apoetscompendium

[apoetscompendium]

My friend, my old friend, why are you looking at me like I’m prey?

But most importantly, why aren’t you putting your hand away?

This part of me’s private, one I don’t want you to touch,

Stop at once, let me go, my arm’s bruised by your clutch.

I thought I’ve been clear, I don’t see you that way,

And even if I did, you’d have to ask if you may,

Lay your hand on my body with this kind of intention,

In a place like this, like you’re scared of intervention.

I cannot believe that this is not common logic,

the fact that flesh on a bone is not at all erotic.

How can you look at someone and somehow perplex,

Their mere existence with allowance to partake in sex?

What was even on your greasy, slimy hands?

That I feel spreading everywhere, arms, legs and glands?

What is this plague that’s contaminating my very being?

Like a lethal disease that’s slowly my body killing?

What is this feeling that I cannot escape,

When I wasn’t even victim of actual rape.

Why do I feel dirty, ashamed and guilt-ridden,

I’m not in the wrong, why do I want the truth to remain hidden?

[apoetscompendium]

The Devil Inside

Something inside of me is trying to break free,

It’s kicking and clawing, it’s struggling to flee.

Something inside of me is waiting to get out,

It’s pushing my bones, it’s trying to sprout.

My skull feels cluttered and my spine like it’ll burst,

I wonder and ponder which one will crack first.

I fear its pointy horns will puncture my eyes,

With its obvious goal; my body to comprise.

Truth is, the creature that’s trying my body to snatch,

is in reality the Devil that’s bound to hatch,

from my skull and my spine and my clavicle and my ribs,

Ever since I was born, on my soul it had dibs.

Beelzebub, Lucifer, call Her however you please,

you’ll have to accept it, I’m the reason She lives.

Such a sinful, evil soul, how could She resist,

I doubt a better host would ever even exist.

I’m trying to hold Her, attempting to keep Her caged,

it’s getting harder and harder, now that I’ve aged,

Because my arteries and veins are the umbilical cord,

Pumping my rotten heart’s blood right into Her core.

But I can’t let her win, so despite my condition,

I curl up with her inside, in a hibernal position,

It feels like I’m losing it, descending to insanity

After all she chose me for my wicked mentality.

[apoetscompendium]

Whenever I feel worthless, I remember my best friend.

I recall the image of her climbing the hill to my house, huffing and puffing in exsaustion.

I recall her face changing, the moment she catches sight of me. Her tired frown transforming into the brightest expression. How she's beaming, the corners of her eyes crinkling with joy. How she suddenly becomes a sun of her own, emmiting warmth and light.

All that because she saw me.

Not because she expects something from me. Not because she is under the illusion that I'm perfect. Not because I've never hurt her. Not because she's never hurt me.

It's because it's me.

Because she's seen me at my best and at my worst. Because she trusts me with her most private secrets, knowing that I'll show empathy. Because I trust her like this too. Because we can be vulnerable, weird, needy, messy, rude, nice, funny, sweet and everything will turn out all right in the end.

My self hatred has vanished.

My only concern, is

I hope she notices the brightest light on my face when I see her, too.

[apoetscompendium]

The Sparrow

It was such a chilly, peaceful night, When you lost your skill of flight. Badly injured from the recoil, You laid stranded on the soil.

A group of students then walked by, In hopes of help, you left a cry. They each lifted you in their warm palm, To reassure you, they meant no harm.

Peacefully nesting in a girl's arms, And for the godsent help thanking the stars, to your surprise and dismay, A boy exclaimed "We cannot stay".

"We said we'd meet up at the bar and as we know it is too far. Our friend just called us on the phone, We'll be too late, leave it alone."

The girl considered its tiny size, Looked into its small and beady eyes. The fear in them started to settle, And its bloodied feathers began to tremble.

This little creature needed her aid, But of her friends she was afraid. And so after little hesitation, She gave into the dissuation.

You were abandoned on a patch of grass, Surrounded by shards of broken glass. Alone and scared, you were left to die, And for the girl's actions, cursing the sky.

That girl was me, and I'm so sorry, My action still feels me with worry. I can't believe that for some peers, My ethos simply disappears.

I beg you, please noble bird forgive me, And the fear that lived within me. For a lifetime this action has made me guilty, Please sir sparrow, spare me some pity.