anonymuseing

[anonymuseing]

Apathy is not attractive

Friends have been sharing dating stories--the hits and the misses and the 'bullet dodges'. One thing we've all experienced and came to a consensus on is the idea of what 'showing up' means and how we've noticed people have become more and more apathetic toward dating nowadays.

Apathy isn't an attractive trait.

Your friend (or date) invites you to an event, possibly as their +1. They're really into whatever the activity or event at-hand is. Board games? Trivia night? Bingo? A family gathering? Whatever the heck it is, showing up for your friend/date means more than just being physically present. If everyone else is involved in the festivities, but you're the guy doom-scrolling through Instagram or whatever it is--you're the problem. You can be on your phone any other time and you won't give your friend/date/partner the what, 4-8 hours it takes to be truly present in whatever it is that they care about? Maybe it's not even a +1 situation--maybe you're on a coffee date or a lunch date and they've got their phone tucked away in their bag but you're the one with it in your hands, looking for memes. Again, you're the problem. They're choosing to be present in all senses of the word and you are not. If you're not going to match that energy, leave them alone. Go scroll away all alone in your room because you're being a massive drag on them.

"I have social anxiety, I need my phone"--bullshit. Social anxiety existed before smart phones. Know what people did back then? They either chose not to go, or they sucked it up and committed to 4-8 hours of being uncomfortable in order to make their partner feel appreciated. Your social anxiety is your problem--and as an adult, it's your responsibility to figure out how to manage it. It shouldn't become your friend/date/partner's embarrassment. You don't have to be the most social guy at the party--but be present, for crying out loud. Showing up to benefit from the food table but not engaging anyone in conversation and not showing any interest in anything actually there makes you the asshole. If you know that you're the type to check out at these things, discuss it beforehand with your friend/date/partner and come to a mutual agreement on what needs to happen. It is far better for you and your partner to agree that you do not show up, than for you to be checked out and embarrass them or make things awkward at these events. And if this is a regular pattern, if you're going to be checked out of absolutely everything that they want to go to…then why are you dating? Do them a favour and take yourself out of the dating pool. They deserve someone that will show up for them--and that means more than someone that is willing to be physically at the thing.

This goes for planning too. If your friend/date/partner is trying to organize time to hang out and you're either mindlessly agreeing or you're involved in the planning and you agree to the time, place, activity--show up. Flaking out is not an attractive quality. If you agreed to go to an escape room and then the day of everyone's there and you're not and you have 3+ people trying to reach you, only for you to pick up and choose to cancel at that moment--you're the asshole. You agreed to go. They're short one person and one share of payment for the experience. Pretty much the only acceptable reason(s) to flake out literally right as plans are underway is if someone in your family has died or is in the hospital or is extremely sick and absolutely needs you…or maybe car/transportation troubles or something. Death, accident, injury, freak happening--yes, friends understand…but you need to give them an explanation. If you're flaking out because you decided that you'd rather nap or level grind--you're the asshole. Blowing off already-agreed-upon plans to be an apathetic hermit is ridiculous.

"I'm an introvert!" or "I'm taking a mental health day!" Nowadays, we recognize the importance of these things…but they aren't excuses. Your mental health and comfort zone is your responsibility. If you even suspect that you're going to want to hermit or take a mental health day, letting your friend(s) know long beforehand is your responsibility. If they expect you to show up and you don't and getting confirmation of whether you will or will not show up from you is like pulling teeth--you're the asshole. They shouldn't even need to ask--you know how when the event starts and you know how long it takes for you to get there--when that window of time starts and you're not on your way--it's your responsibility to let them know and respectfully back out. Not doing so makes you the asshole. Do this enough times and the other people involved are going to think you're rude for not respecting everyone else's time or your commitments--and they are right.

If you're the type to flake out on your friend/date/partner often, then you don't get to pull shocked-pikachu when they pull away. You don't get to whine that they don't make plans with you or that you want them to make plans for a date. You had every opportunity to make it right and to be present. Being a friend/date/partner means showing up for each other--not just when it's convenient for you. If you're the kind of person that would rather hermit in their room playing video games 95% of the time--take yourself out of the dating pool, because nobody's here for that 5% or to cater to your whims. Dating means that there's another sentient person you're messing around with. You don't get to shove them in the broom closet and only interact with them when you feel like it. They have needs, desires, and whims too. If what you're looking for is something that's there 100% of the time, but in 'standby' or whatever until you decide you want to pay it some attention--get yourself a vacuum cleaner. It'll sit pretty in the corner and wait until you decide that you want to interact with it. Get your paws off the idea of it being another person and deactivate your dating profiles 'cuz you're wasting absolutely everybody's time.

[anonymuseing]

Commissions =/= Compliments

Not sure where this sits on "popular opinions" but I'm going to come out and say it: please don't insist on commissioning someone that is not open for commissions.

I am not just talking about people that have done commission-work and are simply not open for them at the time of your asking--I'm also talking about people that have never taken on commission-work and have no intention of getting into doing commission-work. It's very similar to the hypothetical that I'm sure everyone is familiar with: kid is good with technology and suddenly everyone and their mother flocks to them for free IT help and/or parents volunteer the kid to solve everyone's technology issues without the consent of the kid. Being good at something does not/should not mean that the individual is then obligated to do it for everyone around them.

My example involves handicrafts. I dabble in sewing, knitting, and crochet, among a few other things. I have crochet some amigurumi that I am decently proud of. I've sewn basic clothing and cosplay items. I have knit and crochet(ed?) items that I use in daily life (scarf, hat, handwarmers, etc.). A lot of the time when I wear some of my creations, I end up with friends and/or family coming up and insisting on commissioning me (friends) or outright demanding that I make them one and/or teach their kid to make them one. It's honestly given me anxiety and I think carefully about who I'll be seeing before I decide whether or not to wear or use one of my creations when I go out.

I learned to make the item because I wanted one. I didn't learn with the intention of starting my own shop or doing commissions for other people. I learned to make the item(s) because I wanted one. Unfortunately, some people refuse to understand and come at me with phrases like "wasted talent" in the same breath that they insist I monetize my hobbies.

Pushing someone to monetize their hobby or talent isn't the compliment everyone seems to think it is. Suggesting, insisting, or outright demanding that they do the thing for other people isn't a compliment. It's annoying. If the person with the hobby/talent isn't working on monetizing their thing of their own accord (after being made aware that it is an option), then odds are that they don't want to. Stop shoving the idea down their throat.

Insisting on commissioning someone that isn't doing commission-work isn't the compliment people think it is. In the last month I have had two people come at me for different items that I have made, insisting on commissioning me on-the-spot for the items. It made me really uncomfortable, especially when they continued to insist after I clearly said "I am not confident enough in my skills to make things for other people, paid or not. I'm not comfortable with the idea of taking-on commissions." It didn't feel like a compliment to me after that point.

[anonymuseing]

Tips for leaving a Resume

Some tips for job-seekers. How you present yourself even just strolling in to hand in a resume matters. It’s not a formal interview, but you are 100% being sized up.

It's the start of a new school year and with it comes the usual change. Seasonal (summer) employees (usually students) quit no-notice to spend the next 8 months solely on school while other students are dragged in by their parents to get some semblance of a job to fill in their non-school hours. At my workplace, I make it a point to accept every resume that comes in when I’m on-shift, and take the applicant seriously because I've been in their shoes and know it takes a lot of courage to apply for a job. Even if we are not hiring, I take them seriously and ask them the same questions I'd ask any applicant when we are hiring. And hiring or not, I make sure the boss gets the resume and then the boss decides whether or not to give the applicant a call. My job is to take the application, get the preliminary details on there, and ensure that the boss receives it.

Our boss is an interesting guy. Yes, boss decides what to do with the applications, but the boss asks us for our opinions on how the applicant presented themselves upon walking in. He actually asked me the first time I gave him a resume, "Would you hire 'em? How was their attitude?" Our boss encourages us to include our opinions on the applicant (their attitude, how they were dressed, were they polite, etc.) with every resume we hand over to him. I've noticed a couple of common happenings that make the boss immediately toss the resume in the recycling bin rather than give it a read over:

1) Having someone else (usually a parent/guardian or spouse) being present and involved during the application process. If this third party is the one doing the talking, then the applicant has failed before their resume even makes it to the boss. Boss asks for what we saw of the applicant and if we tell him that a third party was involved in laying down availability parameters then the boss tosses the resume without a second glance. There is a line between moral support and encouragement--and ruining the impression. Ideally, the third party stays outside of the shop and is 100% not involved in the application itself. Third party can support the applicant by driving them here and coaching them...but when the applicant comes up and declares intentions to apply for a job, it should be 100% them...because the employer isn't going to deal with a third party--it's going to be all them if they manage to land a job. Boss isn't going to talk pay and scheduling with mommy and daddy--boss will talk to you. Mom and dad won't be here to do the job for you--that’s you.

2) Applicants that clearly could not care less or are otherwise checked out of the process. Often times, this is much like the above: a parent or guardian or spouse is the one that wants the applicant to have a job...and the applicant themselves has zero motivation or initiative in the idea. When you leave your resume, wait to be dismissed. The people receiving your resume have questions for you--availability is the most common one. You leave when they say you can leave. If you turn tail the second the resume leaves your hand, you're telling the employee/employer that you literally can't wait to get out of here. Not a good look if you're supposed to have intentions to work here. If you're checked out at the application phase...you're not getting to the interview phase. Be present. Be eager. Show us that you have intentions of being here, that you're interested in being here...'cuz if you show us that you can't wait to get out of here...you just wasted everyone's time--especially yours.

3) Answer the question asked of you as concisely as possible. During the application process, we ask questions to help us screen which applications will result in a call-back. We're likely hiring to fill a specific shift--so availability matters. If we're hiring mainly to fill Saturday and Wednesday shifts, then the applicants that claim to not be available at those specific times will not be receiving a call back. Be clear and concise. A couple of weeks back, a regular customer of ours decided to apply for a job with us and I had the honor of accepting his resume. I asked him about his availability: "When are you available to work? What time to what time on what days?" His response was 10 minutes of rambling to say: "Well, I have online classes, but I can work around them. I can ask the teachers to view recordings of the classes rather than be there when the online class goes live--I just need to inform the instructors--" I cut him off, "You do not need to go that far. Work may be a priority, but if you are a student then it is 100% understandable that you have classes and we will 100% accommodate that...we just need to know when you are 100% free to work for us and not at the expense of missing a live online class." He refused to give me an answer about specific times for his online courses (to be fair, he may not have had his class schedule yet)...but he made it clear that watching pre-recorded classes wasn't feasible long-term...that his passing of the course would depend in part on how many live classes he could attend...as a workplace, we simply asked him to be transparent about it so that we could see if his non-class hours fit into the availability timeslots we were looking to fill. It's great that the kid was eager to make work a priority...but I didn't ask about how your online course works...I just asked "what days of the week and at what times are you available to work for us?" The kid wasn't able to give me a clear availability to write on his resume so I told him that if he was selected, he could discuss availability and scheduling with the boss. Of course, when I brought the resume up to the boss, he told me that if the kid didn't provide an availability, that he wasn't going to find time for a call-back. Boss is looking to fill Saturday, Tuesday, and Wednesday--particularly closings for those nights. We get four or five applicants every two weeks. If yours is the only one without a clearly defined availability, then yours is in last place for call-backs and will more likely get thrown into the recycling bin because the boss doesn't have time to listen to a ramble when all he asked was "can you work Saturday, Tuesday, and Wednesday until closing?"

Essentially, if you're going to leave your resume with any place, be prepared with a clearly defined availability to offer them, have an error-free resume to give to them, and make sure that you're the one taking initiative and doing the talking. Employer doesn't want to talk to your parent/guardian--they want to talk with you...so if you check out of the application process, you won't get to the interview phase. Be present. This is *your* application to work here--own it. Come in, be present, and show us what kind of person you'd be if you were hired. We don't want someone checked out that can't wait to get out of here. We don't want somebody that had to be dragged out to apply for jobs. We don't want someone that isn't prepared to talk turkey. Yes, the application isn't a formal interview...but you're still being sized up and you should prepare for an impromptu interview...because when you get hired you'll likely eventually end up being called-in to cover a shift at the last minute. Prep time for an interview is one thing...but there's not really prep time for picking up shifts. Prove to the employer that you can handle yourself if they were to say "Hey...I've got 20 minutes...are you free for an interview literally right now? It won't take more than 20 minutes and if things go well we can talk about starting you on Monday."

[anonymuseing]

Do Your Research, Karen

Reading a chain email that is signed off as "Dr. Capellini, Ph.D" or whatever is not 'doing [your] research', Karen. Anyone can type 'Dr.' in front of their name followed by the PhD letters or whatever. I could sign off on this post as 'Dr. Tumblr' but that doesn't mean I am an actual doctor or that I have a PhD or whatever.

Watching the news is not 'doing [your] research', Karen. Watching the news is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to doing your due diligence.

If you want to do your research, start by checking out "Dr. Capellini"--where did they get their Ph.D? Not just where they say they got it ('cuz lying on the internet is easy), but go to the post-secondary institution that they're citing and check if their name is anywhere on the alumni list. Ask around, see if there's proof from the institution that a "Dr. Capellini" got their degree there. Even better--what was their degree in? If their degree was in Computer Science and the chain email is talking about Covid-19 then that should be a red flag. Computer Science deals with viruses--of the technological kind. Their area of expertise has very little to do with Covid-19 and human health. Turning it off and then back on again is a good strategy for computers--but going to sleep and waking up again is not going to save you from Covid-19 (though, getting more rest and reducing your stress levels and panic over everything is probably good for your health overall). Use your common-sense, Karen. You wouldn't go to a Doctor for a trojan virus on your computer (from reading up on too much click-bait, potentially)--don't go to a self-proclaimed Computer Scientist for your health concerns.

Where has "Dr. Capellini" published their work? Most Ph.D people have their work published in academic journals. You are trying to look into whether or not you can trust this "Dr. Capellini"--so see what research they have done, where it's been published, and look into whether or not the journals their work has been published in are proper sources. A twitter post is not a scholarly source--anyone can make crap up and post on twitter. If "Dr. Capellini's" only 'published work' is through twitter, Facebook, Instagram, or emails or whatever, then they have 0 credentials and I'd be more inclined to say they're a liar or a scammer, and most definitely a troll than I would be so inclined to call them "Doctor" unironically.

'Research' means fact-checking. It doesn't just mean "look at all the institutions (magazines, internet followers, etc.) that have this plastered on them". Fact-checking means taking what someone says and doing your best to find out whether or not it's likely to be true. Having a few thousand subscribers doesn't mean a few thousand people stand by the statement as true--and even if they do, it's possible for a few thousand random internet people (and bots/dummy accounts) to be tricked into believing a lie. Look into the institutions that are standing behind the statement or "Dr. Capellini"--do they have a reputation for truth-telling? Do they have a history of sensationalism and retracted/redacted statements and publications? It's possible for a majority of humanity to believe in something not very correct (via not having the knowledge, or willfully rejecting proof to the contrary)--look up geocentrism and flat-earth-theory if you want examples (and to brush up on your 'researching', Karen).

Good High Schools will be teaching this, and it's basically a requirement in post-secondary--learning what 'research' entails. Proper research means looking into as many different viewpoints on a topic as possible and figuring out as best you can what can be believed. Doing research even at the undergrad level means including a "limitations" section in your paper where you mention some theories/articles/opinions/findings or whatever that are contrary to what you've set out to prove or to persuade people on. Good research is usually written in a "If A and B are true, then C. BUT...(and here's the limitations)...C is dependent on whether A or B are true. If A or B or both are false, then my entire paper/argument goes out the window. And there are some theories that suggest A or B are false...BUT I decided to write with the belief that A and B are true because...[good, solid, reasons--even 'there was more evidence/papers written proving A and B as true', or even just 'in the ideal scenario that I wish to address, A and B are true--so for the purposes of my paper I, as the researcher, am choosing to write with the belief that A and B are true]". A scholarly, persuasive piece worth it's salt is usually written in a passive tone--even if the research knows their theory is 100% correct, they'll probably still write passively and include a "but there are somet that believe the contrary". Good research isn't written in a tone that pisses people off--save that angry ALL CAPS soap-boxing for Twitter. If you want people to listen to what you have to say without rolling their eyes and closing their ears/minds to your message, speak politely and with respect. People that have done their research do not need to rely on ALL CAPS for shock value or to get people to listen to them.

Karen if what you do is 'research' then post-secondary education is even more of a monumental waste of time, energy, resources, funds, blood, sweat, tears, and heartbreak than it already feels like to those that have gone through it. Yes, it's a human social construction. Yes, there are people that graduate and regret everything they put into it. If 'doing research' was as simple as reading a chain email or clicking on every sensational headline to come across our dashboard and yelling our opinion on the truth at anyone and everyone--refusing to listen to beliefs/theories/opinions to the contrary...then why are people paying many thousands of dollars for a post-secondary education? Why do you insist that your children graduate from post-secondary education and yet you reject their idea that 'research' is so much more than scrolling through social media and believing every 'Doctor' that comes across your screen? Clearly, you're willing to buy into the idea that "Dr." and "PhD" mean something--even if you clearly don't know what those prefixes and suffixes mean. Clearly those two things have some sort of authority to you. Your adult-child may not be a Doctor and may not have a PhD...but neither do you, Karen. Believing every self-stylized 'Dr.' isn't doing your research and arguing with your Bachelor's Degree child on this matter is proving that you're willing to believe an anonymous internet troll over your own child. It means you're writing off all of the time and money (probably some of your money) and effort that your child went through to get their education. It means that the word (coughLIESough) of internet strangers means more to you than the words of your own child, whom you know and have watched grow up. And, from the perspective of anybody who knows how to do proper research, it means you are more than just a part of the 'uneducated masses'--it means that you are part of the problem. Misinformation is just as dangerous as Covid-19. People that believe the whole "inject yourself with bleach to kill the virus" thing that started, or people that believe that every Asian is a carrier of Covid-19--they are just as dangerous as Covid-19. People have been hurt and died because of the proliferation of misinformation. Covid-19 has many unknowns and it's scary and does result in the death of a heck of a lot of people--but it is survivable. Stupidity, prejudice, and the rejection of truth and facts probably hurts and kills almost as many people, proportionally, as the virus itself. Humanity may eventually find a cure for Covid-19; but there's no cure for stupidity.

[anonymuseing]

Passing School Without ‘Google’

I saw a post of painted rocks being left on walking trails (due to Covid) and a quote on one of the rocks made me really mad.

"Respect your Parents. They passed school without Google!"

You're assuming that we are being graded on the same stuff our parents were graded on.

My mom went to school during a time when it was mandatory for women to take home economics. She 'passed' school based on how well she could emulate the stitching taught to her. Also, bringing the project home and having her seamstress-aunt do the thing for her was how she passed that class.

Dad passed math class because they were graded based on a glorified mad-minutes set up. He still brags to this day about how the academic rankings were based on a worksheet of 10 questions and how many one could answer correctly in 3 minutes while showing your work. Penmanship was also part of it because apparently if the teacher couldn't read your work or found your equation-placement sloppy you were automatically demoted to the bottom rankings.

Neither mom nor dad were graded on 'typed out papers only--must be 12 pt, serif font' or on their ability to crank out a proper bibloography. Neither mom nor dad were graded on their ability to do the research-legwork. All of their resources were provided--none of this "find scholarly articles on your own" business for my parents. Neither mom nor dad had to write a paper about the ethics of the Iraq War--or any war for that matter. In fact, they weren't graded on stuff that didn't have an immediate effect on their 'here and now'. They were being taught and graded on how well they could adapt to capitalist society--how well they could build nuclear-family units with the men as the breadwinner and the women as homemakers. Their research was "find the page in the textbook and read it aloud". Their 'science' classes were our auto-mechanics and construction-design classes--they weren't graded on memorizing chemical formula. They weren't graded on whether or not they understood the combustion reaction taking place inside the car--just on whether or not they knew how to assemble the parts of the mechanisms and whether or not they could drive the darned car. Their math was different from our math.

Dad still brags about being able to do 6.5 questions in 3 minutes in Grade 4 landing him #2 on the academic rankings in his year. Dad (bless him) tried to help me with my math homework in early High School. We spent 6 hours from the time he came home from work to the time I just couldn't keep my eyes open anymore--trying to figure out the same damned math problem together. We went to bed without the right answer and about 7 sheets of loose-leaf covered in all of the wrong ways to attempt that question. We threw every damned formula in the book at that damned problem and we didn't get anywhere. I didn't see dad until after work the next day where he decided to puzzle out that equation on his own all night. I'd join him because it was supposed to be my homework, but we wouldn't get anywhere. This pattern repeated for the next 2 days until dad came home from work one day, looking haggard but very proud of himself. He set down his work bag, dug around in it, and fished out a couple of sheets of paper. Tossing them down in front of me, he said he figured out the equation while he was at work. We whipped out my math books and my notes from class together. Dad had arrived at the right answer...but his work and the work shown when I gave in and had the teacher show me how to do the question in class were completely different. Dad and I attempted another question from the same batch as the one we had been stuck on for days. Dad's steps did not manage to solve that one...but neither did the method shown to me in class. At that point I had to level with dad--we had moved on from that unit in math a day ago. Only 2 people in my entire class seemed to understand the unit and how to tackle basically every question thrown at them. 2 people out of a class of 27. Dad thought that was an alien concept--how can school just move on when pretty much the entire class hadn't learned the thing? In dad's day, each student got work that challenged them and they all progressed at their own pace. Individual students stuck with problems until they learned how to solve them, and the same question would be thrown at them weeks later to ensure it wasn't a fluke. School did not move on without the student(s). They weren't graded based on how many units they got through by the end of the official academic term, but on the quality of the work that they did manage to get done. The student that breezed through all the units would have likely been #1 on the academic rankings, but it's likely that #2 got through fewer units than #3...but #2 made fewer mistakes along the way than #3.

I respect my parents--but not because they 'passed school without Google'. I respect them because they raised me. I respect them because the way they raised me resulted in me honestly believing that they had all the answers when in reality they were likely every bit as unprepared and clueless about 'adulting' as I was. I respect my parents because they sat with me for days on end trying to solve that stupid math problem. I respect my parents because they kept a roof over my head, food on the table, and gave me a great life, for the most part. Our current system of education makes it so that it's impossible to pass without 'Google'. Teachers refuse to accept hand-written papers now. The textbook does not count as a scholarly article to be used in our paper writing. Technological advancements mean that the information is at our fingertips and school-systems decide that 'education' means getting us to look up all of these 'facts' and events that have no immediate effect on our present-day. Yes, learning about the mistakes of the past so we don't repeat them is great. Knowing about economic boom-and-bust cycles to inform us of how we should vote or when we should save money vs. spend money--that's great and all. But the school system we're in today is not the same one our parents were brought up in. Anyone who insists that children today are entitled or disrespectful because we are so dependent on 'Google' just lost massive amounts of respect from me. It was either your generation or the people in-between that changed all the rules. I didn't demand 'Google' or to be graded on typed papers--my teachers refused to accept hand-written papers and I was docked marks when I did my best to use a ruler to justify all of my margins on a hand-written paper. I didn't choose to be reliant on technology--my teachers (people from your generation) refused to accept anything not done on a computer. I come from a generation of people that can't 'pass school without Google' because school nowadays mandates 'Google' and other uses of technology. Clay on construction paper as a diorama doesn't work anymore--I'm going to get a failing grade because the student that rendered a 10 minute, fully-animated re-enactment of the same book on the computer is going to show up my project every damned time. I respect my parents for a lot of what they've done...but 'passing school without Google' is not one of them.

[anonymuseing]

Dear Mr. Politician...

"Health support is important...but we have to be thinking of the economy. We are on the fast-track for a recession here. We need to start thinking of and working toward helping the economy recover..."

Hey, Mr. Politician...I think you either have your audience mixed up or you’re just not getting it. I know that life is different for you and your golf-buddies who can afford their own PPE even when there’s a shortage everywhere else...but your message about “the economy” came off as insensitive to your audience.

Your audience is "the average citizen". "The Average Citizen" has been laid off due to Covid-19. "The Average Citizen" knows 'recession' is 'bad'...but they aren't in a position to think about that. “The Average Citizen” is stressed out because tomorrow is up in the air for them right now.

Mr. Politician, if you haven't already please look up 'Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs'. It's a pyramid of needs people need met--and yes, it's ordered that way for a reason. Start at the bottom--those needs need to be met before they can worry about what sits on top.

Right now the average citizen, your audience, is struggling with meeting their physiological and safety needs--the lowest tiers of the pyramid. "The economy" and "international trade" is not on the pyramid. Your audience is so overwhelmed with being unable to meet their base needs that they honestly do not have the fucks to give to your spiel on bailing out big businesses. Your 'trickle-down economics' spiel isn't helping anybody. "We need to help the economy--to bail out businesses so that they can afford to hire-back everyone. That's how our region will come out on-top once this crisis is over." That's not what your people need to hear right now. It's stressing us the fuck out.

I don't want to hear about trying to bail out the companies that laid us off at the first dip in profits. I want to hear about what's being done to ensure the health (physical, mental, and emotional) of the front-line workers that are literally saving lives. Are they being paid enough? Can they afford the roof over their heads? Can they afford the therapy they're going to need from literally having to decide which people live or die because there are only so many ventilators?

I want to hear about what's being done to ensure that people have food on the table and a roof over their heads. A lot of people barely have enough savings to get by for a few days. It takes a long time for government aid to arrive in bank accounts. It takes a long time to find a job. It's time that people don't have because their savings are going to run dry through no fault of their own. Having no money or not enough money isn't the mark of a failing of an individual. People with no money work their asses off and roll with disrespect and harassment and having their worker's rights ignored because they need that money to afford next week's rent or tomorrow's lunch.

We don't want to hear about the 18 month plan to bail out the energy sector or whatever. What we want to hear is a plan to ensure that individuals can have food on their plates tomorrow. What we want to hear is what we can do with our toddlers when the adults need to go to work to afford the food and clothes for that child. What we want to hear isn't just that landlords are being given a deferral period for payments. Sure, landlords need money and help too...but the people renting from them are probably in worse economic straits than the landlords. What's being done to protect the renters?

Mr. Politician, for your next public address, please think of your words and message carefully. Harping on "the economy" right now is insensitive and rude and very upsetting for a lot of us. We're worried about whether or not we can afford dinner tomorrow, not even what to eat. We're worried about grandma or grandpa who are trapped in a long-term-care-facility that is understaffed and that does not have the resources they sorely need to ensure people do not die. We live in constant fear every single day that the next time our phone rings will be news that our loved ones passed away without us allowed to see them one final time. If we had known a month ago that it would have been the last time we'd see them we would have probably put more thought into our 'goodbye' than "I'll bring cookies next time" or something. I don't want to hear about "the economy" when I'm in over my head worrying over whether the people I love and care about have what they need to still be here with me this time next week. Please don't make "the economy" the main message of your next public address when what we need is reassurance that our loved ones are being looked after--whether that's people that are waiting on government aid or front-line workers that spend all day stressed out to the point of tears and in fear, or our dearly beloved elderly who are out of our reach even while they are still alive. Please, Mr. Politician, we get that "the economy" is part of your duties...but now is not the time and we are not the right audience. You’re supposed to be a leader. In some cases, people elected you to be their leader. They chose you. Be a good leader. Know your audience. A good leader looks after the people following them. A good leader ensures that the followers are being looked after. If you’re going to insist on forging ahead with “the economy”, you’re going to leave a lot of your followers in the dust because they tripped over their base needs not being met. Before you demand that we sprint (toward “the economy”), maybe stop and help us all tie our shoes (look after our base needs, concerns, anxieties, and problems)?

[anonymuseing]

Daylight Savings Rant

"Spring Forward, Fall Back"...set the clocks forward or set the clocks back..."lose" an hour or "gain" an hour. I always hated this thing

I attended University in an area that was under Daylight Savings time. The Springtime "set your clocks ahead" always messed with me in a bad way for various reasons.

1) Spring-time...this is the final stretch where you're already starting to cut back on sleep because you have to put together your final project. "Losing" an hour of sleep is bad when you are already barely banking on a 75-minute rest before you gotta get up and ready for classes or whatever it is you have to do the next day. A 75 minute rest becomes 25 minutes for those that had DLS slip their minds in their mad scramble for the final project. (Hours cost: +1 due to DLS springing ahead)

2) It wasn't just one hour of sleep lost for me. I was the type that would try to shut everything down by 1AM every night and tried my best to give myself at least 5 hours of sleep every night. 'Tried' being the operative word here. Considering DLS occurs at 2AM, I'd always end up paranoid and anxious over whether or not my clocks would change automatically...so I'd stay up to watch it happen and figure out which of my devices I could rely on as an alarm clock. That didn't just mean I "lost" an hour of sleep by staying up until 2AM. 2AM became 3AM to the rest of the society I was living in...so that meant DLS cost me an extra 2 hours of sleep due to my anxiety over it. (Hours cost: +1 due to me staying up that extra hour to watch the clocks change--Total cost: 2h...so far)

3) I'd end up setting my alarms purposefully an hour before I was supposed to wake up--just in case. Example: I had somewhere to be at 9AM so I'd usually set my alarm for 8AM. With DLS if my alarm device did not automatically change, it would go off at 9AM...making me late/miss my event. To counter that, I'd set my alarm to go off at 7AM...that way if the device changed automatically I'd be up an hour early...and if it didn't then I'd be up at my usual time. Most of the time, the device I'd use would change on its own so my anxiety over DLS would cost me another hour of sleep. (Hours cost: +1; Total: 3h)

4) I would end up googling the local time and texting friends and family I knew were going to be up at that hour to ensure that I had the right time upon waking up and I'd basically be a ball of anxiety all the way until I was at my event--on-time, and things had passed.

A paper isn't just typing 15 words on a Word Processing program...it also involves reading 8+ scholarly articles and figuring out what they're talking about and how to use them and reference them in your own work. A research paper isn't just writing a paper...it involves careful research and planning which take weeks. The paper is the result of playing puzzle or Jenga with the stuff you spent weeks collecting, reading, and interpreting. If one of your chosen articles ends up falling through you wasted a lot of time on it that you can't get back and thus have even less time to come up with a new one and try to fit it into the teetering Jenga tower that is all the other stuff you amassed for your project.

The Fall change wasn't much better despite supposedly "gaining" an hour. I'd still stay up to watch the clock change, still be paranoid over whether or not I was seeing the right time for my area, still panicking over my devices and alarms, still triple-checking the local time until I was going about my day without being early or late, etc. That extra hour wasn't an extra hour of sleep for me...it was an extra hour of anxiety or of procrastinating on sleep because "eh...I have an extra hour to blow on free time...yes I will watch that next movie/episode".

[anonymuseing]

[anonymuseing]

In April: Parent: Lazy child--go out and get a job! Me: *has been applying to and handing out resumes since January--when I was still in University in another city*

In October: Parent: Where's my dinner? Fetch my socks! You don't have a job so the least you can do is pitch in around the house! *sayeth the one that's been sitting on the sofa tanking an Asian Drama for 7 hours straight* Me: *has to leave for a 3 hour training shift at a fast-food restaurant--literally the only place out of hundreds to give me both an interview, and a chance to train and work* There's not enough time. Make your own dinner--if I don't leave now, I'll be late.   Parent: That's not even a *real* job! Don't be so up-tight about it--be late!

It's sad that I'm not the only one of my friends going through this right now. We graduated from University and went back home to different cities so we can only support and encourage each other through IM and whatnot. None of us got a celebratory party or anything for graduating. Heck, most of us skipped Convocation 'cuz we couldn't afford to travel back to our universities or rent the regalia etc. My "celebration" was me busing out to the mall and buying myself DVDs of the movies I had missed in favor of crushing my final semester. My degree still sits in the envnelope it was mailed to me in, sitting in a corner in the document pile. My friend got a celebratory dinner--a dinner where her dad commented countless times on her not having secured a job yet, of her not having any income at the moment, of her having nothing to be happy about or something to celebrate 'cuz she didn't have a job.

Most of my friends and I have jobs now--fast-food, daycare, etc. Our parents and their circles of friends aren't shy about telling us that we're 'not aiming high enough' and that we 'have a degree--you shouldn't be applying for something like fast-food'. They tell me to go for reception or secretarial jobs. They tell me those are the only offers I should be accepting. Newsflash, bigotted assholes: there are no such offers!

I landed a few interviews for receptionist-style jobs. The want-ads said 'entry-level position' and all that was listed under their qualifications was that the applicant had to be older than 18 years of age.

That interview was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. They liked the fact that I had a high GPA and a degree to my name, but they didn't take me seriously. "Where's your experience?" "Why should I hire you when you haven't done reception for another company?" "How do I know you're not just going to take off to do school after we train you?" I have a degree--I'm done school. I don't have reception-experience because this is the first receptionist job I've ever applied for (and your ad, which you proudly claim was typed out by you, personally, clearly stated that this was an entry-level position with no prior experience necessary). I have experience--5 years of it working for my University and the year I took off to earn money for university. If you count volunteer experience, I have 2 more years of that under my belt too. Honestly, if they weren't planning on taking me seriously or seriously considering me for the position, they shouldn't have bothered scheduling an interview with me. Every complaint they had about my lack of experience or whether or not I was honest about being done school was on my resume. I had all of my experience listed, as well as the time I spent in each position. I had a cover letter that was optimistic and clearly stated that I was done school, looking to gain work experience, and that further education was an idea for the future, but not something I'd be jumping into immediately. If they had bothered to look at my application for three minutes, they would have saved me the time, effort, and cost of transport to get to their place and be humiliated.

Going out anywhere or being around anyone was humiliating. Going to church, every conversation is the same every single week: Person: Hey! Haven't seen you in forever! Where've you been? Me: I've been away at University. Person: Cool, cool. So, you're back now? Me: Yup. Person: Found a job yet? Me: Still looking. Person: Good. Next week: Person: Hey! Found a job yet? Me: Still looking. Person: Good. *repeat every week until September. Conversations after the start of September: Person: Hey! You're still here? When does school start? Me: I graduated. I'm looking for a job. Person: Congrats. So...found a job yet? Me: Still looking. Been looking since January. Person: What are you looking for? Me: Anything. Person: A friend of mine is looking for people to paint their fence for them before the snow hits. Me: Sure, I'll contact them. Thanks! Next week: Person: Hey! You're still here? When does school start? Me: I graduated. I'm looking for a job. Person: Congrats. So...found a job yet? Me: Not yet. Still looking. I looked in on the paint job your friend mentioned. Person: You have a degree! You shouldn't be painting fences! Aim higher! Eventually: Person: Hey! You're still here? School started already, didn't it? Me: I graduated. Person: Congrats. So...found a job yet? Me: Yeah, I'm training at [Fast Food Chain]. Person: Why are you applying to fast-food? You have a degree! Reception, think-tanks, Non-profit organizations--look downtown! [Fast Food Chain] isn't a *real* job. You can do better. Don't waste your time. The good opportunities will pass you over if you're going to cheapen yourself to fast-food.

It's often the same person/people that I have these conversations with every week. People that don't bother remembering that I'm looking for a job or that I graduated. They're the ones that start a conversation with me. On top of that, the only thing they can think to ask or talk about is whetehr or not I have a job yet or what I'm doing now. At some point, it gets to be a really anxiety-inducing topic. I graduated in April--ideally, I would have had a job interview or two set up in February. Ideally, I'd be training to work somewhere in May. Come June, the job-topic should be taboo. If someone has a job, then yeah they are going to talk about it. If they don't, don't ask. Considering you didn't bother remembering that they've graduated, you're not going to bother remembering if they've landed a job or not--so stop asking! It's a really triggering topic for some people. It got to the point where I actually don't want to go to church anymore. I want to listen to the sermons, but I don't want to deal with the stupid conversations with people that honestly don't give a damn about me or what I do. They didn't bother to remember I graduated despite being reminded of it for more than four months. Asking a young person whether or not they have a job should be taboo because it's a really upsetting topic for a lot of people right now. Our newsfeeds blow up whenever a 'young person' commits suicide over being unemployed and all of us are terrified that one day that headline is going to be us.

Nobody applies to work in entry-level fast-food if they have options. Most of my friends and I only started applying to them after all of the reception and non-profits declined us for our lack of any work experience. Most of us didn't have means to go downtown to get to those jobs even if we had it. They expect you to show up to work at 5:30A and transit doesn't start running until then. Most of us don't have cars or licenses 'cuz we can't afford them. With no other options, we have a degree, but we're in the same boat as High Schoolers except for the fact that we have debts and we're no longer covered by our parents benefit plans.

Home and home-communities aren't safe spaces for a lot of us anymore. We're berated multiple times a day for not having a *real* job, whatever the hell that means. The worst part is that the people berating us for it have never had to work fast-food a day in their lives. My friend's dad graduated from a polytechnic school and claims that his first job ever was a job in his field--he walked into some construction firm, demanded to see the 'man in charge' and said 'here's my certification. Hire me.' and he was hired. So he claims, anyway. Another friend's older brother who lives away from home still comes back every other weekend to "spend time with the family" and he's always up in her business and calling her a failure. He's never worked an "entry level position" in his life. His first ever actual job was after he got out of University. He had a high enough GPA that companies doing head-hunting were sending him offers to pay for his tuition and whatnot if he'd work for them for a few years. He landed a 9-5, salaried office job as an IT guy the moment he graduated. Minimum-wage was never a thing for him and here he is sneering at his own sister for struggling to land a minimum-wage job.

You don't understand what other people are going through. Just because you lucked out and got a job in your field, it doesn't mean everyone gets that. My friend hates it when her brother comes home because he and her father gang up on her--telling her off for working minimum wage, screaming at her that this is not the way to becoming independent. Brother pays a mortgage and father owns the house she's staying in and both of them tell her that she's an 'adult' and should have a salary, a car, and an apartment of her own to her name. She graduated just a couple of months ago and only three places of the hundreds she applied to bothered to schedule an interview.

I'm worried about this friend of mine with the shit-for-male-relatives. I've known her for a long time and I know she has had brushes with suicide in the past. She's my best friend. If it were financially feasible right now, I'd want to get an apartment and enter roommateship with her. I don't want her having to listen to this demeaning bullshit at home all the time and at church (we both go to the same church and deal with the same conversations. She helped me write them for this post). It's not feasible right now. The last thing either of us wants is more debt. We're super anxious each time our phones ring right now, wondering if it's a scammer or if it's our minimum-wage jobs calling to tell us our next shift ('cuz literally, we could be told our asses have to be at work in 6 hours and neither of us knew before then).

To all our family and acquaintances--we know our lives are shitty, stop rubbing it in. I don't say "friends" in the above, because right now the only people we consider friends are the people that can relate, or at least the people that are decent enough not to comment on our shitty lives. Honestly, the only reason I haven't become the next suicide headline is because of these friends. I haven't done it yet because I'm holding onto the idea that if I keep working at this craptacular fast-food chain it'll become financially feasible for me and my friend to get an apartment together. Two-bedroom would be preferrable, but if one-bedroom is all that's feasible, we'll convert the living room into a bedroom or something with curtain partitions.  

To anyone reading this this that is in a similar, toxic, undesirable situation: I will not lie and say it gets better because I don't know if it will get better. There's an idea, a dream, and a hope that things will get better for my friends and I if we can make a roommateship happen. We're holding on for that dream but things could very well end in tragedy for one or both of us. If anyone is out there, traumatized by toxic relatives or acquaintances that just don't know how to keep their damned mouths shut, look to your friends. They are people you choose to interact with. They are your family-by-choice. They are the people you want to be with and want to converse with, not the crappy relatives you were born to and had no choice in, and not the nosy, pesky acquaintances that decide to stir the pot and not be helpful. Find your friends. Support and encourage each other. Times are tough and you're all probably going through nasty things. Take care of each other, check up on each other. Listen to each other because the thing none of us wants is to hear that a friend committed suicide and it may have been preventable if we had just bothered to send them a "hey, how are you?" message or decided, "screw it--lets go into debt together and get the hell out of these toxic families".

[anonymuseing]

"If you don't support the same political party I do, you're a Nazi!"

"If you're willing to associate with people who support 'the other' political party, you're just like them and I don't want to be friends with you."

I hate election season. I have a lot of great friends with their own political ideologies. I don't give a damn about their political ideologies, we're not friends because of that. Our friendship wasn't born from our stances on affordable housing or beliefs on tax cuts. Our friendship was born from hours and hours playing games together, from sharing meals together whenever some of us went broke over tuition, rent, and unexpected expenses. We're friends because we literally broke bread at the same table when I cut my sandwich in half to ensure that someone else at the table wouldn't go hungry for the day. I didn't share that sandwich because of political ideologies, I shared it because we're friends and I want you to have food to eat so that we can both survive to slay/tame dragons in D&D together.

A single action or choice doesn't define someone. Political ideology isn't everything. And you have no right to decide what someone believes, claiming theu are a Nazi or whatnot simply because they're kind to everyone--including what everyone would see as Neo-Nazis.

Now this same friend is spitting venom at everyone, myself included, for various things surrounding political ideologies. She started hurling insults at someone who revealed that they lean toward the right, politically (not 'right' as in judgement, but direction--here it means they're Conservative). I really didn't want to hear a bunch of arguing during game-night, so I called out: "hey, can we all agree to leave this alone...or can you guys argue away from the gaming table?" One friend agreed while the other, the politically-left one, started screeching at me, saying I was "defending the enemy" and that she didn't want to be friends with me anymore and that I was a monster for ignoring poltical issues.

Your screaming, yelling, and acting like an asshole toward literally everyone who says anything even slightly off from your chosen political ideology isn't making your political ideology look very enticing. If you want to convince people that your ideology is better than another one, start by having a discussion rather than screaming and drowning out all views but your own.

We're supposed to be adults and game-night was supposed to be the one night a week we all got to take a break from the stresses of managing finances or dealing with academic topics and just have fun playing games. Some of us grew up in families where arguing at the dinner table was common and made us feel terrified. Some of us just really don't like conflict.

Everyone, regardless of your political ideology, if you're going to claim that game-night or whatever event you're hosting is 'inclusive' and 'a safe space'...that has to mean a 'safe space' for everyone, not just people who are of the same political inclination as you. If you're not able to keep your political views, opinions, and yelling to yourself either don't claim to be 'inclusive' and 'safe', or take it somewhere else. Your beef is with whomever triggered your outburst--so take it outside rather than force everyone trying to have a good time to listen to your venom-filled screeching.

[anonymuseing]

“Honest Work”

"Honest work" can mean more than just diligent and legal work.

A friend of mine has been super depressed lately. They graduated from post-secondary in May and have been applying for things since January. Basically, they've been applying for jobs for 9 months. In those 9 months they collected around 5 form letters stating, "we're going ahead with other applicants at this time". She started losing hope at the 6 month mark. Finally, in her 9th month she got two calls back for interviews. One was a reception job and the other was fast-food. Obviously, everyone urged her to go for the reception job. Some even told her to skip out on the fast-food interview and bet on the reception job. She decided to treat both offers with respect and went to both interviews.

The fast-food shop called back and scheduled an interview first. She went to it and decided to be honest that she had a couple of other interviews for various places scheduled. She did so because she didn't want the fast-food place to be in a tough spot if she ended up choosing another offer and also was honest so that they wouldn't suggest starting immediately...to give her time to field all the other interview requests.

The reception interview was demeaning for her. The interviewer kept on highlighting what he saw as a "lack of experience" (she had retail experience and she had some paperwork experience from something else, just about 5 years worth in total). He mentioned this "lack of experience" no less than three times in their 20 minute interview. The want-ad specified that they welcomed post-secondary graduates and that no prior experience was necessary. The way the ad was phrased, it was marketed as a safe, welcoming environment for people, regardless of experience. That was a big lie and she came back from the interview in tears. She felt humiliated.

She finished her interviews and didn't get any calls back. Finally, she took a stab in the dark and sent follow-up messages to a few of the places she had interviewed at, the fast-food shop especially because that manager wasn't condescending or super-stuffy-professional. She waited a few days and began to lose hope. She contemplated suicide a few times.

Finally, after a week the fast-food manager called her. He explained that he saw her follow-up message and debated for a while. He laid his cards on the table: he saw she had a degree and he was sure the other interviews she had mentioned in their interview were going to be "better" options for her. He didn't want to invest time training her if she was going to ditch in a week. He laid it out there, that he wanted someone who could commit to at least half a year at their shop. She jumped on the chance--she could commit to 6 months, no problem. She's waiting on word of whether or not the guy will schedule time to train her. She's much happier right now and I really hope this fast-food place holds up for her.

Rather than assume people are going to ditch for something better, try asking. Employers, it's alright to lay your concerns about training-investment on the table. It's alright to explain a minimum time-commitment you're looking for. You don't know what the applicant is going through--yes, there may be other offers, but odds are that they're willing to commit for 6 months, if not more, in order to score a good reference and something to pad their resume. There are some people who will just stop showing up to work when they sniff out something better, but not every applicant is like that and it's a huge slap in the face when employers just assume everyone's an unloyal ass. My friends are all honest people--they wouldn't have applied to a fast-food restaurant as a "safety net" or for fun. If they applied to anywhere it was because they were willing to commit to at least a year at any place they applied to. Some plan to go back to school, eventually--but they need an income for that and they have their credibility and character riding on committing to a place for at least a year. "Honest" can mean more than just diligent work, it can also mean actual honesty about intentions, loyalty, plans for the future, etc.

[anonymuseing]

It's okay to not have an opinion on a particular topic. Indifference doesn't mean "my privilege is more important than your rights" as I've heard a ton of people I know claim. It's fine if I'm not considered an 'ally' for this mentality. I'm not an ally, I'm someone who doesn't want to get involved. I care about my friends, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation...and regardless of their political stance on certain issues. Our friendship started from being in the same class together and was forged through hours and hours of video games and movies and whatever else we've done. I understand that whatever political movement or hot-button issue is important to you. I'll help you as much as I feel comfortable helping; but it's not an important thing for me. I don't want all of my free time going toward making protest signs or occupying a space somewhere. I want game-night back. I dealt with enough politics (non-government stuff included here) at work and while listening to the news. I'm burnt out in that aspect. I've had enough. If you want to yell and shout about polarizing topics that's your right; but I have a right to choose not to be there without being called out and insulted for not taking a side. I don't want to take sides--I want out. Leave me out of whatever thing you're yelling and screaming about. I'd be nice to have my friend back--to play multi-player mode instead of solo. It'd be nice to see a movie together and talk about the writing or the costumes again instead of about the potentially LGBTQ+ couple sitting a few rows over. It'd be nice to try out a new recipe together and laugh about it and about things without having someone getting angry over a post or a "news" article they pulled up on their phone. I wanted to bake a cake together, not listen to my besties yelling at each other for believing different things about something a major corporation is up to. We're adults now...I get that...but being an adult doesn't mean that we have to be political activists 24/7. Is it too much to ask for an hour of respite or an afternoon where we can chill out and act like we were teenagers again? Is it too much to ask that we have fun like we used to instead of having every meet-up turn into some political spat between each other? If I'm hosting game-night...is it too much to ask that we leave polarizing topics, politics, social politics, and strong opinions on polarizing issues at the door?

[anonymuseing]

"Taking a step back for your mental health is okay. Choosing not to participate and outright ignoring the issue is not okay."

" 'I don't want to get involved' is a vote for 'the other side' and you are a monster."

" 'I wish people would stop talking about politics' is code for 'my privilege is more important than your rights'. "

Saw these quotes on a friend's page today and it made me think. Well, it made me feel attacked. A lot of their posts are about activism and "politics" and whatever else. They're making everything black and white and there's no such thing as a gradient or spectrum when it comes to anything other than gender or sexuality for them. For example, supporting trans-rights or the LGBTQ+ community means I have to reblog every post about the topic. It means I have to show up to rallies and whatever. According to this friend, I'm not an 'ally' if I don't do any of these things. For the record, I don't make a big deal out of calling myself an ally or whatever. I don't have pins or hats or flags or whatever. All I have are friends who identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community that I care about. Our friendship isn't based on LGBTQ+ discourse. We're friends because we play games together. We're friends because we had a few classes in post-secondary together and we hung out after all of that. We're friends because we looked out for each other at parties and ensured that we all made it home safely after late-night events. Our friendship isn't based upon being social-justice-warriors.

I'm not fence-sitting on some of the issues that these friends are so gung-ho about. I support the same values my friends do...but I get attacked for not showing my support the same way they do. Excuse me, for being raised to believe that one's opinion on powder-keg topics is sometimes best kept secret.

Whenever someone voices an opinion on something like this it causes some strife and people tend to start arguing. Is it wrong of me to choose not to participate and to avoid the discourse entirely? I don't want to be a part of all the yelling. That's not good for my mental health and it makes me really anxious when everyone's yelling at each other and then they're yelling at me for not 'picking a side' or 'not supporting loud enough'. I'm taking a step back because I know that talking about those particular topics is only going to end in frustration and anxiety for me.

Indifference doesn't mean that I'm against whatever your cause is. I may support the same values/opinions you do...I just choose not to be all gung-ho about it because it's exhausting and tends to cause a lot of conflict.

Asking that people refrain from talking about hot-button issues during game-night doesn't mean I think 'my privilege' is more important than somebody's rights. I'll remove myself from the discussion or ask that people stop talking about the thing because I came to game-night to relax...and hearing people yelling opinions at each other isn't my idea of relaxation. I came for my weekly dose of socialization. Game-night is my mental-health thingy...and hearing people yelling opinions is bad for my mental health--especially when I've been hearing 'politics' and opinion-slinging all week in-classes and at work.

You don't know someone's reasons for choosing not to participate in political discourse. Don't go accusing someone of "being a Nazi" or "supporting the side of evil" or whatever just because they don't want to get into it. You take the "warrior" bit of 'social justice warrior' seriously. Some others don't and some others aren't cut out for the 'warrior' part of it.

I was raised in a house where stating my opinion was met by rage from my parents. It didn't matter if I agreed with them--the fact that I was younger than them meant I wasn't allowed to speak or voice an opinion. I don't like how my parents raised me...but I'm not going to be all out-spoken now that I'm an adult. I was raised to keep my opinions to myself.

Hey, you want my opinion? Alright, here it is: Attacking me for choosing not to voice a strong opinion or get involved in debates and whatever cause you want to support is not appreciated. Calling me names, yelling at me, and getting mad at me for not reblogging all the crap you do or signing the 50 petitions you send my way each damned day or supporting the charity of your choice is not appreciated at all. You're calling me a horrible human being for not supporting the causes you care about in the same way you do. Look at yourself, I think you're the horrible human being for yelling at every damned person you interact with. It's fine to have an opinion. It's fine to share that opinion when it's appropriate or when asked. It's not okay to attack other people--physically or verbally--for having a different opinion or choosing not to divulge their opinion.

This same friend comes crying to me, spamming me with messages, when I unfollow them. I'm sick of seeing all of the strife on their page and feeling personally attacked. I haven't told them to their face because I know I'm going to get yelled at by them...but yeah. They're the ones trying to make the world black-and-white and I'm not okay with that. I had enough of people yelling at me for something ridiculous and accusing me for crap I didn't do when I was a kid--it's called having parents and siblings. I'm not going to let some random "friend" do that to me too.

[anonymuseing]

[anonymuseing]

Stop licking things!

Stop licking things!

At what age do we teach kids to stop putting things in their mouths? It's usually one of the first things we teach kids after they acquire the language comprehension necessary to understand what we say to them. "Take that out of your mouth", "go wash it", "it's dirty, don't put it in your mouth", "it's not yours and I don't want your spit on my things".

The cinnamon challenge was one thing--at least only the person doing the challenge was affected by it. The hot-water challenge was another--and people died or otherwise got hurt by it because one idiot decided to dump hot water on their friend. The one doing the dumping isn't affected by it, but the friend with the burns is adversely affected. Licking things that are not yours and putting them back hurts other people--people you may never meet. Mouths have bacteria. It's unsanitary. What if someone with a compromised immune system eats the ice-cream you licked? What if someone really sick has the tongue depressor you licked and put back used on them?

"For the likes", "For internet fame"--bullshit! Stop endangering lives for something so stupid!

If social media is the cause of people doing stupid things like this, things that put other people in danger, then I wish Y2K had actually worked. I wish electronics and internet and whatever else weren't a thing.

We don't need age-limits for social media accounts--we need a stupidity line. If you're the kind of person that is going to do stupid and dangerous things just to share it on social media, you shouldn't have it.

Putting these jerks in jail--like what happened to the tongue-depressor person--isn't going to fix things. It costs money to jail them. It wastes time and resources that should be going to more important things.

These internet challenges need to stop.

[anonymuseing]

If your first reaction is to blame your family members (wife, children, etc.) then you don't have the right to say another damned word until you apologize for your behavior.

"There's no hot water in the kettle--It's your fault!"

Even if it is the other person's fault, when has assigning blame ever fixed the situation? That's how fights start. Analyze how many times you've gone back to the kettle all day. You made 4 cups of tea this afternoon for yourself--using the water in the kettle. Blaming someone else, or outright shouting "it's your fault" or whatever doesn't solve anything. All it does is make everyone mad and makes it so that nobody wants to be around you.

Yes, it may be their fault, but has going "it's your fault" ever solved problems? No? Then you'd better apologize before you dare open that shit-hole you call a mouth again. You think you didn't do it; but that doesn't automatically make it the other person's fault. The spilled water could have happened because someone inadvertently knocked over something else that knocked over the water. The upturned carpet corner was turned over by you when you tripped over it the first time and forgot to check.

If your first reaction is to blame everyone--and yell at them--before figuring out the truth, then family life is not for you. Control your damned temper and maybe your relatives will consider talking to you or eating dinner with you again.

[anonymuseing]

Scents

I was at church a couple of days ago. I had gone in and sat down in the usual area I sit at. Usually, a few kids from the church occupy the row in front of me. Today, some of the kids didn't come early enough to fill the row in front of me and an old man sat in the seat in front of me instead.

The second he got to the seat, I was hit by this overwhelming scent. It was like floral bubble-gum. It smelled like he had drank an entire bottle of perfume or whatever before he arrived (I realized after a while that the smell was coming from his mouth and not his person). The smell was overpowering and overwhelming and it didn't take long for me to get a headache and feel nauseous. There are signs all over the place advertising our church as a scent-free zone due to some people having sensitivities to smells.

I didn't know what to do...was I supposed to move? The smell was overpowering, but it was a scent usually associated with females...so I was afraid people would think it was me. Would it be rude if I moved? I didn't want to draw attention to myself.

Ultimately, I moved.

The man walked in right before we started with worship (basically, singing) and from the second he sat down I was overwhelmed by the smell. Partway through the worship set I developed the headache, and when the worship set finished I was feeling nauseous and was debating whether it was more or less embarrassing/rude to outright leave or to move over a few seats. I chose option B because we were continuing a sermon series that day and I was interested in the sermon.

Part of every Sunday service is the opportunity to greet each other. Luckily for me, my row was half-empty. There were people sitting on the far end of my row so I used the greeting as an excuse to move down to the other end of my row. The smelly man turned around to greet me and uttered "oh, they ran away!"

I'm kind of embarrassed and wonder if other people think I was rude for moving seats...but it was either that or vomit where I was or outright leave service.

Yeah...deodorant is fine, some light spritzing of scent is usually fine...but please don't walk into a public space, especially an enclosed one, after having drank or doused yourself in scent. Or at the very least, don't make a big deal out of it when people move away from you when you do.

FYI, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t body odor or natural what I was smelling. It smelled like flowery-bubblegum (the fakey bubblegum taste/scent most of us are familiar with) most likely a chemical scent. Also, I’ve met that particular old man in the past at the church and he didn’t smell like this or have body odor then...so I don’t know why he did this time.