akili-kuwale - Tumblr blog

[akili-kuwale]

I find it interesting how it seems to be A Thing in the MTF community for people to feel like signs of gender dysphoria from early childhood are "more legitimate" than those that occur post-puberty, because they aren't tainted with the suspicion of a sexual motive.... whereas for me it was always the opposite: the fact that I didn't really feel any dysphoria until puberty kinda assures me that the feeling is based on a genuine discomfort with female physical characteristics, and not just discomfort with sexism/the female social role

[akili-kuwale]

I'm a pedant so it bugs me when people use the terms AFAB/AMAB when talking about physical sex characteristics, I guess because it seems to imply that those characteristics only exist as a result of social gender assignment, rather than the other way around. Like I wasn’t motivated (and able) to have top surgery because I was assigned female at birth, yknow? I needed it because I have ovaries and they flooded my body with estrogen at puberty and made it change in ways I didn't like. Assigned gender has nothing to do with that.

Anyway I solve this problem by mentally reinterpreting the acronyms as "Anatomically [Fe]Male At Birth", which I think defines pretty well how the terms are actually used (at least in a trans context, rather than an intersex context). It includes the social aspects of assigned gender (since children are typically assigned a gender based on their anatomical sex), while also encompassing physical sex differences which have nothing to do with social gender -- and the "at birth" part emphasizes that a person's anatomical sex characteristics can change over time.

I particularly like using the term "anatomical sex" in this context (rather than "physical sex" or "biological sex") because I feel like the words anatomy/anatomical have more of a connotation of like... "these are specific body parts we're talking about here, which are actually private and Nobody Else's Business, and really shouldn't need to brought up except in a medical context". Like asking about somebody’s anatomical sex makes it sound more directly like a question about ver genitals and makes the inappropriateness (in most contexts) of that question more obvious, or so it seems to me.

[akili-kuwale]

gender labels I’ve considered adopting and why none of them totally work for me

Transgender or trans - feels appropriative or just misleading, given that I'm not hormonally or socially transitioning. Nonbinary - feels too tied to a particular ideology of gender that doesn't really work for me. This also goes for many labels that traditionally fall under nonbinary, like "agender": they're usually taken to be statements on one's inherent born-this-way "brain sex", which is not a concept I find that useful in explaining my own relationship to gender. Genderqueer - I like the vagueness and the fact that it can refer to gender presentation as well as identity, but I don't feel comfortable calling myself "queer". Neutrois - it's an ugly word that nobody knows how to pronounce, and seems to be losing popularity anyway. Gender nonconforming - seems like this is mostly used to describe people whose presentation radically violates gender norms (i.e. butch women and femme men). My presentation is typically more neutral; as an AFAB person I don't feel like I'm "butch enough" to qualify. Gender dysphoric - again, concerns about appropriation/not sure if my genderfeels are really strong enough to be considered dysphoria. Using this term would be equivalent to claiming trans identity.

[akili-kuwale]

Like tbh... I'm drifting more and more toward feeling that "genderqueer" more accurately expresses how I relate to my gender than "nonbinary" does (precisely because it's vaguer in meaning and less tied to a specific ideology of gender)... but I'll never feel comfortable actually using it for myself bc of the "queer" part. blarg

[akili-kuwale]

Male/female-aligned are mostly used in a political context. Traditional views on sexism and gender politics require the existence of a gender binary consisting of a male oppressor class and female oppressed class; the male/female alignment dichotomy is an attempt to preserve this concept by dividing nonbinary people into those whose identity is close enough to female for them to be counted among the female/oppressed-by-sexism class, and those who have an identity close enough to male to be counted among the male/oppressor class.

Masculine/feminine traditionally refers to gender presentation and/or one’s conformity or non-conformity to the stereotypes associated with that particular gender; nowadays people also use “transmasculine” and “transfeminine” as umbrella terms to describe AFAB people transitioning to male-or-somewhere-in-that-vicinity, and AMAB people transitioning to female-or-somewhere-in-that-vicinity, respectively.

Can someone please explain to me what “male/female-aligned” is And what’s the difference between “masculine/feminine”?

As an Enby I see stuff like this all the time and I just, don’t understand.

[akili-kuwale]

I’m reading the book Transgender History by Susan Stryker, and she quotes a 1971 article from the Trans Liberation newsletter which includes this line:

Trans Lib includes transvestites, transsexuals, and hermaphrodites of any sexual manifestation and of all sexes -- heterosexuals, homosexual, bisexual, and asexual.

This is really interesting because I was not previously aware of any examples of the word “asexual” being used to describe a sexual orientation prior to the 1990′s.

[akili-kuwale]

"Nonbinary” is a very broad and varied category, and it includes people who identify in almost any way you can imagine. So yes, there are NB people who identify as gay/lesbian -- usually because they identify partly-but-not-entirely with a binary gender, and are also attracted to people of that gender.

Genuine question because I love learning about areas of the lgbt+ I’m not as familiar with, and I haven’t been able to find the answer anywhere else.

When a person identifies as non-binary for their gender, can/do they identify, as say lesbian or gay, for their sexuality?

Or would they stick to pan / asexual / or something I’m not familiar with?

Is it person to person? I’d love to hear from someone who is non-binary.

[akili-kuwale]

“Nonbinary” normally refers to gender identity. It’s an umbrella term for anyone who doesn’t consider themself 100% female or 100% male. So a person who feels they’re partly female but not entirely might call themself a nonbinary girl, for example.

Serious question: Nonbinary

So I know nonbinary basically means not adhering to one of two things, but I’ve seen the term used in different ways so I’m a little confused and want to make sure I’m using the term right. Does nonbinary refer to one’s gender identity or one’s gender expression? Can the term be used in both cases? Is it an umbrella term for people who feel they’re in the middle of the spectrum? I’ve heard people say they’re nonbinary, and I’ve heard others call themselves nonbinary girls/boys. I think I might count as a nonbinary trans guy, but because I’m unsure as to what exactly it means, I don’t feel as though I’d be using the term properly.

[akili-kuwale]

I think people should be able to express whatever gender they want, using whatever labels they want. But when it comes down to it, I care way more about defending the right to opt out of the social/legal gender system entirely than I do about expanding the acceptable number of gender boxes.

[akili-kuwale]

Agender is usually considered a subset of nonbinary, but honestly you can use whatever labels you want.

im super confused right, does using they/them pronouns make me nonbinary or agender? ive been reading a lot of stuff and some of it sounds the same? :/

[akili-kuwale]

It might (?) technically be illegal if the gender on your ID is female. Or it might depend on your jurisdiction. Whether anyone will actually care enough to hassle you over it is another question, and might depend on the context and location.

Several years ago there was a news story about a trans woman whose request to change the gender on her ID was denied, so as an act of protest she went out to the street and took her shirt off -- basically saying: “if you say that I’m legally a man, then I’m legally allowed to do this.” She was arrested for public indecency. Unfortunately I was never able to find out what happened after that/what the outcome of the trial was; so I don’t know what the precedent is on the issue of trans people and public toplessness.

Androgynous topless in public?

Ummm… I was talking with my sister about guys who take or don’t take heir shirts off and I said if I didn’t have boobs I’d take my shirt off in public like the guys do. She went all stony faced and said that that’d be public indecency. I was so confused and I reiterated that I would t have boobs and she still said if I’m a girl and I take my top off it’d be public indecency.

So like, I guess what I’m trying to say here is: is it? Is it public indecency if me, a girl I guess, had top surgery or something went out and had my top off in public? It doesn’t seem like it should be seeing as trans guys do it all the time but, wtf? Can nb people do that? I wouldn’t get in trouble would i? I mean… if people were understanding I wouldn’t but our world just isn’t understanding…

[akili-kuwale]

I’m not gay, but it can mean

a) they are attracted to other nonbinary/agender people

b) they identify partly as a woman and are attracted to women, or partly as a man and are attracted to men

c) they share experiences with gay people because they are attracted to the gender they’re usually read as (and have to face homophobia because of that, etc)

What does it usually mean for a non-binary or agendered person to identify as gay? Please help me understand :) esspecially if you are a gay they/them!

[akili-kuwale]

Can't speak for anyone else obviously, but for me there is definitely a connection. I'd say it's a combination of

a) not wanting to use my female parts for anything makes having them at all feel useless and pointless, which contributes to dysphoria

b) I can think of many reasons why a person might want to participate in the social gender system, but none of those reasons seem to apply to me. "Navigating romantic/sexual situations in which many people have preferences based on sex/gender" is just one of them.

I think it's also true that women or AFAB people who are not attracted to men are less likely to care about presenting themselves in a traditionally feminine way.

So I am noticing that the gnc/ nonbinary people that I know of, are disproportionately likely to also identify as ace

If I were to naively speculate on this, I might guess that folks who aren’t involved in the sexual marketplace (barf, someone give me a better term) feel less pressure to conform to a particular gender presentation for sexual signaling

Idk though! Somebody give me a better idea!

[akili-kuwale]

on “neutrois”

I really like the idea of having a word for “someone who wants to be neuter” or more generally “someone with physical dysphoria in the direction of wanting to lose gendered traits rather than add them”. And I like the idea of that word being based on/derived from “neuter”.

I’m not sure “neutrois” is that word, though. Both because a) it also has other meanings (“having a neutral gender”, etc) and b) it’s IMO just kind of an ugly-looking word, and no one can agree on how to pronounce it.

Sometimes I consider using “asex” to capture this meaning instead; but I also kinda like asex = “feeling genderless or disconnected from gender specifically as a consequence of being asexual”. So IDK.

[akili-kuwale]

Just based on sources I have immediate access to:

- “genderqueer” has been around since the 1990′s

- “agender”, “genderless” and “androgynous” have all been around since at least 2007

- “neutrois”, “bigender”, “transmasculine” and “transfeminine” have existed since at least 2010 (and people were also talking about “two-spirit” and appropriation at this time)

- “nonbinary” has been here since at least 2011

- not sure about “genderfluid”; it may have come later

I've got a question about agender. I was sifting through some of your old posts and noticed that you've previously framed agender as including "doesn't have any gender identity at all." Is it just me, or has that definition shifted? I use quoigender over agender because I've always gotten this vibe from the nonbinary community(ies) that agender is a gender identity, like how asexuality is a sexual orientation. (Incidentally, I hope that you're hiatus has helped you recover.)

hello anon. thanks for the kind wishes and sorry for taking so long to get to your ask.

i’m guessing that the old post that you are referencing might be this one? either way, i feel like everything that i said in that post still holds true today and not much has changed…?

the non-binary community in general– and indeed, many agender people themselves– still has / have a tendency to include agender as a specific gender (and / or identity) under the ‘non-binary umbrella’, but from time to time i do still come across agender people who distance themselves from the non-binary community and such treatment of ‘agender’ as an explicit gender. admittedly, i think it’s safe to say that that particular usage of ‘agender’ (not non-binary, not a gender) does seem to be increasingly less common, to some people’s dismay…. but i feel like such usage has been on a gradual but steady decline for years now…? actually…!

cue: completely baseless conjecture à la dubious Memory Lane

i feel like ~2013 was the "first wave" of gender diversity that created the present day non-binary community with the advent of terminology / identities such as ‘genderqueer’ and later ‘agender’, 'neutrois’, ‘genderless’, 'androgynous’ and later still 'transmasculine’, 'transfeminine’. i think it was during this time that the “not a gender at all, literally gender-l-e-s-s” definition was most common (although even then there was still conflict due to that usage of ‘agender’ vs 'genderless’ itself as an identity), but then came along a "second wave" of gender diversity with the advent of ‘non-binary’, ‘genderfluid’, ‘bigender’, ‘two-spirit’ (*cough*appropriation*cough*) and then the subsequent rapid increase in new terms / identities via Tumblr. all of that combined with the steady decline in people identifying as neutrois (and thus decline in people juxtaposing neutrois with agender) during that “second wave” plays a part in how the usage and meaning of ‘agender’ ended up shifting to where it is today….??

…eh, take the above with a grain of salt, but yeah. i’d say that that vibe that you’ve gotten is very much a thing and from my observations, i think it’s safe to say that others have also noticed this shift in usage and some aren’t exactly happy about it. 

[akili-kuwale]

Nonbinary-inclusive restrooms at the Minneapolis-Saint Paul airport.

[akili-kuwale]

Some agender people feel they do have a gender, it's just a gender defined by an absence of both maleness and femaleness. Other agender people feel they are genderless. So they're not necessarily the same thing, but you can be both.

Questioning

I still can’t understand what is different between “genderless” and “agender”? If they’re same thing I can say I’m genderless.