anxioushades - Tumblr blog

[anxioushades]

I don't want to go back to a toxic relationship, I don't want to, I'm scared, I'm in pain, I don't enjoy disagreeing every day I'm tired I don't want to

Please I want to feel okay

I want you to be okay

Why did you leave me

Why do you hate me

Why did you kill yourself

Why is your ghost still haunting me

[anxioushades]

“Don’t you dare fucking touch my heart unless you plan to stay.”

— Unknown

[anxioushades]

I hate living so much

[anxioushades]

there was nothing

[anxioushades]

Inspired by: ‘deafening silence’- @moonchild-09

[anxioushades]

I want to stab myself. I want to grab a knife and open my stomach. I want to see my guts spill. I want to suffer. I want to hurt myself. The idea of death sounds truly appealing.

I don't want a body. I don't want to be real.

I want to stop existing. Existence is painful. Meaningless.

[anxioushades]

Days like this I would very much like to die. Everything sucks. I have no future. I'm nothing. I'm invisible. I'm unwanted.

[anxioushades]

I'm trash

I'm trash

I'm trash

I'm trash

I'm trash

I'm trash

I'm trash

I'm trash

I'm trash

I'm trash

I'm trash

I'm trash

I'm trash

I'm trash

I'm trash

I'm trash

I'm trash

[anxioushades]

I wish they would disappear.

[anxioushades]

I'm tired, so very tired. Of everything. That's it, that's how this blog starts, a blog no one will ever see, just like my art, my thoughts and my everything; that's who I am. Invisible.

No matter how hard I try, how hard I want to make a difference and how hard I want to save the people I love. I can't. I can't even save myself.

I guess I'll keep this as some sort of personal diary or emotional dumpster; where I write everything that's on my mind, especially the dark parts.

It's not my fault, not entirely. I have BPD. I have anxiety. I have PTSD. But I can't - and won't hide behind it to justify myself and my actions. It's an explanation. Not an excuse.

I am a bad person.

I am broken.

I am sick.

I deserve nothing.