anth1lls

[anth1lls]

Why, when you left me, could you not leave my dreams? You’re familiar and obvious, like a coffee with sugar and cream. In my dream you spoke to me, soft and calmly. Inquiring about where I’ve been, who I chose to be. You said his name.

— Don’t ask of what goes on between him and me. The details are far, far too obscene. He touches me in ways I want to be. Puts his lips to me like I’m his favourite flavour of tea. He celebrates the femininity within me. I am his and he is mine. Best Friends, devotees.

(You Were In My Dreams, Iris Elgin)

[anth1lls]

Devoted to pleasure, developing lust, our lips and fingertips touch.

Gemini new moon high in the sky, my fingers in your hair, your hand on my thigh.

The watch strapped to your wrist shows 4 in the morning. Taurus bull in the ring, grunting and moaning with dark furrowed brows and deep craving eyes. I gently kiss your chest moving lower each time. Tracing shapes on your skin placing you under sleeps spell.

I promise to keep all the secrets we tell.

Deviant in the dark. Cigar ash, leave your mark. I lose my mind whenever the car is in park.

Your skin calls to me, you’re craving the sensation of giving yourself to temptation, to share your body, soul and mind in such divine time. To sit back and watch our stars align.

Its the small details of you that I adore. The veins on your hands, the sweat from your pores. How through the night our laughter roars, keeping the neighbours up next door.

(Summer love, Iris Elgin)

[anth1lls]

Woke up alone again, suppose you had somewhere better to be. Wrote I love you in pen, note stuck to the door hoping you’d be home to see. Im growing tired, of growing tired waiting on you. Make the choice, either you dont love me or you do

[anth1lls]

My mind’s been buzzing with questions for you, questions like was our love never true? and how could you look me in the eye when the spark deep in your heart had long ago died? Was I ever more to you than a ride home, a number always showing up in your phone, a sex toy made of flesh and bone, or did it only feel that way.

I was foolishly convinced you liked it when we kissed but my eyes were always shut so how would I know. You lied to my face and stabbed me directly in the back with an amethyst arrow. I always wanted to be the wife that you adored, the girl that went with the flow. but while you were out at the bars I was at home crying into your pillow.

[anth1lls]

Poetry visuals - May 2023

[anth1lls]

As a young girl my only dream was to be wanted

Id look into the mirror feeling deeply taunted

By my own skin and the way it folds and wrinkles,

at a plastic surgeons office with a piggy bank full of nickels.

A man will never understand wishing illness upon yourself because feeling skinny is worth more to you than your own health

And a man will never understand the beating in your heart when your best friend holds you as you fall apart

I dreamt I was wanted but what does that mean?

Deeper connection, vulnerability, being seen.

Braiding my hair down by the creek, listening to a song from the crows beak, learn to love myself like I love the mountain peaks and remembering the fact I loved you doesn’t mean I’m weak.

I was the most beautiful block of marble you had ever seen

You chipped away at me since the age of 18

Sculpting insecurities

Never called me art but you put me in a gallery

Others admired my rich variegation

They saw who I was through your mutilation

They applauded me, an ovation you couldn’t stand

And what you didn’t like you would swiftly ban

I dreamt of being wanted,

belonging to one’s heart

You dreamt of control ever since the start

I was a record that sat on your turn table

You could have pressed play, you were perfectly able

And now i guess i have you to thank

For finally letting me go,

giving me the clarity to think

I still reach for you on your side of the bed

Although it was empty long before the end

Im not weak for loving you

I am learning and growing,

what humans do.

I still dream of being wanted but now look within

Its a song of self love that I’m going to sing

- 24

[anth1lls]

I am well aquatinted with grieve,

I carry it on my hip like a blade in a sheath.

Ive gone to war with my mind,

prepared myself for saying goodbye.

I’ve been pulled from the weeds

as a decomposed body only ID’d by it’s teeth

[anth1lls]

Our hearts wear scars like sweat in summertime. Mixing feelings with drink and smoke only feels right so I’ll fill you a glass, rimmed with honey and lime.

Summer Fling -j

[anth1lls]

Its only me, you and the moon tonight

You feel like heaven, stars twinkled like disco lights

Kissing on my panties, screaming Jesus Christ

In cacaos, all he wants is that Turkish delight

On the run with my man, made a million in a bank heist

Told me I’m on fire in these knee highs

Got the tide running down my thighs

Only me, you and the moon tonight

[anth1lls]

“I gave away all my bandaids now im an open wound spilling blood onto the carpet of my pink bedroom”

[anth1lls]

The standards are on the floor once again and so is my night gown. I was up at 5 in the morning staring into the mirror with a frown. He touches me and sometimes he responds to my texts. He has little nicknames for me, he’s way better than my ex.

[anth1lls]

The summer sun ripens fresh fruits and berries, sweet and delicious don’t let them go wasted. You were the sweetest berry that I’d ever tasted. By fall I had faced it, it’s poetry and your touch that this friendship is laced with; it’s your hands my heart is placed in.

- J

[anth1lls]

Interested to see how this is interpreted by others.