alxyr

[alxyr]

hopeful

his eyes glisten,

her cheeks turns red,

and the world stops spinning.

everytime we encounter such a moment,

a bliss from a yearning love.

he become hopeful,

she become hopeful,

We are hopeful,

When it comes at love.

[alxyr]

spring lady

I welcomed the world where the flowers started to bloom,

Where the grass are greener,

And the water sprinkling around the garden,

Everything seems new,

Everything is new.

The daylight that painted on the skyline.

While the birds are humming up at the trees.

The children's were playing at the backyard.

Where I can be dull as I can be.

But I'll be honest with all of you,

I am not much of a spring lady,

I do not like floral dresses,

Not Cheerful and light.

I do not smile with my teeth out,

Sometimes I'm faking.

I am not alike with the season I was born with,

How I pictured myself is like the drought,

The death of falling leaves of an autumn,

The winter's coldness.

So ironic how my life is about rebirth,

But I feel dead inside.

-alxyr💙

[alxyr]

If anyone have been noticed if I rarely post poetries, it's because I'm having a hard time to become creative since I am grieving to the death of my dad. There are times where all I did was laying on my bed, procrastinating, and crying. So I'm sorry if I rarely post anything.

[alxyr]

Run

I hope you never lead me on,

Cause It'll be best if you never start this flame.

I remember how I am at danger,

Just because I never knew how run.

From a love where you can't breathe a fresh air,

A love where I could die, just because I choose to stay.

And if I stay close to you, like a candle to your fire,

There will be nothing left off of me.

So maybe there is nothing left but to run.

-alxyr💙

[alxyr]

Sleepless

I've lost all the butterflies,

I'm empty and broken,

Since all of the monsters became real,

In front of my swollen eyes,

Where I lost everything after that grave.

Little by little,

The sound of silence became so loud,

The morning is where I'm in haze,

But the night kept me awake.

Like If Aurora was cursed to sleep forever,

Mine was to never again.

- alxyr💙

[alxyr]

my little flames

i lit my little flames,

on a dark room,

i lit up my flames,

and your waves washed it.

the burning sense inside of me,

had become dark cold cell,

you're arrival was unannounced,

and what i had has been killed by your frozen hands,

you're a thief,

you're a monster,

you're a grief.

i lit up my flames,

but now they were gone,

i lit up my flames,

but it was now ashes on the ground.

- alxyr💙

[alxyr]

what would you do if someone took everything away from you,

what would you do?

if it will left you out with nothing,

if you only had one choice to run away,

what would you?

if your possession are their triumph,

if you saw their devilish smile knowing their ahead of you.

nothing.

I would do nothing.

what they did is their reflection of who they are,

not of who am i.

the world is spinning,

it changes everything,

even the value of the things that had taken.

-alxyr💙

[alxyr]

i deserved this

i deserved an oscar,

i fucking deserved a nobel prize.

There's nothing harder than getting my shit together,

after an hours of idling on the couch.

i swept and mopped the floors,

i cooked a fancy meal just for myself.

maybe you'll laugh at me over these little things,

but its harder than it looks,

I've been called out of my behaviour,

I've seen a side eye bitch face,

Wondering if they'll say to me,

I'm a piece of shit.

but now i don't fucking care,

I don't fucking care.

I only thought what matters,

and what matters,

is me,

and my mental health.

-alxyr💙

[alxyr]

i am not special

i am not special,

i am not a gold mine who everyone possess.

and neither do i understand where do you coming from?

where is this hatred blooms on this autumn season?

where is the reason for you to strike at me.

i am not special perhaps i am what you called vulnerable,

delicate,

weak,

i could be smashed at a one hit,

and be hurt.

i am breakable,

i could welcome my defeat,

or i could ricochet all my bullets,

either way I am not here for this.

you choose to be violent,

and not to be kind,

but why me?

-alxyr💙

[alxyr]

foreshaddow

my gut hasn't been wrong,

infact i'm the one who ignoring it.

my tinggling senses,

my inner monologue with a train of thought.

paranoia has been attached to my name,

like everyone thought i am thinking this too much.

my anxiety had given me red flags,

front of my hollow eyes,

I know what's going to happen,

but i tried to occupy my mind.

-alxyr💙

[alxyr]

save myself

i had this bad habbit of fulfilling others needs,

but neglecting mine,

i polished their treasures,

i let mine rot.

Like i wondered how they deserved heaven,

And i punished myself in hell.

My mother...

She's not had been herself lately,

We take each other blows,

But I'd make sure I have a good reason

There's an imagery of her in the edge of a cliff,

And I was trying to rescue her but she wouldn't let me.

I'm afraid that if i ever i create a space shuttle for myself,

Ejecting myself out,

Saving myself and it left her nothing.

-alxyr💙

[alxyr]

dark humor

you never liked it whenever I find humor at my suffering,

your ears had enough hearing about how I wanted to die.

its funny how I brought up something that came out of nothing,

whenever i'm about to cry.

whenever i'm stressed out,

whenever people learned how to unlove me.

there's an assurance for you about my true self,

i have peeled of my skin,

i am naked in front of your eyes,

this is who i am.

i am not fine.

but sinking as ships wont sail me,

and when i told you i wanted to die with a smile on my face,

bet you i am so sure.

-alxyr💙

[alxyr]

“You know when, sometimes you meet someone so beautiful, and then you actually talk to them and five minutes later, they’re as dull as a brick? Then there’s other people, and you meet them and you think, ‘Not bad; they’re okay.’ And then you get to know them, and their face sort of becomes them, like their personality is written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful.”

— Amelia Pond

[alxyr]

highest score

old boring rainy days,

i sat in front a casket of my great grandma,

next to my father playing our favorite game,

as if life has this tricked on me,

foreshaddowing them before my eyes,

that gut - wrenching feeling of unknown,

and when its done i couldn't say "aha! i knew!".

my father is a childlike,

he is one of a kind,

we've always had this kind of bond at anything,

even challenging ourselves to get a high score at soduko,

he knew he was far way better than me,

i knew that too,

and i don't understand why he set the scores too much high,

so now he was already gone,

I couldn't beat him forever.

-alxyr💙

[alxyr]

superhuman

she said he was her saviour,

traded my trust by granted him a gratitude,

a price on a circus,

for giving her happiness,

he thought he won.

she said he was willing to die for her,

but for me it was superficial,

a sweet words that meant nothing,

but had she ever thought,

that there's more than just dying for her,

more than jumping off the cliff then nothing,

for me its loving and getting hurt everyday,

existence with unbearable pain,

without acknowledgement,

sympathy,

celebration,

but toleration.

He would die for you and you believed that without a proof,

But I'm hurting because of you...

Yet I stayed.

Haven't you thought about that?

-alxyr💙

[alxyr]

everything is not as it seems

everything is not as it seems,

i try to pretend I didn't care.

but my mind is a trap,

Its like I'm wired to overthink,

I'm wired to thought about my hurt,

I'm wired to faded memories.

everytime i look at anyones faces,

i felt there's a hundred percent chance that they would fail me,

they would pretend to be a friend,

but then stabs my back,

everything is not as it seems,

i wished i didn't care.

-alxyr💙

[alxyr]

frame up

you robbed me then said I was the culprit,

you touched the things that aren't yours,

now you demanded all the time like I was the one who took it...

you mimic my cries,

pretending you're the one who needs to be saved.

i'm a shattered mirror you were looking at,

Faking a crime you had made.

your intentions were clearer,

your planned was to get her away,

And I was the one who had stabbed.

I was the one that should complain.

I was the one who losses her,

I was the one who needed the time.

But you get away with that.

Then you blamed it all to me...

-alxyr💙