aspirationalmess

[aspirationalmess]

Chapter Three: New Beginnings (again?)

Well I am back lol.

After almost two months ! (But that can be ignored). The application process was long and tedious and in the end, it didn’t succumb to anything. I was rejected at the first stage.

But you know what? I’m not upset. I actually feel more alive. All of this time I think I’ve been thinking of my life and the things I’m doing currently as just a “build up”; preparation for my future and a sacrifice for things to come.

This is still my life though! This every day where I go to work to make money, and study, and put off things I enjoy to focus on what I “should” be doing. This isn’t preparation- this is my life.

I haven’t been happy with how I’ve been living because I’ve been treating it as limbo, as a waiting stage. I need to go out and do things I enjoy and make my life the adventure I want it to be!

This all sounds rather cringey but I don’t care, I vow from today to start making my life something to be proud of in the everyday.

<3

[aspirationalmess]

Chapter Two: Inspiration

Japan is one of those countries which just seems to fascinate me. Whether it’s the depth of its history, stark contrasts within its own culture, or just the magnifying scale of everything - from mountainscapes to skyscrapers to the sheer population. None of it fails to captivate me.

I adore sociology and having a society so different from my own; living and breathing on the other side of the world. I can’t help but want to study and immerse myself in its differences and find the commonalities. I want to explore.

That’s how I came to find Abroad in Japan. Like a lot of his viewership, I found Chris’ channel during lockdown and immediately loved it. The classic British humour being a grab at my attention because to be honest, I think it’s difficult to come across British YouTubers that I enjoy?

Seeing someone I felt that I could relate to, more so than any other American or Canadian counterpart which I stumbled across so easily, made travelling to, and hopefully living in, Japan seem like it wasn’t so much of a far away dream but a realistic possibility that I could reach for.

Then when he released his book I was so excited to read it and I finished it just recently! It was such an easy read and gave me a sense of confidence almost? I’m just starting the process of applying to study abroad in Japan and so hearing stories about other people doing it makes it seem more possible.

Obviously Chris didn’t move there to study, he moved to teach but regardless, it’s the actually moving across the world that I’m focusing on. I’m more than ecstatic to have the chance to apply to move to Japan. I may not even get in but I will try my hardest and through it all I’m still very, very nervous sooo… hearing what I consider to be a more truthful rendition of “adventures to Japan” is a nice phantom support.

Anyway, after all that nattering - I’ve started my application and if you get the chance to read the book, do it!

[aspirationalmess]

Chapter One: Back to business.

So I know it’s been too long since my last post - I had just started my first full time job and it was a really rough start. My anxiety reached its height for the first time in a long time and getting through the days was difficult. Survival mode more than anything else as I just slept and worked, struggling to eat.

Things have improved drastically though! Going to work is much less difficult; I enjoy my days most of the time and although I’m looking forward to leaving, I am thankful for the people I spend my days with.

Also, there’s exciting new prospects coming up. I’m planning on trying to upload updates every now and again to track my progress of…well, life I guess. To be fair this page is only for myself so what’ve I got to lose. I want to try better to keep up with this though as it didn’t go so great when I first started.

I have about 25 weeks left until my contract at work ends. I think it would be good for me to create goals for the next 25 weeks, both to make time go faster and also to have a time scale to get stuff done because I am nothing if not a procrastinator.

One thing I have started is studying kanji on the bus ride home after work. I’ve been studying my flashcards on the way home; making use of empty time because I’d only scroll mindlessly on social media otherwise. With a focus on the frequency at which they appear in the Japanese language, hopefully this is a good way to become more familiar? Honestly, anything is better than nothing.

So let’s see where this goes. Who knows what the next chapter will be but I will sure try to make one.

[aspirationalmess]

✿ Episode Eight ✿ : Who has time for full time jobs?

I got a new job recently and it has been…exhausting to say the least. I took 7-3 shifts because I thought it would at least give me more of an evening but I’m actually shattered by 19:00-20:00 and I don’t have the energy to anything really productive in the four hours between then and getting home.

I don’t understand how people have lives outside of their full time jobs??

I’ve only been there a week so it’s early days and I’m definitely not used to getting up at 5am every morning but I already find myself dreading going to work.

Wake up at 5am - tired, work from 7-3 - lots of walking and learning new stuff, get home at 4pm - sleepy already, 8pm - ready to sleep.

???

People with full time jobs have lives! A lot of them have families! Young. Children. How??

Already my weekend has been dedicated to sleeping. I’ve looked into when I should book annual leave and am trying to find ways to make the time seem to go quicker.

One week in and I’m already thinking about when it’ll end.

I need help because this is not a sustainable existence. I cannot continue to be exhausted while I stay in this job.

Please send help 🤍🌷

[aspirationalmess]

💌 Y’all, I have a bunch of drafts just sitting, waiting for me to finish them off. Some are further along than others but I just haven’t been feeling it lol

The grind will continue, just not today. 😙✌️

[aspirationalmess]

✿ Episode Seven ✿ : I Would Need a Million Lives

I would need a million lives to fulfil all of the dreams and aspirations I have for my life.

I want to learn so many things, visit so many places, explore so many ideas - but I don’t know how I can ever make it all possible.

I want to believe that it is possible. That by some miracle I may live long enough and well enough that I am able to experience everything I dream of, but I just don’t know how to make that belief a reality.

Holding onto the belief is difficult enough.

I don’t want to rush through life either. I don’t want to make my existence a relay from one goal to the next - I want moments to last, memories to be made. Something more than ticking goals off of a checklist.

Yet, that is all I have at the moment; a checklist. It seems to pit my dreams in a race against time; but without that list I fear I may lose the dreams altogether.

Right now, I think people would describe me as “young and hopeful” but I don’t want to lose that hope. I need to be realistic but that shouldn’t mean I sacrifice the things I find important. I shouldn’t have to lose my dreams entirely just to make my future seem plausible.

In one life I’d love to live in a quaint, little, rural village. I’d own a local bakery - waking up early to make fresh batches for the day, the smell of the sweet baked goods leaking out of the windows and down the street.

In another life I’d want to own a fancy apartment in the middle of the city. Industrial style interior. I’d want to be famous within my profession, well known but only to those in my niche. Powerful but with privacy - something that many celebrities cannot afford.

I’d need a third life to leave everything behind and live in the forest. Raising horses, learning archery and blade throwing, picking berries and wandering through the wilderness aimlessly. Taking life slowly, away from the buzzing city life.

I yearn for it all and I will do my best to achieve what I can but;

I would need a million lives.

[aspirationalmess]

✿ Back on my photography again ✿

Little study of the rainy garden whilst supporting my cat in going outside (he doesn’t like the rain).

[aspirationalmess]

✿ Episode Six ✿ : This is youth.

It’s finally Stray Kids blog content time!

I think many STAY’s have come across this by now and a lot of people have been posting about it so, I’m not the first but I’m gonna waffle about it.

Their concert that took place two days ago in Seoul, Chris was talking about their song Social Path and the line “Gave up my youth for my future”. I’ve put the clip below but the translation (as provided by spearhyunnie) is:

Chris: We did give up our youth...

Changbin: Hyung-nim, this is youth. Don’t think of it as giving up your youth. You’re just living in a dream that can’t be bought.

(You can view the tweet directly, all credit of the video and translation goes to spearhyunnie for this one).

The reason I’m waffling talking about this is because what Changbin said is more true than he realises, or maybe he does realise. He was able to say what Chris really needs to hear and what STAY hope he knows. He can continue to live out his youth, it's not too late.

They’re all only in their twenties with Chris being the oldest; turning 26 in October. Not only do they have so much more time in their lives left to live but also, their time as “adults” hasn’t been that long either. If you’re considered an adult as 18, Chris is only an 8 year old adult from that perspective and Jeongin is only a 5 year old adult. They’re still in the prime of their youth.

I do think it’s important to consider the impact that working from such a young age, especially for Chris, would've had. They didn't live a traditional youth, in many means of the term, but they still have time to curate those experiences.

Considering the fact that most people don’t know what they want to do with their life until much later on, and some people never fully figure it out, I think Skz have done well to get to where they are today and still be having fun with it. They’ve achieved so much already that they have every right to connect more fully with their youth. To many people, they are living the dream - to have achieved so much at such a young age.

They sacrificed years of their life to get where they are but they are still young with the ability to live out their youth for a long time. For example, elderly people who travel a lot or engage in more “youthful” activities are considered to be “full of youth”. It’s not something that you can easily lose but rather something that you find throughout life.

Youth isn’t an age, it’s a type of experience. Youth is living to your fullest, being full of wonder and hope and excitement. Skz are still full of that and they will continue to be; but so should we.

I do think it can be a privilege to be full of youth. When you have a lot of responsibilities and stress, it’s not easy to have and in that sense, it’s easy to see how Chris gave up the youth of his teens to create his future with Skz. However, I think that people should try to retain their youth when possible because “This is youth.” Living and experiencing new things, getting excited and being full of hope for the future; that is youth, and it’s a very important thing to have.

[aspirationalmess]

✿ Episode Five ✿ : Learning to take chances.

At the moment, I’m in the process of teaching myself to be brave. I think there are so many possible opportunities in life that people miss out on because they don’t take a chance or are too afraid to reach out or try something. I’m trying to train myself out of being that person because I know that I am that person.

I tend to overthink things a lot and if something is out of my comfort zone or is just out of reach, I’m very unlikely to have a grab for it. I like to stay in my bubble and generally protect myself from rejection as much as possible.

However, I’m beginning to realise that I will miss out on so many opportunities if I continue to behave in this way.

I saw a post somewhere a couple of years ago that said something about how you should apply for jobs that you’re not necessarily completely qualified for. Lots of jobs nowadays have a long list of requirements that are difficult to have been achieved by one person. It said that if the job had, say five requirements, and you don’t have one of the qualifications in that requirement list, you should still apply for the job because the worst thing that could happen is they might say no. If you are accepted however, you would then gain experience in that area that would open up more opportunities having been trained in that position.

For whatever reason, my brain took on that post very seriously and so now, I’m able to support myself in trying for opportunities which seem just out of reach because the worst thing that can happen is I may be rejected or ignored. It’s not fun when that happens but I feel better knowing I took the opportunity rather than leaving it behind because it was just out of my comfort zone.

I’m also trying to support myself in reaching out to new people as well. I have a great group of friends but I know that I gained that group because the friends I already made gathered other people and brought them to join us. I’ve never really been brave enough to talk to someone myself and invite them to be a friend.

However, now that my friends and I are all going our separate ways with university and jobs and travelling, I’m realising that I need to become braver or more extroverted so that I don’t end up alone. Some days it’s easier than others and with some people it seems easier. I’m not necessarily scared of strangers but it does feel very daunting at times having to approach someone I don’t know.

I just think I need to become less scared of rejection, whether it’s from jobs or interactions or whatever. I should learn to take chances and live with no regrets.

Since this is a new approach I’m taking, I don’t have much news to report on its success but hopefully in the future I’ll have more stories to tell that will attest for it.

I hope that other people are able to take strength from this and try living in this way as well. It’s still important to monitor your choices and consider the opportunities you’re taking but trying more things tends to be better than closing them off because they seem just outside of what you’re used to. I don’t know what life holds but I know that I’ll open up a lot more possibilities by taking a few more chances. 🤍🌷

[aspirationalmess]

✿ Episode Four ✿ : The Effect of Classical Music

I actually have a massive… soft spot (?) for classical music and the like.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my noise music. I love fun lyrics and upbeat songs; I love everything loud, and dark, and sparkly, and crispy, and full.

But I also love music that feels… partly empty? The music that pairs perfectly with experience. The music that doesn’t feel full until you’re out living life and you realise that music is actually all around you; you just can’t hear it.

If you’ve ever had the chance to go to TeamLabs I think you’ll understand what I’m talking about. The music that they use is gorgeous and full of life in its own way but to me, it’s the kind of music which makes me yearn to go and experience.

The floating flower garden music is what sitting outside in a rural area with fields of flowers blowing in the wind, wind chimes ringing in the breeze and breathing in the cool air feels like. It’s what strolling through a shallow stream with your shoes off feels like. It’s what feeling the warm of the sun despite being out in a sharp breeze feels like.

The light garden is a different kind of wondrous experience. It’s what waking up to your alarm in a fancy inner city apartment feels like. It’s what city lights in the darkness feels like. It’s what running through the rain and seeing it reflect the neon lights as it falls on the stone tiles feels like.

Consider “The Legend of Ashitaka” from Princess Mononoke. I haven’t actually seen the film yet but it makes me imagine living in a dense forest, walking across mossy paths and seeing people from your clan hunting as you harvest berries. Rushing home to return them to your mother so that she can sell them at the market before then sneaking off to join the hunt yourself. Taking a rest by the side of a shallow river and walking to the edge of the cliff that it cascades off of to look over the nearby lands.

Classical music (and similar pieces) make me yearn to experience more that life has to offer. I will never understand people who do not want to travel to other countries out of pure disinterest. I don’t understand how you can be content without exploring other cultures and lands and environments but that is a topic for another blog entry 🤍🌷

[aspirationalmess]

✿ Episode Three ✿ : Competition for The Sims

The Sims is a unique game at the moment. There isn’t really anything that provides gameplay like The Sims and so they don’t exactly have much competition at the moment which I think probably makes it easier to add trivial gameplay elements in game packs rather than just adding them in updates.

However, there are a couple of games (that I’m aware of) which are in the process of being developed and are scheduled to be released in the fairly recent future; inZOI and Paralives.

Now I know that when The Sims 5 footage was released, lots of people were comparing its build mode options, saying that The Sims had essentially just copied Paralives. Personally, I don’t think there’s a lot of flexibility with how you can display options like these but it’s a fair point to say they’re highly identical nevertheless.

Additionally, inZOI has gained a lot of attention recently with people playing demos of the game and promoting it that way. First of all, the graphics of inZOI are ridiculously good and the range of options you can choose from and the way in which you customise your character and world seem to be amazing. From what I know, the developers have implemented AI into the game which makes it that much more customisable and in that respect, it cannot be compared to the Sims 4 because the same kind of technology was not as widely accessible/developed back in 2014.

Anyway, the point I’m trying to get at is that inZOI and Paralives will provide a very similar gameplay experience to The Sims. They both have their own competitive edge too, whether it’s the art style or use of AI or ability to free roam the environment which will set them apart from The Sims.

I am interested to see if this affects how The Sims will continue to run in the future. Obviously, it’s a widely loved game but there are continuous complaints and it is often filled with bugs, especially around large updates.

I am wondering if the introduction of similar games would drive enough of people away from The Sims that they might begin to step up and improve the gameplay to the level which it should be at. Plus, since it has never really faced rivalry of a similar game before, it will be interesting to see what The Sims 5 actually ends up being and how much they will add into the base game. They are notorious for leaving parts of gameplay out and adding them into game packs later on but I would be interested to see if they give us a lot more content in the base game due to the fact that InZoi and Paralives might provide it.

Anyway, if you see this, let me know your opinions on it. I recommend looking up inZOI and Paralives if you enjoy playing The Sims. Personally, I prefer what I’m seeing from inZOI but I’d love to know what other people think! 🤍🌷

[aspirationalmess]

✿ Episode Two ✿: Rain Enthusiast

I don’t think I trust people who hate the rain.

Yes, it can be annoying and, yes, it can make you feel horrible but if you flat out say you hate everything about the rain then I’m afraid to say: You Are Wrong.

I’m not a fan of enjoying a sunny day out when it suddenly goes dark and starts chucking it down. I don’t like it when I have washing to put out and it begins to rain. I certainly don’t fancy my hair getting immediately ruined as I step outside, after being to the hairdresser, due to the unexpected downpour.

That’s not all there is to rain though. Have people who hate rain ever experienced it falling through the leaves of a forest, creating a cute little stream through the shrubbery? Or running under a shelter with your friends and laughing as you try to figure out what to do next?

I just think there is too much beauty that comes from the rain that people disregard because when someone says “I love the rain” they only imagine being out in the midst of it, getting drenched.

One of my favourite things is for it to be raining but I’m under a shelter - like, still outside, but safe and dry. It’s fun to be so close to it, surrounded but not in it.

Although, sometimes it can even fun to just go out in the rain too. Say you’re walking home and it starts to chuck it down, for example. If it’s not freezing out, it can be quite nice to just walk the rest of the way in the rain; getting completely soaked but not having a care in the world because you can just have a nice warm shower and change when you get back.

Idk, I just think people hate on the rain too much and nobody hates on the sun the same amount. Obviously the sun is all happy and shiny and warm but it has its downsides too.

Tell me y’all don’t hate the rain too? You get what I’m saying right? 🤍🌷

[aspirationalmess]

[aspirationalmess]

✿ Episode One ✿: Capitalism in Education

As someone who has studied Sociology, I have a pretty good grasp on how monetary status affects people's life chances. Not only does having more money affect your social status but it also opens doors to a lot of paths and opportunities in life.

You don't have to be a genius to see how this works, especially in more obvious ways such as being able to travel abroad, being able to volunteer a lot of your time rather than working and being able to quit your job without a backup. People always say it takes a lot of bravery to quit your job without something else lined up but that's only really the case if you don't have enough money to fall back on.

This is even more evident when it comes to education though and although I always knew this, I didn't really think about just how deep the need for money is when it comes to education. Thinking primarily about university here - it was recently results day for A-level students and so for those who have been planning to go to university, I imagine it was probably especially stressful.

Now, if you get the results you need then that is fantastic; you now get to go into a lot of debt, very quickly from taking your student loan. If you don't get your grade but are very close, it's not the end of the world! You can ask to appeal your paper and see if you can get the extra marks that may bump your grade up. What I was not aware about is how expensive it is to get a paper remarked.

Did you know that to get an A-Level paper remarked (a single paper, not a whole subject) it costs anywhere between £45-£80? Bearing in mind that teachers often find inconsistencies with the marking of papers which the exam boards obviously won't take responsibility for. Plus, getting a paper remarked doesn't guarantee getting more marks, it is possible that you may even get marked lower than you had originally; in which case, you're paying to lower your score.

This kinda leads me into something else which I have been thinking about lately surrounding how risky it can be to have one very clear goal in your life. The phrase “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket” applies well to this but it's something I will probably touch on another time. 🤍🌷

[aspirationalmess]

Okay, considering the fact that this is my first post I should probably introduce myself and highlight the fact that I have no idea what I’m doing✨🌷

I’m going to use this to try and blog (hopefully). It’ll probably be a mess of whatever comes to mind and it’s unlikely to have a very coherent theme because…life isn’t coherent? Idk what else to tell you.

If you couldn’t tell (or you just don’t know who Stray Kids are) I’m a STAY! Han’s recent 1 Kid’s Room actually kinda inspired me to start this, so here I am 😅 Would love some STAY friends so please come say hi :)

A lot of the time I get inspired to write stuff while listening to music or watching a video so there will probably be quite a few music recommendations through linking the videos (if that’s allowed? I assume it is but I guess I’ll find out)

Not sure how often I’ll post. I don’t have a schedule so we will see what happens but I am out of education for a little while so I should have more time to keep this up :)

Looking forward to seeing what happens I guess 🤍🌷

Edit: I also just thought I’d add that I’m self-studying Japanese atm so I’d love to chat with people who are also studying or with native speakers - it’s early days but I’d need the practice 😅