amoistkidneybean

[amoistkidneybean]

I really really really don't know who to ask and I'm new to AO3😢😥😥 Is commenting too much awkward??? I'm socially inadept and interacting with people online gives me an overload of anxiety and recently I've found this fic and fell super deep in love with it and commented massive messages on each chapter. The author replied to me at the beginning but recently they just stopped (hi I understand it's not the author's job to reply and they're likely busy with their life too) but I can't help but be kind of worried that I somehow had put them off (because my comments sometimes involves analyzations and if I get into something too much I can be too excessive) I plead for advice is this normal???

while I can only speak for myself, I as a writer absolutely LOVE it when people give me long comments (the longer, the better lol) and, for me personally, there’s no such thing as too many comments.

love love love love these long comments, they help motivate me, especially when my readers give me deep analysis on the characters and/or their actions.

anyway, fellow writers, reblog if you love long positive comments

[amoistkidneybean]

Having more different medical issues now! How fun /s

I've been covered in unexplainable hives since Saturday night, they are driving me crazy, and I have legitimately no clue what the hell could be causing them. I'm taking so much Allegra and I'm still fucking itchy. Send help.

My dental stuff is not currently pressing, at least (had infected gum tissue around a wisdom tooth, infection's treated, they now want to pull four of my teeth and I'm not particularly jazzed about it but that's several months out)

But yeah. Might go in a slightly different direction with this cause I could totally see Jonny ripping holes in his skin from scratching. We'll see

I am having some very painful dental issues atm and I can't get in to see a dentist yet so guess who's writing another mechs vent fic? (Me it's me)

It's gonna be short so I'll probably just stick it here tbh, but if you like Jonny and Nastya being siblings and visceral descriptions of pain, stay tuned!

[amoistkidneybean]

I am having some very painful dental issues atm and I can't get in to see a dentist yet so guess who's writing another mechs vent fic? (Me it's me)

It's gonna be short so I'll probably just stick it here tbh, but if you like Jonny and Nastya being siblings and visceral descriptions of pain, stay tuned!

[amoistkidneybean]

Jayvik writing piece 1/3(?)

The effects of the ravine, and loss of sleep. Jayce-centric, hurt/comfort, 775 words

Jayce can't remember what it feels like to have a good night's sleep.

All the late nights blend together, 2am's spent thinking himself in circles, scribbling restlessly in his notebook. It's not unfamiliar to him; he did spend his academy days running on four hours of sleep and enough caffeine to kill a small horse.

But this isn't like those nights. No, this is like the times he'd wake up crying as a kid, his mind back in the storm that almost killed him. His leg aches, and he can't quite tell if the pain is really there this time or not.

He tries to distract himself, turning his gaze beside him. Viktor snores softly, sprawled out over soft sheets, taking up far more space than should be possible given his size. He looks so peaceful, the lines of tension melted by the stillness of sleep. Jayce's fingers itch to immortalize his partner in pencil strokes, grabbing his notebook and a pencil from the nightstand.

He tries to capture the angles of Viktor's face, though he quickly gives up out of frustration, tossing his notebook aside.

It bounces off the bed, falling open on the floor.

Jayce sighs, curling into the space beside Viktor. He wants to lose himself in the presence of the other man, but a piece of that place is still in him, wedged into his chest like a shard of glass. If he closes his eyes, it starts to dig deeper.

He hears the drip, drip, drip of water hitting the stone floor, the distant clicking of things lying in wait for him.

Then come the smells, morphing into tastes. Musty, damp air, so thick he could taste it, tainted with the stench of his own blood. The acrid flesh of countless cave lizards, hardly kept down. Wetness on his face, dribbling into his beard as he drank desperately from the cave pool, lapping at it like the animal it made him.

It swallows him.

The guilt, gnawing at him, scraping away parts of him like flesh from a bone. Ravenous. Thorough.

He sees faces, figures, all of people that weren't really there. Mel. Viktor. Viktor.

He has this overwhelming sense of filth, shame, loneliness.

"Jayce?"

He opens his eyes.

Viktor's lithe fingers trail gently against Jayce's cheek, wiping tears from his skin "Hello"

"I'm okay" he whispers, because he doesn't know what else he can say.

Viktor quirks an eyebrow, but doesn't outright question him. It's a silent invitation to speak, reserved for when he's trying to drag information out of Jayce.

"Just lost in thought, I guess"

Viktor sighs, gazing at him "Jayce, moje lásko, you know better than to lie to me. I can tell it's more than that"

"Sorry" He says reflexively.

Viktor silences him with a chaste press of his lips. Jayce sits up as they part, arms wrapped around his good leg, chin resting atop them. Viktor sits up as well, reaching out to stroke his hair.

"I was thinking about that timeline I showed you. The one where everything goes-" he shudders.

"Mh?"

"I didn't really tell you the whole story. How I hurt my leg. Why I've been so jumpy"

"Nor are you obligated to do so. But if you feel comfortable sharing, I will listen" The tips of Viktor's fingers rub small circles into his scalp.

"I-" it all tries to rush out of his mouth at once, and he chokes on it.

Viktor shuffles closer, wrapping an arm around his chest and draping himself over his back "Would it help if I asked you questions?"

Viktor's chin hooks over his shoulder, breath ghosting the side of his neck. He nods, grasping for the hand pressed to his chest.

"What happened to your leg?"

"I was trying to run from those mannequin things, and I tripped" he swallows thickly "Hammer fell on my leg and crushed my tibia."

Viktor winces sympathetically.

"After that, I fell into a ravine. Probably got concussed when I hit the bottom, because I was definitely out for longer than I should've been. Had to set my leg, eventually," He shudders, a memory of nausea bubbling up, "I don't actually know how long I spent down there, but- let's just say I had to eat a lot of really gross cave lizards." He chuckles weakly, trying to lighten the mood.

Viktor doesn't laugh.

"Sorry" He says again. It feels like he says that a lot, really. He wishes he could stop doing things he needs to apologize for.

Viktor holds him ever so slightly tighter, "You have nothing to be sorry for, má lásko. Nothing at all."

[amoistkidneybean]

Oh how I love processing things by projecting onto fictional characters.

Moved out of my dad's house for my mental health and was forced to confront feelings around abuse I experienced from him?Boom! Project my fucked up childhood onto a character with a fucked up childhood, creating fucked up childhood²!

(fic in question is here, please read the tags because it is pretty dark. Jonny d'Ville-centric mechs fic+second chapter is smut)

[amoistkidneybean]

I always write Jon as transfem non-binary (jonbinary, if you will) with no real pronoun preference because 1) autism generally makes you weird about your gender and 2) it's really fucking funny for Jon to go his entire life believing that no one actually likes being a man, and just having periodic Very Trans™ thoughts such as 'idk I think boobs would be nice'

In my fic Not Quite Hands, Jon assumes Martin is coming out to him as transfem because 'why would anyone want to be a man?', and I love hiding little Easter eggs about Jon being trans and not knowing it yet.

[amoistkidneybean]

Intro

Hey! I assume you're here from my ao3, but if you aren't, welcome all the same.

I made this blog to talk about my writing, because people I know irl follow my primary blog and I am too rejection sensitive to put that stuff there.

My primary is @no-bones-disease, and in case you're not here from ao3 and want to check out my works, my ao3 is here.

My fandoms change with different hyperfixations, I've written a lot over the years of varying quality (because some of this stuff was teenage me learning how to write lmao), I mostly do hurt/comfort (particularly relating to sexual assault and/or self harm due to my personal experiences)

My recents include the Mechanisms, a House of Many Doors, and the Magnus Archives.

I'm actively working on:

2-3 TMA pieces (Teaholding)

A Disco Elysium series about Cuno getting adopted by Harry (and eventually Kim)

I also have a few arcane (jayvik) things that are mostly done but pretty short.

I'll probably share bits and pieces of my writing here, as well as the things I feel are too short for ao3. Asks are open, happy reading, and I do take requests :)