alysonwritesthings

[alysonwritesthings]

Silence is a dangerous thing. All thoughts, emotions, senses are heightened; everything just feels more. The same can be said for darkness, and when the two combine you encounter feral waters. It has been years since I had found myself in this situation until recently. It’s been a long day, and I’ve been secluded for most of it. The seclusion begins to creep into my brain and I can feel the darkness make its way in to my body. There is a weight crushing me. I feel like I’m underwater almost, and can’t breathe no matter how hard I struggle. The surface is just out of reach and I find it difficult to care. Tears fall freely from my eyes as I try and fail to talk myself down. Everything hits me at once and the realization of how alone I am sinks in. Such a large part of me wants to stop fighting and succumb to the numbness and apathy, and ashamedly I do. I rifle through my things and find an unused, disposable razor. I break off the top and grab a tweezer to remove the blades. I’m as admirable as Sweeney Todd, ghosting a finger across the edge, as a sudden calm washes over me. The weight lifts for a moment as I contemplate what I know I will inevitably do tonight. Leaning back against the stone cold wall of my dorm, I close my eyes and tilt my head back while serenity sinks in. The thought of self-injuring hasn’t even crossed my mind for the last five years. There was a point where I did it at least once a week and it put me in such a sedated state, feeling nothing and just stumbling through the days. But tonight is a dark night. The setting fits the mood: a frigid dorm room, blinds up, moon pooling in. There’s an eerie stillness in the air as the blade drags across my leg. Blood pools out of a fresh, shallow slash and I can understand for a moment why people used to think bloodletting was useful. The demons flow out and control seems tangible. I grace the blade across my leg again. And again and again and again. And once more. My leg stings from the slow assault and the blood flows from my thighs as I sit there in the stillness. Breathing comes easier and my body feels lighter. A gasp escapes, as if I had been drowning in my own blood. As I fall back into myself, drowsiness washes over me. I blink slowly and push away from the wall. It is a slow journey from sitting to standing, as my legs tremble slightly under my weight. The blood changes direction, staining my upper thigh, and flows faster as I walk across the room for a tissue. It eagerly soaks up the river and wilts at the contact. My face feels tight and flushed and I remember that I was crying. The bottom of my lashes are still damp and I try to use that moisture to cleanse my face however much I can. I walk over to the mirror, drop the tissue on my dresser, and take in my face: flushed, puffy, make-up stained. It was silly of me to have put on make-up earlier only to cry it away half an hour later. Devastation stares back at me and I turn away, groaning for a cigarette. My hands shake anxiously because I know I don’t have any and my roommate only has one. Weed would work even better, but I’m out of that as well. I walk over to the window and open it slightly, despite the outside temperatures being well below zero. My bed calls to me and I grab my stuffed frog when I reach it and fall onto my back. My eyelashes are still a little damp and I rub at my eyes once more before rolling onto my side and grabbing my laptop from the floor. My laptop sits unopened while I clutch onto my frog. Tomorrow will be better, I try to convince myself. Tomorrow will be better.

a.d.

[alysonwritesthings]

Ok here is a compilation of all the software and useful tools I’ve come across whilst writing. Some of them I’ve reviewed on here already, more coming soon. 

Got an idea? Well get planning! Here’s some useful outlining, brainstorming and mind- mapping software:

Coggle 

Lucidchart

Mural.ly

Blumind

MindMeister

Mindmaple

Mindomo

NovaMind

Popplet

Scapple

Tree Sheets

Visual Understanding Environment (VUE)

XMind

FreeMind

Oak Outliner

Work Flowy

The Outliner of Giants

Just want to get writing? You want a word processor:

Gedit

Google Docs

Kate

LibreOffice

Microsoft Word

My Writing Spot

NoteTab

Open Office

Quabel

Ted

Vim

yEdit

Making notes? Here you go:

CintaNotes

Evernote

KeepNote

Memonic

MS OneNote

Scribe

SuperNotecard

Tomboy

Timelines giving you a headache? Try these:

Aeon Timeline 

Dipity

Preceden

Tiki-Toki

Timeglider

Timeline

TimelineJS

TimeToast

Now perhaps you want to organise those notes. Got a lot of research? Character sheets? Images? Well here’s some tools to keep all that together:

Liquid Story Binder XE

LitLift

PangurPad

Scriptito

Scrivener

Writer’s Café

Yarny

yWriter

Are you easily distracted? The following tools will keep you on track:

Dark Room 

FocusWriter

JDarkRoom

Momentum Writer

OmmWriter

Q10

Writemonkey

Zen Writer 

Even more productivity tools to help keep you focussed on your task:

Cold Turkey 

FocalFilter

Freedom

InternetOff

Keepmeout

Nanny

Productivity Owl

RescueTime

SelfControl

SelfRestraint

Simple Blocker

StayFocusd

Strict Workflow

Time Doctor

Waste No Time

Website Blocker

So you’ve got something down? Need to edit? 

AutoCrit

EditMinion

Grammarly

LyX

SlickWrite

SmartEdit

After the Deadline

All done? Perhaps you’d like some e-publishing tools:

Acrobat

InDesign

Calibre

CutePDF

Jutoh

Mobipocket Creator

PagePlus

PageStream

PDFCreator

Scribus

Sigil

I’m feeling generous, have some more cool stuff:

750 Words

One Page per Day

Oneword

Penzu

Write or Die

Written Kitten

Focus Booster

Spaaze

AutoREALM (Map building software)

Enjoy! I may update the list as I find more, or I’ll make a second list.

[alysonwritesthings]

the more i fill my body with chemicals the less room there is for all the pain you've caused me

[alysonwritesthings]

i don’t know what happened but one day you stopped being the person i would turn to when i had something to say

[alysonwritesthings]

There are times when I find myself speaking to a god I ultimately don't believe exists. I get pulled into the sense of comfort, the idea that someone is out there listening and pulling the strings. I want to feel like there are reasons for the way things presently are and that no matter what shit is going on now, the only ending is a happy one. There are times I wish more than anything that I could give myself over to blind faith and believe that a higher power has great things in store for me. I envy those who hold that comfort with them always. I just need there to be a reason for this. I need the purpose to be revealed to me. I need to know that there are better things in store and that this is the path by which I will earn them. I don't believe gods exist. But sometimes I think I'd feel much more stable if I did.

[alysonwritesthings]

i am a needy person i need love affection hugs kisses i miss yous i love yous i need to know i won't be forgotten

and reassurance that i have not yet reached your annoyance limit not asked for too much not called too often not texted back too fast

i need you to handle my heart with care to trust my shaky hands with your fragile treasures and to remind me that it is okay to need

[alysonwritesthings]

airports are wetter than the ocean there is a constant flow of tears from anxiety sadness elation there is not a place more well-versed on human emotions

[alysonwritesthings]

"Show, Don't Tell" Tips & Masterlist

Hello! I’m having a hard time with my writing. I seem to be having trouble with the whole “show, don’t tell” thing. If you could help me out, I’d really appreciate it. - anonymous

[alysonwritesthings]

somewhere along the way, i learned that getting attached meant gaining something to lose. i don't know when, where, or how i allowed it to happen, but you slipped right by my wall and sealed yourself in. that was never apart of my plan and i've tried for months now to find a way around it. to lose you before i had no other choice in the matter. but as everything comes to a close, a realization hits me head-on at a hundred miles an hour: i don't have to lose you. a second option has been sitting in front of me for what seems like forever and i haven't even glanced at it until now.

goodbyes could easily be turned into see-you-laters.

[alysonwritesthings]

there is a bitterness in my veins that i can't seem to dilute. the wine doesn't help; if anything, it fuels it. i see a couple holding hands and can't hold back the grimace. i sneer when they kiss and pull away, a blissful smile on both faces.

bitterness paired with jealousy.

i am glad i don't have what you have. in fact, i pity you. but i want it so bad it hurts.

[alysonwritesthings]

by Chuck Palahniuk 

8 Words You Should Avoid When Writing

As always, Orwell’s final rule applies: “Break any of these rules before saying anything barbarous.” There are instances where each of these words fills a valuable role. However, especially among inexperienced writers, these words are frequently molested and almost always gum up the works.

1. “Suddenly”

“Sudden” means quickly and without warning, but using the word “suddenly” both slows down the action and warns your reader. Do you know what’s more effective for creating the sense of the sudden? Just saying what happens.

I pay attention to every motion, every movement, my eyes locked on them. Suddenly, The gun goes off.

When using “suddenly,” you communicate through the narrator that the action seemed sudden. By jumping directly into the action, you allow the reader to experience that suddenness first hand. “Suddenly” also suffers from being nondescript, failing to communicate the nature of the action itself; providing no sensory experience or concrete fact to hold on to. Just … suddenly.

Feel free to employ “suddenly” in situations where the suddenness is not apparent in the action itself. For example, in “Suddenly, I don’t hate you anymore,” the “suddenly” substantially changes the way we think about the shift in emotional calibration.

2. “Then”

Read More

[alysonwritesthings]

I think there are two types of writers, the architects and the gardeners. The architects plan everything ahead of time, like an architect building a house. They know how many rooms are going to be in the house, what kind of roof they’re going to have, where the wires are going to run, what kind of plumbing there’s going to be. They have the whole thing designed and blueprinted out before they even nail the first board up. The gardeners dig a hole, drop in a seed and water it. They kind of know what seed it is, they know if planted a fantasy seed or mystery seed or whatever. But as the plant comes up and they water it, they don’t know how many branches it’s going to have, they find out as it grows. And I’m much more a gardener than an architect

George R.R. Martin (via writingquotes)

[alysonwritesthings]

there's a break in our rhythm and you lean your forehead against mine. i desperately wiggle my hips in order to get the friction going again, but there is something you need to say or do. so you grip my hips and try to still me, eliciting a whimper. i whisper a half-hearted apology and move my hands from your back to your arms. our breathing is still heavy and the heat of the room is settling. i say your name. your lips start tracing the outline of my face, across my jaw, and then find their way to my neck, biting here and licking there. a shift has occurred and i can't quite figure out what it is. your mouth brushes against my ear and those three words spill out.

my heartbeat quickens and i am frantically trying to resume our pace, but there is a new determination in every kiss, lick, caress as you study my body. as if you're trying to memorize it. as if you think this will be the last time i will entrust it in your hands.

[alysonwritesthings]

I thought this might be of interest to authors.

List of British words not widely used in the United States. Lists of words having different meanings in American and British English. List of American words not widely used in the United Kingdom.

[alysonwritesthings]

to be wanted would be a wonderful thing. to know there is someone out there that would do anything for you. to have someone that will make you laugh or cry or kiss your forehead in reassurance or fuck you until you stop thinking. someone that wants little more than just your happiness, whatever it may cost them. someone that will treasure your body and your words. your actions and your thoughts. someone to fill the void that you keep hidden deep inside.

[alysonwritesthings]

time is relative the faster you go, the slower it crawls. some days are lazy and short others are filled to the brim and never-ending at the end of it all, we collapse under the pressure of it all because we can't outrun time

[alysonwritesthings]

help a word you can't voice assistance you don't want and even if you got it you wouldn't know what to do with it

"help," your friends say. you are more than happy to oblige you listen to their rants you offer your kind words you know how to do this

help the blood is running down your arm the bile is spilling from your mouth the booze is coursing through your veins before you black out, you hear "HELP!"

what would you do with it, anyway?