to do it but I know ur brains have interesting stuff :3

[aglimpseofsomethingintimate]

How various OCs would celebrate. Or not celebrate. Easter

NWYW

HK does have Easter Monday off but idk if there would be any special events in secondary school. Will have to get my favorite primary resource to chime in (my dad). Law is the only one who goes to church for this. I think Chan Hap only learned or did Easter egg hunts when he went over seas um US military yay. He finds some of the rabbit stuff cute but it’s also very easy for him to forget or miss the holiday lmao. Lou doesn’t care at all other than it being a legal holiday in HK.

Guerra was probably raised Catholic in my mind. I don’t think he’s the church going type but he has some emotional connection to said holidays. (Lorne will probably use this against him I just know it). I’d have to look up more abt Easter in the 50s-60s <- history freak. He has a complicated relationship with Catholicism too tho LOL so mixed bag and feelings.

Lau is totally checked out. He does not know when Easter is or what people do. He didn’t go to church and when he was around more Christian’s /white suburbs he wasn’t invited anyway lmao so he didn’t go. He’d only note it if there was like. A sale or something at a store. (#commercialization)

Lorne finds it cute/fun. makes his torture Easter themed. He’s like this for major holidays in general/what he knows will resonate with the victim tho. For that matter he likes Christmas killings more :)

Man. Re Easter themed um. What was that thing called you know the torture pear they’d shove in peoples asses or cunts. Um. Yeah. Probably decorates it like an egg or something before hand

[aglimpseofsomethingintimate]

Nine nines.. end of winter… plum blossoms into apricots.. Ryukyu getting held back from returning home for some reason seeing snow for the first time taking part in festivities with China..

https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/41645588.pdf

[aglimpseofsomethingintimate]

I don’t think people ever saw or felt China as some warm benevolent presence like a mother creator etc. he is very much more aligned with the Yellow River’s history.

The best way to describe the vibes China gave to emperors etc was like that of the Yellow River— something that existed thousands of years before them and would continue to exist long after they passed. The heavy weight of history etc…

It’s why him and Mao weren’t compatible later on especially which China was not surprised by. Most emperors and leaders near the end of their lives spurned China or could no longer stand being in the presence of a being that would live long after them. Representative of their triumphs and failures, witness to a legacy they will attempt to create and protect but cannot foresee … (Re: later on I mean Mao’s um silly paranoia era. Lol. Wresting for control)

I also have lots of thoughts of the Yellow River. It used to just be known as the River— it was the rise of farming in the north that increased sediment input into the river that eventually gave it its muddy color. Something about how China is tied to his humans… the many floods and sorrows caused by the River were mostly because of human interference. The complex relationship he has with them…

Of course keeping nation tan rules with him representing China the people and cultures but the other key aspect of China is nature/that’s where China’s core personality lies… distinct from the whims of humans. When he becomes the Yellow River is truly when his fate becomes forever intrinsically tied with the people of the plains.

But idk ‼️ I don’t want to overfocus on yellow River as the ‘cradle of Chinese civilization’ because the origins were more wide spread and nuanced than that