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Never trust anyone with a slur in their name. Chances are they're a shit person.

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This has been living in my head for a while and I had to put it together

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fan art of ascended astarion fighting for his life on the chamber pot after eating ye olde taco bell for the first time in 200 years

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“Let’s go get you some fresh air before we start the day shall we?” Astarion said with a smile, helping Gale into the wheelchair.

He remembered sitting in the healers office with Gale, finally getting him to go after the umpteenth time of forgetting to put the fire on the stove out. They were told his husband was in the midst of early onset dementia which would worsen due to his old age.

Gale huffed in annoyance then smiled, holding onto Astarions forearm while he settled and slipped a blanket over his legs.

“I am perfectly capable of getting in and out of a wheelchair, I’m not that old yet,” Gale teased, looking up at Astarion with nothing but love and adoration for the man.

“Of course Darling, how silly of me to dote on my husband in the prime of his life,” Astarion replied, placing his hands draped over Gales shoulders, letting him reach up to squeeze his hand before pulling away to wheel him outside.

“Now,” Astarion continued, putting the brake on and sitting next to him, the warm rays of the sun removing the cold chill from his body. ‘You never mentioned what you wanted to do today?”

“Today?” Gale scrunched his face up and looked at Astarion with confusion. “We are seeing my mother, she wanted to help pick out arrangements for our wedding next week. Don’t you remember? Tara informed us of this just last night before she flew back to mothers.”

Astarion was glad he could keep his face neutral or slip a mask on in mere seconds, not wanting to tell Gale their wedding was thirty years ago.

"Let's get you back inside then, we wouldn’t want to keep dear old Morena waiting now do we?”

“ You know how my mother is, even if we are a minute late, she will never let you hear the end of it.”

“ How right you are darling,” Astarion replied, standing back up to unlock the brake and squeeze the Gales shoulders slightly. Only to look down when he felt his husband's hand squeeze his own.

“ I am so happy to have met you Astarion,” Gale said, looking up with adoration and love in his eyes.

“ I couldn’t agree more Gale.”

✨ A special shout out to my friend Zthea @ AO3 for putting beautiful words to accompany my art

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Another silver fox Gale drawing 🩶

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Whatever * puts Astarion in one of those baby star onesies * ⭐️

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Wrestler Halsin - Baldur's Gate 3 AU

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oh ok

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My favorite bloodweave fics tbh.

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reblog to give your mutuals a djungelskog

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Many have written about how Karlach throws Astarion, well… Don't worry, no Astarions were harmed! But I can't say the same about Gortash…

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Truly it was only a matter of time before the bunny Gales turned into bloodweave bunny Gales. Bunny Gale and fox Astarion is peak self-indulgence and I shall do my best not to apologize for it LMAO

I am NOT sorry 🙅‍♂️🚫😲 for fox/bunny bloodweave 😤😤😤

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Companion Underwear Tier List

Do you know how hard it was to put this together? Did I at any point think I'd be sitting here overthinking underpants? No. Never. I hope all my teachers are proud of me!

Underwear was assessed based on FOUR criteria: sex appeal, description, bulge/clam protection, and bondage appeal.

Are you ready for the break down? Of course you are.

More under the cut!

First up, Lae'zel.

Sex appeal: That is quite the sexy underwear. It being leather means everything is swampy down there, though. BUT that would be a perk for some of you heathens. 9/10 Description: Built for function rather than fun. What? Have you SEEN that thing? Imagine the wedgies you get trying to fight in it! 6/10 Bulge/clam protection: It covers the most important bits, and it's leather, but enough is uncovered that a direct groin hit would hurt 6/10 Bondage Appeal: Leather? Straps? Tie me up, mommy. 10/10 FINAL SCORE: 31/40, or 78% or C

Shadowheart:

Sex appeal: They're a nicely made matching set of underwear 8/10 Description: If pants could brood… Absolutely fucking hilarious 10/10 Bulge/clam protection: Material seems weak, and it doesn't provide good coverage 6/10 Bondage appeal: Pretty generic mildly sexy underwear with a bit of an edge. 7/10 FINAL SCORE: 31/50 or 77% or C

Astarion:

Sex appeal: It's Astarion I'd be eaten alive if I don't give this a 10/10 Description: Embroidered into the cloth: 'If you're reading this, you managed to bed or behead me. Either way, you got lucky.' Made me laugh out loud irl, so 10/10. Bonus 5 points since he embroidered them himself (effort wins points from me ok) Bulge/clam protection: Look it's cloth. No protection there. And it shows his butt wrinkles (+2 for butt wrinkles) 6/10 Bondage appeal: Generic tighty-not-whities do with them what you will. 6/10 FINAL SCORE: 37/40 or 92% or A

Gale:

Sex appeal: Sorry, Gale. That waist. 7/10 Description: Energy crackles around these. Gale wouldn't… Surely he didn't enchant his… Description? Funny. 10/10. But one has to wonder what sort of enchantment he went for. Prestidigitation? Or some sort of temperature control? A smart man would go for prestidigitation. Extra 7 points for the enchantment. Bulge/clam protection: It's cloth, but he's got good coverage going AND they're magic9/10 Bondage appeal: Who likes shorts? Are shorts bondage-able? 3/10 FINAL SCORE: 36/40 or 90% or A

Wyll

Sex appeal: Bonus for cut, but I gotta ding you for the drawstring. Sorry, Wyll. 6/10 Description: Long may these gird the Blade of Frontiers. Yes, yes, we know. You're the Blade of Frontiers. Makes it sound they're his only pair of underpants, too! 5/10 Bulge/clam protection: It's cloth. Do you think Mizora protects his bulge in any way? I doubt it. 3/10 Bondage appeal: They're white underpants. 2/10 FINAL SCORE: 16/40 or 40% or D

Karlach

Sex appeal: It's Karlach, she's by default hot. Look at the cut! The straps! 9/10 Description: How do these not burn off? THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION, GAME, and now I'm wondering too. 9/10 Bulge/clam protection: Coverage is not that great BUT, they can take the heat. They should probably grant some sort of fire immunity or something. Larian, fix this. 8/10 Bondage appeal: They look pretty bondage-y, but also Mama K. 7/10 FINAL SCORE: 33/40 or 82% or B

Halsin

Sex appeal: To be honest it looks like he's wearing something a size too small, Halsin, hun, give your crotch room to breathe. 6/10 Description: Why does it smell like a herb garden? So at least we know he keeps it clean? Unless HE smells like a herb garden… have you considered that? 10/10 Bulge/clam protection: Keeping everything close and tight to minimize damage. Genius. 9/10 Bondage appeal: They can be worked into bondage easily. Halsin provides the vines. 10/10 FINAL SCORE: 35/40 or 87% or B

Jaheira

Sex appeal: The mesh-y vest-y look on the bra, hello? 9/10 Description: Embroidered with little ducks. ….WAIT A MINUTE is that why Halsin likes ducks?! 10/10 Bulge/clam protection: Not very protective, but she goes cougar mode anyway (yes I know it's a panther, I just need that joke in there) 8/10 Bondage appeal: They can be worked into bondage easily. But she's got to be in charge. 9/10 FINAL SCORE: 36/40 or 90% or A

Minsc

Sex appeal: It is Minsc 10/10 Description: Tight, aerodynamic, and built for maximum breathability. Humidity is no friend to hamsters. MINSC PLEASE DO NOT PUT HAMSTERS IN YOUR UNDERPANTS. THINK OF LEMMIWINKS 1/10 Bulge/clam protection: No protection, the hamster is a liability 2/10 Bondage appeal: Lemmiwinks 1/10 FINAL SCORE: 14/40 or 35% or F

Minthara

Sex appeal: It is Minthara 15/10 Description: Woven with as much toughened cobweb as cloth. It is an evocative mental image 10/10 Bulge/clam protection: Spidersilk stronk, but coverage could be better 7/10 Bondage appeal: It is Minthara 10/10 FINAL SCORE: 42/40 or 105% or S

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Bloodweave nation hello. They make me mentally ill <3