atlexgoestrans

[atlexgoestrans]

[atlexgoestrans]

Someone explain why/how I get gender euphoria from reading manga/watching anime?

Is there some part of me that associates these things with masculinity?

P.S.

Feel free to recommend manga (I prefer BL but I'll read just about anything, or at least give it a shot) :)

[atlexgoestrans]

I was talking to a (cis male) friend the other day and he brought up the question whether or not taking testosterone raises pain tolerance, and it got me thinking and wondering if that's a thing or not. Personally, I've always had a rather high pain tolerance and haven't really gotten injured in the last two months since going on testosterone to know the answer myself.

SOOOOOOO

Since starting t, have you noticed your pain tolerance has gotten gotten higher OR lower? Or has there been no change?

[atlexgoestrans]

Gerard Butler is my "do i find him attractive OR is it gender envy?" and honestly, it's probably a little bit of both lol

[atlexgoestrans]

THAT MOMENT WHEN....

...you finally choose a middle name for yourself and...it's your father's first name. The same father who abandoned you and who you haven't seen/spoken to in 9 years.

...but the chosen middle name isn't tied to your dad, but is actually the name of a dozen comfort characters and just a name you've always vibed with despite it's connection to your father.

[atlexgoestrans]

TWO MONTHS ON TESTOSTERONE AS OF 08/12!

Forgot to make this post last week soooo here it is!

CHANGES OVER THE LAST MONTH: (keep in mind, I have been under the weather the past week from lack of sleep - I have bad insomnia, unrelated to testosterone - and my physically demanding job/it being so fucking hot (85-95 degrees all day every day for the past two months practically)

*HORNIESS: it's died lol it lasted for the first month and now it's died down a great deal. I dont know if it's because of just being exhausted, but yeah. My libido has gone back to what it was before testosterone. ON ONE HAND, I appreciate it because of being asexual but ON THE OTHER HAND, I was finally starting to get into a sort of routine on how/when to handle it throughout my day and I'm having to rework that routine. Having ADHD, creating and sticking to a schedule is difficult and time management is difficult, but I was getting really good at balancing the libidio effects brought on by testosterone.

*BOTTOM GROWTH: I haven't had any. I've had MAYBE one what could be considered a boner, but otherwise, nothing. My junk still looks the same as it has since month one (and the same as I believe pre-testosterone). I'm not to bothered by this though because the 'timeline' I was given by my HRT doctor has 'clitorial enlargement' set to start between months 3 and 6, so that's what I've prepared myself mentally to start seeing those changes.

*BOTTOM TEMPERATURE: I used to run cold, I'm not now. I'm a little concerned on what I'm gonna do when 'hoodie season' starts because I'm used to LIVING in my hoodie from September to April, I LOOK FORWARD to it. I'll probably still wear them, but it's gonna be real gross if I sweat through them.

*APPETITE: In terms of being hungry, it's deceased but again, it's been so hot and I can't eat when hot so I'm blaming some of this on that. I can eat more in one setting which I appreciate because it means im not having to eat so often (pre testosterone I was having to eat a LOT of small meals and when eating out I would always have to get a togo container because I was just unable to eat everything on my plate).

*SKIN OILINESS/ACNE: This is the one I thought I would get really bad, and surprisingly it's been pretty calm. I've gotten two pimples on my backside, a few scattered ones on my legs and chest, and a couple on my arms, but that's no different from pre-testosterone. The acne has mostly appeared in places where I get the hottest/sweat the most so I dont' think this is a testosterone issue but putting it here anyhow.

*BODY HAIR: This is the change I believe I've actually seen over the past month. Not so much in the growth department but my body hair is getting darker. I can see it easier on my arms, legs, and chest. My mustache (which thanks to genetics I've always been able to grow) is darker and the hairs look like actual mustache hair. Dark hair on my neck, I've actually had to shave it because it was getting a decent length. HOWEVER, the infamous ass crack hair has NOT started to grow in yet.

*INCREASED MUSCLE MASS/STRENGTH/FAT REDISTRIBUTION: muscle mass? yes! it's so much easier for me to gain muscle even from doing the same physically demanding job I've been doing for over two years now. Strength? This one is hard for me to say because my hands have carpal tunnel and over the last five years or so I've had to learn to strengthen them because I've had such little strength in my grip. I BELIEVE that it's gotten better with the testosterone and daily work outs with weights and a 'hand recovery kit' I bought a few weeks ago (finally). Fat redistribution? pre existing fat I'm not sure it actually relocated, I think I've just slimmed out and transformed some of the fat into muscle. I've definitely been holding fat in my stomach more than my hips, which I like.

*VOICE: Some days my voice sounds (to me at least) like my pre testosterone voice, and some days it sounds so different that I stop talking and just stare at the ground confused. I've had cracks and squeaks. I'm getting better at finding the right....pitch? tone? for my singing voice which I really appreciate because I sing every day and REALLY liked my singing voice. I've done three voice recordings: one pre t, one one month on t, and one two months on t. There is an obvious change between pre t and two months so that's cool!

*OTHER CHANGES:

I shaved the sides of my head and now have a mohawk, it's well worth having to set aside time every morning to put my pomade in. I WANT a mullet but my hair grows SO SLOW so that'll have to wait for a bit.

I MIGHT be getting the fatigue side effect of testosterone and it's been BRUTAL when paired with my insomnia as it has been the last week.

I'VE FINALLY CHOSEN A NAME TO LEGALLY CHANGE MY NAME TO, now to just get the funds to do so, hopefully I can start the process some time in the next two weeks.

I HAVEN'T MENSTRATED SINCE JULY 1ST! That stopped a LOT sooner than I was expecting it to (as someone who has always been on a regular mensies schedule!)

I think that's it!

Thanks for reading my rambles!

I hope you're all having a good and safe day, and are enjoying your transition.

Please remember, not everyone transitions the same and you're valid <3

[atlexgoestrans]

MY THIGH HAIR IS GROWING IN BLACK!!

It's always been blond/just didn't grow in! BUT I just noticed that it's growing in and it's BLACK :o :o

[atlexgoestrans]

RANDOM SORRY BUT...

...I like to headcanon that John 'Soap' MacTavish is a trans man (post top surgery, pre bottom surgery). SPECIFICALLY...Soap from the MW remake.

That's it. That's the post.

I love Soap and he's trans and atm my ideal transition goals.

[atlexgoestrans]

Saw a post about "passing advice" and changing mannerisms and honestly? No thanks? Like, talking with my hands? Being emotionally available and in depth texts/conversations? I'm sorry but I know plenty of CIS STRAIGHT men who talk with their hands, who can send more emotionally mature, in depth paragraph, walls of text than some of the women I know. Like, at this point in my life, my mannerisms are apart of who I am NOT as the gender I was assigned at birth and not as a trans man, but as *ME*.

[atlexgoestrans]

(Personal) Downside to starting testosterone?

Bottom Dysphoria. I don't know if it's ACTUALLY linked to my testosterone or not, but I've been out for over four years now, I can count on one hand the amount of time I've had actual bottom dysphoria prior to beginning hrt two months ago...

...but it's been bad the last few weeks. And beyond that, when I'm not feeling dysphoric, I am STILL thinking about bottom surgery (which I have ALWAYS stated I don't want for cost, recovery, and other personal reasons).

I am REALLY hoping this lessens once my bottom growth actually starts happening.

[atlexgoestrans]

No matter the issues I have with my parents/how they raised me...

...I am extremely grateful that they allowed me to be who I wanted to be (to the extent I needed to at the time).

They never policed what I wore (meaning, I wore my male cousins' hand-me-downs until I was a teenager and stopped receiving them).

They never policed what kind of media I consumed (meaning, they let me watch anime, wrestling, and things typically seen as 'for boys').

They never expected me to be super feminine/girly (I was allowed to be a 'tomboy'. I was allowed to get muddy and wrestle with my cousins and older brother - hell, my dad encouraged me to hunt and do things outside, although for that it could be because we lived on a farm and he was just happy to not have to do everything himself lol).

They let me try cheerleading (ONE YEAR as a like 8 year old...and I spent more time watching the football game than actually cheering). They let me try softball (ONE YEAR at 9 years old, again, I had zero hand-eye whatever it's called coordination.) They let me participate in the school wrestling team in middle school (this only lasted a few months when I was 11 and is around the time I was beginning to feel uncomfortable with myself/my girl puberty, but at the time it just felt like a ball of anxiety sitting on my chest).

In a way, it's nice that they allowed me to express myself how I wanted to, but looking back it makes me wonder if I would have been able to come out to myself as a boy/man a lot earlier if I wasn't given the freedom to be the version of me I wanted/needed to be as a kid.

[atlexgoestrans]

shoutout to trans guys who don’t look like and/or don’t want to look like skinny white twinks. who are or want to be be tall and hairy and chubby not willowy and thin. who want deep voices and body hair and facial hair. who have or want more body fat. we are epic cool and sexy

[atlexgoestrans]

FUN FACT...

...I have next to NO facial hair (I have decent beginnings of a mustache but I had that BEFORE the t, it's just getting darker and slightly thicker now) but my fiancee got me a little 'cosmetic' bag with my name on it for the eventual facial hair kit I will have. Because I have no facial hair/kit at the moment, I use the bag to hold vinyl medical gloves, alcohol pad wipes, and my testosterone gel bottle!

[atlexgoestrans]

FUN FACT....

...I wear vinyl medical gloves to put on my testosterone.

They're blue (one of my three favorite colors) and prevent the gel from getting on my hands/wrists.

I hate washing my hands more than necessary so the gloves have been a life saver!

[atlexgoestrans]

UPDATE:

I made it one day and then had to take it off because of the itching lol

Even now after taking the tape off, gently washing the area, and putting on some of the repairing slave, my skin is still itchy only now there's a slight burning sensation to it (especially around my nipples - YES i used nipple covers, the ones sent with the tape actually).

I don't know if this is an allergic reaction? or if my skin is just really irritated, but I think I'll have to give it a few days, and try again after looking into a few methods to prevent itching (if it's not just an allergic reaction).

Oh! yes, the testing strip. I did that, it was fine. The itching isn't even EVERYWHERE that i applied the tape. It's just above my chest area (my sides aren't itchy/irritated at all).

Binding wise: 8/10, pretty decent - would probably be a 10 if I wasn't new to using the tape

Overall: Besides the itching, I'm happy with it so probably an 7 or 8 out of 10 altogether. Definitely think for smaller chested people it would be great, the larger the chest goes and thus the more to tape down, for me personally, it was frustrating to learn how to use it (definitely user error) and I almost gave up (if not for the fact I spent $60 in total on the tape, covers, repairing slave, and removal oil, tax and shipping) because I just kept messing it up lol

Using TransTape for the first time today! Here's my thoughts this far....

1) I'm not allergic to it, but why has it been itchy off and on JUST on the right side?

2) I am incapable of doing it alone (shout out to my partner for helping!)

3) I should have bought kt tape or something to practice a little bit before trying with the TransTape cause I fucked up like three times before getting it right.

4) testosterone has NOT made it difficult to cry because I cried like a baby for like forty minutes when I kept failing to apply the tape right.

5) I'm not completely flat, and I'm not sure I like this exact placement, but it's binding as flat as my binder always has (I'm taking a binder break because of breathing issues that popped up the last two weeks) so I'm happy enough with the results at the moment.

6) not sure what I rate it, will update in a few days (I'm too depressed and dysphoric to give an accurate rating atm).

That's it for now, thanks for reading my ramble 😊✌️

[atlexgoestrans]

Using TransTape for the first time today! Here's my thoughts this far....

1) I'm not allergic to it, but why has it been itchy off and on JUST on the right side?

2) I am incapable of doing it alone (shout out to my partner for helping!)

3) I should have bought kt tape or something to practice a little bit before trying with the TransTape cause I fucked up like three times before getting it right.

4) testosterone has NOT made it difficult to cry because I cried like a baby for like forty minutes when I kept failing to apply the tape right.

5) I'm not completely flat, and I'm not sure I like this exact placement, but it's binding as flat as my binder always has (I'm taking a binder break because of breathing issues that popped up the last two weeks) so I'm happy enough with the results at the moment.

6) not sure what I rate it, will update in a few days (I'm too depressed and dysphoric to give an accurate rating atm).

That's it for now, thanks for reading my ramble 😊✌️

[atlexgoestrans]

My voice is starting to drop after just nearly 7 weeks on testosterone, which is great don't get me wrong, but I have had zero bottom growth and I'm sad 😂😂