Signs on the alignment scale
(I’m a lawful evil sun, lawful neutral moon and chaotic neutral rising)
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The signs as shit my friends say
Aries ♈️ “You’re like scrappy doo but sexier”
Taurus ♉️ “You’ve never seen shrek, you’re a cat.”
Gemini ♊️ “Hunched over like a poptropica character Bc I’m in so much pain”
Cancer ♋️ “ Wtf does ice cube have to do with the WNBA”
Leo ♌️ “Desperate measures calls for desperate times”
Virgo ♍️ “I really have 90’s mom Christmas movie boobs”
Libra ♎️ *drives with emergency brakes on*
Scorpio ♏️ “I have slut clothes under my sweater”
Sagittarius ♐️ “Fair warning my apartment looks like a Hilton in the 90’s”
Capricorn ♑️ “listen we all make mistakes sometimes we accidentally traumatize our very loose acquaintances”
Aquarius ♒️ “Pee is 90% urine”
Pisces ♓️ “is that a Grilled cheese in shorts”
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ITS BEEN A MINUTE- I want to give more astrology advice. Please send me a DM and I’ll post the advice on my page
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Surprising dynamic duos (bestie edition)
Scorpio + Sagittarius
Libra + Pisces
Aries + Gemini
Virgo + Cancer
Capricorn + taurus
Aquarius + Leo
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Rising Signs as things my friends have said
Aries ♈️: Sending nudes bc I’m bored, And then immediately going to bed without responding
Taurus ♉️: Cold hard Kohl’s cash
Gemini ♊️: I can’t even do math, if I could do math I probably wouldn’t have to work this much
Cancer ♋️ : *asks for maiden name* says “madam name”
Leo ♌️: Being a slut Is my 4th income
Virgo ♍️: you can hear running water I’m cleaning the garbage disposal I don’t hate the environment
Libra ♎️: I think I could have pulled Gene Kelly
Scorpio ♏️: I need a lighter and melatonin, then we can go
Sagittarius ♐️: your body is a war criminal for that damn
Capricorn ♑️: Was that you driving through the wizard of oz tornado
Aquarius ♒️: God gives his longest shifts to his sleepiest soldiers
Pisces ♓️: There’s a sandwich over there I don’t know how to pronounce
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