aveschordium

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I think if a gas pump plays an ad for you while you're fueling up it should be legal to shoot the pump with a gun, igniting the gas and blowing up the station, killing everyone instantly

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Pieces

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when I was a kid I wished I had nosebleeds. I had some friends who had them and I was like. that looks so fucking cool. you're just sitting there and suddenly you're covered in blood. it looks so dramatic. it looks so... and here my language failed me. at such a humble age I did not have the vocabulary to describe the sublime. I just sat in incomprehensible jealousy. I turned out totally normal by the way

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finding myself in front of me...

commission for caudamus

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sorry for the inactivity ive just been a depressed mess of whatever this thing is

on another note, lets go blow up the fucking sun

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then you just look like an inconsiderate asshole who never messages their friends, thus begins the hell loop

I realized that one of the reasons I don’t reach out regularly to people is that I don’t want to intrude on their lives. I’m genuinely worried that they would rather not hear from me, and would reach out first if they wanted to. I don’t want to hinder their peace. The fear is so big, it’s paralyzing.

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fucking let me just be good at art now fuck you i dont want to try fuck you i just want it now fuck you

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im so rotcore baby

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always going somewhere

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sheep god, higher being. hey? dear god? i want to explode, let me splatter your precious concrete, ill go everywhere, ill scatter, ill scatter like birds

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hi completely feel free to ignore this ask if you’re uncomfortable with it. i just recently started therapy and have been heavily suspecting that i have avpd, i was wondering if you could share what the diagnostic process was like, in your experience? NO pressure again!!

no worries at all, i've been thinking on how to answer this for a bit since i got this ask and it is quite a bit different then i think how most other people on this site (at least from what i have read) have fallen onto this disorder because i did quite literally fall into it. the short and sweet of it is i went into the psychologist office because i needed a gender dysphoria diagnosis for a lot of other practical reasons, but i kind of came out with a lot of other things and more things are of course constantly developing (DID). it was mostly a series of tests, then she became curious because i described interesting behaviors, and she decided to test me on some other things and she came to that conclusion. it wasn't a thing i was actively seeking out because i didn't even know it existed! it was i believe three sessions and in all of those we talked, it wasn't necessarily like therapy, but it is sort of similar; though they aren't seeking to fix things just guide you to what your mind kind of looks like so they dig a lot and ask about your history, it can be uncomfortable, but it is important to be as honest as possible even about things that might make you feel shitty or situations where you were maybe a bad person. specifically i am diagnosed with AVPD with borderline traits, which tracks because my mom has Borderline Personality Disorder but she didn't suffer through the sort of neglect i did or consistent traumatic situations / lack of socialization. if you suspect you have AVPD my advice would be to talk to your psychologist specifically about how social situations make you feel (especially if they make you feel like you want to die), about any childhood neglect, and how you may ghost folks who do say they care about you out of fear they actually hate you. there is a lot of paranoia that plays into AVPD. there are a lot of signifiers for AVPD, but those are the big ones that come to mind; becareful not to "psyop" yourself into this disorder though! /hj and if you don't get a diagnosis self diagnosis is always valid.

-PD

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please god let me eat dirt like I just want soil between my FANGS

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i mean i could just explode and die instead of putting effort into socializing ever again

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arts always pissed me off, and i dont know why because on one hand i love it so dearly, but on the other hand the act of creating or more importantly putting your shit out there is the most daunting thing in the world that you just don't let yourself create anything in the first place sometimes just seeing what people are into, like actually into versus what we are into can really set us back

the world and its people can feel so damn bleak sometimes

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grimacing

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shout out to masks for making life tolerable