anathebananza

[anathebananza]

Tw psychos insanity please don't read if that's bad for you I don't want anybody to be afraid

How do people with psychosis deal with it getting worse? I'm on two medicines, one for psychosis. I've been treated since 10 but the hallucinations were manageable: Today and yesterday it's gotten so much worse. I scrubbed my whole room with white vinegar and deep cleaned and mixed chemicals because I saw a few ants. I haven't slept for days and I haven't eaten much and I'm pretty behind on hydration. My paranoia is very bad What do I do? I can't ruin Mother's Day for my mom so that's not really an option. But I feel like I am in a haunted house. How do I cope? Are there any cool life hacks you guys use? Thank you for any and all advice! I am so sorry if this is a bad post. I don't know how to phrase it.

Thank you!

[anathebananza]

Calm down, you're gonna be okay. Bad times don't last forever. Winter ended the other day, and spring is here now okay?? It's gonna get warmer you'll be happy

TW VENT SUICIDAL THIUGHTS

this could just be me fighting my sleep. Meds I haven't slept forever. I just want to die nothing good is gonna happen in the future I'm hopeless everybody I love has left almost everyone I have nothing

[anathebananza]

Tw venting. I need advice and help. It's gonna be triggering and talk about getting kicked out but coming back. I'm a kid and I have nobody so that's why im coming to the internet I know it's corny but people on here have been nice before. But don't read this if you're triggered by like domestic fights and stuff

I'm in 10th grade, and on Friday I came home crying from school. I was crying because certain people in my friend group were being mean to my friends, and the situation just seemed to get worse whatever way I tried to help them. I don't have much to do with it. But I was a stressed out teen and just needed a good cry. I wasn't even being loud, but my grandpa who has dementia who I live with kicked me and my mom out. He screamed at us as we were putting on our clothes, and I only had my childhood stuffed animal and my phone. Nothing else, no bag no nothing.

He's never done anything like this before. He's very traditional, but he just kicked out his daughter and his granddaughter who's in high-school. We slept on my aunts floor because we had nobody else, and they were super cold(which is fine but we've gone out of our way to help them before) . I wonder if it has something to do with his dementia.

We haven't talked since. He let us back in yesterday like 15 hours after what happened so I can't complain too much. Everybody thinks he's very embarrassed, but I don't know.

But here's where we get to my main issue. Tomorrow is Monday which means school. The school already said it will excuse my absence. That means I'd go back Tuesday, which leaves one day for me to get my shit together. But my mom is gonna leave at 12:30 to go to her computer class thing. That means she's gonna be gone for 3 and a half hours.

Now, grandpa has never hurt me before or put his hands on me. I can count the times the guy has yelled at me on one hand. His favorite thing to do is give me pocket money because it makes him feel "afraid" when I have no personal spending money and receive hugs from his grandkids. He loves his grandkids and his family a whole lot. This whole kicking us out thing? Grandpa would never do that. If he could kick us out, is it safe to say he'll do other things he hasn't done before?

Idk I'm a really sad kid and I don't have anybody else. My mom is doing a great job at hiding her emotions and trying to keep it together, but she's unemployed right now and she's severely depressed but still doing everything. I genuinely don't know what to do or how to help. We don't have the means to move out, and I still am struggling to come to terms that he even did that

[anathebananza]

Tw venting and random stuff and suicide ideation

I feel so old. I literally just turned sixteen like 2 months ago and I feel just so old and everybody laughs at me when I tell them but I just feel so old and so young at the same time. I have no guidance in life and everybody is treating me like I'm an adult fully capable of making my own decisions, which apparently I should be?? My childhood is gone and over and now I just have nothing to look forward to. I'm genuinely considering killing myself because I just can't cope with it anymore. Growing up is the worst. I lost literally everything good and everyone who made me happy. People stopped loving me. They only loved me because I was little and cute, now that im grown up they don't. I just wanna die im not ready to be an adult I can barely take care of myself. I'll never survive in the world so I don't even see the point. Literally everything I loved is gone. It's all gone and it's not coming back ever no matter I do

[anathebananza]

TW suicidal ideation, mental hospitals and depression stuff

I got into another fight with my mom I genuinely just feel so awful she even threatened to take me back to the mental hospital again and tried making me pack a bag. I'm just so scared and alone and I hate myself I wanna die. I try to be a good person and make everybody feel special and happy, but why don't I ever get that favor returned? Like what's it like on the other side. Like even a little thing. I just want somebody to care and to stay and to just not hurt me. I just wanna be loved but I just don't have anybody I feel like such a worthless useless kid why don't they care anymore I got older and they just stopped caring about me what did I do I could never imagine making a kid feel like this

[anathebananza]

TW VENT SUICIDAL THIUGHTS

this could just be me fighting my sleep. Meds I haven't slept forever. I just want to die nothing good is gonna happen in the future I'm hopeless everybody I love has left almost everyone I have nothing

[anathebananza]

TW mania bipolar self harm depression disturbing topics VENTING

I haven't slept in so long. My mind is going a million miles a minute but I just can't get tired I can't go to sleep but it feel s like my body is gonna give out I feel so sick I'm so miserable I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate this why won't you let me sleep stupid brain it's been like over a week and you've only let me get maybe 15 hours

[anathebananza]

TW VENT DEPRESSION SUICIDAL THOUGHTS SH

im 16 and I genuinely don't wanna live anymore. Not only is the world going bad, but everybody is mean and my mental illness is just getting worse. I just feel so lonely and I don't really have anybody, so im posting this here in the hopes that somebody will see it or something. Im just so alone and I don't wanna do this anymore im tired of being alone and worthless and ugly to everybody I try to be kind and do as many nice things as possible but the favor is never returned. I know it's a thankless job but would it kill God to give me some good karma? I genuinely don't think anybody would even care if I did it. I'm sorry for this whiny post I'm just very sad.

[anathebananza]

TW venting, drugs, suicide attempt, emotional abuse

how do I cope with a bad dad? I'm 15 and my parents are divorced. I don't see my dad much but when I do he always yells at me and makes sexist comments and talks about weird stuff and his work as an Uber driver. He doesn't even ask about me anymore. I feel like a therapist. He also guilt trips and teases me constantly. Today he caused a ptsd attack after he picked me up from summer camp. He's done other stuff like almost get me killed because he was driving with me while on illegal drugs and also trying to commit in front of me(both when I was 12) so idk what to do. It's making me feel so worthless and horrible. I'm still not all the way calmed down. Idk what to do. Thank you so much for reading!

[anathebananza]

nevermind there's always hope. it's a bit dark right now but it'll be okayish

[anathebananza]

chat I don't think there's any hope left

[anathebananza]

crying alone. posting on tumblr helps even if nobody sees. Thank you for reading

[anathebananza]

If anybody who experiences hallucinations too or bad mental health would like to be friends lmk the loneliness is getting to me

[anathebananza]

I think if someone said they cared about me and they loved me and gave me a big hug I'd be alright. That would be enough

[anathebananza]

Somebody help me. Anybody

[anathebananza]

after 1 year of barely talking to anyone im mentally cooked I hate psychosis

[anathebananza]

during the debate I was honestly drawing donald trump and joe biden kissing and I know that im not the only one who did that