ashryder

[ashryder]

"Alright, alright, whatever the birthday boy says, goes," Ash lightly rolled his eyes, locking away whatever apologies he's too ingrained to always offer at every slight inconvenience to the people that mattered to him. Sometimes it's still a wonder to Ash how the two of them ended up the best if friends, they were vastly different Beau being the sweetest extrovert he's known and Ash being the textbook definition of introvert tired of people once he's hit his limit, yet somehow the two of them clicked and worked. Heck he probably learnt a thing or two from Beau in order to survive behind the bar. Of course, there were a few people he could never get tired of, and Beau was one of them.

Beau has made his appreciation to everyone known multiple times throughout the course of the day and night, the birthday boy probably went around thanking every single individual personally, bless his heart. Still Ash couldn't help but joke, "are you trynna butter me up?" But laughters soften into a genuine soft smile, taking his words seriously, knowing Beau meant every single one of it, "always. I'll always show up for you, I'm just glad I could be of help, and be here. What kind of best friend would I be if I didn't?" Somehow a part of him doubt the party couldn't have gone on without him or Beau wouldn't have just as good a time if Ash slipped out or wasn't here, but it didn't matter, there was a soft warmth in knowing Beau appreciated Ash despite this day being a day to celebrate him. "No where else I'd rather be right now than to be here, happy birthday Beau, no better day to celebrate you," Ash connected his glass with Beau's with a light clink.

It felt more than just a birthday celebration, in lieu if everything that had happened, in a celebration of life, Ashton was glad to know Beau pulled through and survived, what might've seemed like miracles to a lot of the gravely sick. Ash ignores the fact that he himself did somewhat half fall into that category, perhaps breaking his promise until he was forced to. Ash spent most of the time after his own trip into the hospital himself recovering alone, Hell's Gate still paying him over that week, a certain someone up top not letting him go back to work until he was back on his feet for good. He hadn't planned on telling Beau considering he needed to focus on recovering himself and from a much more dire situation than Ash, he didn't need to add to Beau's stresses, though how his best friend found out anyways was still a mystery. In any case what mattered was a month later they were both okay, alive, and laughing by a porch celebrating life.

And more importantly the pure unadulterated joy on Beau's face right now about to explode with the best news ever. It only felt like a bottle of champagne ready to pop open as a hand was shoved in front of his face as Ash caught onto the wedding band, "oh my god, really?" The biggest grin grew on his face as he placed his own drink down, and threw his arms around Beau in fits of joyful laughter, "congratulations you two, about time!" It was a joke in that comment, the two of them could take as long as they wanted to to tie the knot or never need to tie the knot at all, they were so obviously meant for each other even a blind man could see, whatever they wanted to do, wouldn't ever change that. Though the thought of another celebration to have of love after this celebration of life, had a joy bubbling up within his chest for his best friend. Beau deserved the world, and nothing meant more to Ash than to see him so filled with over brimming happiness.

Ash squeezed them in a tight hug, now that neither of them were hurting on contact with burns, uncharacteristically rambling off questions in a quiet excitement, "when did it happen? How did it happen? Who asked?" Pulling back to share a genuine smile with Beau before lightly pulling his hand between them to see the ring again, "it's beautiful, I'm so, so happy for you. One of my bestest friends, finally getting married."

❝ you better pack them 'pologies away, ash, i don't want none of it. ❞

and that is the honest to goodness truth ― beau will be the first to admit that just because he is a social butterfly with all the range of a painted lady in fall migration doesn't mean the folks he chooses to surround himself with are. and to be fair, it is a pretty huge party ; beau's not sure how long it took his sister to put the whole thing together, but it feels like at least half the town has come out to the farm to celebrate, a collection of familiar faces and new friends alike. he is thriving, of course, but he understands why ash might want for a break from the convivial chaos of it all. he's only glad he managed to find him in the midst of it.

❝ i appreciate you helpin' her out and for bein' here ― i know parties ain't really your scene, but i know it wouldn't be nowhere near the same without you here neither and it means the world t'me that you came, i hope you know that. ❞

he wonders if he should have said something similar to ash back in the hospital instead of getting so upset with him when he'd only been trying to help. beau doesn't remember a whole heck of a lot about the conversation ― an intense intravenous cocktail of painkillers will do that to you, it seems ― but he remembers how he'd panicked. how he'd snapped at ash. he tries not to think about it now, not when there are too many good things to be celebrating ; he's already since apologized, but the thought still creeps into his head every now and then when he least expects it. the guilt.

beau doesn't let himself get carried away in it and instead keeps his focus on the here and now to keep his mood elevated. the party. the incredible news he has to share. he puts his cup down to scoot a little closer to the edge of his seat and he can't contain his grin. he was curious for a while, shortly after it happened, whether ziggy had let anyone in on their plan or not, but he'd informed them between kisses that night on the porch that the only person in devil's elbow who knew was tadhg, and that was only because ziggy had asked him to carve the box.

if he wants to offer any sort of explanation, provide any sort of context for the romantic evening ziggy had put together for him, his excitement doesn't allow it. instead, he thrusts out his hand toward ash to show off the band around his ring finger, polished metal engraved with a sun and set with a cut of sunstone that glimmers with warmth even in the low light. ❝ i'm gettin' married, ash! ❞

[ashryder]

Ashton was almost low-key sulking as the soft reprimanding was dished out while getting stitched back up, mircro expressions wincing with every suture. "That I should do arm day with busted arms?" He had to joke, anything other than to skulk and pout, because he was grateful for Delia's help, and he didn't want to dismiss her expert opinions. He had reopened one of the healing wounds on his forearms, Delia being the first person he thought to go to, not really saying anything more, he hadn't spoken much about what happened, knowing she'd help him regardless. He watched her quick on her feet within minutes cleaning sewing and bandaging back up his arm. "Thank you.." Ashton murmured, he glanced up to see the very real annoyance in her gaze and he looked to the side, a small pout growing himself.

"I didn't mean to reopen it," he pushed back slightly but without much of a fight, knowing she's right on everything, he was just being stubborn. But he nodded, murmuring yes, I know, okay, softly in between her list of things to do and not do. When the formal tone of doctor-patient conversation dissipated to one of friends, blues lifted up to meet hers, internally conflicted in telling her. "You mean what happened when it reopened or when I first got it?" Ash chuckled before he sucked in a breath, "I was there at the market when it first hit, I.. you know how I am," Delia the few people who knows about his mutation, unavoidable for anyone tending to his wounds, "I didn't think it'd get that bad."

where: crows nest; delia's office with: ash (@ashryder )

"and what have we learned?" delia is curt. her expression is unamused at best as she finishes off the last few stitches across ash's arm, eyes locked in, hands deft and precise, not leaving a single room for error. a small snip from a pair of scissors, a quick wrap with a bandage, and finally delia feels like she can lean back on the stool she's sitting on, arms folding across her chest, eyes burning just a little with the annoyance she feels bubbling up inside her chest.

"you cannot get this wet, which means either you wrap it in plastic when you shower or you don't shower. you are absolutely not to pick at them, don't mess with the bandage, don't scratch, and if they start to feel bad, you come back and see me immediately." as soon as the laundry list is done, she huffs, then softens only a little.

"wanna tell me what happened, champ?"

[ashryder]

It felt good to share a laughter with Sera, perhaps a rare moment as his hands on the wheel relaxed ever so slightly. Steps forward together that had been in an awkward walled up standstill for years, proof that they were making progress. Despite everything that has happened and everything that was happening now, it was nice for them both.

He could feel the tension in her words once he brought up Felix though, a shared mixed of tone from them both, something Ashton picked up that wasn't really.. expected. Perhaps they've avoided the topic for so long it never occurred to him her own thoughts about the man in question at all. Ash paused for a second or two in silence in the drive before he slowly asked in a mutter, "has.. he ever caused you problems?" No time like the present to bond over a seemingly similar thorn in their side. While the drive wasn't long, there was plenty they could get to know. Ashton only knew Felix's influence personally on his own life and the others he met in the labs, but to be fair he didn't stop to think of those working alongside him instead, a curiosity he had to ask, giving Sera the invitation to share, if she wanted to.

"I hope so too.." Ash murmured softly, his usual hardened tone at work softened to a crack into a vulnerability he wasn't sure he's been with Sera before, "I know he's strong but.. I'm scared of losing him." He needed to see his best friend in person, see what else he could do for him or Ziggy. Even if the chances of death was high, Ashton didn't want to let his fear show once he gets there, if he could do nothing else but be a pillar to hold onto, he'd put emotions aside and be just that. But right now, he felt like he could give in to some truth. It didn't last long for him to steel himself again to talk about a game plan, logistics, his mind pushing aside emotion in favor of action. "No time like the present to test out a hypothesis," words had a little pep in jest as he shrugged, "since then the influx of patience probably gotten worse, plus the protestors outside. I think it's doable, once we get there, you do what you need to do. I.. I know my way around the hospital well enough," the underlying reasoning for that seemed sad if he thought too hard into it.

"..do you think an antidote is really possible?"

~~*~~

Sera let out a small huff of laughter. She hadn't been the one to administer any disinfectant of the liquor variety on Ashton, at least not yet, but she did agree with the sentiment. She hadn't met anyone who would recommend it but they all benefited from it. It felt better to laugh a little. Everything was so tense right now and she knew that the more that was left, the closer you got to cracking. People weren't meant to live that strained all of the time and she certainly didn't want it to build to resentment. Not with recent developments.

"Yea," she nodded and focused out the window again, nervous she had caught some movement but then chastising herself for being paranoid. It had to be because he mentioned Felix's name. That always made her nervous. "Nothing like madness and mayhem to keep him distracted." The venom in her voice was thinly veiled but at the very least, she knew present company wouldn't fault her for it. Of all of the people to be in charge of something that was supposed to help, he was the worst. And he terrified her. Eventually she would be found out and she had no doubt he was the one that would do it. And he would be ruthless.

"I hope he's doing ok," she nodded latching onto the change in subject. She wanted to offer to check in on him. Make sure everything was going okay. Report back to Ash if there was anything to worry about. But she knew that offer wouldn't land with him the way it would with others. She knew he blamed her still for a lot of what happened and part of her couldn't blame him. There were extremely logical arguments for why she couldn't do anything in that moment but that did little to ease the feelings of betrayal. "From what I saw when we were there initially, it's very disorganized because of all of this. It'll be easy for you to slip in and out unnoticed...in...theory anyway."

[ashryder]

Ashton pretty much had a routine down on lock, that included when he visited the bakery for a loaf of bread every week during an off day. It more often than not goes without much incident so today came by as more of a surprise of an example of how customers are not always right. He had let Dawn wait outside to rest, usually bringing her on a walk along the way in the early mornings to get bread. But this time when he pushed opened the door he caught the tail end of an argument with yeast. Or rather yeast-less bread. He stood in line behind, holding back a snicker eyeing as the customer left in a grumble without any bread, until the attention was shifted to him next.

"Mornin' Dorian, seems like my lucky day then," Ash lightly snorted at the comment of Dorian at the front of shop. Sure it was a rare sight, that he can't disagree, but over the years it's not like he's never seen the baker around before. "Actually, I'd love a bread without yeast too," a shit-eating grin flashed as he reached the counter, only holding it for so long before he also got tossed out of the store for the joke, "just the usual loaf of sourdough for me, I've ran out at home, though if your beautiful face could help slice it that'll be great, I still need to get a new bread knife." Slightly sighing, he put a pin in it to add it to the list of errands to run. "What was that all about? Is there some new anti-yeast trend or something?"

where: barley & rye with: anyone

"i feel like it's important to note that you explicitly told me you wanted the bread to have no yeast in it at all. none. not a single pinch." the annoyance on the customer's face is clear and obvious, but dorian still has that shit eating grin on his like this is the funniest thing he's seen all day. and so far? it is.

"yeast what make bread go fluff." and perhaps it's too far to be so rude. and perhaps he should have been fired ages ago. but even if he's a little shit, he's still a damn good baker. perhaps that's why he's clung on so long.

the customer storms out just as another comes in, and that grin softens into something a little less cruel for the next person. "welcome in, i was just about to head back to the back, but you were lucky enough to see my beautiful face today. what can it-- and i-- do for you?"

[ashryder]

Ashton had a feeling of what this was about when the commanders called for a meeting. He was usually quiet at silver lining meetings, keeping his mouth shut and listening, because when he does open his mouth, he makes it count, make sure it's worth listening to. So throughout this short but tensed meeting he didn't say anything, as did most of the rest of the militia, simply listening to the command of their leader, plea even if you read in between the lines.

Perhaps in the moment, Ashton had heard of the use of the Muñoz household and he also ran with it, the dire need to help and know exactly where he can help override whatever feelings he forgotten the residence might've felt. Fuck he even made Javi look after Dawn. Ashton leaned back on a table off to a side of their leaders, meeting Lindsay's gaze dead on every time it swept over him, you could say a guilt was eating at him over that. He had done his best to stay in his lane during this entire ordeal, organize his own unit that were able bodied and wanted to help, but other than that it might've been safe to say he didn't encounter his commanders much during it all. He tried to not let it even be known he ended up in a fucking Afterglow hospital bed. But Benny already knew, so he wasn't sure if it would've been a well kept secret.

The good news of a safe house after a few years of talks about it growing from a small rag tag team in a living room, did get overshadowed by the clawing guilt from the back of his throat at the forefront for what caused it to push it over the line into actualization. He might not have been the one to have made the call in the first place, he was at the clinic with Maisie when he even heard about it in passing, but he still felt the shoulder of responsibility weigh heavy for not thinking of the Muñoz's feelings about giving up their home. Considering his own injuries he technically wouldn't have even been allowed in and left out to dry - he lied. To them and mostly to himself.

Silence fell across the entire apace, Lindsay's words the only thing that hangs on even as he concluded the meeting, the team broke away in silence and quiet murmurs. Ashton took a beat or two staying in place, giving some of the soldier under his command a reassuring smile for them to be dismissed, before he sucked in a deep breath, forcing himself to walk up and face Lindsay. Anxiety would've made him pick at the scarring forearms if he didn't shove his hands in his pockets. But he stood a respectful distance, letting Lindsay have his time to drink before speaking,

"..I'm sorry sir."

who : open to silver lining militia where : mad scientist, a few hours before open

❝ are we all here then? all o' ye? ❞ steel blue irises are sharp and narrowed as they scan the interior of the bar that frankie has been gracious enough to provide them the use of ― during non-operational hours, of course, as much as the silver lining commander could truly use a feckin' drink right about now ― and take note of each individual face he sees scattered amongst booths and high tops, cross-checking it with the ever-growing list of names in their ranks. a list lindsay knows by heart. when he speaks, it is loud enough that his voice carries to even the tables along the furthest wall ; he makes a point to go slowly, to enunciate. more than once he's been informed that his accent makes him difficult to understand, and he intends to make his point very clear. no room for misunderstanding. ❝ i'll start by thankin' all o' yae fer comin' on such short notice, like. ah ken ye've got lives beyond this, and i dinnae intend tae take up any more o' yer time than i must. ❞ lindsay walks the room as he speaks, making eye contact with lieutenants and soldiers, friends and family alike as he goes. ❝ unfortunately, that's where the pleasantries are goin' tae end this evening. ❞ he stops once he's made it back around to the bar, hands locked behind his back as he turns to face the room at large. ❝ if i come off as harsh, i apologize, but in light of the recent influx of disaster situations in town, there is somethin' i need tae make clear tae each an' every one o' ye. ❞ lindsay draws in a deep breath through his nose, sets his jaw. ❝ my home is nae the headquarters o' this organization. my den is nae a situation room and the kitchen where i have breakfast with my partner every morning? it's most certainly nae a feckin' emergency triage center. ❞

he tries to keep his voice steady, but this has been gnawing at him for weeks.

❝ i understand that in a crisis situation, ye look tae us fer support and i dinnae intend tae deny ye that. but there is nothing ― and i need ye tae understand, i truly mean nothing ― that i value more than the safety o' my family. and by making my home the epicenter of every crisis response operation, yer makin' the decision tae jeopardize that safety. my door is open tae ye, all o' ye, and there is not a single person in here who dinnae ken that, like. but i cannae have all of burnington's ill and injured showin' up at my feckin' doorstep at all hours o' the day and night and puttin' mine in danger. it cannae happen again. is there anyone in this room who needs that made clearer? ❞

is it a bit harsh? perhaps. lindsay can hear his husband's voice in the back of his head.

❛ nobody is arguing with you, mi amor. ❜

another deep breath and the commander tries to relax the set of his shoulders, if only just a fraction. end on a positive note, you can do it. ❝ good. i recognize that a communal space we can use in times o' crisis is invaluable, i do, and we are in the process of establishing a safehouse that is nae in the proximity of any o' our members because all of yer safety is o' the utmost importance tae us. until then, i ask that ye please refrain fae collectin' there en masse unless it's been discussed, aye? aye. ❞

there's no formality to end the monologue. lindsay simply looks around at the room once more, nods, and turns to head directly for the bar. just because they're not open doesn't mean he can't get a drink.

[ashryder]

Ash had been meaning to check in on his old friend, Hugo had been one of the few constants in his entire life, and perhaps their friendship and presence had been second nature but it's been weeks since the chaos and once there was calm again and he was back on his feet to work, Ashton had to come back to the regular visits to the butcher shop. He pushed through the door with the familiar bell, knowing Hugo, usually coming at the same time of the day near the end, poor guy always ends up closing up the store alone.

He simply stood by the doorway, amused at the way he jumped with the mop, "am I that scary?" Ash chuckled before carefully closing the door and walking in, reaching forward to give Hugo a greeting hug, "I wasn't gone for that long, was I?" Pulling back, his eyes examined his friend, making sure there weren't any evidence of injuries, "it's good to see you doing okay, sorry I haven't been back earlier. Just.. getting over the sickness from the bugs." He hadn't told most people the details or the severity of it all and ending up in the hospital, the less people knew the less they needed to worry about him. Ash moved instinctually to help Hugo cleanup without asking, "just wanted to see you and make sure one of my closest friends is still alive, safe and sound." The words perhaps came out more apologetic than jest. He paused once he got to the clean counter, placing down a small box from his bag, turning back to Hugo with a small smile, "and happy birthday, ..belated but y'know. Sorry the cicada swarm stole all the thunder. But just so you know I didn't forget, got you your favorite pastry from Barley and Rye."

location: the peppered pig

closed starter for: @ashryder

it was just before closing, and hugo had sent everyone away hours before. sometimes the shop didn't get much business on either end of things, and instead of keeping everyone from their lives, he sent them on their way with the rest of the day paid. in terms of bosses, hugo would be considered a pushover, and despite being told as much on multiple occasions, he just continued on happily, knowing that it wasn't that serious at the end of the day. but now there he was, left with the cleanup and the closing duties that he didn't particularly like. you'd never hear hugo complain about such things, but he sure could think of complaints whenever he wanted to.

the bell above the door jumped him, knuckles going white from gripping the handle of his mop as he spun to face the door. hugo didn't know what he would do to defend himself with that broom, but he could get crafty if it boiled down to it. however, seeing ashton ryder walk through the door made him relax immediately; he was the second most familiar face, and hugo was always happy to see him. "i was beginnin' to think you'd be a stranger forever," he teased, setting his mop aside to approach his oldest friend. "to what do i owe the pleasure?"

[ashryder]

Ash looked down to his bandaged arms when gestured to, waving it off with a light shrugged, "it's fine, that's on me, I didn't think it would get that bad." Sure in a different world he would've been cared for from day one together with Maisie, and he would've avoided all of this worsening. But there was that stubbornness and guilt all the same nagging from the back of his head too late to wallow over it anyways, enough people have scolded him over it already. "I was there at the market, when it all started so.. it was hard to avoid," Ash offered a reason for what Trystan was looking at, seeing the concern that sat in the other's gaze.

"And you know exactly where to find me, whether I want to be found or not," Ash joked, knowing his schedule and routine was predictable, at least in his everyday life, things regarding silver lining affairs were more unpredictable, more fluid, more discreet. He carefully placed down the crate in hand delivered by Trystan onto the trolley, the brush of contact on his forearms only a dull burn at this point. Ash looked down with a like shrug to the question, "not as much anymore, barely feel it now," considering his high tolerance for pain, it did embarrassingly mean that he had gritted his teeth and pushed through a lot more during that first week when the pain was freshest and at its peak. Compared to that, this was nothing he could complain about. "Surpringly... no, but they had to make it happen, too much was riding on it for them to fake it through," Ash talked through the logic, though he had to give it to the Afterglow team, "most people recovered after that, me included so.." he sighed, pausing before adding on in a murmur, "I'm just glad I didn't end up back on the other side of the hospital." There were only so few people that understood what he meant, and were still alive to know it. Ash wouldn't know what to do if they took him back in there, every scenario of an act of resistance seem to only end badly. He'd hate for Trystan to get hurt and also end up back on that table. "Did you hide outside of Burnington? Seemed it hit lesser outside of town." Ash raised an eyebrow before walking back to carry another crate of alcohol.

Seeing the other's bandaged arms, Trystan immediately felt guilty. He should have checked in on him earlier. Though, maybe he himself would have gotten injured as well; it was hard to predict. "Hi. Sorry about... all that." He gestured to the bandages. If Ash wanted to tell him more, he would. He wasn't going to push it.

Of course Trystan had heard about the deal with the Shamrocks and the cult. It was hard to avoid that kind of a thing - so violent. It felt incredibly unnecessary, but no one was asking Trystan his opinion. "No; it's okay. You know me. I'm really hard to find unless I want to be found." He had a few places he was usually loitering about, but it wasn't really easy to track him down unless he was seeking someone out. "Do they still hurt? Did Afterglow lie about their ointment?" He nodded. "Yeah. I'm pretty good at wrapping up and finding someplace to hide out that even the bugs can't get me."

[ashryder]

There are certain policies in place for staff accepting drinks from their customers, though a lot are in places especially to protect their escorts and dancers, doesn't mean the same don't apply to all staff. Ashton was behind the bar when the customer by the bar turned to him with the shot glass, he hadn't recognized serving him anything before this, the other bartenders were busy at the moment so he looked over the shot glass before greeting the man with a small smile, "hey there, we can take that away for you, no problem." Perhaps it's a bad habit to have but Ashton had to ask, mind wondering to potentially bad faith actors using drinks as a cover up, "guess not many people realize it's a work night, did someone give it to you?" It was asked in casual passing, sounding more curious than concerned.

Once gestured for permission, Ashton took the glass, blues looking over the contents just in case, before putting it aside behind the bar, the waste of a shot was nothing compared to the safety of people here. "What brings you here despite the early start in the morning? I can also get you some water if you need it."

who: open where: hell's gate

all night apollo has been moving between the floors like it was his job to do so, but truthfully, he was more bored than anything. he hates clubs most of the time, even ones that are filled with debauchery of all kinds on every level. he didn't want to see people beat the hell out of each other, he'd already eaten and drugs were out of the question beyond weed which isn't really a drug in his opinion, the lust floor was nice but he also wasn't trying to give all his money away for some fake affection tonight and he felt bad for watching without contributing, and gambling wasn't his thing. truthfully the reason he'd come there was to meet a potential artist and they never showed, now he was getting shots bought for him randomly and he was starting to think it was a trap.

"i don't know if i can take another one of these, man. i have to be up in the morning," he turned to his side to the person closest to him. "you want it?" apo just hoped whoever got it for him didn't notice him giving it away.

[ashryder]

“You were dealt a bad hand in this life. So fold that hand. Start over with a new one.”

Luke Mitchell in Blindspot 3x16

[ashryder]

"My mother used to say the same thing," eyes lingered over to the otherwise of memorials, he knew why heart where his parents were, but in moments Ash grinned back to Atlas, "she honestly let me be stubborn in certain situations, essentially teaching me the quintessential lesson of fuck around and find out." Times perhaps have changed in parenting ways, Ashton wouldn't know. But at least in years he's been out of the EAA, he had been trying to recollect the broken pieces of his life he had in Burnington before he was brought away. "Jordan will come around with age." Don't most kids? "You've been a good father, I can see it." Ashton wanted to remind his friend on that, lest he forgets amongst the stress and worries that come with it all.

Ash nodded as he listened, feeling that same need in his core, despite living simple, living minimally, he held on to the same kinds of sentimental items, not willing to let them go, even if they were neatly tucked away. "I still have a box of my parents things too, whatever I was allowed to keep," Ashton had been thankful for Hugo and his mother for holding on to more things when Ashton couldn't. His own house left in disarray after the EAA tore through it for whatever important things they were looking for, thankfully ignoring the real important things to family. "There's only so much we can tell, the physical items remind us that they were real," words softened at a memory Ash didn't really feel like sharing the details himself, ashamed to even acknowledge the haze in the pain of not really remembering them until his hands thumb the pages of his mother's recipe book or his father's watch.

He pulls himself back into the presence feeling a solid warmth resting on his shoulders, a side smile growing, he's still learning to simply accept the words, that he didn't need to counteract with a negative, that they were enough, even if he hasn't learned to think so yet. Always something that he could do better, always something he's sure he missed, a mistake made, a simple no from Atlas was enough to pull him out of the hint of a spiral, blaming himself had always been the easiest explanation for things that couldn't be explained. That was something he could control, rather than accept that there was nothing they could've done, the helplessness worse than the guilt. Atlas knew him well enough to know where Ashton was falling into with his words, nipping them in the bud quickly. Ash shook off the mental weights before agreeing, "..yeah, we do what we can," it was only in a mutter but it was enough to put his thoughts aside, he should've been the one comforting Atlas not the other way around. "We'll hafta be careful, we want Benny out without a bounty on his head," chuckling at the idea of Santi cooking up an exit plan.

"I'd love to catch up with her too," perhaps it had been awhile since he's met Atlas' mom, feeling bad that the busyness of life had been in the way. "There are a few kids I'm helping homeschool, we could always do it together so learning doesn't become a lonely thing," that perhaps was the biggest lesson his mother had for him in retrospect, she always did his own education with the other kids she taught, learning is more fun together or something like that.

He narrowed his gaze as Atlas continued to drag out the hints of who it was, though he listened patiently, trying to remember moments of when Atlas might've gone to the compound, and someone perhaps from the compound itself. But he paused to truly contemplate the question posed to him, any form of teasing dissipating as he hesitantly pondered to empathize that feeling with him. "I.. I guess," faces flickered through his mind, it had been easy to pinpoint platonically, best friends, found family, but he continued trying to land on potentially one that stirred a similar feeling described in that different way, "maybe?" ..whatever, they weren't here to talk about him, they're here to talk about Atlas and his love life, much more exciting and real.

"Sera?" He hadn't really expected the name out of his mouth at first, well, to be fair, he wasn't sure what he was expecting. It only gave him pause from the instinctive reaction from their slightly tensed.. history, Ashton would take the blame for choosing to sweep it under the rug, letting them exist together in the silver lining though he couldn't say he could ever fully trust Sera with his life. Still, it doesn't make her a bad person, she's done more good than a singular moment in their past. Ashton washed off the feeling and reaction quickly hoping Atlas didn't catch that and instead bringing back the teasing tone in his voice, "so.. what about it terrifies you then? Does Benny know yet?"

GRIEVING WAS A FAR from linear process. it was up and down, an overwhelming roller coaster. before her, he had never allowed himself to love -- something he had once believed he had control over. and she had been taken away from her. he had sat in the anger for a while, the urge to break every piece of furniture in his path nearly all-consuming. but he knew he had a child to fight for, to break through the discomfort, his own anguish. he'd have to show jordan what the world could be, the good he could have. all the while, he'd take every moment that he could to show jordan how much his mother had loved him. he had been so used to fighting through life alone -- believing that it was what he had to do. he was made to take down those the shamrocks saw as targets, thus, had he believed that everyone in his universe would likely become one too? why he felt the urge to push them away? " eh, y'know. i haven't exactly been known t'be the most compliant either over the years. but i pick my battles. " he laughs, hands buried deep within his pockets. " that's the way kids are, sometimes. or so i've been told. "

fuck, did he know overcompensating all too well. when he had known he was going to be a father, his first thought had been -- i have to make up for everything i've ever done, every death i've caused. be the man that his boy deserves. " i've been tryin' to keep everything i can. pictures, things with her handwriting on it... he has a couple of her sweaters. even got her uniform... if he's curious, i donno. i just don't wanna regret giving something away. in case he wants to know about that part of her life. " atlas and gloria had both been sure that they wanted their son to be raised away from the local governance, despite her involvement. they wanted him to be able to make his own choice. if he decided to join the army like his mother, he wanted it to be on his own terms. while atlas himself believed very little in their mission, whatever it was, the last thing he was going to do is push his son away -- but he wasn't going to keep what he knew from him either. it was a fine line, he had to walk. a hand comes to rest on ashton's shoulder before he speaks. " and you do a damn good job, man. "

atlas had always been a survivor. always able to tread through. sometimes, however, it still shocked even him -- how lucky he was. to have individuals by his side who he didn't force to carry his life with him. they wanted to be there.

i could have asked her to leave with me. the thought causes atlas to stop in his tracks for a moment. " no... no. hey. " he mutters eventually, shaking his head. they had a plan. all she had to do was finish out the next two years, and she'd be untouchable. her contract would be over, and they could raise their child in peace. maybe atlas could have gotten another job, but they never would have hurt for a second in their lives. for anything. " we thought we knew what we were doin'. you had to get out. plan and simple. the last thing either of us would want is for you to start blamin' yourself for somethin' we can't change. " but what they could do is get benny the hell out of there. he knew the expertise benny provided was a rare one, likely causing them to cling to him all the tighter than most. just like the explosives benny built -- one wrong move, and they were fucked. " we do what we can, right? i'm sure santiago's been sittin' on some kind of plan. wouldn't put it past him. "

his smile is soft at the mention of his mother. atlas had grown up with the knowledge that she was far capable of protecting her damn self, but there were very few people in this world for whom he would drop everything for. his mother was one of them. " she would love to see you. " he nods. his mother had always been very complimentary of him, a rare occurrence in her patterns. " it'll be good for him, to get away from governance schooling. gloria and i always wanted him to have the space to make his own choices. "

his face flushes as he continues. you know her, ashton. sera had come hurtling into his life when he had least expected it -- making him even further inclined to believe that gloria had sent her. " i... i think you know her, actually. " he chuckles. it was still a new feeling, being so enamored by another human being again -- after all this time. wrestling with the fear that he was trying to forget the woman who had given him such a gift in jordan, in their married life together. when in reality, that couldn't have been further from the case. " when... when i came by the compound, i met her. she was helping out an older guy who had tripped and fallen and i just... found myself watchin' her. couldn't really look away. y'know that sinkin' feelin' in your chest when you look at somebody? when you know that they're gonna be important to you? "

he pauses, as if trying to collect himself.

" it's sera. benny's sister. "

[ashryder]

He couldn't help joining her in a snort look out the door he just came in from, or totally casually strolled in. "How do you know whether or not I stumbled and tripped along the way here?" He asked a rethorical question as he made sure the door was closed and secure. He didn't stumble but he understood the sentiment, much more accident prone as a kid in the same way. "Who needs to be graceful anyways, makes each step more exciting." Waving off Wendy's claim to clumsiness. In any case she was steady enough to not stumble when it mattered, seeing her free from a single burn from the bugs. Ashton's small smile grew from the reassurance of her safety and the jest of the secret to avoiding the cicadas. "So that's the real method? You'll hafta give us the herbal concoction then to repell the bugs away by smell." He wasn't a bug expert so he didn't really know how cicadas work, other than regular insect repellant don't work on them.

"Don't doubt your abilities, you're a wizard in here, I also recently met one of your alchemists out front recently, um- Damocles? You guys are all geniuses - don't tell Briar I said that," he chuckled taking a beat before bringing his tone more seriously to the situation at hand, "the extras you have would be great help, I can bring the spare jars to the shelters holding the injured, I'll pay of course." There was no way she should be doing this for free, though with the chaos and systems down, remedy roots might need to put it on a tab with him. Ash's gaze surveyed the sight of the shop, seeing some of the chaos and damage before pulling back to Wendy, he couldn't help but begin wondering around picking up bottles, apparatuses and herbs that fell over, "I'm sorry the store got hit like this, can I.. help with anything?"

technically, wendy shouldn't even be at remedy roots. the swarm had caused such a panic, the space was left busted and decrepit. they weren't even open, but trying to make salves at home wasn't working for her, and so she needed to get out of the house. perhaps she should've made sure that the door was closed a bit more tightly, but wendy hadn't been thinking clearly when she let herself in, mostly paranoid that briar would waltz in and reprimand her for being at work when the store was nowhere near ready to open back up yet. but hearing the sound of footsteps approaching and then seeing ash appear reminded her that it was too late now.

"looked like a pretty decent stroll to me. then again, i find anyone that can enter a building without stumbling to be pretty admirable. you'd think since i'm so low to the ground that i'd be more graceful, but i have two left feet and the habit of not looking where i'm going." wendy let out a gentle snort, fingers tapping gently against the countertop, teeth worrying at the inside of her lip before she shook her head at ash's question. "nope, they managed to avoid me. partially because i'm always inside, and partially because i think they think i smell funny." wendy let out a tiny chuckle, though there was part of her that really did believe that second part.

"i've got some more, yeah. i've been having to forage a little extra lately, but i have one or two spare jars kicking around that i'm happy to give you. it's nice to know that they're actually helping some people; iw as beginning to doubt my abilities."

[ashryder]

int. right outside ashton's apartment door - day. @strainedinnocence (emery)

"You're done with your last batch of books already?" Ashton blinked as he got back from a quick walk with Dawn, pausing by the hallway in the apartment building seeing Emery waiting outside his door with books in his arms. In all fairness, it had been a crazy few weeks, bet getting stuck indoors sped through some of the books he had loaned Emery before. Every once in awhile they'll somehow come together for a strangely shared interest that crossed in a Venn diagram. Emery's fascination of cryptids, Ashton's fascination of space, somehow end up with them talking and debating over extraterrestrial life.

Ash pushed open the door before letting Emery go inside and Dawn greeted their guest with a polite nudge, already familiar with this frequent exchange of a book club. "I'm not quite sure what else might interest you but feel free to browse," he shrugged before placing down his sling and refilling Dawn's water bowl. "What did you think about that last book you read?"

[ashryder]

ext. outside hell's gate - night. @bcrntbcnes (noah)

Life in Burnington seemed to find some sense of normalcy again after the weeks it had. The restlessness from lying around recovering physically had been remedied by going back to work as well, and even though it was light work in the day shifts, it was enough to help him from driving himself crazy doing nothing. By the time night fell, it was usually when things picked up and when Ashton usually starts work, but this week, it was the time he clocked out. Leaving the building as he greeted the working staff goodbye, he didn't expect the see a familiar face, welcomed all the same, "Noah- hey, it's good to see you," Ashton hadn't been able to keep in touch with Noah during the chaos but to know he was safe, alive, and not completely overrun in his department at the hospital was good enough for him, Ashton had asked around about Noah during his visits there, for Beau and for himself. He tried not to make it a big deal, in and out within a day as soon as he could stand, asking lowkey begging Finn to not leave him alone in there, before anyone else, especially Felix, could find out.

"I just finished my shift if you wanna catch up," Ash offered, always more than happy to catch Noah for a meal or drinks when he's in town, deep down Ashton still owed the surgeon his life, more than once, and he wasn't sure if that's a debt he could ever repay, so for now these treat of meals and drinks would have to do, "what brings you into town? Hopefully that mean things at the hospital has calmed down."

[ashryder]

int. red line diner - day @apocalyptixs (javi)

After he was deemed better from his trip to the hospital, Ashton finally picked up Dawn from Javi, longer than he had hoped but he had packed extras in supplies just in case. With the circumstances that happened, he owed Javi big time. And in that case, nothing like a meal on him. "Get anything you want, my treat, as thanks for taking care of Dawn," Ash tapped the menu with a short grin. It had been an insane few weeks since the swarm hit, and to go about helping where Ash could all while knowing his dog companion was safe made all the difference.

"Sorry it took so long, I didn't.. expect to find myself down and out," Ash softly sighed and admitted, knowing Javi would easily say I told you so, first words that day to Ash was literally you look like shit. Well, Ashton is nothing if not stubborn. It wasn't something he could hide from everyone even if Ashton rather it not be something people knew, considering Benny already found out. "I'm glad Dawn enjoyed her stay though, I owe you big time." The meal was a start but Ashton didn't even think that could cover it. He had owed quite a handful of people over the course of these events, there was a lot to pay back to others as well. "Bet you could even start a pet sitting service," Ash joked as he politely called a server over to take their orders.

[ashryder]

Muse Reactions!

Send an icon and I'll respond with my muse's reaction to...

❤ - A compliment

💔- An insult

👊 - A threat

⏰ - Their past self

⌛ - Their future self

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😆- Getting pranked

💘 - Being told "I love you"

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😓- Their most embarrassing/regrettable moment

🥤 - Their snack or drink getting stuck in the vending machine.

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��� -Seeing blood

💀 -Seeing a dead body

👻- A jumpscare

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❗ - Add your own!

[ashryder]

"We won't let them carry out that sentence," Ashton had said the statement with a quiet determination. Anyone of them could easily be in the same situation as Sera, a lot of the silver lining people had ties to Afterglow one way or another. A difference was leaving the EAA on good terms perhaps saved them that sentence. Even if Ashton didn't agree with playing fire and playing both sides, he'd respect the decision, might as well make a difference is right. They each all had their own ways of doing it, Ash included, and she deserved to be looked out for just like any other silver lining member.

His eyebrows still knitted together when blues finally reopened to drag up and meet Sera's eyes as she spoke so kindly, a small smile twitched past their shared sad gazes, "still, doesn't mean I should've given you the cold shoulder." It was a painful blur, but perhaps it had hurt more simply because he would've trusted her brothers in the EAA with his life, seeing the Muñoz name while in the hospital had been overly reassuring until it wasn't. Still, it was also unfair to put it on her. Perhaps there's still time for them to start over again. Ash listened quietly as she listed out the logical points of the facts that work in her favor, he couldn't help the counter points popping up in his mind, she and all the clinic staff will be the first people to answer to Afterglow if anything happens in town, they were the face of Afterglow to the common people. She could easily be made a scapegoat if something happens in Burnington.

Maybe he's just overthinking it all, he doesn't make his thoughts known out loud in any case. "The further away from the compound, the better," he agreed as he brought a spoonful of his leftovers to his mouth. He glanced up to the surprising question asked, his quiet chewing slowed until it stopped to drag out and buy himself time to think contemplate the answer to a question he wasn't prepared for. "I.." Ash considered brushing it off with a surface level answer of a classic I'm fine, but if he wanted to start over again.. "I don't know," he admitted in the silence, transitioning strangely sounded like such a.. clinical word to describe his life completely changing after almost two decades being shaped by the military. "By right I should be doing okay by now after these few years, but I guess.. sometimes the instincts they've beaten into me make me feel like.. I'm doing something wrong, just living life," he took a beat, "do you feel like that? With whatever corpo bullshit they preach."

~~*~~

"Ah, I have a death sentence regardless. Might as well make a difference in the process," she waved away the comment. It was a morbid fact but it was a fact all the same. Whenever Afterglow found out about her defection, because eventually they would, she would be at the top of the list of people to get rid of. In all fairness to him though, they did seem to be slow on moving through that list. Sera was certain her brother would have been on it but he also seemed immune to their attentions for some reason. If someone clung to that fact too long, it would probably look bad, so it wasn't likely a fact she'd bring up in anyone else's company.

She watched him make his apology with sad eyes. "You don't owe me anything. I know what it looks like and if this were reversed, I would have handled it the same." She hated what Afterglow did behind closed doors and she hated that her name was attached to it. But she justified it by looking at Silver Linings and all of the ways she was helping them. Perhaps that was yet another reason why she was so guilt ridden and forced herself to work so hard. She had something to make up for. Just like her brother.

"They're fine, for now. I imagine it won't always be that way but they have too many people to keep track of to really care about just little old me. Plus, as far as they know, all I do is treat locals and employees. I'm sure it's a point of contention that I don't live at the compound but...I'm not staying anywhere close to there if I don't have to. Have you..." she paused and watched him for a moment longer trying to consider the question. She really just wanted to return the favor of asking but part of her felt like she didn't deserve the answer. Like he would read into the question. She couldn't really blame him. Logic dictated she was a member of the enemy and therefore not to be trusted. But...she did care. Probably too much. "Are you doing ok? You don't have to give me details or anything. Just...want to make sure you're...transitioning alright."

[ashryder]

For a moment of sheer relief, it did slip Ashton's mind to have immediately reached for a hug of his friend, the reminder came in the form of the slight tension before he quickly pulled back, nothing was said about it other than an apologetic look that flashed on Ashton's face before they moved on. "Did you hear from your siblings? I had crossed paths with some of them, last I saw them, Santi's okay, had drove over with Sera few days ago, and Javi's... taking care of Dawn for me," the ridiculously normal scenario in this chaos of the younger Muñoz brother helping look after his dog had a chuckle bubble up though through a wheeze. "I was with Maisie, at the market when it all hit us," he lightly exhaled as he explained perhaps the root of why.. he of all people ended up here.

Both of them shared an unspoken bond, as friends and specialists in the army, and a figurative armlock by the same organization. Except Ashton had been lucky enough to leave, a nagging guilt that never went away of leaving his closest friend from the military behind. "More like dragged here.." he lightly scoffed, perhaps almost more fondly rather than annoyed at the culprit that got him here. Ashton wouldn't have sought treatment out of his own will, if no one else got it, Benny was one to surely understand what others might see as an irrational fear. Even just hours ago he had been itching to leave as soon as possible, the looming anxiety of history repeating itself the moment no one for looking out for him.

"It didn't for awhile.. I wasn't really sick for the first few days, the whole week really, I thought I'd be fine, there were a lot of things to do, people that needed help," Ash explained with a light shrug, "and then it just-.. hit me like a truck suddenly." A misstep for him to assume they were superficial wounds no matter how much they hurt in the moment, his body was suppose to be able to handle it, it's handled much worse, because what use was Ashton lying in this building, other than the way Felix wanted him to be of use? "Yeah, I was.. I was lucky." In every aspect he's been told that because of what was part of him. "That's good, be careful though, the swarm has lessened in the town, who knows if they'll still hit the compound before they die off," Ash muttered as his gaze lingered up to the fairly clear sky, the sounds of buzzing in town from the past week still in the back of his mind. "Do you.. wanna get out to town?" Ash hesitated before deciding to ask, he couldn't anything to deal with the metaphorical chains on him, but if anything just to be with family for a little while, plus it was chaotic enough to slip out, if Tully and Devan hadn't proven it so. "I'll be heading back in a bit."

it's an undeniable relief to not only be able to lay eyes on his friend, but to see him up and moving. as much as he tries to escape his own tendency to spiral into pessimistic thoughts, tries to push them down and hide them away, benedicto cannot deny that when he'd heard ryder was admitted to the hospital on-compound for treatment, he'd immediately assumed the worst. after all, benny did not suspect that the other man would be easily convinced to return to what is, in essence, afterglow's backyard. not unless the situation was dire.

benny tenses only slightly at the hug ; it's only a fleeting touch, a physical reminder that his friend is okay, and therefore it is okay ― está bien, está bien, está bien ― he's only forgotten that ryder has a proclivity toward casual physical affection. ❝ si, i know it was. i was relieved to have heard from you at all. ❞ and that much is true. he might not have been able to get ahold of everyone on his list of family ( and even shorter list of friends ) every person who could get through to him was a relief, a weight removed from a heavy mind. it would seem, though, in spite of his insistence, that ashton was not quite as okay has he'd insisted when they messaged.

❝ well, that is a relief, ❞ benny says when ashton makes mention of his fever, though his features are still knit tight in a scrutinizing gaze. ❝ it made you sick, then? the toxin? ❞ that must mean he'd gotten more exposure than most. ❝ i am glad you sought treatment, then. ❞ and that you get to leave now you've received it. ❝ you look well, at any rate. or, at least, better than most i've seen. ❞ he's not sure if that's polite to say or not, but he means it as a compliment. ❝ no, no, the bugs here were few, to my knowledge. i am fine. i've not seen any, but i ― well, you know how i get out. ❞