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how can someone feel so much and feel so empty at the same time?

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“How far can you go down the wrong path before you can’t get back on the right one?”

— Carolee Dean, Take Me There (via books-n-quotes)

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It’s been 5 months since I was diagnosed with BPD, but things are not getting easier.

Before I knew what I had I was blind, I didn’t know a lot of things and didn’t notice must things around me, now, everything hurts, I know how I hurt people in the past, how I manage to still hurt people I love with my comments or some actions.

When I explode is like someone takes control over me, I’m not even me, i don’t even recognize who that is, but what I know is I don’t like her, is a monster, and I get to feel the remorse of her actions after she leaves. The feelings are too much sometimes, they are so strong that I want to end it all, scream at the top of my lungs and break everything that stands beside me.

I have hurt my favorite person more times I can count, made him cry and scream in frustration. I have thrown the promise ring he gave me in one of my episodes and he picked it up. The feeling ate me alive some hours later. Every time I try to leave and set him free, he comes back and says he loves me more than I can imagine, BPD and all, but something in me doesn’t want to believe it and just run.

I hate it, I hate this. I just want it to stop.

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"I wish I was healed before I met you, so you could meet the best version of me."

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“If you ignore your feelings they will get your attention in other ways.”

— Kathy Kalina

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Mood...

“I am running away but I prefer to call it a strategic retreat.”

— Tennessee Williams, The Selected Letters: 1920-1945 (via books-n-quotes)

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^^this

There is no dishonor in losing the race. There is only dishonor in not racing because you are afraid to lose.

Garth Stein, The art of racing in the rain

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Someday...🔥🔥

Big Sur, CA | 10.01.2018

That peaceful easy feelin’…

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#goals

I’m the kind of girl who get VERY EXCITED when I’m talking about something that I love. Anything that consumes my soul, like a book, or a movie, or an artist that I love. I just get very excited, start talking a lot, and I forget for a good 10 seconds what people are thinking of me. The thing is, I hope someday I can find someone who admires this in me as Dawsey did with Juliet. When she was drunk and started talking about the context and intentions of the author’s book, he was just looking at her like: ‘’oh, this is so nice. Look at her, huh.’’

gif by @wonderrbat

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People change, feelings change...

“I admit, I really miss how things used to be. But I can also admit, that I’ve accepted the fact that things have changed.”

—

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Chaotic...

“Real love is always chaotic. You lose control; you lose perspective. You lose the ability to protect yourself. The greater the love, the greater the chaos. It’s a given and that’s the secret.”

— Jonathan Carroll (via quotemadness)

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Force to keep living...

“The broken heart. You think you will die, but you just keep living, day after day…”

— Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

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Thanos Philosophy

Infinity War Spoilers ahead...

I came across with a friends post where he asked “how bad is it that I agree with Thanos Philosophy?”...not surprise, everyone answered “really bad dude, wtf?” “Go with a shrink man!” “Wtf is wrong with you?”

But then I thought about it...and I remembered when Thanos explained to Doctor Strange his concept of mercy.

He actually believes he’s doing everyone a favor, like, reaaaalllyyy believes it. And yes, he tortures and murders but is for a “good cause”. He doesn’t have preferences, as he says “equally for everyone” no matter if your poor, rich, young or old.

People are starving, and no one stops on having children, the planet sources runs out and we could face extinction...the solution? Reducing the population, half of it needs to go. In Dr. Strange words...genocide. In Thanos words...mercy.

And you know what? Thanos is right, we multiple like rabbits, over use the planet resources and we already exceed our population by far. I can empathise with that.

But there is a hole in his philosophy that our dear Gamora (*tears start falling*) makes when she talks with her dear daddy about her home planet. They were HAPPY, and he actually DIDNT KNOW WHAT THEY NEEDED. He just assumed.

And besides...what kind of life you want to live if you don’t have someone to share your life with, call it a best friend, a sister, brother...daughter...give up everything just to sit in little cabin watching the sunrise, all alone? Sacrifice the one you love for power? Although...you can’t possible love someone if you kill them like Thanos killed Gamora.

Not like Scarlet when she killed Vision, he begged her to do it so the universe could stand a chance, there were no other way to remove and destroy the stone out of him without killing him...

And when Star-Lord was willing to kill Gamora because she made him promised her to do it if Thanos catches her...

They were acts of love for a cause. What Thanos did was not an act of love, I believe he actually didn’t love her. Maybe care deeply for her in a weird and twisted way but...You just can’t feel true love for someone you willingly kill to get something in return. No way.

To conclude, he had fundamental issues to adrees, but he took it to a level were ethic, moral and empathy were absent. I don’t mention love because it comes with empathy. So you have to lack these 3 to be in Thanos favor...You can’t play God and decide half people live and the other dies, yes random, but is a masacre in the end. Ending a life is wrong.

Thanks for reading...

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My inner geek girl came out watching Ready Player One 😍

Yes, I sang every song and whisper “oh my God” at least 100 times during the movie. And yes, I would defenetly read the book.

Just look at these!!!

I think I screamed when this happened...

WE’RE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT, NOOO, WE’RE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT!!! 🎶

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DONT.

“I won’t glorify or romanticize heartbreak, for me it was a kind of death and I was forced to keep living.”

— Warsan Shire