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[annwritesstuff]

The return of “Links and stuff” - 12/20/19

Like Gandalf re-emerging from death as Gandalf the White in The Two Towers, “Ann Writes Stuff” is returning from hiatus as ... Ann Writes Stuff, still.

!!!

A lot, and I mean ... A LOT has happened since I last updated this blog back in October 2018. And it’s only a little over a year later.

One of the many changes has been in my career. I am freelance writing; and as such, I want (need) to get back to writing regularly ... if for no other reason than to keep my skills sharp. I also really enjoy writing for fun, and especially liked creating these link posts. (BTW if you want to hire me, drop me a line)

I have a habit of sitting on projects -- whether they be job applications, articles, or blog posts -- until they’re *just right*. While I’ll argue that perfectionist tendencies can often benefit me, that definitely hasn’t always been the case ... and one of the biggest pitfalls is waiting waaayyyyy to long to hit “go” on something.

So. This link post won’t be as robust as posts to come. But I had to do something.

Here ya go!

Reading:

What Day Is Christmas: A Poem, The Cut.

Lifetime’s Christmas Movies Are Absurd. That’s Why I Love Them, Megan Seling for Medium. Yes yes yes. I watched “Holiday in the Wild” on Netflix (not LifeTime, but in the same vein) with my mom and sister a couple weeks ago. Was it ridiculous? Yes. Is it going to win any awards? Hell. No. Did I enjoy it anyway? Also, YES. “That’s what makes Lifetime movies so perfect for me. There is nothing real about them; there is no heaviness. They are empty and irrelevant. They are Little Debbie Eggnog Cake Rolls for my eyeballs. These movies flood my brain with dopamine in 90 minute blocks of time and then they are gone forever and I’m left feeling absolutely nothing. Do you know how good nothing feels in the midst of a season when I can’t help but feel too much? It feels very good!”

Greta Thunberg is TIME’s 2019 person of the year, TIME. She is my hero.

Police therapy dog was busted for stealing toys from a charity bin, Twitter Moments (and elsewhere). Everyone loves a cute animal story!

[annwritesstuff]

Links and stuff - 10/14/18

YOU GUYS. In recent weeks, I feel I’ve been given a million reasons to feel down, glum and bummed out. I’ve been working hours I don’t like. My health hasn’t been 100%. I’ve been job searching and interviewing and dealing with all the stress that comes along with that. ... This isn’t even counting the sh*tstorm that has been the news cycle. Trying to count my blessings and see the silver lining hasn’t been easy.

The easiest thing to do would be to just cave to the anxiety and negativity and spend time wallowing. But I don’t want to do it. I’m working on it, but there has to be a way I can acknowledge how much things suck (things that are out of my control) but can resolve to do and see good anyway.

I’m hoping - reeeeally hoping - that I can make the best of my current situation and that things will turn around for me soon. 🤞 It ain’t easy, y’all. If you’re also struggling, I’m right there with you. If you’re at a high point, I hope to join you soon.

Reading:

How well-intentioned white families can perpetuate racism, The Atlantic.

This is 18, The New York Times. V. interesting interactive photo story on what the age of 18 is like for women around the world.

How to craft a life you don’t need to escape from, Becoming Minimalist.

Reasons to own less stuff, Not Entirely Perfect.

15 signs of emotional maturity, Kris Gage for Medium.

What heals you? My own self soothing process through past trauma. The Calm Collective.

How can I know myself if I’m constantly changing? Man Repeller.

Watching:

While browsing Netflix I noticed Adam Ruins Everything was suggested to me, so I decided to watch an episode. Then, I watched another one ... And another. I’m now hooked, and the show is steadily in my “watch when I’m bored” rotation.

As I watched, I thought Adam looked and sounded incredibly familiar, but couldn’t put my finger on who he reminded me of. Then I realized I had seen him before. When I was 15 I discovered this video of dudes joking around at a Pokemon event and thought it was the funniest thing ever (hell, it’s still the funniest thing ever, IMO). I put two and two together ... Adam of Adam Ruins Everything is one of the dudes in the video - He’s the one critiquing a statuette of Meowth holding a guitar, saying there’s no possible way Meowth could actually play the guitar he’s holding. Anyway ... the connection made me only like the show even more.

Other:

I ordered Meghan Markle’s cookbook and I’m thinking of cooking each recipe and blogging my experience, Julie & Julia style. I’m about to have a bunch of free time (assuming I don’t get a job right away after my current contract ends) and that would be as good a use of my time as anything  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[annwritesstuff]

Links and stuff - 10/7/18

This was another week of wanting to just ignore the news, but because of the industry I work in I obviously couldn’t ... Aside from that, I think every adult has a responsibility to be informed on what’s going on in the news -- I’m not saying you have to know the ins and outs of every issue, but to have a basic understanding, enough to be knowledgeable enough to vote. Yes, I think voting is important, and I know that’s a whole other issue that I could devote an entire blog post to. Also, IMO “not caring about politics” is a privilege. I care.

Since recent issues in the news make me feel a certain way, I’ve been especially enjoying punching and kicking stuff at my local 9Round Gym! Check one out if you can. Buying a 9Round membership is one of the best investments I’ve made as of late. (If you want to join the Atlanta location, holla at ya girl and I’ll refer you. We’ll both get a discount!)

Reading:

As far as books I’m reading ... I decided I just can’t read Fear by Bob Woodward AND keep up with today’s news AND keep my sanity. So I’ll be reading Unwifeable: A Memoir by Mandy Stadtmiller. Maybe I’ll finish Fear at some point ...

The political aftermath of the senate’s final Kavanaugh vote. The New Yorker.

Australia to ‘eliminate’ cervical cancer by 2028, CNN. HELL YEAH! Get 👏 your 👏 Gardasil 👏 vaccine 👏 !!!

Think you don’t need a flu shot? Here are 5 reasons to change your mind. NPR. Get your flu shot, too! I’m very pro-vaccine!

Overworking ourselves is overrated and unhealthy. Why is it so hard to respect work-life balance? The Lily. THIS ALL DAY!

If men had to get IUDs, they’d get epidurals and a hospital stay. The Outline.

Your notifications are lying to you. LifeHacker. “Your phone excels at sucking you in. The feeds are infinite, the videos autoplay. The purpose of a notification is to make you pick up your phone and spend time on it. Not to bring you news of an emergency or to communicate with your loved ones. The notifications are for Apple’s benefit, or Samsung’s, or Google’s, or Facebook’s, or Twitter’s. Not yours.”

My best outfit planning hack. A Beautiful Mess.

[annwritesstuff]

Links and stuff - 9/30/18 (a day late)

(source)

So ... Thursday was rough.

I’m a day late posting this because I worked all weekend, was tired and just didn’t want to *think* about everything that’s been going on in the news ... I hope that wherever you are and whatever you’re doing that you’re taking care of yourself.

How to talk to the women in your life right now, GQ.

Brett Kavanaugh, Donald Trump, and the things men do for other men, The New Yorker.

The myth of the perfect victim, The Cut.

Hi there. It’s gonna be okay. The Bloggess. “So it’s important to take care of yourself and remind yourself that the world is never as bleak as we think and that’s it’s okay (AND NECESSARY) to love and laugh and be silly and reground yourself with friends or family or books or binge-watching something awesome.  Surround yourself with good people because there are so many out there.  ENJOY YOUR LIFE IN SPITE OF THE ASSHOLES.”

FML: Why millennials are facing the scariest financial future of any generation since the Great Depression, Michael Hobbes, the Huffington Post.

We prioritize boys’ suffering at girls’ expense, Shannon Keating, BuzzFeed News.

The creator of one of YouTube’s top tween channels was arrested for molesting a minor. YouTube is keeping the channel up. BuzzFeed News. Warning: You’ll likely feel sick after reading this story. But it’s important. IMO, there’s nothing innocent about Ian Rylett’s YouTube channels. They are for PERVERTS. Tosh.0 (of all programs) did a good segment/exposé on the channel which you can watch here. This whole topic is so upsetting to me, but I think it’s important that those of us with consciences not turn a blind eye to it. Exploitation, especially of children, is unacceptable.

How to *really* know you’re in love, Kris Gage, Medium. “ You don’t feel love. You DO it. It’s an act, not a feeling. It’s a moment by moment decision and re-commitment. You know because it’s deliberate and conscious.” 

Meghan Markle’s ever-so-slightly radical cookbook, The New Yorker. I have a huge woman crush on the Duchess of Sussex, AKA Meghan Markle -- So much so that I wrote about it on Medium. In other *big* MM news, she closed the door behind herself like a normal person this week. Shocker! :-P

Holy shit, tomorrow’s OCTOBER! (And now it actually IS October!)

[annwritesstuff]

Links and stuff - 9/23/18

(source)

Yes, I’m doing this again!

It’s been a while since I blogged. I occasionally write stuff at Medium nowadays, but I wouldn’t exactly call that blogging.

I go back and forth about *blogging* because there’s a lot about it I don’t like. I don’t like self-indulgent, “look-at-how-pretty-my-life-is” “hashtag-blessed” type content. I also don’t like the idea of sharing minute details of my everyday ... I enjoy privacy and my life isn’t that exciting anyway.

But here’s what I do like: blog posts with practical living tips. “This worked for me, maybe it will work for you too.’ I like link roundups/weekly update posts, which most of my favorite bloggers do, and read like “hey I found this article interesting, this product helpful, consider checking it out.”

So here I am. Read, or don’t. These will also be helpful to me to remember good articles, worthwhile products and whatever else 👍 

Reading: I made a mid-year resolution to read more books. I enjoy reading, and I enjoy books, but I can sometimes be a slow reader and, like any stereotypical millennial, can have a short attention span. However, I’ve been able to hold onto my attention span long enough to finish The Book of Essie by Meghan MacLean Weir and Dark Places by Gillian Flynn. Both were GREAT. I’m currently reading Bob Woodward’s Fear, like many other Americans ... it’s kind of jolting to read after just finishing two great works of fiction 😐

Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Trump’s battering ram, Paige Williams, The New Yorker. When I’m feeling up to the challenge I like to read about the current administration, because I feel like knowledge removes a certain amount of fear (although sometimes knowing certain things ADDS fear ... bleh). This is a really thorough, fascinating and informative peace about the current press secretary. Maybe I want to learn more about Sarah Huckabee Sanders since I’m a member of the media myself. “Reporters complain that Sanders’s briefings almost never involve substantive disclosures. Instead, she deflects questions and returns to the same talking points: ‘stock market, at an all-time high’; ‘isis, on the run.’ A White House reporter told me, ‘I’ve never learned a single thing in that briefing room that’s been helpful to me. It’s the part of my job that I dread most. You’re either being spun or gaslit.’” 

How I finally stopped worrying and embraced makeup, Kristina Wong, Grok Nation.

6 ways to start opening up about your mental illness, Wonder Forest.

Your guide to understanding public lands, REI Co-op Journal.

Dream bigger dreams than minimalism, Becoming Minimalist. “Minimalism removes physical distractions so my greatest priorities can be elevated. It allows my life to be defined by eternal pursuits, those dreams that will long outlast me, not by the physical possessions in my home.”

30 healthiest things you can order at every major fast food joint, Runners World. Ugh Runners World whhhyyyyyy are you enabling my laziness?? I might get up off my butt to run, but I’d rather take the path of least resistance when it comes to food 😛

Listening: The Ultimate Indie playlist on Spotify. Yeah, go ahead and call me a hipster, I don’t care. Spotify sometimes really hits the bullseye straight-on with their playlists. This one helped me get into a good groove at work, and I particularly love the piano-rich Thom Yorke songs.

[annwritesstuff]

Bonnaroo - Some takeaways

I’ve been MIA on this blog for a few reasons ... One, I don’t like to create content just for content’s sake. Quality over quantity. Two, I’ve had a lot going on. This includes losing my job, applying to new jobs, dealing with my car getting broken into ... And, on a more positive note, going to Bonnaroo!

^Ya girl getting the obligatory Bonnaroo sign pic.

Bonnaroo was an EXPERIENCE, to put it mildly, but just what I needed. I’ve been meaning for a month now to write this post. I have a job now (thankfully), so before things get too crazy with my schedule I’m going to finish writing this damn thing and post it.

You probably already have some idea of what Bonnaroo is. Put simply, it’s a four-day camping music festival held on a farm in Tennessee about 1 hour south of Nashville. Obviously there’s much more to it than that.

I could write several posts about my Bonnaroo experience, but I’ll keep this one brief. Before I went I searched the web for advice for Bonnaroo first-timers. And while I found some helpful articles and message board posts, nothing could have truly prepared me for being there.

As a consumer of online advice, I’d like to contribute some of my own. So, here goes:

I underestimated just about every aspect of Bonnaroo.

My sweet boyfriend who has been to Bonnaroo 12 times tried to prepare me for several aspects of the ‘Roo experience before we went, but in hindsight it’s clear that I accepted his advice with a ton of naïveté. Some examples:

Josh: “It’s going to be hot. Like, really hot.” Me: “I grew up in Texas. I can tolerate the heat!

Oh boy ... Did I woefully underestimate what he meant. Prepare for heat at Bonnaroo as if you’re anticipating getting cooked alive. I grew up in an area that is hot for most of the year, yes. However, I’m used to going inside to A/C when the heat becomes too much. You can’t exactly do that at ‘Roo. If you hold a VIP pass there are opportunities to go into air conditioned tents. BUT, you shouldn’t spend your entire festival experience inside them.

Josh had mentioned to me that he usually wakes up not that long after the sun rises because it becomes so hot in his tent that he can’t stay asleep. THIS IS NOT AN EXAGGERATION! I would say that most nights I was there, I got 4-5 hours of sleep. On these days, I tried to take what opportunities I could to nap during the day.

It rained on Saturday night/Sunday morning, which ushered in cooler temperatures and allowed us to sleep until 10 a.m. This felt amazing!

My advice- Stay hydrated. I brought a four-pack of Hydralyte not thinking I’d actually drink it unless I had a hangover, but I drank it sans hangover and it was a lifesaver! Find and take advantage of the shade. Pace yourself - Don’t stay out in the heat all day and risk becoming burnt out by the time it’s 4 p.m. (more on that later).

Obviously, wear sunscreen. The SPF-30 Target brand stuff I got the day before because it was cheap was really put to the test. I’m a white girl who burns easily, and I’m positive that if I went to ‘Roo sans sunscreen I would’ve come back with melanoma. I didn’t get sunburned, by some grace of god; however I remember thinking I hadn’t been burned but I hadn’t been “sun kissed” either ... It was like I had been aggressively sun hugged. All this is to say that sunscreen saved my skin (pun intended) and anything less than the cheap sunscreen I got wouldn’t have gotten the job done. Next year I’m splurging on Neutrogena SPF-100 with helioplex, baby!

Josh: “There is a lot going on and it’s impossible to do everything.” Me: “OK that’s fine, I don’t have to do everything.”

Do you experience FOMO? Well, if you don’t handle the Fear Of Missing Out well, you will have to deal with it at Bonnaroo. There is always something going on and it’s literally impossible to experience everything; Much less experience as much as possible while also staying hydrated and rested.

The afternoon of Friday, the first full day, Josh was (smartly) napping at our campsite and I couldn’t sleep. Excited and feeling like I had to ~*~*make the most*~*~ of my experience, I headed out to Centeroo, bought a mixed drink and went to see Japanese Breakfast perform.

It was great. Shortly after the set ended, though, I was drunk and exhausted. I wandered to a nearby tree, sat down and decided to close my eyes. I woke up about an hour later. It was 5 p.m.

5 P.M. I still had the whooooole evening and night ahead of me.

Don’t go hard during the day and drain your energy for the night! I would recommend resting during the hottest parts of the day as much as possible, and then venturing to the main attractions once the sun isn’t so high in the sky. Once the sun completely goes down, it’s much easier to be outside. If you’re in Centeroo during the afternoon, don’t feel the need to go hard. Watch concerts from the shade. Don’t overdo it with alcohol. Etc., etc.

Or, you could go hard during the day, then rest at night and miss the headliners. OR, you may be a superhuman who can just do it all. I don’t know your life!  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

If you rest at your tent, you are not wasting time or missing out! You are ensuring that you will have a great time later without literally breaking your body!

Josh: “No, you don’t understand, [reiterates point to me about how brutal the experience can be.]”

He was right. While Josh tried to give me a good idea of what to expect at Bonnaroo, there’s no way I could have learned how to deal with being at Bonnaroo until I was in the middle of the shit being forced to adapt to it then and there. I feel like I can give out all the advice I can think of, but it will only get any future Bonnaroo attendee so far.

Apart from what I’ve already said about pacing yourself, staying hydrated and wearing suncreen,

ALL THAT BEING SAID ...

Bonnaroo 2018 was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. It was the right time. It was the right place. It was the right company of folk. It was exactly what I needed at that moment in my life. I know you’re rolling your eyes right now, but I can’t put into words exactly how it made me feel. On Sunday night I sat watching The Killers, and thought “Nothing else matters right now.” And it was genuine.

I have anxiety and depression. I’ve dealt with it for years. When I thought “Nothing else matters right now,” it was my truth in that moment. It wasn’t something I was trying to tell myself, hoping I’d internalize it and actually believe it. It was the truth. Moments like this, as a person in a seemingly constant battle with her own thoughts, are so rare.

So, go. Risk a sunburn, a hangover, shitty sleep, FOMO, feeling ill-prepared for where you are. Go and experience everything Bonnaroo has to offer- the music, comedy, interesting people, crazy moments and everything a blog post can’t adequately articulate. You’ll get it.

^The remnants of the VIP camping section, Monday morning ...

I might write more at some point, but that’s it for this post. Bonnaroo 2019 begins on MY 28TH BIRTHDAY! I’ll be there. As of this writing, it’s only 337 days away 😊

[annwritesstuff]

Sticks and stones ... and Wolf

Ah ... journalism, comedy and perceived woman-on-woman cat fights ... these are three topics I have an interest in, and they recently intersected in the strangest way at the White House Correspondent's Dinner. As such, I felt the need to offer up my own two cents on the subject.

The White House Correspondent's dinner happened over the weekend, and you've probably heard about the comedy set that's been making waves. With her speech, hostess Michelle Wolf, heretofore best known for being a correspondent on The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, eviscerated President Trump, his cabinet and other big names in politics comedy-roast-style.

View her full remarks here: (Tumblr is being weird and not letting me post videos, so follow this link)

And in case you don't know, the comedy set has basically been the cornerstone of the dinner since 1983. Per ABC news (bold emphasis mine): "Perhaps the most well-known of the dinner’s traditions is the comedy routine. The president delivers the initial, joke-filled speech, followed by the keynote roast by a famous comedian. Recent headliners have included Cecily Strong, Jimmy Kimmel and Jay Leno."

A comedian has roasted the president at this dinner for 35 years. We've elected a President who's used his First Amendment right in a way many would consider non-Presidential, yet many of the same people who prop him up are saying that Wolf went too far with her remarks.

Seriously. A man in an actual position of power can tweet about Mika Brzezinski's "bleeding face lift" (for real, read the Tweet here) and it's fine and dandy, but a comedian makes reference to Sarah Huckabee Sanders using ashes from burning the truth to create a "perfect smoky eye" and people lose their minds.

Is this really that much worse than the jokes Stephen Colbert cracked at the expense of President Bush at the 2006 White House Correspondent's Dinner? "The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will."

Although not every critic of Wolf is a conservative, it seems to me that most people who are upset with Wolf's remarks are on the right. Which I find ... odd. In recent years, many conservatives have built an entire brand on ridiculing "special snowflakes" who are "too offended" and "need a safe space." Those offended by Trump's "pussy grabbing" comments have been told to lighten up - it was just a joke! Locker room talk, duh!

(From Samantha Bee's Twitter page) But suddenly, this "sticks and stones" principal doesn't apply to Wolf's speech. Perfect example, Mike Huckabee. He mocks people who may get "triggered" by the jokes on his show ... But then, wait! He decides there's nothing funny about the jokes made about his daughter! This outrage over a joke is justified!

Translation: Getting offended is stupid and makes you a "special snowflake" - Unless it's me who gets offended!

Locally, Georgia Secretary of State Brian Kemp, who is also running for governor, expressed his disapproval of Wolf's jokes via Twitter:

And, within the last week, Kemp released a campaign ad that depicts him pointing a rifle straight at a guy who wants to date Kemp's daughter. When people expressed disapproval of this ad - even gun owners piped up to say "always assume the gun is loaded and NEVER point it at something or someone you don't intend to shoot!" - the Kemp campaign responded with a statement that said, in part, "get over it."

Here's the ad: (side note: does anyone else find the old "I-will-literally-kill-anyone-who-wants-to-date-my-daughter" trope to be antiquated and creepy?)

Link to ad here.

DID Michelle Wolf's comments go too far? I would argue that no, they didn't. However I respect the opinions of people who say they did. Mr. Huckabee and Mr. Kemp have the right to be offended by Wolf's jokes. I'm not saying you can't be offended. I'm saying that you need to be consistent.

If you tell me to lighten up for disapproving of the President of the United States saying all Haitian immigrants have AIDS, then don't turn around and condemn a comedian for telling jokes at the President's expense.

I'm truly baffled by how strong the negative response has been. So negative, in fact, that many are arguing for an end of the White House Correspondent's Dinner altogether! It would be frustrating if this 19-minute speech with a few jokes some people didn't like would be enough to completely do away with a 97-year-old tradition that's almost never this controversial. That would be the definition of making a mountain out of a molehill.

Michelle Wolf makes jokes about the President that people don't like, so the White House Correspondent's Dinner is axed moving forward. Donald Trump mocks a New York Times reporter with a disability and is elected President.

I think television writer Nell Scovell, who has written for Late Night with David Letterman, put it beautifully in this opinion piece for Vulture:

"'The White House Correspondents’ Dinner is DEAD as we know it,' President Trump tweeted this morning. Margaret Sullivan at the Washington Post agreed and published an op-ed that opens with 'The 2018 White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner should be the last.'

"This strikes me as the wrong response. Yes, the dinner has ballooned to an oddball mix of celebrities and politicians, but there have been moments where comedy allowed speakers to cut to the truth. I’ll never forget the wave of laughter in 2013 after President Obama declared: 'Some folks still don’t think I spend enough time with Congress. ‘Why don’t you get a drink with Mitch McConnell?’ they ask. Really? Why don’t you get a drink with Mitch McConnell?'

"The President calling out the Speaker for not being civil remains my favorite WHCD moment — and I didn’t even write that line.

"Mel Brooks once explained why many of his movies made fun of Adolf Hitler. 'You have to bring him down with ridicule, because if you stand on a soapbox and you match him with rhetoric, you’re just as bad as he is, but if you can make people laugh at him, then you’re one up on him,' he said.

"It’s important to laugh at Mitch McConnell and President Trump and Press Secretary Sanders and all the others that are corrupting democracy. Saying Wolf was vulgar and attacked another woman for her looks is a smoke screen — smokier than Sanders’s smoky eye shadow. These lies ignore Wolf’s very real observation, which is that the president’s press secretary is a fucking liar. Yes, that’s vulgar for me to say. But it’s even more vulgar for her to do."

A point that I realize I haven't really touched on is the pitting of one woman (Wolf) against another (Sanders). Never mind that Wolf went after many people, men and women, with her jokes - including Kellyanne Conway, Mitch McConnell, Anderson Cooper and others. Most of the attention in this controversy has gone to the jokes about Sanders - and I don't think they were any worse than the jokes targeting others. This is because, as Scovell noted in the same piece, our culture loves female cat fights for some reason.

As if this situation isn't disappointing enough, adding the layer of woman-on-woman hate is the cherry on this shit sundae.

For me, this is the lesson here: There is a group that prides itself in being tough and having a "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" attitude and love hectoring "bleeding hearts" who commit the great sin of taking umbrage at offensive things the president says. But the reality is that the big, bad and tough group really isn't so big, bad and tough after all. They can dish out the off-color, "fuck-your-feelings" attitude, but can't take it when it's served back to them. (And what Wolf did is nowhere near on the level of what our President does, but I digress ...)

I hope we all learn something from this. And I hope we have a White House Correspondent's Dinner in 2019. Let's see what that brings.

Related:

Trevor Noah's bit about the fiasco (brilliant)

No, Michelle Wolf didn't joke about Sarah Huckabee Sanders's looks, Vulture

The real reason Michelle Wolf is under attack is because her Sarah Sanders jokes are true, Vox

[annwritesstuff]

Links and stuff - 4/30/18

This is a post with a bunch of links. Some of my favorite bloggers, like Rachel Wilkerson Miller and Kaelah Beauregarde, make weekly posts with links to interesting articles they read during the week. I like that premise, so I’m doing it myself.

35 women tell their story about being assaulted by Bill Cosby, and the culture that wouldn’t listen, The Cut.

Who will stand up for Chikesia Clemons? The Cut.

The 29-year-old hero from Waffle House shooting: 'I saw the opportunity and I took it,’ The Tennessean.

The false criticism of Michelle Wolf, The New Yorker. 

How a genealogy website led to the alleged Golden State Killer, The Atlantic.

What we know about Joseph DeAngelo, the Golden State Killer suspect, The New York Times. SO. INTERESTING.

Whatever happened to those girls who signed “purity pledges”? Hint: It’s not good, BUST Magazine. “Ironically, the very things I was hoping that saving sex for marriage would prevent me from ever feeling were happening to me anyway.”  👏 👏 👏 Oh. My. God. There aren’t enough applause emojis in the world to convey how GLAD I am that this piece was written! Such a weird premium is placed on “sexual purity” (that term makes me want to barf), and it skews WAY more to targeting girls and women. I’m glad this is something people are waking up to in our culture. Hopefully the “YOU’D BETTER STAY A VIRGIN TIL YOU’RE MARRIED OR ELSE!” narrative will fade from sex ed soon.

“Avengers: Infinity War” and the too-many superheroes problem, The New Yorker. I don’t want to sound like a curmudgeon, but I really liked this snarky review of the newest Marvel film because I’m honestly tired of ALL. THE. HYPE. surrounding it. And it’s not Marvel films I have a problem with in particular - it’s this one! “ As Thanos obtains each stone, he pops it into a handy hole in his gauntlet, and soon there is only one stone left to trace; if he can complete the set, he will be master of time, space, reality, and other covetable whatnots. Having once slotted five of the six colored wedges into place, during an intensive session of Trivial Pursuit, I know just how Thanos feels.”

Dating a good guy after a toxic relationship, Kris Gage for Medium. This piece is almost a year old but I still see people reposting it. Read, and you’ll understand why.

[annwritesstuff]

I like my job: Word vomit on a recent, positive career experience

I just had the opportunity to help cover a high-profile trial - And this reignited my love for my career.

I wouldn't call my job "hard" compared to other jobs out there that really are hard, like medicine, law enforcement, the military, etc. But there are days when I have a hard time and second guess the career path I've chosen. "Is this the best place for me?" "Am I cut out for this?" "Do I even like this?"

These thoughts sometimes send me into a spiral of anxiety as I wonder - "But if I don't work in journalism, what will I do? This is what I've done for my whole professional career! Do I start over from square one? Go back to school? Find a career that's journalism-adjacent? What if I'm not good at my new job? What if I never find what I'm good at?"

Although it hasn't been easy (or glamorous, or high-paying), I feel lucky to have been able to stay in the journalism field for nearly five years. And while I've come very close to moving to another industry, I feel staying in journalism has ultimately been rewarding; especially thanks to experiences like the one I just had at the Tex McIver trial.

Knowing that you're helping to disseminate information that many people want is exciting - and I don't mean for that to sound trite. Emailing updates back to the newsroom was a rush, but I still felt the heavy responsibility of being the courier of a message that needed to be handled with care and gravity.

It's a strange balance. In one instance during my first year as a breaking news reporter, I reported on a major fire and watched a large furniture store burn to the ground. It was "exciting" to be there and let people know what was happening, but I cringed when I saw another reporter taking a selfie in front of the flames. It's not "exciting" in that way.

Anyway ... Being in the middle of newsworthy activity was a reminder to me of why I chose this profession and why I've stayed. Another such reminder was being around other reporters.

For the duration of the McIver trial, media personnel were offered a "media room" to work in at the Fulton County Courthouse. It was a place where we could set up our laptops and streaming equipment, take and make phone calls, and not worry about breaking the decorum of the courtroom. The space, which usually serves as a judge's break room, was equipped with folding tables, power strips and a widescreen TV at the front that played a live stream of the trial. We were free to come and go from the courtroom as we pleased, but most opted to stay in the media room out of convenience.

I enjoyed spending hours in that room with other media folk. All mediums were represented - print, TV, radio, wire service. You may expect this meeting to go something like this:

The sense of competition wasn't lost, but I felt that a "we're-all-in-this-together" sentiment was stronger. We weren't in cahoots but we did help each other in some ways - with spellings, deciphering legalese, figuring out which witnesses would talk, which would likely tell us to F off, etc.

Someone brought in cupcakes for the media room when a radio personality had her birthday.

We also commiserated with each other about shared pains and experiences.

"My wife is a doctor. I don't have to work, but I do."

"I approached this woman for an interview years ago and she's still mad about it.”

"Witnessing an execution is strange."

I think anyone could relate to, well, how great it is to relate to others and feel understood. As a journalist, you make little money. You often piss people off. You sometimes have to report on macabre subjects. The people in the media room got this.

^Pic I took, awaiting a press conference after we learned the verdict.

If anything's true about journalism, it's that you won't be Woodward and Bernstein every day. You'll likely be Jim Carrey's character in Bruce Almighty reporting from Niagra Falls most of the time (severity of mental breakdown will vary :-P ... OK, maybe this is only applicable to me).

It's the occasional McIver trial-like experiences that only come once every so often that make this profession worth it to me. I can't predict the future and don't know if this is always how I feel ... Maybe I will eventually move on to something else. But, for now, this is where I should be.

It’s a much-welcomed peace.

[annwritesstuff]

The life I was given vs. the one I think I should have

I never meant for it to turn out this way, but I’ve had several boyfriends and have “dated” more guys on a less serious level.

And - I never meant for this to happen, either - since January of last year I’ve been through three break-ups.

Three times have things ended with men whom I thought I had major promise. That’s three times that I’ve had to have tough conversations with my boyfriend, come to the conclusion that this isn’t working, end the relationship, cry too much, eat too much, sleep too much, become a social recluse; until I pick myself back up again and meet a new promising guy.

Well, needless to say, this routine is exhausting.

I don’t enter into a serious relationship unless I could see the relationship, realistically, leading to marriage. I don’t mean that I expect to get married to every boyfriend I have; I just mean that if I meet someone and think, “he’s nice, smart, attractive, etc. but I don’t think I’d ever marry him ...” then I won’t enter into a romantic relationship with that person.

I’m not meaning to talk badly about any of my recent ex-boyfriends. They’re good men, we just weren’t right for each other. The women who the three end up marrying (if they choose to do that) will be lucky. But trying to make me plus ex 1, ex 2, or ex 3 work is like putting together a square peg with a round hole. Different personalities that just can’t sync up. I tried to “make things work,” until I realized that sometimes there is no “making things work.” Sometimes, your idea of “making things work” and the other person’s idea of “making things work” is completely different - and compromise in which both people are happy isn’t possible. It’s completely subjective - and that’s OK. Sometimes the only way to “take the relationship to the next level” is to end it altogether. Maybe the “next level” is just friendship. Maybe it’s acquaintanceship.

I have friends who are married. I have friends who are married with kids. I’m happy for them, but I’m going to be honest ... Sometimes I look through my Facebook, Instagram, Twitter feeds and get sad. I see happy engagement pictures, beautiful weddings, elated pregnancy announcements, cute gender reveals, overjoyed “BABY IS HERE!” posts, month-by-month posts of “So-and-so baby is five months now! He loves looking in the mirror and clapping to music! He still keeps mommy and daddy up at night!”

Sometimes it’s my self defense to inwardly roll my eyes and think something like, “Being single is the best! Last week I got so drunk that I threw up in the street! Couldn’t do that if I were married!” (side note - NOT FUN. WOULD NOT RECOMMEND.), or “Meh, good for them, but being pregnant sounds awful. I’ll take fitting into my clothes and not barfing every morning,” or “Glad a baby isn’t waking me up in the middle of the night.” Those are only things I tell myself to make myself feel better, because in truth, I really want those things.

I enjoy keeping up with my friends’ lives. But every time I see a post like that, as much as I try NOT to feel like this, I always feel a little inward sting and think, “man, when will it happen for me? What am I doing wrong that my friends did right?”

I don’t want these experiences for the social media posts. I truly want the experiences.

And, yes, I know that what I see on social media doesn’t tell the whole story by any means. Marriage is hard work. Kids, for damn sure, are hard work. It’s hard work I want to take on.

One of my favoritest ever blogs, “Sometimes, Always, Never” has A LOT to say on this topic. I’ve found these words to be so helpful:

“If you've been around this blog enough, you know I quit dating for a while before I met my husband. This was an essential step for me to break free from the idol that marriage had become.I also had to break free from the future I'd planned, the concern that my ovaries were going out of commission and the belief that my life would begin when I met my husband. Those things are lies and those lies will suffocate you. They will take all of the joy out of this season of life. They will paralyze you, give you anxiety and make you panic every time you near your birthday. I've learned lately that singleness isn't the only thing that will do this to you. Every step throughout our lives has the power to make us believe we are behind -  but only if we let it. As we enter into our second year of marriage and begin discussing a house and a family, it would be easy to lose touch with the phase we're currently in. It is tempting to look to that future with wanting eyes, feeling stuck in our rental.  But we aren't going to do that this time around. I've learned we have to let go of the lives we thought we'd have in order to embrace the lives we are meant to have.”

(I may or may not have stolen the title of this post from Sometimes, Always, Never ... hehe)

Since my most recent breakup, a couple friends have reached out to me and shared a little about their divorces. I know marriage isn’t the best option for every couple. I know marriage doesn’t necessarily mean “happily ever after.” My friends were kind enough to share how they got through and continue to get through their incredibly difficult divorces. I consider these friends of mine to have successful and productive lives.

I was recently texting a good friend, ruminating about my heartbreak. He replied, “Rear view mirror. Bigger and better things ahead.”

Of the choices I have on how to view the future, this is the best I have. I mourn my past relationships because I had such high hopes for them. But at this point, I can only push forward. I’ll find someone “better” not because they’re a “better person,” but because we will be better fits for each other. I can’t find him if I give up on looking.

That being said - I’m taking a break from romance for a while 😛 I’m going to live my life. My life isn’t going to “begin” when I meet my future husband. It’s happening now.

[annwritesstuff]

Law enforcement investigations and public opinion in the information age

“There’s a much bigger story here that we aren’t being told.”

The above quote is part of a tweet written by a semi-well-known conservative blogger about the information, and lack of information surrounding the 2017 Las Vegas shooting that’s available to the public.

The blogger has implied, through blog posts and social media posts, that information is being withheld from the public for nefarious reasons. I’m here to say, though, that there are likely good reasons why we don’t have all the information yet.

I’m not, and never have been, a law enforcement officer. However in my nearly five years working in journalism, I’ve had the opportunity to interview officers in just about every area of law enforcement - from police, to sheriff’s deputies, to highway patrol troopers, to bailiffs, to jailers and more. I’ve talked to LEOs about specific crimes, criminal investigations, and the nature of their jobs. It was eye-opening. This isn’t to say that I now agree with every single law enforcement officer ‘s actions 100 percent of the time - I don’t. But I feel like my position as a police and fire reporter helped me understand why police do certain things a certain way; and that understanding has helped me to be a better informed journalist AND citizen.

The news cycle has changed drastically in the recent past. No longer do we get our news from a weekly, 10-minute broadcast played in a theater; or watch a daily, 15-minute report. The news cycle is 24 hours. There are several outlets choose from, all of which compete with each other for viewers and readers.

Consumers of media today are used to instant gratification. If something happens, people want the who, what, when, where and why immediately. They want updates as the action happens.

That’s partly why delivering news via social media has taken off - Updates can be delivered quickly in a simple tweet.

The thing is, the timelines of the news cycle and of criminal investigations don’t always sync up. In fact, they rarely do.

I believe the immediacy of the news cycle, abundance of information available to us at all times, and shows like Law and Order in which a crime is solved within an hour are all factors that contribute to members of the public not wanting to wait for information about a criminal investigation.

On Oct. 1, 2017, 58 people were shot and killed while attending a concert on the Las Vegas strip. Hundreds were injured, either from gunshots or being trampled in the panic that ensued. The gunman, who was shooting from his suite on the 32nd room of the Mandalay Bay Hotel, eventually killed himself.

The facts available in this case are mind-boggling. Very little is known about the background of the shooter. He was well-off. He had no known ties to terrorist organizations. No one in his life who has spoken to the media can fathom why he did this. Somehow, the shooter managed to stockpile an arsenal of 24 firearms in his hotel room in the days leading up to the shooting.

To this day, it’s unclear why and how the shooter managed to pull all of this off.

The shooting is maddening and sickening. The fact that there are so many unknowns only adds to the frustration.

People want answers to the scores of questions that accompany this tragedy. That’s perfectly reasonable. They’re questions we should be asking and should be trying to answer.

However, what’s not reasonable is expecting law enforcement to immediately divulge every detail of their investigation to the public.

The conservative blogger I quoted at the beginning of this post is flipping tables over the fact that so many questions are unanswered. Why have no surveillance camera images of the shooter been released? How did one guy manage to do so much damage? How did no one notice he was hoarding guns in his hotel room?

Fact: Every detail of a criminal investigation cannot be revealed to the public while the investigation is ongoing. Details that only the shooter, or those working closely with the shooter, would know should absolutely not be spread in order to increase the chances of identifying those who may have been involved. (And investigators have hinted that they don’t believe the shooter acted alone.) Furthermore, releasing too much information may taint the jury pool of any potential future trial. So there are actually really good reasons for not revealing too much information.

Fact. Some crimes take years to solve. Consider the disappearance of Tara Grinstead. Her case remained cold for 12 years, until just last year someone came forward with information that led to two arrests. (I’d wager that the woman who came forward, who was the girlfriend of one of the suspects, probably knew some information about the crime that hadn’t been released to the public, thus making her tip more credible). There’s also the disappearance of the Lyon sisters - This case took 42 years to solve. The Phoenix freeway shootings from 2015 still haven’t been solved. I know these incidents aren’t exactly the same as the Las Vegas shooting; but I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that it may take longer than a few months to solve a mass shooting - especially the deadliest mass shooting in recent U.S. history. It could take years or even decades before the case is closed.

Fact. Many crimes don’t have a sensible explanation. “None of this makes any sense.” This is one statement from the blogger I agree with. The crime makes no sense. And the sad thing is, many crimes don’t. Often, the most heinous of crimes are committed for no other reason than human depravity.

It’s normal to want to find a reason for a terrible event. But sometimes the explanation is as simple as this - people can be evil.

Also, more information has been released than you may realize. For example, this 81-page preliminary investigative report from the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department is available in its entirety online. It details police’s findings, has diagrams and several pictures of evidence.

And while the blogger keeps saying that the shooting “isn’t getting any coverage,” a simple Google search proves otherwise - CNN reported just yesterday the results of the shooter’s autopsy.

The Las Vegas Review Journal has actually had great, thorough coverage of the shooting. Editor-in-chief Keith Moyer had an awesome clap-back tweet to the blogger:

(Yes, I took out the blogger’s Twitter handle because he’s obnoxious and doesn’t need more attention/traffic to his site. But a quick Google search will tell you who he is.)

I hope we get every answer to our unanswered questions about this horrific shooting - to give closure to those affected and to better understand how to prevent something like this from happening again. But don’t automatically cry “conspiracy” if we don’t get our answers right away.

[annwritesstuff]

One month (mostly) vegan: Impressions

Yesterday was the last day of VEGANuary, "a New Years resolution fad where someone decides to only eat vegan meals for the month of January. Some people try Veganuary for health reasons, to get fit, or to mix up their regular diet. Others try Veganuary to reduce the suffering of animals." (Thanks, Urban Dictionary)

I've been intrigued by vegetarian diets since I was a kid, and have been interested in veganism for the last few years. I've experimented with vegan cooking and baking in the past, but never committed to eating vegan long-term.

On Thanksgiving I had an interesting conversation with my boyfriend's mom about vegan diets. She's been a vegan for a few years now and couldn't speak highly enough about the health benefits. This got me thinking a bit more about veganism and wondering if I should give it a serious try.

Toward the middle of December I realized January would be a great time to try out this way of eating. I discovered "Veganuary" through Googling, and decided to go ahead and dive in on Jan. 1.

Today, I've decided that VEGANuary was an overall positive experience, and I plan to cook and eat mostly vegan in the future. (I'll be more lenient when I'm in situations where eating vegan would be more difficult ... e.g. out with friends, family, etc.).

I know, I know.

You're rolling your eyes right now. God forbid I become like this:

Or this:

But I promise you, I'm a reasonable person who hasn't lost her damn mind. I’m not interested in getting other people to eat vegan. I don’t want this post to come across as preachy, confrontational, attacking anyone, etc.

These are the sound reasons I'm going to keep eating this way:

I feel better.

I really do. Certain things I had learned to just put up with - like bad menstrual cramps (sorry if that's TMI) and feeling drained of energy in the late afternoon - have basically been resolved. The oiliness of my skin has gone waaaay down. I'm tempted to drink a Red Bull around 3 p.m. not because I feel like I'll fall asleep at any minute but because I like the taste (yes, Red Bull is vegan and yes, this is a habit I need to break). I know correlation doesn't necessarily equal causation. But what a coincidence that these annoyances I had just accepted as normal are suddenly gone, right?

I cook more.

When I was an omnivore, AT LEAST half of my diet was fast food/from a restaurant. It was hard to will myself to cook when I knew I could just drive three minutes and get a Publix sub. I'm much less tempted to go to a drive-thru knowing that there's likely nothing there that's vegan. This month I cooked the vast majority of my meals. There are so many reasons why this is beneficial - it's healthier, it saved money, and I find cooking and baking therapeutic.

^Exhibit A: A BBQ chickpea salad I made. I’ve had a few of these recently. Yum!

I'm glad that I'm not eating something coming from intensive livestock production. Simple enough.

My answers to comments/questions/concerns/etc.: (this is the only post in which I’ll do this)

Veganism isn't healthy. Any diet can be unhealthy. Sure, veganism is unhealthy if you're not careful, or if you only eat Oreos and potato chips. My diet isn't perfect, but it's healthier than it was before VEGANuary. And I supplement to make sure I'm getting enough protein and B12.

Where do you get your protein? Plants, mostly; and pea protein powder from Trader Joe's.

Don't you miss meat and cheese? No TBH.

But, b-b-b-b-but, BACON! But watch this.

Vegan food is gross. Any kind of food can be gross. I've made some really delicious vegan food over the last month, which I could dedicate a whole post to!

Going vegan would be so hard! Actually ...

You have canine teeth and humans have been eating meat since the dawn of time. OK. I still want to be vegan.

Are you a member of PETA now? No.

You must be all thin and sickly/have an eating disorder. The scale didn't budge at all this month because I wasn't doing this for weight loss. & my eating isn't disordered. I eat three square meals a day and do quite a bit of snacking.

ALL THAT SAID

I don't intend to make the way I eat my entire personality. It's just the way I eat. It works for me, and I know different things work for different people.

:-)

[annwritesstuff]

The importance of discussion, listening and trying to understand

For a couple years in college, I was a member of a partisan political group on campus. I'm not going to specify which group, because 1) I don't align myself with that party (or any party) anymore, and 2) which group it is specifically isn't important to the overall message I'm trying to convey.

In 2009 I was a freshman at the University of North Texas. I didn't know many people on campus. I wanted a place to fit in. I had enjoyed following the 2008 election my senior year of high school, and I thought having political knowledge gave me a leg up on most people my age, since most teenagers seemed to not have (or care to have) a working knowledge of public affairs.

I would also describe myself during the ages of 12 to 23 as experiencing an ongoing identity crisis. (Anyone who knew me in middle school might remember how I was a cheerleader in seventh grade, then did a 180 and was goth in eighth grade. HAHA. Uuuggghhh ... If you want to play "awkward adolescence bingo," I can check every box.)

So, I joined the campus political group. For a while, it filled a void in my life. It gave me causes to care about. I had friends and events to attend. The more I active I was, the more approval I got from others in the group. This approval was something I craved. It felt good. And best of all, I felt like I was contributing to a cause that mattered. This group I was in was so right, and the opposing group was so wrong, and I was helping in the fight to literally save American ideals! However. I encountered a problem in the group - a problem that I've identified in other groups and that I believe to be pervasive in many aspects of society. Many times, instead of listening to a different opinion or even trying to understand it, I felt people in my group would proverbially plug their ears and go "LA LA LA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

I remember a single event making this very apparent.

Partway through my sophomore year of college, I changed my major to journalism and began writing for the university newspaper. Reconciling my membership in the political group and my position at the paper presented me with a challenge. As a writer for the paper, I couldn't be as vocal about my opinions. I couldn't participate in demonstrations and protests. My editors at the paper knew my political affiliation and reminded me of the importance of objectivity.

One day during my junior year I was at a newspaper meeting in which writers pitched potential stories for the upcoming week. Someone mentioned that a group from our university would be marching at the capital in Austin to raise awareness for a cause. I'm being vague again, but the reason for the march was an emotional, hot-button cause that has very clear sides. Needless to say, the group I belonged to was on one side of the cause, and the group that was marching was on the other side.

I'm from the Austin area, and that very same weekend I happened to have plans to be in Austin to see my family. I wanted to prove to my newspaper coworkers that I could set aside politics and cover an event objectively. So I enthusiastically volunteered to go and write an article.

I went to the march, stayed for quite a while and interviewed several people. It was an exceptionally hot day, and I remember the sun beating down and beads of sweat rolling down my back. I talked to the woman who was one of the organizers of the opposing group. Admittedly, I had been scared of her - Maybe because our group had demonized hers for so long. I saw them as vicious and uncaring. But when I asked her my pre-written questions about the event, I was struck by how kind she was, and ... how reasonable her answers seemed.

My opinion on the issue wasn't changed. I wasn't tempted to switch sides. But, I understood where she was coming from.

The resulting article gained praise from the faculty sponsor of the newspaper. I think it helped boost my credibility there.

Upon my return to campus, I mentioned to a friend and fellow member of the political group that I had covered the march. The friend grimaced. He said he couldn't believe I had gone to the event, even if it was to objectively report on what happened. I told him it was an important assignment and that I had to set aside my personal ideology to fulfill it - My attendance had nothing to do with what *I* personally thought of the issue.

"I would've turned it down," he said.

I remember feeling my heart sink and wondering if he was right; if I should have refused to cover the march. I would've gotten more validation from the members of my group. I would've still fit in.

Nearly a decade later, I'm so glad I covered the march, even if it provoked the ire of my political peers.

Talking to members of the opposing group, I learned an important lesson: to not demonize people who think differently than you. Don't become so entrenched in one point of view that you refuse to even hear the reasons why people might think differently.

I feel like, in today's political climate, there's so much pressure to pick a side. And once you pick which side you're on, you're bombarded with messages about how "bad" the other group is. About the supposed damage they're doing. You may even be told they hate America and want to destroy it.

Looking back, my participation in the college group wasn't inherently bad. I had a lot of fun with that group. I learned so much about the legislative process, not just in Texas but in other states and nationally as well - Knowledge I've carried with me to my journalism career that's proved useful.

That being said, the group reinforced an "us vs. them" way of thinking that I believe to be really toxic. No wonder the American public seems so divided. I ask, is this divide a good thing?

I'm not picking on the group I belonged to. Members of other groups, beliefs and ideologies are guilty as well.

Ultimately, I'm thankful that I changed my major to journalism for many reasons. Perhaps the biggest is that I had to step back from one ideology and look at the big picture. I had to consider and understand viewpoints that are different from mine.

Asking questions is important. Trying to understand is important. Respecting others is important.

You can have a conversation with someone completely ideologically opposed to you, ask them questions and understand why they believe the way you do - And it doesn't mean you have to change your mind.

Today, I'm happy, and often relieved, to be objective. Politics is ugly. It seems especially ugly now - Which is why, I think, objective media is also especially important right now. I hope that among all of the marches and demonstrations, debates, and keyboard Facebook arguments, that there can be fewer yelling arguments and more nuanced discussions ... And more respect all around.

Related: The us vs. them mentality: How group thinking can irrationally divide us

Semi-related: The Butter Battle Book by Dr. Seuss. The TV special, animated by the vastly underrated Ralph Bakshi, is on YouTube in its entirety.

[annwritesstuff]

How not to respond to criticism

(I was supposed to be at a gathering with friends tonight, but instead I’m home because I have a canker sore in the back of my mouth that’s making it painful to eat and talk ... so it’s blogging time! Really hoping this medication kicks in soon 🤞...)

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’re probably familiar with a controversy that’s been brewing over the last week and recently turned into an all-out shitstorm. An online publication known as “babe.net,” which was previously unknown to most people, sought out a woman who went on a date with a celebrity and claims to have been sexually assaulted during said date. A reporter at “babe” wrote a tell-all piece about it meant to contribute to the #MeToo movement.

I don’t want to repeat the name of the celebrity and the pseudonym of the victim - they’ve been circulated enough.

There are many aspects of the article and events that happened after its publication that have sparked controversy. Was the encounter actually sexual assault? Should the article have even been published? Should the victim have done anything different? How much culpability does each party have? Etc.

Because I work in the news industry I try to refrain from posting my opinions on controversial matters. I don’t want to publicly weigh in on what happened during the “date” - that’s already been done many times over, and it’s not my place to do so.

However, I saw the reporter’s response to criticism from HLN anchor (and all-around awesome, accomplished journalist) Ashleigh Banfield and got mad.

Meet Katie Way. She’s 22 and has been a staff writer for babe.net since October. According to her LinkedIn page, she already has an impressive resume - she holds a bachelor’s degree from Northwestern and interned at Rolling Stone, among other accomplishments.

She also has a boatload of hubris and what seems like an inability to learn from mistakes.

Way is the one who penned the controversial article. She has said she stands by the article and would write it all over again. She also seems completely unable to take criticism from those in the industry who, ahem, have much more experience in this realm. When faced with valid critiques of her process and work, Way digs in her heels AND needlessly insults the critic instead of humbling herself and treating this as a learning opportunity.

Meet Ashleigh Banfield. She’s 50 and has worked in journalism for longer than Way has been alive -- And what a hell of a career she’s had. She happened to be in New York City on September 11, 2001. As people fled for their lives, Banfield stayed in the midst of the chaos to report on what was going on. She remained downtown as the twin towers fell. A couple years later, she traveled to Afghanistan and interviewed prisoners of the Taliban. Banfield risked her career by speaking out against media coverage of the Iraq war and faced retaliation from industry higher-ups. She survived the setbacks and has her own show on HLN called “Crime & Justice with Ashleigh Banfield.”

Banfield read the babe.net article and had this to say:

Way responded to Banfield in an email that’s so tone-deaf I don’t even know where to begin in picking it apart.

“... someone I’m certain no one under the age of 45 has heard of,” One, I can guarantee that more people have heard of Ashleigh Banfield than have heard of Way or babe.net. This includes plenty of people younger than 45 - myself included. Two, the dig at Banfield’s age is completely unnecessary. I’m sure Way hates being called young and naive (even though she’s more than living up to the “young and naive” stereotype in this email).

“... I hope the ~500 RTs on the single news write-up made that burgundy lipstick bad highlights second-wave feminist has-been really relevant for a little while.” 

...

Girl.

GIIIIIIRL.

I just can’t. Just ... UGH. The email in its entirety is a problem, but, in my opinion, any credibility Way may have had was thrown out the window with these childish, ad hominem attacks on Ashleigh Banfield’s LOOKS. Why bring her lipstick and highlights into the conversation at all? The only explanation I have is that Way is childish. She can’t engage in a nuanced discussion. She instead wants to name call.

Might as well have just said, “I know you are, but what am I?!”

And a simple Google search would have revealed that Banfield is nowhere near a has-been. ... But thorough research doesn’t exactly appear to be Way’s strong suit.

“I’m 22 and so far, not too shabby!” She’s 22 and seems to not understand that notoriety ≠ success.

I stick up for us millennials a lot, because I think we get undue criticism. I’m talking about jabs like, “Avocado toast is why millennials can’t afford to buy houses!” And the weird way older generations sometimes accuse millennials of “ruining” things, like Applebee’s (if the neighborhood grill is going under then it’s the free market at work, yo) and even sex (maybe millennials are refraining from sex because, um, kids cost money?).

But damn if Katie Way doesn’t seem to fulfill every negative millennial stereotype. Nick Sette hit the nail on the head with this tweet:

Katie Way’s email makes me angry for multiple reasons. She refuses to look critically at herself and her work. She unnecessarily attacks a fellow woman on her age and looks while also claiming to be a feminist. She demonstrates how childish she is, giving fuel to those who put down millennials.

Fellow millennials - we all need to learn from this as an example of what not to do. Millennials may have ruined Applebee’s and sex - Let’s not ruin journalism and public discourse too.

Related reading: “Babe” turns a movement into a racket, The Atlantic.

The importance of giving a f*ck: Babe is for girls who don’t give a fuck, but #MeToo is for women who do, by my awesome friend Blaire

[annwritesstuff]

Up and Running

"Keith Richards outlived Jim Fixx, the runner and health nut. The plot thickens. You remember Jim Fixx? This human cipher used to write books on jogging. Now, what do you f*ckin' write about jogging? 'Right foot, left foot, faster, faster, oh hell, I dunno, go home, shower.' Pretty much covers the jogging experience, I do believe. Then this doofus goes out and has a heart attack and dies... while jogging. There is a God. 'Right foot, left foot, hemorrhage.'" - Bill Hicks I never thought I would run for fun. Ever.

On Sunday, I ran a local 5K and did better than I was expecting to. My goal was to finish the race in under 40 minutes, taking into consideration the factors that were SURE to slow me down: I run at a snail's pace, I'm not a morning person and I'm a HUGE wuss when it comes to the cold. Start time was 8 a.m. - very early for me. The temperature was 22 degrees Fahrenheit.

Though it was painfully early and colder than I can usually tolerate, I finished in 31 minutes, 37 seconds ... A personal record. A couple days later, I joined the Atlanta Track Club.

I'm proud of myself but haven't been able to stop wondering, "How did this happen?"

Growing up, I wasn't athletic.

Like, at all.

I could write a paragraph on my failed attempts at sports that spanned elementary school through college, but, ahh ... let's not.

I started running right after I graduated college. At the time, I was in a very toxic relationship with my then-boyfriend, who I lived with. I had an hour-long commute to work. I always felt tired. I did no type of physical activity and tried to eat "paleo," but really just overate bacon and raw almonds.

I wasn't happy. I wasn't healthy. The thought of exercise was severely intimidating.

At one point, I saw a doctor after having a panic attack. She put me on medication and gave me several instructions. Among them, she urged me to do some kind of physical exercise daily.

"Even if it's just some jumping jacks," she said. A doctor had ordered me to work out, but I didn't know where to begin. It would be months before I actually started exercising.

I don't remember what triggered it, but one day I told myself "screw it" and decided to try jogging. There was a small duck pond behind our apartment complex in Addison, Texas, with a fountain in the middle and a sidewalk circling the water. I put on my long-neglected athletic wear and made the three-minute walk to the pond, surrounded by highly manicured landscaping and McMansions. I downloaded the Couch-to-5k app, turned on the Lively Show podcast, and put one foot in front of the other, going in circles around the pond.

^Me, 22, after one of my first jogs on the deck of the duck pond.

What started as a "hey, might as well try this!" spur-of-the-moment jog developed into a consistent routine. After work and on the weekends, I would walk out to the duck pond and do my walking and jogging intervals. These jogging breaks were meditative.

I began jogging in the spring. By the summer, I was jogging on a regular schedule and had the clarity of mind to leave my abusive ex and move to Sherman, the city where my job was located.

I was 22 at the time. Believe it or not, this is when I count my life as really beginning. It's when I started taking control of who I was and what I wanted to do - as corny as it sounds. While jogging wasn't the sole cause of this change, it was a big part of it.

I kept up jogging in Sherman. I loved running through the historic downtown neighborhood with Victorian houses, past the Art Deco Grayson County courthouse, up and down the streets on the square dotted with pawn shops and little restaurants. By December I was in a much better headspace -- Which I attribute to the jogging, counseling, healthier eating and gaining independence.

In 2017, I spent 18 hours running what totaled about 90 miles, according to my Map My Fitness app. I plan on increasing the hours and miles this year - So far I've spent a little over one hour running 4.5 miles.

My Atlanta Track Club membership comes with guaranteed entry into the Peachtree Road Race - a 10K and, as a friend described it, "an Atlanta tradition." The thought of running a 10K is intimidating. While I probably won't run the whole thing, I intend on showing up and giving it my best shot. I at least have several months to prepare.

Running at all used to be intimidating.

I want to say the corny line, "If I can do it, you can do it." I love running for this reason: it's easy to start.

It really is. The biggest roadblock to getting started is mental.

You don't need equipment. You don't need a gym membership. You don't need to follow complicated instructions or choreography.

You need to want to start. You need a place to run (a park, neighborhood sidewalks, tracks and/or a treadmill is perfect) and clothes to run in (if you have athleisure wear and sneakers, you're gold).

I bring along my phone and earbuds. There are several helpful apps that can help you get started - like Couch to 5K, which I can't praise enough. I love listening to music, audiobooks and podcasts.

Don't worry about running techniques. Just go outside and put one foot in front of another. Run until you can't do it anymore, and then walk. When you think you have the energy to run again, then run a bit more.

Repeat.

Do this even if you can only run for 30 seconds at a time, and have to walk for five minutes to catch your breath. It can be tedious in the beginning. It was for me. But after a while, my body started to crave a run if I hadn't done it in a while.

If I die like Jim Fixx, I'm cool with it.

[annwritesstuff]

But I’m cracking like a coconut anyway

It’s Halloween night (it will probably be Nov. 1 by the time I finish this) and I should be asleep, but I’m not. Instead, I’m up and sitting on my futon, thinking about 1) how little I write for fun anymore, and 2) a song I heard a band perform live when I was in college.

Does your brain ever bring forth certain memories, and you’re not sure why? Like, if your memories are index cards and your brain is a filing cabinet, it’s like some extension of yourself jumbled them all up and picked one at random for you to focus on. Well, I’ve been thinking a lot recently about this band I discovered in college, Mister Heavenly. MH started as a side project of three artists from three separate bands -- Honus Honus of the band, Man Man, Nicholas Thorburn of Islands and the Unicorns and Joe Plummer of Modest Mouse and The Shins. For a short while, Michael Cera toured with them and played bass. They released their first album, Out of Love, in 2011.

Mister Heavenly came through Denton, Texas -- the town in which I attended college -- shortly after the release of Out of Love. I saw them play at the now-defunct Hailey’s bar and club with my then-boyfriend and roommate.

Michael Cera wasn’t at the show. But the other three killed it. I remember Fat Tony opened and Honus Honus wore a poncho.

For a lot of my life, I felt like I knew who I wanted to be, but was not that person. I couldn’t put abstract thoughts and feelings into tangible actions. There was a disconnect between what I thought and what I did. This concert was probably a prime example of when that feeling crystallized. 

I wanted to be a laid-back concert-goer, but I just wasn’t. There were a lot of things I wanted to be that I was not and I didn’t know how to get there. Buying an orange-colored Out of Love LP in the back of the concert hall, I remember musing about how I probably had the merch guy fooled.

Six years later, I feel like who I want to be and who I actually am are finally the same most of the time.

Yes, this is more pretentious, introspective bullshit from a 26-year-old who has a blip’s worth of life experience. I want to get better at writing and, as they say ... WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW. And if I know anything, it’s my own thoughts and experiences.

The Mister Heavenly song, “Wise Men,” has been playing on loop in my head recently. I had never paid much attention to the lyrics until a few days ago:

Wise men don't know nothin' About the way I feel And how my heart heals

And I try so hard to keep my head on straight But I'm cracking like a coconut anyway And I'll throw caution to the wind Rattle around in your cauldron again But if you're standing in the wings Please don't wake me up

Wise men don't know nothin' About the way I feel And how my heart heals

And I try so hard to keep my head on straight My brain obeys but my body betrays me every day And i'll throw caution to the wind Bury my love inside quick dryin' cement Swim across this bottomless ocean But if you're standing on the shores Please don't wake me up