ameemiettee

[ameemiettee]

I can never know if I'm being truly loved or I'm getting fooled and subconsciously I guess I don't want to know . Maybe bcz I know the answer and don't wanna listen it . I have been listening to the statement that " don't have expectations " . And somehow I stopped but not completely . Coz I expect sad things to happen to me and life never disappoint me . WHY ME ?????!!!!

Why ? Why ? Why ? Why ? Why ? Why ? Why ? Why ? Why ?

WHY ME ONLY ??????????

And in search of these answers I discovered another thing . That there is really no one who will fix u . Even if they listen to ur problems there will be a time where they will be not interested to listen u . Fix u anymore . And the self fixing , self love and self discovery journey starts . U will learn that life is beautiful . But there comes a interval in between depending on others and finding yourself .

That is like a dark place with no light . Absolutely dark . U will be scared to be lonely . U would want to hold on to something and there will be nothing . And anyhow u have to pass that passage , that dark phase . And I want to . I really want to . I want to remember how I smile . How my laughter sounds like . I want to be happy . I want me back again . Desperately .

[ameemiettee]

I smile but I don’t want to, I talk but I don’t want to and I love but I don’t want to. I want to be selfish but can’t be. Because like always am a good girl. But its hurting. Pains kind of unbearable. I want to skip to the good part. But sometimes it feels there’s no good part. I’m unable to wish for things. let it be good or bad. Again, for my sufferings I Can’t blame anyone. But I am suffering not because of me for sure. I don’t feel loved anymore. Love is somewhere very far from me. Feels like love and happiness was never meant for me. I absolutely have no one to say what I feel. And if I say I look like I’m needy. Can’t afford the look down. Its time to become NUMB.

It all started we both joined the college. Theirs a girl who liked him. And she’s the alternative of me. They started dating and I didn’t know but expected. We both had a fight and hid everything. But on our closest moment he said what he feels for her. He didn’t care what ill feel there. And he will never know. The love I can’t give she gives. the love I get it after so many struggles she got it in few weeks. And yet I’m above her. But above feels like so high that I can’t see what’s under me. She is a nice girl yet I’m intimidated by her. I’m ashamed to say that I love a guy. I have to keep it as a secret. And I feel like I’m backup. his tired of expressing love to me and I don’t know how to express my love to him. I’m unremovable but I’m replaceable. And as of me I don’t have any alternative.

I don’t wanna share a single bit of my feeling to anyone. The feelings never mattered to anyone, and it doesn’t matter to me now. I don’t think he will leave me but I cant get what I want. Forever is a myth and I stopped beliving it for sometime. Looks like I misjudged me.

I wanna stop the moments. Not feel anything

[ameemiettee]

Listen to ur mind to save ur heart ✨🌼