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All the talk about who's going to red bull and who's going to mercedes has got me thinking, and with much consideration I think I've devised the World's Worst Most Toxic F1 Grid, using only current drivers and teams. Walk with me.

Haas: Pierre/Estie. French Civil War pt. 2 plus the historic remnant of Kmag and Hulk and their old man enemies-to-lovers narrative arc.

Ferrari: Lando/Charles. Stay with me. I know you're all probably thinking, 'oh of course here's user finifugue with their charlando agenda' but stay with me. Can you fucking imagine the Lando fandom and the Charles fandom if they had to share Ferrari. Can you imagine. It would be carnage. Twitter would be unusable. TikTok would crash. Tumblr would enjoy some upscale prime-grade wagyu yaoi rivalry. Charles and Lando themselves would crash out at the notion of having to pretend to not be weird about each other. Fred would be laughing. I pray for days like these.

Aston: Lance/Carlos. Ideally with Carlos Sr. in a position of similar power as Daddy Stroll. Battle of the Nepo Babies(' dads). I think Carlos and Lance themselves would be chill, but I think Carlos Sr. and Daddy Stroll would start committing white collar crimes against each other. Interesting developments.

Alpine: Isack/Oscar. Sorry Oscar for putting you in the Alpine but I'm also not really sorry because it would be hilarious. As for you Isack, you'd have to deal with being teammates with Oscar in an Alpine. So you've suffered enough I think and I won't make you suffer further.

Mclaren: Kimi/Ollie. Now there's not a chance in hell either would end up at mclaren any time soon, but imagine. Two bestie rookies in the mclaren rocketship. This is psychological experimentation on my part, I have to admit - I want to see what a title fight would do to them, whether they'd manage or whether we'd see the Great Bearnelli Collapse. The caveat would be that mclaren aren't allowed to fire either mid-season. I want to see what happens.

Mercedes: Max/George. This is of course generally accepted as a) a terrifyingly likely pairing, and b) a terrifyingly terrifying pairing. I don't think they would last more than fifteen minutes before killing each other, and not even really in a sexy rivalry RPF way. All the enemies of Lestappen and none of the lovers, two guys who are genuinely convinced they should be the only driver prioritised in a team who, historically, is Not Good at managing in-team title fights.

Red Bull: Lewis/Fernando. Old Man Nation in the world's most toxic team imaginible. Run it back - and by 'it,' I mean Lewis/Fernando part 1, and I mean Vettel/Webber, put in a blender and whizzed until radioactive. I think the only thing that could bring back Nando and Lewis' sparks is pitting them against each other again in a team they both equally absolutely fucking hate.

Williams: Franco/Liam. I have not seen these two interact at all whatsoever, and I'm not really massively knowledgeable about them anyway, but in my head they're like oil and water. Their vibes are historic levels of unmatched. Their freaks diametrically opposed. Lawson also had that meme last year about hating the grid's spanish speakers and i thought that was funny and I want to bring it back.

RB: Alex/Yuki. Now this one was hard, because I think you could put Albon in a small room with a silverback gorilla and in fifteen minutes he'd be besties with it, but I'd like to put the Red Bull victims together in a Red Bull. Would the stress of it kill them both? Probably.

Sauber: Nico/Gabi. The light in the darkness. One single ray of happiness and gratitude in an otherwise horrifying grid lineup. I simply cannot bring myself to separate them. I hope they win the championship. They probably will, because every other team will crash into each other.

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😭😭😭!

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stakef1team_ks Kmag joins us in the garage! Cheering on his old teammate 💚💪

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Yuki losing his power boost during the final Q2 lap, PUT HIS VOODOO DOLL DOWN GIVE MY GUY A BREAK

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Hijo te he fallado

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???????? Okay sure

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gossip in the paddock

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YUKI NO…………..

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[file missing:teammate_enemy_target_friend]

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imagine. you're going through a public and messy divorce. and every time you have to go to court to duke over who gets to keep the house, some teenager shows up and starts grabbing shit out of your pockets. by the end of the divorce you dont know if youre more haunted by your ex or by the teenager. this happened to my friends lewis hamilton and nico rosberg in 2016

barcelona was like you're having an actual physical fight outside the courthouse and said teenager runs in while nobody's looking and steals your designer handbag from where you left it under your seat

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One thousand laps of Jeddah by @/ininininininstayoutstayout

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Max Verstappen boycotting the FIA press conference featuring banter from Lando Norris and Lewis Hamilton dragging the FIA ft the drivers union behaving like a union for once

💀!

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