alderatheglittering

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my desire to have an orbees bath (especially as a child) is actually just my desire to be a dragon and bath in my massive hoard of gold and jewels (or whatever objects I can safely bath in as a dragon)

same with my love of ball pits and foam pits (despite how unsanitary they are)

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What the fuck is glass???

my favorite personal dragon headcanon is that like birds they also can't see glass, but it just isn't an issue for them

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Personally I like to hold my riders like how dads clutch babies in one hand

i know that when a book describes dragons picking up their riders they probably mean scruffing them by the neck in their mouths like a kitten, but i always imagine something like this

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Hold the fuckin phone

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finally completed my dnd quiz! featuring a mix and match of 30 races and 14 classes, discover who you would be in the forgotten realms! i'd be a satyr artificer :)

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wanted to fact check this with @evilwizard, seems pretty reliable to me though

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wizard seeing a small crowd of people and their knees immediately buckle in sexual pleasure imagining how much damage a fireball would do

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hate taking my stupid cursed blade through TSA, it always sets off the metal detector and some idiot always tries to take it off its scabbard and gets their soul stolen

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going into A Cave tomorrow, real dragon vibe hours about to happen >:)

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today in humorous subversions of classic fantasy tropes: gnarled wrinkled old witch/hag in a swamp hut who is quite rude and insulting and otherwise quite short with the party who requests a myriad of strange and vile ingredients for the adventurers to fetch which she throws one by one into her massive bubbling cauldron as they're delivered. when the last component arrives, she stands up from her old wicker rocking chair and steps directly into the cauldron and sinks down and goes "ahhh that's nice. sorry kiddos in my age my joints get real bad in the fall without a nice soak every now and then. oh yeah just take whatever you need from the hut i dont care, me casa is su casa and all."

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me: if I become the evil overlord I will never harm my minions

[5 years later]

highly throwable imp: hoohoohee

me: hmm

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lmao was OP under the thrall of a dark entity or perhaps some kind of unknowable puppeteer?? 😂🤣

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"you can't reclaim the f slur" well YOU'LL never reclaim the ACCURSED SCEPTER! NYEAH HEH HEH HEARGH *vaporizes you with the accursed scepter*

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my grubhub being delivered by a wizard or some sort of apostle

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I'm not corrupted by the amulet or anything but people who might try to touch or steal it from me definitely have to die. just as a moral thing