asven440-blog

[asven440-blog]

God this made me laugh so hard!

[asven440-blog]

Stagnant

How does this keep happening?

Everyone else moves but I am

frozen here

I want to go but

I cannot leave

Spending my days with despair

my heart torn and beyond repair.

I miss the happiness,

that innocence

Do you remember the laughs?

Those times when you did care

I don't recognise the stranger

you are

Did you ever really know me?

I've seen you with her,

both of you with picture perfect smiles

Was I a fool,

for never realizing how far gone you were?

I'm stuck between saying something,

opening old wounds or

Simply saying nothing and hurting inside

Happiness lives in this heart,

making brief appearances before

Leaving me cold and empty again

I don't want to stay here,

stagnant to memories that are

No longer mine

I want to be free,

happy like you are

No longer a slave to feelings that are not mine.

[asven440-blog]

On Writing That Killer Anthology

So I've finally decided I want to co write a book. The idea of internet notoriety on a number of sites as the anonymous Black Squall isn't as exciting any more.

I genuinely want to write an anthology of poetry and short stories with someone. Anyone at all. Be it a wizard, a writer, heck it might even be you reading this!

It'll hopefully be a long term project that will cause both of us to invest plenty of time- and sleep into. If you think you'd be interested, check out my blog for my style and message me.

[asven440-blog]

One day you will wake up

and realize that pain you've nursed is gone. It will not be a sudden realization, a moment of aha!

Instead it will be a gradual thing, slow and subtle where the pain in your chest subsides and disappears. On that day, you will wake up with the breath back in your lungs and you will breathe. The air will hurt enough to sting but it will be the first good thing you've tasted in a while.

Cry if you want to, then laugh so loudly anyone listening begins to doubt your sanity. Go outside​ and throw your sorrow out into the air. You should revel in the simple fact that you have done it. You have survived a nasty betrayal and your heart is still beating inside you.

- An ode to heartache

[asven440-blog]

Sweet words

Am I allowed to look at her like that? Could it be wrong when she’s just so nice to look at?

And she smells like lemongrass and sleep She tastes like apple juice and peach You would find her in a polaroid picture And she means everything to me

[asven440-blog]

Sweet words

Am I allowed to look at her like that? Could it be wrong when she’s just so nice to look at?

And she smells like lemongrass and sleep She tastes like apple juice and peach You would find her in a polaroid picture And she means everything to me

[asven440-blog]

B/W stills

[asven440-blog]

The End of Me

And I will go down with this ship,

hang on by bleeding fingers to the rotten eaves.

My body will turn to rot,

My heart a mummified vessel made unfeeling.

I will wrap your lies around my throat and squeeze,

every last piece of you from my fingers.

Cyanide from a styrofoam cup will I sip,

And I will let the pain take me.

I will leave my breath on the surface of the sea,

and give my body over to a disease that could set me free.

Because at the end of it all...

The end of me;

I will still take your kiss down with me.

I will wait for you to say my prayers for me and set me free...

[asven440-blog]

A little gem to keep

Haiku 11. // For you (two).

[asven440-blog]

Clown

Smile until the pain splits your teeth,

And laugh till the world forgets about the tears running down

your cheeks

[asven440-blog]

Would it matter if you changed now and tried to Come back to the ashes of a former heart?

[asven440-blog]

The Road to Infatuation

Little words at the beginning of each day, invisible thoughts that you’d rather not say. Maybe I’ve been thinking to myself that this is how it starts. one word that burns down the wooden box you’ve sealed your heart in. I want to walk this road with my head up in the clouds. My feet can carry me to you if I just close my eyes, Because you are the magic that keeps me awake; spilling out words like my blood for you to dissect. The road to Infatuation is me: … Giving in, dreaming of, and wishing for, You. Only. Ever. You

[asven440-blog]

Ditto

my kink is being a meaningful part of someone’s life

[asven440-blog]

An I allowed to love this beautiful piece? Thank you for writing this

Judas Kiss

I stand under the showerhead  until I transform into a shriveled prune and the water turns hypothermic. A shower nearly as cold as the lies he told, And as numbing as this solitude. The ice-kissed stream of water  cuts undesired tattoos into my skin Abusive art is not pretty, sweetheart Don’t you ever forget.

My drenched isolation
 beneath sharp spilling liquid
 heightens the numbness I feel.
 This surreal blankness that surrounds me becomes almost intoxicating
 And I shamefully succumb to  the much needed vacancy.
 For a moment, I forget all of my suffering But only for a moment.

I watch the downpour of crooked glass as it paints bloodstains across my naked body, like spilled rosé Champagne. The unforgiving stains seep below the surface and settle into my heart. They are made from memories  I never asked for and can’t tear apart. Because I am now just an object to look upon, don’t you know? My body a museum I didn’t Consent to. 

Am I still that adorable wide-eyed girl from the day we first met? Or have you let his lies morph me into something you think you should regret? The answer might kill me but I can guess, You’re just too damned faint-hearted  to unmask a girl  Covered entirely  in a dumb boy’s fiction.

We both know of a time when you valued me deeply. I often still notice it in your eyes. Sometimes I watch from a distance as you openly stigmatize the girl you once worshiped under covers at midnight. Just so you know, This is what betrayal looks like.

[asven440-blog]

I’ve been destroying, destroying, destroying myself in longing for poetic truth…

Edgar Allan Poe, The Collected Letters Of Edgar Allan Poe (via stoicremains)

Poe said what all artists have probably been dying to

[asven440-blog]

Because Baby, Your Heart is Like a Bird

I remember the first time my mother said those words With eyes fixed on a dutiful daughter's face, and spidery hands clasped beneath mine. "A woman's heart, is like a bird. When it is free, it sings of the sky and cold nights. Stray too far though, and yours will end up in a cage. "Hunted down, and pickled and stored up in a jar. Hidden behind the herring and the eggs." I remember the kitchen, and your voice when you said those words. Could you have warned me better? Kept me safer, mother? Because my heart is like a bird, crying out from behind the bars of its gilded cage And a new life studded with false affection and cheap gratification...

[asven440-blog]

The best guy ever just keeps looking better each day. Rock on, K

I can think of work again. And feel guilty for not doing it. #trans #transgender #handsome #coffeeshop