anxiousbluebirdbear

[anxiousbluebirdbear]

I miss you geornelly🙂 I'm pretty sure you won't be able to see this because you don't have a tumblr account aannnddd I don't want to confess that I have feelings for you for about 2 or 3 years now. I'm just gonna say this in here, where no one knows me and no one knows you. I did not stop liking somebody else but I felt like me liking somebody else is just a part of me trying to move on from you. I miss the old you. That's the guy I've fallen in love with. I don't know why I liked you in the first place because I was just minding my own business while liking some dumb handsome dude. Ohhh maybe I liked you because I was trying to move on from a heart break. Remember when we went to a field trip (or something like that), then I tried to touch your hand with just poking your arm? Hahaha I don't know why I did that😂 I'm sorry I know its annoying (I don't know it's annoying back them cuz I'm dumb ok). Then years went on, you blocked me to your messenger account because I put your photo as a profile picture because of that dumb dare🤡 gosh I know it's embarrassing. You hated it, like you got so embarrased that you chatted me to remove it and blocked me. Ok I got blocked and maybe you stoped talking to me. Gosh I was so embarrassed with you too. I think we didn't talk at all back then. After that incident happened. Ohh nooo you did talk to meee😂 you talk to me still like nothing happened and we are partners in jingle competition while I'm blocked in your account😀and here's the dumb me still head over heals for you. Wooowww the power of love. I just realized that. Then 10th grade came, I flirted with other guys, even flirted with our classmate🙈 flirted with guys online and everything but I still like you. I became your dog literally🙂 I would do everything you want me to do, I would do errands, will buy you foods when you got no time going to the canteen but I never felt like I was used by you😄 I'm literally blind back then. Still, I like you, I felt that you care for me because why would you say bae to me and help me go up that dump truck😂 when you're treated like a king in the school and in your house. Then there's this trend that has been going in our school like you create a family and my closest friend is in a family and I'm not so I decided to ask them to adopt me and you said "why not just find a husband" then my dumb ass replied, "what am I going to say, marry me)" then you just laughed. I thought maybe you're giving a hint that you like me too because you have a sort of family and you want me to be your wife🤡gosh its dumb now that I thought about it. What if I said I'd love to be your wife? I don't knowww I just wish we're still close today. Then the last and most memorable thing that you said to me was when we were planning about our moving up ceremony you said that, "I think I'm going to miss you" then my dumb ass yet again replied "I don't think so"🤡 wow how i wish time travelling is real. What if I said I'm going to miss you too? Maybe we would still be close today. Now that it's been a long time, I'm the one who misses you, I'm the one who's stuck at the past. Maybe you like someone now and you're missing her. Gosh it's sad when I think about you because I know that you won't think about me the same way I think about you. I keep dreaming about you because I can't cope up with the fact that we will never be together and we will never gonna see each other. Hey when you visited our campus, I did not look at you because I want to prove that I'm ok without you. I don't know what you're thinking back then but I really want to prove that. Sorry, I wish I could have hugged you back then but it would be so awkward. I need you in my life. Even if not as lovers but I want to bring back the days we were together(not lovers) even if you treated me as a friend, an acquaintance or an errand girl. I don't care, I need you. I miss your presence, I miss your scent, YOU. I MISS YOU❤

[anxiousbluebirdbear]

I Give Up

It hurt so much, I can’t. I want this to end badly...

[anxiousbluebirdbear]

I've always thought that my life is f****d up. I want to go to Japan so badly but I feel like my body, my brain, my sanity is giving up. Please someone take me to Japan. I want to be free, I want to find myself.

[anxiousbluebirdbear]

Omg I can't believe what happened to my other account🙄

I think someone tried to report my other tumblr account. Maybe a solo fan... Just can't take the candies in there😌 please dear solo fan🥺 if you can't take the candies in my other tumblr account just mind your own f-ng business🙂 I did not create that account to f-ng make you mad ok? I'm sorry if you got called out by all that candies but not really. B-ch hope you get karma🙄

[anxiousbluebirdbear]

I thought college is like what I read in novels and watched in tv. But the truth is its so normal and boring... It's so boring it's depressing. I hate this part, wish to work now.

[anxiousbluebirdbear]

“when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” dr. wayne dyer

#jussayin #subtleremindersarekey

[anxiousbluebirdbear]

Hey, have you ever experienced being told by your own father dumb and doesn't deserve to go to school because you're dumb?

I did🙂

But I never considered suicide, I did think about it sometimes but I hope to never do it for real. I always think that even if life becomes hard sometimes, there will always be somebody who cares for you and thinks about you. I think about my dreams, I've always dreamed about going to Japan and I hope I'll still hold on until I reach the place I dreamed of.

[anxiousbluebirdbear]

Watching The Untamed Behind the Scenes because I'm sad😢

[anxiousbluebirdbear]

I remember my crush at 10th grade. He always ask me if he has an eye booger. Of course I would look at his eyes and look if he has one and I would say none. Everytime... Then this went on for weeks.. I would look at his eyes and he would look at mine. Everytime this happens, I feel my heart thumping. [Because he's my crush and he's looking at my eyes. Of course I would freak out😂]

Now that I'm in college, I saw a random video saying that if your pupils dilate while looking at someone you like, you really like them. And my crush run an experiment if I really like him or not while looking at my pupils😐 for weeks..... what a witty person.

[anxiousbluebirdbear]

I want a boyfriend like Yibo.

He's just too sweet with Xiao Zhan I can't🥺 I want to experience that too. Bringing food to me, go for a walk at 8:00 AM tho that's too early but who cares if I have a boyfriend like Yibo. He will never stop caring for you like you're his world🌏 Even carry you in his back🥺 tho he hurts you by slapping or having battle with you but he will never hurt your heart❤ he's just too caring and loyal and will only smile for you!!😊 gosh Xiao Zhan is so lucky to have Yibo; Yibo is also very lucky to have Xiao Zhan💚❤

Being single and shipping these two is soooo hard😢 if you know someone who's like Yibo please tell me😖🥺 btw I'm a girl💁🏻‍♀️

[anxiousbluebirdbear]

“Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.”

— Don Miguel Ruiz

[anxiousbluebirdbear]

“Do you know what hurts most about a broken heart? Not being able to remember how you felt before.”

— Cassie Ainsworth, Skins

[anxiousbluebirdbear]

[anxiousbluebirdbear]

There's this activity that we have to answer and the question is "Why did you chose teaching as a profession?" How the hell am I going to say that my main motivation to keep on pursuing my program is Yizhan... like... I'm sorry if this is not how you expected for me to answer but yessss I'm going to pursue teaching because I'm going to Japan (which is my second inspiration) and go to China and start supporting them🙂or buy merch or go to fan clubs or go to their concert and scream BOJUNYIXIAO IS REAAAALLLLL or MAMA WO AI NIIIIII or scream XIAO ZHAN at Yibo.... ain't that great? Tell me it's great :))

[anxiousbluebirdbear]

Who's my first love?

My first love is my classmate when I was in 8th grade. I don't really like him at first because he don't really stand out and I like an idol then (Baekhyun of EXO). At first he would steal a gaze of me and sometimes I would look outside and he would suddenly pop out of my view and he would smile. I really like his smile and he's so good looking, just that he's not intelligent. He would do this everyday. One day when our class is required to go in front to look at our teacher describing a lesson, he suddenly held my hand (my right hand) and I looked at him in confusion but he just smiled. Then I looked behind us because I'm afraid that someone would see us. Indeed, someone saw us, our classmate saw us holding hands and I was shocked. So shocked that I forgot he was holding my hand. He looked at our classmate and he nodded at him, he looked at me and then let go of my hand because our teacher was done explaining. My heart just burst after realizing what he did, it was like a love story in books, I can't stop smiling after that. (Take note, I'm in 8th grade and I never had a boyfriend, no clue what I was gonna do) Okay continuing.... After what happened that day, he would eventually hold my hand when we have group works and I like holding his hand. My heart would drop whenever I see him and we would sometimes play staring contest, it's so fun and I knew I was in love with him. Then our love story took a turn when his friend moved to our class. He said that his friend likes me, I was confused when he said that because I thought he likes me. Well that explains why he never asked me to go out. I was just played by him and my heart was just so broken. I hated him for years......

[anxiousbluebirdbear]

hahahah i can't.....

[anxiousbluebirdbear]

"Eyes say what heart can't put into words"