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arachnomorphic · 1 month ago

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Beware: crimson-feathers (abuse and art-theft)

TW: mental health talk, suicide/suicidal ideation, self harm, severe depression, transphobia and slurs.

Please do not harass anyone mentioned in this post and do not engage with them. I do not want these individuals to know I posted this, because I know this will incite a whole new wave of hatred and harassment towards me AND POSSIBLY OTHERS INVOLVED.

I didn't really intend to re-dig up this situation, but it'll feel better for me to get *everything* off of my chest. And, there are people who still interact with my tumblr (mutuals) who knew this individual and I think it's important that they also see this if they do. I want my experience with them out there and I don't want them to get away with what they did to me and what they may have done to others that I care about.

This PSA will partly detail how this person treated me while we were in a relationship, how it affected me and most importantly explain the extreme level of art theft they've done to me for years. ↴↴↴

RELATIONSHIP ↴↴↴

So back in 2018-2020 I was dating someone we'll call feathers (he/him iirc) since he typically went by that internet alias and still do to my knowledge. My relationship with Feathers was abusive and neglectful. The relationship began with a lighter tone, I experienced a lot of love-dumping on their end and they made me feel special and loved, though after a while the facade dropped the longer we spent together. I started to notice a pattern of severe neglect, they would often completely ghost me for days to weeks on end with not so much as a single word breathed my way. We interacted somewhat in discord servers but it seemed like we never got to talk one on one, and the only time we did talk was to roleplay. The relationship felt transactional. They constantly wanted to roleplay (and I admit I wanted to as well, because it was the only way that I could share a moment with them.) and often wanted me to draw their characters which I was not against, but we never truly.. Did anything together, we never really vc'd or watched a movie or played games together at all. We just did nothing but roleplay. I tried everything I could to get their attention and affection and get treated again like I was when we first got together. I cried alot.

Our relationship took a turn for the worse after 2019 rolled the corner. We were active in mha roleplaying server at the time and we had a lot of mutual friends- However after some time I noticed that our shared friends seemed to favor talking to Feathers way more than they wanted to talk to me. I was confused about this but being young and naive I didn't really think anything of it until it all came crashing down one day. Apparently our shared friends thought that I was an awful partner. I could not fathom why at all, but it had something to do with me "shit talking my partner." The only instance in which I had ever done that was to vent about how they were treating me and how I was jealous that they spoke to everyone BUT me it seemed, and how I never really felt that happy with them. Evidently Feathers had introduced the idea that I was mistreating them. I'll admit that I probably wasn't the best partner. I was a mentally ill undiagnosed autistic teenager. In 2019 I was only 14 going on 15, and I had never had any real relationships with anyone, and I was struggling alot with my mental health and self confidence, among other things.

It hurt, alot. To learn that my friends no longer even liked me because I vented about my partner, to learn that my friends had a new idea of how I was because of how Feathers interacted with them privately. We were close and all of a sudden they thought I was a bad person and that I was annoying, or that I was socially unaware. I don't blame anyone who thought this of me because we were all young. Things happen. But knowing my partner would talk shit about ME behind my back and then frame it in a way that said I was the problem really irked me and it hurt me, alot.

Soon enough the neglect got worse. Feathers would say anything to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal or spin it in a way that made me seem like the problem and I truly believed I was at a point, that I was just being a baby or that I was overreacting or that it wasn't a big deal, every time I brought up my concerns with Feathers nothing ever got solved. Any time I pointed out how I didn't like they'd dissappear for days or weeks on end without saying anything to me or even notifying me for a second that they were busy, they'd deflect it, or say nothing about it at all. "Well I have alot going on too" was something I heard alot. I'd start to try and vent my issues and they'd cut me off and vent their issues instead. It always ended up with me having to comfort them, while I myself never got a lick of love or comfort. I felt miserabel. My mental health plummeted.

I started to hurt myself, it was the only thing that made me feel better in the moment. I had no support group because all my friends distanced themselves from me, my own partner wasn't supportive of me and my mental health was declining because of my mistreatment and societal struggles I was enduring at school and in my daily life. I felt like an outcast and I felt unlovable. I had never felt more lonely in my life.

One of my biggest fears is being alone to this day. I will never be able to shake how I felt when I was a t my lowest. I didn't wash my hair. I didnt brush my teeth. I couldn't get out of bed, I barely ate. I couldn't even find the energy to hurt myself or cry anymore. I didn't take care of myself and I didn't love myself. I started to think about suicide, I thought maybe if I killed myself I would feel better, maybe if I killed myself everything would go away. Maybe it'd be like a long, peaceful sleep. And I kept thinking about it, until one day I wrote about my plans to ascend to the roof of my school and jump off.

Thank god that I told my school counselor about it that day, the same day I planned to do it. I realized how scared I was, and how I didn't want this and I wanted to live. I confessed to my school counselor that I wanted to kill myself and told her how I planned to do it and they called my dad. I went home that day and my mom hugged me. She cried and relented about how she could of lost her baby. I cried too. It made me realize what a huge mistake I would of made. How could I make my family hurt like that?

I never told Feathers about this. To this day I don't really know why I didn't. I think because I truly believed they wouldn't care, or wouldn't reach a hand out to me and say that it was okay, and that he was here for me. Because I truly, truly believed that he never was. Not for a moment did I believe that he would mind if I was gone. I don't think I would of turned a corner if it wasn't for my family. Maybe things would of gone so much different if I told feathers that I planned to do it. I think I would of went through with it that day if I did.

After this, I felt nothing anymore for Feathers. I tried to make it work still but i think that day all of my love for them burned out. I didn't even like them platonically anymore. I fell completely out of love. In 2020 I broke up with Feathers. I was beginning to imagine myself with other people, and wanting to pursue others. I deleted our private server and didn't look back. Soon after I got into a relationship with another person, (though this relationship did not last as we mutually agreed we were better as friends.)

For a while I had maintained a point of no contact with Feathers as I was still deeply hurt by him.

Around late 2022 I received a message on twitter basically calling me a tr*nny among other things. I thought not much of this message and ended up deleting the conversation. At the time I had identified differently and used to go by he/him and preferred to identify as a trans man, explaining the potential reason for this message. I was not particularly active on twitter at the time though so it was a little odd to receive such a message.

Some time later, a few months later or so I got a message from Feathers. Feathers apologized to me and said that "My friend sent that message but I did not condone them sending it" and whatnot, I didn't think much of this either and just accepted his apology, though we started talking more regularly after this and re-added eachother on discord. For a while we had maintained this contact, I wanted to keep a positive relationship with them because I was still extremely conflicted about how our relationship played out. A large part of me believed that I was equally to blame for our relationship failing, and I still had issues with self confidence and how other people perceive me, being extremely critical of myself. During this time we would occassionally roleplay which is something we used to do when we were together and I would very frequently send Feathers my art.

After a while it became glaringly obvious to me that i'll never be able to forgive them. Interacting with them was painful, I was often pretty defensive when I spoke to them and I could come off as bitchy. Knowing that I would never really be able to have a positive interaction with them again I cut them off sometime around mid 2023.

I hadn't heard from them after for a long while and I was happier that way. I started to come more to terms with the mistreatment I endured and focused on myself after my next relationship ended. I was still in pain but after a while I started to heal. I haven't had a suicidal thought in a long time, and neither did I have the urge to harm myself. Overall, I started doing much better.

ART THEFT ↴↴↴

On September 30th 2024 one of my now friends reached out to me regarding some of my old art. Asking to confirm if some of it was mine and whatnot and I confirmed it was, and it was revealed that Feathers had been stealing my art for TWO YEARS. On my friends behalf I will not detail their experiences with Feathers for the sake of their privacy, and only refer to my personal experiences.

All of the art I had sent to them they would then send to my friend on discord claiming it was theirs. Feathers now had the handle "tzardom" on discord at the time with the UID 166087026309857281, (Last I checked their displayname is now AIRYEN!)

This art is all proveably mine, to see the full thread on the situation here is a link to that. The link includes a video of my friend scrolling through their messages to show that the screenshots were not edited.

To say that I was angry was an understatement. At the time I had fully come to terms with the idea that I was 100% abused by Feathers, and that I was not to blame for how they treated me. Not only did I now understand that I was abused, they had went as far as to steal my art. I was.. Very upset. I posted about the situation publicly on twitter.

When I confronted them they did not apologize even once. I asked them time and time again to just apologize, for my own peace of mind I wanted them to admit they had hurt me but they never did. They deflected. Like they always did. Their friends harassed me including their partner at the time, saying how I took the screenshots out of context and whatnot though feathers ON RECORD stated that they drew my art. I cannot understand how this conclusion was even met that I was lying or trying to make up this situation for clout or attention, or that I was somehow in the wrong when they blatantly had been claiming my work as theirs.

Perhaps it is partly on me for not properly adding watermarks to my work. That is ENTIRELY my fault for believig I could trust Feathers after how they treated me, but now I know better than to do that again.

There was more of my art that they have stolen as well but for the sake of my argument I'm only sending the art that they have proveably stolen or failed to credit me for. My friend detailed that there was much more they took and I know which art of mine they did took but I will not be sharing it here as theres no point. However, that is to say they've taken much more from me than just a handful of drawings to my knowledge. Knowing that there is evidence currently to suggest that they were taking any of my art at all even one thing, allows me to believe they've taken MUCH more.

Along with this, they also claimed a character I sold to them, Seta ↴

Was drawn by them, when they were absolutely not. I drew this for Feathers as a commission when they bought the character from me (hilariously for a $20.00 subway giftcard. I will not understand why I accepted this offer or why they paid me in a giftcard when they later went to commission this reference from me and pay me normally.. I'm baffled, lol.) Seta's rights were relinquished as well to my Friend some time ago but Feathers has since tried to re-take the rights of the character, which is dissappointing behavior.

I'm still incredibly hurt by everything. I'll probably never recover from my time with them and i'll never not be angry at the fact they then turned around and stole my art while I was trying to maintain a positive relationship with them. It's safe to say i'll never be speaking to them again.

However a part of me is still pretty uncomfortable with the idea they might still be throwing my art around and claiming it as theirs in discord, but i'll never truly know. That really, really bothers me.

I hope I can one day move on from this but today is not that day. That is all, thank you for reading if you did.

Please also be wary of kashidoodlescreations and Starchildtommy as they were one of the people attacking me and defending Feathers with their dying breaths when I was calling out Feathers on twitter.

AGAIN: Please do not harass anyone mentioned in this post and do not engage with them. I do not want these individuals to know I posted this, because I know this will incite a whole new wave of hatred and harassment towards me AND POSSIBLY OTHERS INVOLVED.

#rant #important #callout #call out post #art theft #psa #artist beware #beware

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