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my throat :(

(for ref, dae-jung on the left / serena on the right. please consider sharing for further reach, and even if you’re not in this fandom feel free to vote!!)

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btw if dae ends up losing this but whatever poll ye-jun ends up in and he wins, i will actually kms

ALSO VOTE FOR DAE-JUNG PAK

my throat :(

(for ref, dae-jung on the left / serena on the right. please consider sharing for further reach, and even if you’re not in this fandom feel free to vote!!)

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arley is me with tests

source: Just Kiss Him Already!

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Aki Maeno's outfit dissection

i screenshotted from my docs bc i don't have the effort to write out an essay.

ZENO SPOILERS

I will eventually get to writing up some notes for Haru and Fuyu

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forcing every character into romance or found family ruins character discussion imo

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I want that twink obliterated - Mizi

The raging mizi in the background is killing me... kill him 👌

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Kinda thought that was the point. At first, it seems like a fashion statement but you later realise it's done because it reminds him of Natsu.

Even Fuyu braids his hair in his true ending for Natsu.

What if maeno had that braid on the side of his hair not for a fashion statement but because he remembers natsu and wears it to remind himself of her ...... ahaha what if ......

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And now for something completely different.

This is the ADHD Teapot. I made it in a ceramics class a few years ago. I use it to explain executive dysfunction to people who haven’t come across the term before (and those who think of ADHD mostly as Hyperactive Eight Year Old Boy Syndrome).

So, most people’s brains are like a regular shaped teapot with a single spout. Let’s say that your time, energy, focus etc is the liquid you have in the teapot. Your executive function is the spout, that directs the tea into the specific cup you want to fill-aka the task that you’re meant to be doing. Spills happen occasionally, but generally most of the tea goes in the right cup.

If you have executive dysfunction, (a symptom of ADHD, trauma, autism, schizophrenia etc.) you have multiple spouts going in different directions. You can try pointing one of them at your chosen cup and you will probably get some liquid in there, perhaps you will even fill it right up (finish the task). But meanwhile, tea is also pouring out of several other places and not going where you want it. If you have another container nearby, perhaps some of it will end up in there. But quite a lot of it is going to end up on the floor and accomplish nothing.

And at the end of the day you’ll have filled one or two cups ( or sometimes not even one) compared to the five or six that somebody with the same sized teapot (but only one spout) has filled, and everyone wonders why you’re so bad at getting tea poured, and why you make such a mess in the process.

One day I’d like to spend more time learning pottery and create a really technically good fucked up little adhd teapot. But that’s a long way off since i currently live in the outback and the nearest pottery workshop is some 400km away. But I figure that for now, it might be a useful or interesting metaphor to somebody even in its rough draft form.

This post is the cup I filled instead of cleaning my house btw.

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Talking about this for a moment

ZENO SPOILERS

I know this art is 100% going under the pretenses that Kuro is Aki and Aka is Haru but honestly, if the fact their names were swapped wasn't an actual thing, I do think the sin ending would honestly be an interesting way of flipping the dynamics.

Granted, it might be a thing that sounds nice on paper but not in practice, it would really depend on how it's written.

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I can take the suffering from you!

Merm au! In the wild?? Ft pirates 🏴‍☠️

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Why…? There are people that can be kind to others but not to their families…

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My thoughts on ZENO: daily life after officially playing it

THERE WILL BE SPOILERS

I initially was very weary of ZENO's sequel because of extra stuff like Fuyu and Natsu being revealed to be inbred and Tsugino being part of the Ushirono family, etc. which made it seem like the sequel was jumping the shark.

While I do still hold my belief that Tsugino did not need to be Kanrai's child because Maeno still got ZENO and he's not related to Kanrai at all, I will concede, I turned around a lot of my opinions about this sequel.

This sequel very much feels like 'Charlie and the Glass Elevator' in that a lot of it feels like it's trying to explain how ZENO happened and getting into the history of each character that wasn't Tsugino which I'm not even sure was needed.

I do feel like there was something of an emotional core in there with Tsugino being anxious about how long his time with Maeno will last and how long his daily life will exist. While there's no concrete answer aside from Fuyu telling him that it will end someday and to not think about it too much but still remember it will happen (thus, treasure the time he still has) which might be the point because it's something everyone will face at one point or another.

I also enjoyed Fuyu's moment of standing up to Kanrai, it was nice seeing him do that especially because I had made an analysis that dissected the relationships of Fuyu (including Kanrai).

However, I do feel there were some logic jumps like Kochi broadcasting his message while addressing Tsugino without even having any confirmation that he was watching or even getting Maeno to his cult when he knocked him out at a cafeteria. Also, it was wayyyy too hard to figure out how to get into Kochi's cult.

I do forgive the sequel for existing because it did hit me hard with Tsugino's crisis and I cheered for Fuyu's awesome moments. But overall, I think the first game is better in a lot of ways because I felt more immersed in it than I did with daily life (e.g I literally spent one day playing the ZENO remake and just binge playing it because I was so hooked while it took me over 3 months to complete daily life because it wasn't as interesting and it was a lot more counter-intuitive on how to solve the puzzle sections).

I feel like there's a better emotional core in the first game, the gameplay is more immersive and a better overall story. (I'm not talking about graphics, first game is remade, second one is not. It would be unfair.) However, considering my expectations for the sequel were in hell, I was pleasantly surprised by it. It's a serviceable game for me but you're probably not going to catch me playing it again.

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GETTEM FUYU!!!!!!!

LET THAT MF BURNNNNNNNNNN

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Playing through ZENO: daily life and I just had a thought with Kochi.

ZENO: daily life SPOILERS

It's funny to me how Boku embraces ZENO, says that everyone should have ZENO and his cult is centred around worshipping ZENO and wanting to have it.

However, Watashi says that he wishes he could be friends with Boku but could never be because they're in the same body and cannot interact with each other. However, Watashi is the one with ZENO.

Seems they both wanted to be friends with each other in some way or another.

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Fuyu doesn't have any attraction to anyone in the game and I stan him for that. And quite frankly, I can't see him being romantic with anyone.

With that being said, there's no confirmation on his sexuality so he could be aroace, just asexual, another sexuality that falls under the ace umbrella, maybe they're allo.

Are they aroace?

🧡    💛     🤍     🩵    💙

Reasoning: Because they never showed any romantic or sexual attraction nor to the protagonists, or to other people in the story.

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bro the strings...

IM SHAKING I'M ROCKING BACK AND FORTH AND HITTING MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL...

I initially thought round 7 would be something emotional in the sense that it would be more gloomy and depressing, but no--this is literally some crazy ass upbeat techno-disco rave-themed music....in other words, It feels like a concert this time.

The atmosphere is so energetic is so energetic I WASN'T EXPECTING IT.

It's interesting how they stand on a stage that symbolizes themselves equally in a meshed sort of way, blue and green, in equal distance and on equal footing, unlike round 5 when Luka used elevation to his advantage a lot, it feels different here. Round 7 feels like a mix of their styles; even the song has a soft tempo with a mix of Till's roughness in there, but the idea that they'll fight for the stage feels somewhat pushed here. They both stand on the stage like they own it, and given their nature, Luka's manipulative personality allows him to dominate the stage with his presence, and Till's unwillingness to be overshadowed and made inferior this feels like on the flip side this round will be a real, and intense competition.

Round 7 is very different because, unlike the other rounds, Luka and Till are rivals. They have no chemistry of any sort. The reason why I say round 7 will be a real competition is because all the rounds before weren't, round 1, 2, 3, and 6 focused on the intimacy and relationship between characters, they were telling a story, pouring their hearts out through their songs, while round 7 will be made into a true death match.

Luka, in typical fashion, establishes himself with a sense of superiority as he spreads out, fills the arena with his presence, absorbs the energy of the stage, and captivates the aliens' attention. It's because he's confident, at least outwardly.

Till is more reserved in the teaser, at least in this example, he's hidden in the shadows, and how he's feeling is ambiguous, though obviously, it isn't anything good, given that he was just thrown on the stage while he's mentally unstable and confused I'm sure that's an understatement.

When Vivinos mentions Till's emotional journey...what mindset Till will bring to the stage...this round is gonna be chaotic as hell

To me, Till looks at all sorts of things, and anger is most prominent. after everything he's been through I'm sure his mind is a thunderstorm of mixed emotions, even just the look in his eyes.. so considering that--his side of things will probably be a lot more messy, but there is a good sign here that shows he seems to have regained his fighting spirit he doesn't look like he'll be going down without a fight at all.

And their body language here in the last frame--Till looks strangely slouched over like he's out of it (I believe he may have been drugged by the aliens again..) while Luka, for once, isn't even looking at his audience, he's looking to the side, seemingly distracted. It's notable just how detached they look from their performance and the moment. The detached and performative nature of round 7 highlights how this performance is all merely a high-budget spectacle, entertainment for the aliens as it always was. It's a fitting vibe for Luka and Till, who had gone through the most to make it here just to have every aspect of their personalities marketed, and to be paraded around like trophies by their guardians.

(they don't want to be there, basically.)

And now the title--FOUL. Is how i'd describe it based on my reading of it.

"Blink gone" could be connected to the other teaser, "Never come back again" as in --> "blink gone--and never come back again" is maybe a reference to the things (or people) they've lost in their lives, in seemingly the blink of an eye.

In general, blink gone is related to something fast-moving. So how will that sentiment be expressed in round 7 through their perspectives?

And YET AGAIN. I come back to this official art for another more parallel, I have no idea what the bands around Tills arms are about, but these two seem to correlate.

And Luka's design here, Luka still hasn't changed his aesthetic, so nothing noteworthy other than the fact that his outfit just got more revealing, I can probably see why, if there is an alien equivalent of fan service in the universe of Alien stage. There are lines on his chest that I assume are meant to be scarring? Luka has been said to have had surgeries and experiments before so that little detail they included...ughhhh.

And Mizi will seemingly be showing up for another rescue attempt, but as expected, the area is heavily guarded, more so than in round 6, so this may be a little tricky, and I have no idea how they'll pull it off this time with the atmosphere so intense and the aliens so close to them...

(ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT TILL'S ARMS- *gets shot*)

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A love letter to Haru Tsugino

Is this an analysis? Maybe.

While Fuyu is my favourite character bar none, today, I gained a new emotional appreciation for Haru in the form of relating to him. And this is just me jotting down my thoughts as I go through his past.

MAJOR ZENO SPOILERS

When we start with Haru's memories, we see him talking about how everyone bullies him at school and making fun of how he is unloved by his parents. He begins contemplating what love is and what does it look like.

And of course, that sort of thing is natural. He doesn't know it because he was never raised in a home with loving parents. How can he know if he's never experienced it? His parents love his sister but not himself. They're capable of loving him but it's not given to him. And he can't understand one bit of it.

The next thing we see, he goes inside his home and tries to say hi to his "mom" with no response back. Unlike himself, when his "father" and "sister" announce they're home, his "mother" does reply back. He soon gets kicked out of the house by his "dad" and forced to watch his family eat together while he remains in the cold. In his household, he's only invisible. He's not acknowledged, let alone loved. And he tries so hard to get himself to be acknowledged by being a good boy, getting good grades, smiling, etc.

And that hurts. Trying to achieve things and trying to be the best you can be in order to not be ignored, yelled at, or punished by the people who, despite everything, you look up to because it's a natural instinct to. It's a natural instinct to love your parents and want to be loved by them. But it hurts to only get that in return through achievements and that may not even work all the time.

Why can't our parents just love us as we are? Why do we always have to prove ourselves to be loved? We try all the time to gain that but we'll never be enough. Is it so hard to love us like that? We try to be good, we try our best. But the best isn't enough for them.

One day as Haru is at a shed on a beach, Aki and Natsu run inside and Haru hides away. But he later sees Aki begin to eat Natsu as Natsu's selfless act to help fulfil his desires and let him remember her while she's still herself. It's an act that would hurt her, would kill her. But she accepts it because it's all for her brother.

And this moves Haru. To be hurt by someone, to be dying because of them but still be able to say "I love you and forgive you" to them. We're all messy humans with flaws. We do bad things, we make mistakes. We hurt others, and we make people cry. But to still forgive those who hurt you and love them, that's a love so beautiful. And he wants that so badly. For someone to say "I love you with all your messy flaws and you're not unloveable because of what you do. I'll love you no matter what".

And so, he begins searching for that.

Every time he makes a new connection with someone, he immediately tries to kill them and get them to say that they love him despite what he's doing. But of course, none of them do. They don't know him well enough for them to accept his version of love. So every time, he gets a 'no'.

Eventually, his parents find out about his murders and scold him and call him a monster for what he does. And he's had enough of them. Their "love" is not love and never will be. Love is not trying to be something else so that they will love you. Real love accepts you as you are. Real love is unconditional.

He tries to get them to say "I love you" to him as he threatens them but it's not genuine and he knows that. And so, he kills them out of anger for lying and because he sees no purpose in them if they can't love him.

But this creates a sense of emptiness. If his own parents can't love him when they're meant to be the people who love you no matter what, then what hope does he have? No one will ever be able to give him his ultimate love. So his desire to kill others---his form of love---goes away. In fact, so does his voice. He can't say anything now that he believes his life has no purpose.

Then that's when Aki comes back into the picture. But instead, as his doctor. But, Aki's heart can see into his so easily. Seeing that he is disappointed and that's why he doesn't say anything. And that's when a connection (of sorts) is formed.

And as they get to know each other more and more, Haru begins to learn more about Aki. He's caring, he genuinely wants to be friends with Haru, he shares his treats, he's open, he's warm... These traits make Haru fond of Aki and become close to him. But at the same time, he's also confused. Why is he treated so nicely? Every time someone has treated him nicely was only because he was acting good. But he doesn't act his happy, good self. So why is he treated like this?

People have only hurt him time and time again, never giving him love. So why does this person do so? What for? Why? Why is he being treated like this? Why can he be treated like this by someone who's not his family but his own family treats him like crap? Why?

And then that's when Haru sees Fuyu and Aki fighting and he learns that Aki has killed people before. He later asks why Aki did so and ends up spilling his own feelings out to Aki. He lets himself be vulnerable and lets himself just talk about his feelings. And Aki listens carefully.

And for once, he feels understood. For once, someone understands him. To be accepted no matter what, to be loved no matter what. He so desperately longs for it because he was never given that type of care and affection.

Love me. Love me. Love me. Please just love me. Accept me for what I am. Love me for what I am. I'm dirty, I'm messy, I'm not a good boy. But love me even though that's what I am. Please give me love.

Those feelings bubble up until he wants to kill Aki and get that love. And he tries and fails to kill Aki. He ends up separated from Aki. And he ends up contemplating his existence.

Is there a love out there for me? Does it exist? Or does it not? Will anyone ever love me? Or will everyone just reject me and there's no purpose?

(Vent session, you can skip if you wish)

Everyday I try to appeal to my caregivers. I try to act good, I try to get good grades, I try to never yell at them or act mad with them, I try to never cry in front of them. But no matter what I do, I get ignored, yelled at or punished. The few compliments I receive from them tend to come from when they're speaking about me to strangers. Whenever they talk to me, it tends to be only yelling and throwing insults at me. Whenever I cry in front of them, they shout at me and roll their eyes.

I remember how my dad said to me that he wouldn't have given birth to me if he knew I was autistic. He did try to say something after that to discredit what he said but I don't even remember it. All I remember was those words. I remember those more than anything else that happened that day, moment or second.

I also remember how he said that my mother once got up in the middle of the night to go to the airport and take a flight somewhere to abandon our family because she was tired of us. She ended up being convinced to not leave my family. It happened while I was a kid and I had no idea. And that hurt. I remember crying at that moment.

But despite this, I try to convince myself that maybe I'm wrong. They do love me, just in their own way. They just want me to be better. They're still people, they're not perfect. They love me. I'm not someone who they regret having in their life. I'm not that. Please love me. Love me. There's love there, right?

But each and every time, I only get beaten down and cry because I feel unloved.

I keep trying to seek love from them. But it feels useless. I hope that one day they'll love me. I keep hoping. And I keep trying not just because I want their love but also because if I don't try, I'll get yelled at.

And it's hard for me to seek love from someone else. Every time I've tried to make friends, it doesn't end well because I end up getting bullied. I'm trying to open up my heart more but I'm not sure if it'll ever be open again. Only the future will tell.

Back to your scheduled ZENO talk.

Sometimes I wish I could meet Haru himself. I wish I could tell him about my life and say I understand how he feels. I want to give him love. I want to show him that love does exist and it's out there. Maybe I could let him kill me and eat me up. Maybe.

And I wish there's someone out there for me that will do the same. I hope there is someone out there who will love me for me. I want that. But I don't know if I ever will get it. And that's scary. But I have to keep trying. I have to. No matter what.