attackofthereview

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The Life Zone

(Picture Source) 

Directed by Rod Weber

Written by Ken Del Vecchio

Staci, Lara, and Natalie wake up to find themselves locked in a mysterious hospital-like room. They have never met before and at first, they cannot figure out how they got into such a place. After a bit of thinking, the last thing they all remember is laying on the operating table in a clinic, preparing for an abortion. Soon, they are interrupted by Dr. Wise, an OBGY who explains that the three of them will be forced to stay in this secret location an discuss the abortion debate until they give birth to their children. Natalie, Staci, and Lara must spend the next seven months in The Life Zone.

  Before I continue, I would like to explain that this is a pro-life propaganda movie. I did not know that when I went to watch it, but the true purpose of the film becomes very clear within the first fifteen minutes. Abortion is an extremely touchy subject. My goal is to write an unbiased review, as well as offer my own opinion, without offending anyone in the process.

  When I decided to watch this movie, I had no idea what I was getting into. Netflix classified it as dark, scary, and suspenseful. The cover pictured a woman’s pregnant stomach with the baby’s feet pushing out (unlike the cover pictured above, there wasn’t a quote hitting toward the movie’s theme). I honestly thought it was a movie about alien babies in human bodies (There is a movie titled InAlienable about an alien baby born from a human body and the controversy over if it has the right to life. I’m not crazy for thinking this was another bizarre science fiction flick.) .

  Boy, was I wrong. And I’m not really sure where to begin.

  While Lara (Angela Little), Natalie (Nina Transfeld), and Staci (Lindsey Haun) are in the “life zone”, they are forced to listen to documentaries, movies, and lectures from pro-choice and pro-life stances under the direction of Dr. Wise (Blanche Baker). She claims the main goal is save the babies from abortion, but she hopes to persuade the girls that abortion is wrong.

  A man by the name of Mr. Lation (Robert Loggia) is the head of the project, but he only appears to the girls through live video feed on their television. Dr. Wise is left in charge of taking care of and getting to know Lara the lawyer, Natalie the teenager, and Staci the councilwoman, as well as sharing her own story of infertility and depression.

  Overall, the actresses portrayed their characters well, but it reminded me of a college theater performance. It was good, but it lacked a certain touch of professionalism. The worst of the four was easily Dr. Wise. She was a complete computer; even during scenes of intense emotion, her monotone voice drove me crazy.

  The story is well executed and mostly complete. The biggest hole is the kidnapping. How were the women kidnapped? Why is no one looking for them? These questions are almost answered during the conclusion (I’ll explain below in the spoilers), but be prepared to be in the dark for a majority of the film.

  Despite Netflix’s classifications, this movie is not scary or suspenseful. The opening scene depicts the classic rundown hospital, with paint chipping of the walls and flickering lights. This doesn’t last more than five minutes, leaving the setting to be an awkwardly large doctor’s office with a giant television. A few jump scares were thrown in here and there, but they only gave the movie a cheesy edge. I was tricked by the eerie promotional poster into thinking this was a movie that would make my spine crawl. They say not to judge a book by its cover. That goes for movies on Netflix, too.

  The Life Zone is a subpar propaganda flick that I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone unless they are passionate on either side of the abortion debate.

  Personal Thoughts (including my opinion and *spoilers*)

  I’d like to throw out that I don’t agree with this movie, but I also feel that just because it doesn’t reflect my personal beliefs doesn’t make it a bad movie.

  Really- it’s hard to ignore that this movie was clearly written to please antiabortionists. Throughout the seven months in the girls spend with Dr. Wise, Natalie and Lara both decide their original decision for abortion was wrong. On the other hand, Staci still firmly believes that she has the right to choose what she does with her own body.

  The film’s ending is just plain ridiculous. The three girls simultaneously give birth, and to everyone’s surprise, Staci gives birth to twins. Lara and Natalie have peacefully began taking care of their babies, while Staci refuses to touch her children and continues to be in pain. When Dr. Wise checks on the girls, she brings news to Staci that even though it’s impossible, she is pregnant again, despite just giving birth.

  Mr. Lation appears on the screen, explaining it is possible- if you’re in hell. Suddenly, Natalie and Lara disappear, leaving Staci, who died on the operating table of an abortion, and Dr. Wise, who committed suicide, in pandemonium for another nine months.

  This is disgustingly judgmental in my opinion. Characters constantly use terms like “murder” or “baby killer”, abortion is viewed as complete evil, and the one individual who remains pro-choice is condemned to an underworld of constant pregnancy. I don’t think this type of judgment is ever going to change any abortionist’s mind.

  It is so “stereotypical religious” for the pro-choicer and the suicidal to be sent to hell. No one was looking for the girls because they were in hell. My guess is that Natalie and Lara were created by Mr. Lation, as were their families and situations. “Hell” can mean a ton of different things, depending on a person’s beliefs, but it’s generally thought that good people go to heaven and bad people go to hell. Just because someone has taken their own life or supports abortion rights does not make them a “bad” person.

  The close-minded side of me says this is what private religious schools show in sex education. Throughout the movie, it was emphasized by Dr. Wise, and later Natalie, that the girls would get to hear debates from both sides of the argument. This doesn’t actually happen, as only negative things are said about abortion. Though I don’t believe there is ever a side where abortion is completely positive, the women in the movie are never given the chance to explain their reasoning behind their abortion decisions and it is rarely suggested that abortion could be helpful.

  Personally, I did not enjoy The Life Zone. I don’t believe it was written for a person with liberal political views to enjoy. It caters to the conservative, religious culture. I’m sure to someone who only watches “The 700 Club” and agrees with the beliefs expressed in this film, The Life Zone is a flick worth checking out. To anyone else, I would steer clear- unless you’re willing to have someone else’s morality shoved down your throat for eighty-one minutes.

- Reviewed by Dani 06/11/13 -

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I'm Not Jesus Mommy (also known as "Devil's Angel")

(Picture Source) 

Released in 2010

Directed by Vaughn Juares

Written by Vaughn Juares and Andrew Joseph Schneider

Fertility specialist Dr. Kimberly Gabriel wants to have a baby more than anything. When she is invited to be a part of Dr. Roger Gibson’s cloning research team, she takes the opportunity to steal one of the extra embryos and implants it in herself. Kimberly’s husband, Bruce, is not at all pleased with her decision, grabbing his keys and taking a drive to clear his mind. Predictably, Bruce is killed in a car accident. The plot jumps to Kimberly having a son, which she names David (but you’ll forget that as the movie goes on, because she only refers to him as “baby”)

  Seven years pass and the world is in chaos. Kimberly has raised David by herself, though she has a growing obsession with her late husband’s urn. David does bizarre things, like draw pictures, talk to an imaginary friend, and resurrect mice killed by mouse traps.

  Meanwhile, Roger lives with his sister and niece. He’s become quite the religious man- it is clear that his sister is bothered when he speaks Christianese to her daughter. Roger decides to trick them both into asking God for forgiveness, then murders them that night so they’ll go to heaven. To his pleasant surprise, Roger wakes up the next morning to find their bodies had disappeared and celebrates their acceptance into heaven. (This concept of believers disappearing, leaving just their clothes, during the rapture is straight out of Left Behind- a book and movie series by Jerry B. Jenkins and Tim LaHaye with like a bazillion installments on their interpretation of the “end times”.).

  Kimberly begins to fall ill, and though she hasn’t been in contact with him since the experiment, she decides that it’s best to bring David to live with Roger. The mother and son arrive at Dr. Gibson’s place and go inside though he is not home. When Roger returns and tries to open his door, Kimberly assumes he is an intruder, and out of self-defense severely hurts his hand. David runs to get help for Roger, but gets hit by an ambulance. By morning, David has miraculously healed himself, leading Roger to the epiphany that David was one of the clones. He confronts Kimberly and explains that the clones’ DNA came from the cloth used to wrap Jesus Christ after the crucifixion.

  In the last five minutes of the movie, all hell breaks loose. Roger and Kimberly begin arguing about David, and Roger grabs a rifle to defend himself. Desperately, Roger begs David for forgiveness, and shoots his mother who tries to explain that “he is just a boy”. David responds by telling him that he cannot kill his family and demand God’s mercy- there is no place for him in heaven. Heartbroken from hearing this, Roger takes his own life.

  David walks over to his wounded mother and says the anticipated “I’m not Jesus, Mommy”.

  Instead of replying, Kimberly holds up Bruce’s urn, and drops it so his ashes fall to the ground. David kneels to the ground and tries to heal his mother, but she refuses and passes away. When David stands back up, a man is suddenly in the room (whose face is not shown, but is assumed to be Bruce). “Knock, knock”, the man jokes. David answers as the last line of the film- “Who’s there?”

  I don’t think I can stress enough how much I didn’t enjoy this movie. I’ll try to break it down to explain why this movie makes my top ten least favorite films.

  First and foremost, the story sucked. During the entire movie, I felt like I was waiting for something to happen. Then the credits started rolling and I realized there wasn’t anything more. When writing the summary for this review, I felt like I was just typing up random events. It hit me that the plot lacked so much direction; things just kind of happened, David said the “I’m not Jesus, mommy” punch line, and the credits rolled.

  Other than “confused” and “bored”, no emotion came from this movie. Netflix classifies this flick as a horror thriller. Not once was I scared and I never came close to being thrilled. I’m Not Jesus Mommy is rated R, yet, I see no reason for it to be. Apart from the short, awkward conversations about pregnancy and a few kisses between a married couple, there is no sex. I can’t recall any swear words. Sure, there was some violence, but nothing that put me on edge. I couldn’t connect to this movie; my emotions plateaued until the end, when I was happy because it was over.

  The acting was horrendous. Not only did I not buy the story because of poor writing, but the acting didn’t sell any of it. Dr. Kimberly Gabriel (played by Bridget McGrath) is one of the most impassive, detached characters I’ve ever seen. There’s been better acting in soap operas. The best actor in the entire movie is probably Rocko Hale, who played David. As of 2013, this kid has only been cited for an actor in three titles- this movie and two shorts. For some reason, his voice reminds me of Danny Lloyd’s when he talks to Tony (thought I shouldn’t compare any part of this movie to something as classic and masterful as Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining).

  To give credit where credit is due- the concept is certainly interesting. On top of cloning, the film tackles the hot topics of religion, Revelations, and Jesus’ genetics. Though I was raised in a Christian family, I now sport the title “atheist” and the idea of creating another Jesus is sickening, yet thought-provoking because his legacy has had quite the influence on people. Luckily, there’s not a chance of Jesus ever being cloned, making the movie an inaccurate mess. It’s riddled with a completely incorrect cloning process, making the movie more “fiction-fiction” than “science-fiction”. But when it comes down to it, I’m Not Jesus Mommy isn’t about the process of cloning, rather, it’s about the idea of cloning, so tried not to let it affect how I feel about the movie. Yet, the inaccuracies became another reason why I couldn’t take I’m Not Jesus Mommy seriously.

  I guess I can’t complain about the cinematography. Sure, it wasn’t stunningly brilliant by any means, but considering how poor the acting and story is, the presentation of I’m Not Jesus Mommy is actually okay. The setting depicts a believable rapture scene of people without a lot of money and a lot of confusion and disaster; just like it is clear that not a lot of money was used to make this movie and it turned out to be a confusing disaster.

  Okay, okay. Maybe I’m being a bit harsh. When I first decided I was going to write movie reviews, it was because I wanted to study what elements make a film successful. And this movie just doesn’t have what it takes to be a hit. I’m sorry, Vaughn Juares, but this doesn’t cut it.

  Granted, if I am successful enough to make a living out of filmmaking, I’m sure I’ll have my own share of films that are flops. If someone writes a review like this for my flop of a film, God forbid, I will hire them to help me write my next movie so I won’t make the same mistakes. For now, I think I can find a place in my heart to give I’m Not Jesus Mommy one star, because though the concept was interesting, it lacked the necessary script and cast to execute a great story.

- Reviewed by Dani 6/7/2013 -

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Wet Hot American Summer

(Picture Source)

Released April 11, 2002

Directed by David Wain

Written by Michael Showalter and David Wain

Summer camp is all about finding a summer romance, even for the counselors of Camp Firewoord. As the normal camp activities like swimming, water rafting, and eating in the mess hall continue on the last day of the camp session, everyone is anxious to soak up as much of the social scene as they can before leaving. Beth wants Henry to notice her, Gail finds advice for getting over her ex-husband during arts and crafts, Andy doesn’t want to be around his girlfriend Katie while Coop wants Katie to be his girlfriend, the talent show needs planning, Gene struggles to hide his Freudian slips, Victor goes to great lengths to sleep with Abby, the nerds discover that the Earth needs saving, and a camper who hasn’t showered in eight weeks needs to somehow get a bath before his parents pick him up tomorrow.

  I’ve never written a review for a comedy before; I’ve been scared to review one! Like most, I tend to write my reviews by analyzing different aspects of a film (it is a review after all), but picking apart a comedy can ruin it. Comedies contain a level of stupidity that is not meant to be scrutinized. But just because a movie is stupid does not mean it is an enjoyable comedy. The level of stupidity is not easily related to how enjoyable a movie is.

  To solve this problem, I came up with a comedy scale. It simply shows the correlation (or lack of correlation) between how stupid a movie is and how enjoyable it is to watch.

  The x-axis is based off the classic five star rating scale. The y-axis measures stupidity on a bell curve. The highest point of the bell curve represents the best level of stupidity for a comedy. The curve starts at complete seriousness and ends at over-the-top idiocy.

  Wet Hot American Summer falls into the yellow zone. This was the first comedy I watched after a long streak of only watching dramas and horror films. I thought it was great- it actually got me to laugh. But when I watched it again, it lost its spark. What makes this movie great is the satire. The presentation of the iconic summer camp with a staff member from every stereotype is hilarious, but it’s all pretty one-dimensional. The humor relies on surprise and strangeness of the joke. Once you see the movie, you know what shocking punch line is coming and it doesn’t hit your funny bone in the same way it did during the first viewing.

  If you’re fan of “Kids in the Hall”, “Mr. Show with Bob and David”, or sketch comedy in general, I wouldn’t have a problem recommending this to you because the fact that it was written by David Main and Michael Showalter of “The State” makes it worth checking out. If you’re in need of a good dose of adult humor, yeah- go ahead and watch it, too. Overall, I’d say it’s worth seeing, but I don’t plan on adding it to my DVD collection.

- Reviewed by Dani 5/21/2013 -

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V/H/S

(picture source)

Released in 2012

Concept by Brad Miska

  When a group of young filmmakers are in need of some quick money, they take an offer to break into an old house and snag an important VHS tape. As the team searches for the video cassette, they view five different home movies, each seeming to consume one of their lives.

V/H/S is a found footage anthology, meaning that it is a feature film made up of several different short films.  Each short film is video recording that is discovered throughout the movie.

Tape 56

Directed by Adam Wingard

Written by Simon Barrett

“Tape 56” is the title given to the story of the filmmakers. It offers the framework for the entire movie, as each short film is played within it.

  Amateur Night

Directed by David Bruckner

Written by David Bruckner and Nicholas Tecosky

This first piece of found footage is filmed through the eyes of Clint, while he wears video camera glasses to the clubs with his friends. They bring two harmless looking girls back to their hotel for what sounds like a night of fun, but instead, it turns into a night of disaster.

Second Honeymoon

Directed and Written by Ti West

Sam and Stephanie decide to take a romantic road trip, but their night gets disturbed by a mysterious girl asking for a ride. This is my favorite of the five videos.

  Tuesday the 17th

Directed and Written by Glenn McQuaid

The third, and personally my least favorite video, follows Wendy, as she coaxes friends Samantha, Spider, and Joey to the lake where they relive a dark part of her past.

  The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger

Directed by Joe Swanberg

Written by Simon Barrett

Emily is deeply in love with her long-distance boyfriend, James. But after moving into her new apartment, she spends most nights awake, hearing the sound of a little boy. She hopes to solve the mystery by using her and James’ recorded Skype conversations.

  10/31/98

Directed and Written by Radio Silence; Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett, Justin Martinez, and Chad Villella

Chad, Matt, Tyler, and Paul stumble into the house their friend’s Halloween party is supposed to be at, but instead, they find themselves crashing another party’s sacrifice ceremony.

  Each individual short story barely skims the surface. The viewer is only offered a simple glimpse of the problem. This can be a common shortcoming of short films, but it really took an exceptional blow to V/H/S. Each video concept is so rich; it isn’t fulfilling to watch such a small portion of it. It only left me craving more. I’m not suggesting that each video should be individually developed into feature films, as they would turn into cheap jump scare flicks, but if you are someone like me who is always searching for a deeper meaning, you’ll be left with more questions than answers. Throughout the whole movie, I was looking for a connection between the tapes; why did the directors chose these stories to comprise into an anthology? What’s the common theme? People die? That’s about as much of a common theme as I could find.

As it is an anthology of short horror films, I question how hard I should be on V/H/S for lacking depth. The other elements of the movie still are superior. Key to the genre, the story is told from a first person point-of-view. The acting is natural and feels like you are watching someone’s home movies. V/H/S holds to the essential elements of found footage films.

Either way, if you’re looking for a solid horror film, don’t bother. That’s not what V/H/S was created to be. If you’re interested in horror anthologies and found footage films, it’s worth a couple hours of your time. It’s definitely kindled my interest in the genre and I am now starting to work on a series of my own short horror films. I look forward to seeing V/H/S/2 when it hits theaters this July.

    - Reviewed by Dani 4/13/2013 -

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The Host

(picture source)

Released March 29, 2013

Directed by Andrew Niccol

Music by Antonio Pinto

  When I first realized that this movie was based off of a book that was written by the same author as Twilight I had serious doubts about the potential of the movie. But after seeing it, I am glad to say I am pleasantly surprised.

The movie begins on Earth in the near future. A species of aliens have invaded our planet, though not in a typical way. They invade the earth not though force of lasers and mother-ships, but rather by taking control of the minds of humans, by implanting themselves onto our brain (Okay- there are many plot flaws I'm aware of that, but just stick with me.). This alien species has done this many times, in many different plants. Quite successfully. When they take over a planet they make it perfect. No hunger, no war, everyone is nice and polite. There are no environmental problems, and your mother never needs to give you “the talk”

They have never had any problems with taking over a planet, but the human species is different. Sometimes, the conscientiousness of the “hosts” (the human bodies that the aliens inhabit) still resides inside the person’s head. The original conscious of the body rejects the alien, and tries to fight it. This is exactly what happens to the main character of the story, Melanie (Saoirse Ronan). When the alien, who calls herself “Wanderer”, first gets implanted into the mind of Melanie, she is asked by other souls (“souls” are aliens that inhabit the bodies of humans) to give them the memories of Melanie so that they can locate the “resistance”- humans that are not occupied by souls. Melanie resists by hiding certain memories from Wanderer to protect her brother and lover, whom are still out in the world hiding. This struggle of Melanie’s mind vs. Wanderer goes on for days. Eventually, Melanie regains enough control of her mind and body to force Wanderer to travel in a direction that will lead her back to the people she loves.

When the humans find her, they take Wanderer back to their hideout inside of a mountain. They don't trust her, and abuse and blame her for the “death” of Melanie (whom they do not believe is still alive inside her). Eventually, some of the people begin to like Wanderer. One of the boys even falls in love with her. This causes problems because Melanie’s lover lives with the same group of people. Wanderer falls in love with the human race and proclaims that “there is no other place like [Earth]... humans are a rare and weird type of creature”. She teaches the humans how to remove the souls from the heads of hosts. The humans remove Wanderer from Melanie’s head and put her in another body.

The plot line is more complicated than this. But the point of a movie blog isn't to summarize; rather- to talk about the movie. If you watch this movie at a base level, it is a simple love story. Really, it is so much more than that. There are many interesting concepts discussed in this film. Though they are not always directly stated (it is based off a children’s book after all), many controversial and philosophical concepts appear thought the movie. Can two minds occupy one brain? What does it mean to be human? Does the alien/soul really understand love? Little things like these aren’t problems presented in the movie directly, but they are things that need to be thought about if you want to appreciate the meaning of the film as more than just moving pictures on a screen. 

The topic of polygamy, or at least an alternative idea of love, is presented also. Two minds occupy one body, and both minds love two different boys that love them/her back. When one kisses the other, who is kissing who? Do both girls love both guys? 

The movie also discusses the worth of our species. It offers the idea that despite all of our flaws, humans are beautiful and it is those flaws that make us beautiful. The hosts make the world black and white; they act as more of a hive than an individual. Wanderer begins to understand humans- our love, our hate, our struggle. We don't hurt just to hurt, but rather, because we feel we must. We are not bad, we are human. We do bad things, but I believe the message that the author is trying to say. Doing a bad thing with the intention of doing good is beautifully human. Our free will, even to do wrong, is what makes life worth living. Maybe we find beauty in imperfection. 

It's easy to dismiss the human race as evil. Some will probably think that the invading aliens in this movie have actually improved our world. Yet, they have only improved it in a mechanical way. It is more efficient, but it has lost passion. Good and bad. Passion of love, of lust, the irrational colors an artist puts on paper, a musician on strings. The passion of war, of hate. This movie tries to make the point that these things are worth something- that our race IS worth something. And that's about the gist of it all. Maybe I way overanalyzed this movie. I mean, stehanyfoisfu meighers (name spelled wrong out of disrespect- you can never quite recover fully from Twilight) wrote the fucking thing. But, hell even a dead clock is right twice a day.

  - Reviewed by Nathan 3/30/13 -

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Mein Kampf

(picture source)

Released August 29, 2009 (Canadian Release)

Directed by Urs Odermatt

Written by Martin Lehwald, Urs Odermatt, George Tabori and Ursula Grützmacher-Tabori

Music by Enis Rotthoff

                To start with I think I should get an obvious issue out of the way. The entire movie is in German, and I have been unable to find a subtitled version of the movie anywhere. That being said, it is based off of Hitlers book “Mein Kampf”, and the movie seeks to portray the life of Adolf Hitler (Tom Schilling) during his teenage years. The movie takes place in 1930's Vienna. The population is poor, the world grim, Austria is still recovering from the hash penalty’s and damage from the first world war.  Hitler feels the effects of this worse than most people as he struggles to make his dream of entering art school while receiving no help from his family. 

                Hitler struggles in the beginning of the movie to accumulate enough money to pay for an entrance exam into the local academy of arts. He uses his ambition and intelligence to gain this money in ways that some people would find morally objectionable, but we should expect that from a movie about Hitler shouldn't we? From here on, Hitler falls in love with a girl named  Gretchen (Anna Unterberger) (who eventually breaks his heart) and starts to finally find hope and meaning in his life.

                The major turning point in the story is when Hitler gets rejected from the school he has so desperately longed for. His life seems to change from this moment on. He starts to seek power, and an excuse for his problems by attending local political rallies for fringe political groups such as the national socialist party (NAZI), and seems to begin to suffer from an emerging mental health problem. The movie ends with Hitler giving his first passionate speech in front of a small crowd, foreshadowing the dark events  we know that this ambitious man will put into play in the future.

                Ok, the movie has its ups and downs. It is not something I would recommend to everyone. The plot line is heavy and difficult to follow at times, and the dialogue can be long and seemingly pointless (I think they needed to fill time haha). There are some good reasons to watch this movie, however. It does a good job portraying Hitler as a human, not just an evil monster. He loves, he hopes, he got struck down and found his passion in the dirt. We are all more like him than we like to think. I would also recommend this movie if you are a WW2 buff, or someone like me that is studying the German language. It is historically accurate and the language used is at times poetic. There is some philosophical concepts discussed throughout the movie and overarching themes such as nationalism, fairness and love which could be discussed with this movie as a median. If you're not prepared to sit down to a historic-foreign-philosophical film then I would say you could pass this one over and not be missing much. But if any of those things get you excited, this may just be worth your time.

- Reviewed by Nathan 3/23/2013 -

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The Afflicted

(picture source)

NR

Released March 1st, 2012

Directed by Jason Stoddard

Produced by Jason Stoddard and Leslie Easterbrook

                Based on true events, The Afflicted follows the story of Grace (Randi Jones) and her three siblings- Carla (Katie Holland), Bill (Cody Allen), and Cathy (Michele Grey). After celebrating Carla’s sixteenth birthday, things have taken an unfortunate turn for the family. Mother Maggie’s (Leslie Easterbrook) been drinking and listening to the Cowboy Profit’s (J.D. Hart) radio show more and more, and dad Hank (Kane Hodder) mysteriously left. As Maggie falls deeper and deeper into insanity, her aggression towards her children grows stronger and stronger. She listens to “God’s voice” and acts accordingly- abusing her children, literally to death.

            The events in this film only get more disturbing from here. The movie captures the fall of the family. Forcing Carla into prostitution and shoving food down Cathy’s throat are only the beginnings of Maggie’s dark works. During an argument at the dinner table, Maggie shoots Cathy, leaving a bullet in her shoulder. Cathy was handcuffed to the shower, and when her body was finally starting to heal, Maggie’s home surgery to remove the bullet brought Cathy’s death. Carla tries to run away, but her escape attempt got her locked in the closet until her body could not sustain itself any longer. Bill dumps the body on the side of the road, douses it in gasoline, and lights it on fire. When the Cowboy Profit sees the flaming body, he realizes it is Carla, and makes the connection that the girls’ subtle hints for help were really desperate pleas to break out of their home. The movie ends with the family entirely collapsing- Grace taking her mother and brother’s lives, as well as her own.

             The Afflicted is a difficult movie to sit through. The nature of the film is disturbing all around. With its strong acting and great cinematography, The Afflicted is too close to reality, portraying similar events that happened in the Theresa Knorr case. The movie is not rated, and I would not recommend it for anyone under sixteen. It revolves around a very disturbing topic, and it takes a bit of maturity to comprehend.

            I personally did not enjoy The Afflicted. The film moves fairly slow, and when it was capturing my attention, it was captured for the wrong reasons. I thought the casting was great; the actors matched the characters perfectly. The cinematography fit the tone dark tone of the movie. I think the movie deserves some credit for that, but I would not recommend it to anyone to watch for enjoyment.

- Reviewed by Dani 3/23/2013 -

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Futurama: Bender's Game

(picture source)

NR

Released November 4th, 2008

Directed by Dwayne Carey-Hill

Music by Christopher Tyng

Bender’s Game, the third Futurama movie, is a great movie for fans of the show and D&D nerds alike. The basic premise is that Bender discovers he has the ability to imagine things; caught up in rising gas prices, a D&D game, and the craziness of MomCo the Planet Express crew is transported to Bender’s imagination. The biggest flaw in the movie is that you’ll always be comparing it to the show if you’re a fan. Bender’s Game doesn't come close to the best episodes of the series but it is my favourite of the movies with some of the funniest moments after the show’s first cancellation. The audio is amazing and the animation is as crisp, or more so, than it always has been. Bottom Line: It’s a great movie and a good way to kill an hour or so. Even if you aren't a fan of the show you should still check it out.

- Review by Noah 3/22/2013 -

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The Human Centipede

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R

Released August 20th, 2010

Directed by Tom Six

Produced by Tom Six and Ilona Six

Music by Patrick Savage and Holeg Spies

            When Lindsay (Ashley C. Williams) and Jenny (Ashlynn Yennie) find themselves lost in Germany with a flat tire, they stumble upon Dr. Heiter’s (Dieter Laser) house hoping to find help. Instead, they find themselves in a much worse situation- tethered to hospital beds, being told they are the subjects of a new experiment: the human centipede. The process takes three human beings- Lindsay, Jenny, and an unnamed man- and links them together from head to rear. Heiter goes through with the operation to create his being. After tedious surgery, Dr. Heiter reveals his creation. He works to train it, but the patients are reluctant. The Human Centipede explores the demented possibility of creating a Siamese being.

            Personally, the movie did not live up to my expectations. There are so many things that go unexplained making the film an illogical bore. For example- Dr. Heiter moves the human centipede around. He moves it upstairs after the operation and he moves it outside for training. How the heck can he do this? Early on in the movie, he tries to carry a sedated Asia into the house. It was clear that he could barely lift one man, let alone a man and two girls. Something of that length and shape would be impossible to carry. They refuse to move on command, and even before that, they cannot move on their own after the operation. After hearing so much hype about this film, I found myself disappointed after finally seeing it. This isn’t the frightening movie I heard about. It is a good, high quality mad scientist flick, but it will only get to you if you have a weak stomach.

            With that sad, I wouldn’t go showing it to a five-year-old. The concept of the movie is twisted, and even though it’s not the scariest thing you’ll ever see, I do think the R-rating suits it well. Parts of the movie are graphic, and seeing the stiches along the girls’ mouths may disturb some viewers. The effects are extremely lifelike, topped off with blood that looks like it was actually created by someone’s body.

            All in all, unless you are a hardcore mad scientist fan, this film isn’t for your collection. It definitely is not for everyone. It may be worth a shot if you have an interest in unethical medical practices.

- Reviewed by Dani 3/22/2013

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Waxwork

(picture source)

R

Released June 17, 1988

Directed by Anthony Hickox

Produced by Staffan Ahrenberg

Music by Roger Bellon

  There is nothing scary about a wax museum, or so Mark (Zach Galligan), Sarah (Deborah Foreman), China (Michelle Johnson), and Tony (Dana Ashbrook) thought when they stepped into their local museum for a so-called “midnight premiere party”.  Little do they know, the museum displays are actually portals used for kidnapping and owner Jenkins (Joe Baker) is plotting to take over the world with his wax figures.

Believe it or not, Waxwork is not your standard, cheesy 80s horror flick. Right off the bat, I was impressed with the cinematography. The script was coherent and the acting was fair. But, the blood, monster costuming, and special effects were classic 80s. Do not plan on being slightly startled by any of the gore in this film. The content is decent and it is captured and presented well, but Waxwork lacks in the costuming and effect technology that was being used in the late 80s.

All in all, Waxwork is an entertaining, very soft horror movie. It would make a great thriller for a middle school Halloween party or a lazy Sunday afternoon. This may not be something to add to your DVD collection, but it is not a bad pick if you are looking for something chill to watch.

  - Reviewed by Dani 3/6/2013 -

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Life of Pi

(picture source)

  PG

Released November 21, 2012

Directed by Ang Lee

Produced by Ang Lee and David Womark

Music by Mychael Danna

  Based on the novel by Yann Martel, Life of Pi illustrates Pi Patel’s (Suraj Sharma) journey as he struggles to survive on a life boat with a tiger. Told through flashback, the film begins by visiting the story of how Pi got his name and how he grew up.  Being raised by his zookeeper father, Pi was taught to care for and respect the animals, as well as to fear the dangerous Bengal tiger. When Pi is a teenager, he father decides that it would be best for the family to move to Canada with some of the animals and start a new zoo. The cargo ship they travel on sinks, leaving Pi with a tiger named Richard Parker to survive together on a small life boat.

Despite its PG rating, I would not consider Life of Pi to be a family movie, and it is not for young children. It is a film that takes a certain level of maturity to appreciate. Maturity aside, a man and a tiger on a boat was barely interesting enough to keep my attention for 127 minutes. There are no crude jokes, sex scenes, or profanity, but the content is emotionally heavy. I found this movie to be good for personal reflection, though I would not recommend it for a Friday night date.

Apart for my own personal opinion on the movie, it blatantly is a work of art. In 2013, Life of Pi was up for eleven Academy Awards, being nominated for best achievement in editing, original song, production design, sound editing, sound mixing, best motion picture of the year, and best adapted screenplay, and winning best achievement in cinematography, directing, original music score, and visual effects. Life of Pi was beautifully captured, treating the imagination with its seamless CGI and mystical music scores. It is one of the movie masterpieces of the year, and I would recommend it to film fans who enjoy viewing unique works.

  - Reviewed by Dani 3/6/2013 -

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Wreck-It Ralph

(picture source)

PG

Released November 2, 2012

Directed by Rich Moore

Produced by Clark Spencer

Music by Henry Jackman

  Wreck-It Ralph is the classic arcade game antagonist. He is strong and scary, constantly wreaking havoc while hero Fix-It Felix Jr. cleans up his mess, and- oh yeah, he’s sick of being bad. Disney’s latest flick follows Wreck-It Ralph as he discovers what it means to do good and be a hero.

Every day after school, kids flock to the local arcade. As the thirtieth anniversary approaches for the classic platform game “Fix-It Felix Jr.”, villain Wreck-It Ralph (John C. Reilly) opens up about his jealously for Felix’s spotlight and desire that characters would not look upon him as a bad guy. After being challenged by another character at the thirtieth anniversary party, Ralph decides to visit other video games, looking for ways to earn a medal to prove he can be he a hero. Ralph finds a medal in the first-person shooter game “Hero’s Duty”, but loses it in the colorful and sweet “Sugar Rush” racing game. It ends up in the hands of wannabe racer Vanellope (Sarah Silverman), who is known by the other racers as the game’s glitch. Vanellope uses the medal as a gold coin to enter the race, but promises to return it to Ralph once she wins. After much arguing, Ralph agrees to help Vanellope learn to race. While Ralph works with Vanellope, Felix (Jack McBrayer) and Calhoun (Jane Lynch), a commander from “Hero’s Duty”, come to Sugar Rush to stop a virus that Ralph carried into the game from the first-person shooter. Calhoun, Felix, and Ralph work to unravel the secrets behind Vanellope’s glitch and save the games.

At first glance, the concept of the movie seems too jaded; the stories of inanimate objects’ lives when humans are not present have been told many times through animated works. Fortunately, Disney keeps it fresh, bringing digital characters to life rather than toys or cars. The characters explore many arcade machine worlds, traveling through electrical wires to visit each other’s games.

The story was clear and brilliantly told through crisp animation. The script contained jokes for all ages. Some tended to be a little immature. For example- Vanellope makes bathroom jokes about “Hero’s Doodie”. Coming from an elementary-school-aged racer, the humor is totally innocent, though I personally found it a bit obnoxious at times.

Wreck-It Ralph was nominated for best animated feature film at the Oscars in 2013. I agree that the movie deserves some recognition. I think it was marvelously crafted and I am sure it is one that I will be adding to my Disney movie collection.

Overall, Wreck-It Ralph is a great family movie that will appeal to older kids who will enjoy the cameos of their favorite classic game characters, as well as younger ones who are new to the arcade scene. The film’s bright animation, energetic music, and strong storyline make it exciting to watch, and a good pick for your next relaxed, light-hearted movie night.

  - Reviewed by Dani 3/6/2013 -