annalisefonza - Tumblr blog

[annalisefonza]

"You're Different:" And There Is Nothing Wrong With That!

When someone you love tells you “you’re different” so they can avoid taking responsibility for what they are doing, or not, Give them what they cannot or will not do for themselves. Be Different. Because there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! © 2024 annalise fonza, Ph.D., MURP, M.Div., MPA

[annalisefonza]

Excitement & Happiness

There is nothing like the feeling of knowing that someone gets excited just to: Hear your voice, Feel your touch, Smell your pheromones, See you smile. Indeed, happiness is knowing that someone loves you just for who you are, and that they would do just about everything in their power to be with you. It feels so very good to know, without any doubt, that you are important to someone…

[annalisefonza]

No One Should Be Able to Love You Better Than You Can

Finally, I believe that I have learned an important lesson in how to heal from a painful situation or relationship (and it has only taken me more than half of my life to figure it out). In my healing process, I had to learn to give myself all the feelings and attention that the people in my life could not give me for one reason or another. Who knew that being consistently and intentionally kind…

[annalisefonza]

Here, at the Top, is Where We Belong

At the beginning of this new year (2024), I had the chance to travel, meet new people and do some good work. On the occasion of the 2024 Martin Luther King Jr. holiday, I was thrilled to be in the presence of many people, especially beautiful black people. In particular, I met some beautiful black women, just like me, and of all ages, who have made incredible contributions to the places and…

[annalisefonza]

If You Are Selfish and You Know It, Do NOT Clap Your Hands

If you are a selfish person and you know it, do not clap your hands. It is nothing to be proud of or happy about. The goodness of other people, even relationships, cannot fix you. They only cover up your selfishness for a short while, Making you seem like an unselfish person when you are not. To become a more selfless person, To get free from this unfortunate character defect, you must do…

[annalisefonza]

Ending Emotional Manipulation

There is absolutely nothing wrong with putting an end to emotional manipulation and pain that have been caused by someone else’s reckless, selfish behavior. If someone that you love is using your emotions to get something from you: such as attention, sex, money, praise, an end to their fear of loneliness, etc., They are not entitled to an explanation when you walk, or perhaps run away. Close…

[annalisefonza]

"Who Do You Think You Are?" Look at Where You Come From

Hands down, one of the worst episodes that I experienced with a rageaholic happened on the telephone. One night, about 9:00pm, I received a call from a man that I loved and who claimed to me. He asked me about my day.  As I began to share the events of my day, and expressed my disappointment about the delivery of an item that I had purchased online, he went into a rage. From out of nowhere he was…

[annalisefonza]

When You've Earned It, The Sweetness Belongs to You

I did a lot of things – big and small – to get to where I am today. For example, I have worked jobs where I have been underemployed and overqualified. Regardless, I never doubted where I could or would be. I have always believed in myself and my ability to be the best that I can be in life. Unfortunately, I have known a number of people who doubted me and what lay ahead for me. They have been…

[annalisefonza]

Please Don't Tell Me You Love Me

Please don’t tell me you love me when you could care less about my feelings, my work, my life, my day, and my accomplishments, Please don’t tell me you love me and you want to be with me, but you really don’t. That’s just what you say because you think I want to hear it, Please don’t tell me you love me when you always run and hide behind your phone and all your other material possessions,…

[annalisefonza]

What Did You Notice When You Were in Love?

Once, I heard from an ex-lover who was upset with me about something that I had said and done, And he asked me, “Did you notice this…?” As I thought about it, I realized that my ex did not realize the times that he said and did the very same thing, and much worse. On the contrary, he was the one who did not notice or recall the times that his behavior was painfully abusive and absent: totally…

[annalisefonza]

When Is It Time To Run Away?

It’s time to run away from emotionally abusive people when you hear them say self-deprecating things about themselves such as: I am not a good person; or, I am a broken person; or, I don’t have anything to give. When you hear someone say these kinds of things about themselves, that is not the time to stick around and see if they will change or get it together. By their own admission, they…

[annalisefonza]

Selfishness is Not the Same as Self-Love

Unfortunately, there are people in this world who do not show genuine or heartfelt concern for anybody else but themselves. Regrettably, they live their lives as if no one else matters but them, as if they and their issues are the only ones that matter. People who think like this often do not know how to be empathetic and they are unable to be there for others while also tending to their own…

[annalisefonza]

When Walking Away is All You Need to Say 'Enough'!

I have learned that it is time to walk away from people in my life: 1) When they chose to lie and destroy the relationships that we have built 2) When they claimed to be the victim of my actions after I was forced to run away and preserve myself, 3) When I said NO and stood up to their attempts to deceive me with lies and deception 4) And when it had become impossible to trust them…

[annalisefonza]

When a Man "Dogs" a Woman...

When a man proudly claims to “dog every woman” that comes his way, Not only is he an emotionally violent man, He is a man who does not value or love himself, For he proves it with hateful thinking, actions, and ultimately with self-abuse. © 2023 annalise fonza, Ph.D.

[annalisefonza]

What's Your Life's Legacy?

Recovery from addiction has been a subject of my blogging for many years. My adult dating experiences have brought me into contact with several men who have been gripped by addiction, which means that I too have been affected by addiction, notwithstanding my own shortcomings and addictions (I believe all of us have addictions). Recently, I asked a friend who stopped drinking late in his sixties…

[annalisefonza]

A True Story of Addiction

One day as I shared a meal with a friend that I loved, my friend embraced me and told me how much they cared about me. Less than twenty-four hours later, as they were under the influence of their addictions, this same friend looked me in the face and said with no respect for my intelligence nor my feelings that they did not have anything to give to me; as if I meant nothing to them. This is how…

[annalisefonza]

Daddy Issues Matter Too

When a boy is neglected, belittled, and abused by his father, it’s not unusual for him to transfer his shame and pain to women and children when he is older. A man-child abuses women and children when does not have anywhere to put his pain. Sometimes he abuses women to prove to his abusive, absent father that he is a man, becoming just like the father, or worse. We spend a lot of time talking…