balkanradfem

[balkanradfem]

Forgive the insane suggestion... But you are in the Balkans, like me, and experiencing health problems. Go to a starvarka/sojmanka/vilenica/traditional healer woman from a village, if you can!

I don't know any&all of the 'healers' i have heard of belong to a cult. it feels unsafe due to the amount of scams out there. And you need money for this! I don't have that

[balkanradfem]

my fair lady im sorry for using your ask box as a shrine (?) but i hate being a lesbian so much. the woman i love got a shabby bf im broken hearted. completely broken hearted. literally just a few days ago i found out my highschool crush became a mom and shes happy despite her life being everything she used to hate... i hate heterosexuality

Heterosexuality is okay to hate! They ruin a lot of things for us.

I can only imagine the pain and frustration behind your words, it is rough to have your heart broken over and over like that. I assume you're young, because I remember being young, falling for my straight best friend and suffering for the next 5 years.

But things get better! Precisely because we spend our youth suffering, we learn to do way more risk assesment later on, and won't even consider a straight woman ever again. Some of us decide on strictly lesbians to protect our hearts. You'll live a life where this wont be a problem anymore because you'll be able to choose where your heart gets invested. Keep being an excellent lesbian. Pain like this is almost a rite of passage for us.

[balkanradfem]

[balkanradfem]

So my arm - is better! I can move it in almost all directions now, pain is minimal, its a bit weak but overall I'm very pleased with it! It's the best case scenario, calcificate melted by itself and body is re-absorbing it.

My knee. Well. Here's the thing.

The doctor in the ER impressed upon me that I have to take the pain medication 3 times a day, regardless of pain. I figured it was because it's anti-inflammatory so it would keep that under control. So I diligently took the medicine, and for some reason my knee stopped hurting, and I thought it had gotten better! So I took the stairs normally, walked and biked around.

As soon as I took myself off the medicine I found out the knee is doing worse than before and I have been tricked and bamboozled by the pain medicine. I don't know how this could have happened. I'm going to carefully rest it now in hope it gets better.

My left leg hurts too, especially when I sit. Am I supposed to take more magnesium about it? I wish I could go swimming, that usually helps the cramps.

Health conspiracy theories

So my health has been in the trenches lately and I have not had one day of peace. Today I will argue my conspiracy case that it's all because of stupid magnesium supplements. Hear me out.

So my doctor told me to buy magnesium supplements because my leg hurts when I sit down for half an hour, she told me it's cramps and I need magnesium. As soon as I started taking it, I developed a rage issue (and I'm not the only one affected like this by magnesium supplements) and then had my period come a week and a half early, without the usual hormonal changes. I then paused taking the pills because I was moving, and everything was okay for two weeks! But my leg was hurting a lot so I went back to take more pills.

And guess what happened as soon as I took it for 3 days. My period came early again. It's been two and a half weeks since my last one, and again, no hormonal changes. I became concerned so I went to the pharmacist to ask about it, and she explained there's no way magnesium would do this, it's likely the stress from moving, I should go to a gynecologist to get checked out.

But in my heart I knew it was the magnesium. The wretched supplement messed up my period cycle somehow.

Next day, I went foraging in the forest, got some mushrooms, and apples, and then I had some chores in the city and as I went on, my knee started hurting! And it was my right knee, not the usual troublemaker. I ignored it, thinking it's nothing, and by the time I was home, the pain was so bad I became unable to walk. I spent 2 days in bed, knee bandaged, unable to bend without severe pain. Then I could limp, but not ride my bike, because biking means you have to bend your knee. So I spent a few days limping, eventually managing to walk, but it took a while before I could ride my bike. I still can't use the stairs normally.

I didn't have a fall, or anything like that, knee started acting up just because I climbed the hills for a bit, which is crazy, I do that often.

And then, I went to visit a lady in the hospital; it went without incident. But when I came back, my left shoulder started hurting, much more than usual. I assumed I somehow pulled a muscle and ignored this.

Next day, the pain worsened, and I started wondering if I tore a muscle instead, I did try to help that lady to walk and maybe that did it? Third day – I could no longer sleep trough the pain. Reaching out with my arm made me scream. I could no longer extend the arm, or lift it, and I felt the pain trough ibuprofen. I lost all motion and could only clench my arm close to my chest, the only position that didn't hurt as severely.

I was baffled and barely talked myself into going to ER; I suspected something was wrong with my nerves because my fingers were numb and tingling. I had bad experiences trying to prove a nerve issue before, so I suspected people in the ER would just tell me to go home like everyone else usually did. I have no idea how I looked when I got there, but they took me seriously. Maybe too seriously, people were whispering when I sat next to them, out of respect? Multiple doctors stared at me in concern. I was shaking, and very pale and unable to move much so maybe I looked 'in pain' enough. Anyway they sent me to get an x-ray, and they found – a calcificate in my left shoulder. It means my body created a bone-like structure where it shouldn't be, and it's breakind down now. They explained it's melting and it's going to hurt for the next few days, it could melt by itself or maybe I would need ultrasound to break it. But it's tearing into my tendons and muscles so that's why it hurts. They diagnosed me with tendonitis, told me to get anti-inflammatory medicine to keep the inflammation under control and sent me home.

So now I'm at home, bedridden, making sense out of all of this. This isn't the first time they found a calcificate in my body, I know there's one in my neck that didn't break yet – but I literally don't get enough calcium from my diet. I think my body is actively taking calcium from my bones; a year ago I got tested for calcium in my blood, and my doctor said it was 'kind of low, but nothing serious'. I also know you can't find out if you have enough calcium from just a blood test, because it's mostly stored in the bones and teeth, so you'd have to measure the density of your bones two separate times to see if there's a difference.

I read articles upon articles on why calcificates happen, and other than autoimmune diseases, it's high levels of calcium in blood. Which I don't have! In fact, I'm supposed to be taking so much nettle infusion to get calcium, but life has been insane so I forgot. And I don't have any of the other diseases they're claiming cause calcificates, and it's supposed to happen later in life anyway. So what's going on?

This is where I get back to magnesium. Back when I was researching about nutrition, I read conflicting information about calcium and magnesium, like you're not supposed to take one with the other, or you have to take one with the other, every source said differently. One source told me that taking magnesium can help you re-absorb calcificates from your body, because it helps absorb it back, which I was intrigued by, but didn't know if it was true.

But then I think about all the world of trouble I've been in recently. The knee and the shoulder. Is it possible that magnesium started breaking down calcium in my body somehow? That calcificate in my shoulder was just chilling in there until I started taking magnesium. It sure didn't re-absorb in a gentle way, what if re-absorbing meant it was going to break and start tearing down my shoulder? Is that the only way for this to happen? Why was my body even making stupid calcium deposits in my shoulder, we need that nutrient inside of my bones. Is this why my knee was so weak it came down with severe issues from just a day of moving around?

I blame magnesium for it all. I was fine before the wretched pills. Now I'm probably going to get every problem under the sun. And it didn't even fix my leg. How dare magnesium do this to me. I declare war. I will not take the supplements.

This feels like potentially me absorbing so much misinformation that I'm landing on insane conclusions but I swear I was not reading articles on shifty or news websites. It was healthline, cronometer, and university websites and information that came from official, or official looking sources, even if sometimes it turned out to be conflicting. If there's someone educated on this who can offer me a sourced explanation I would accept that.

[balkanradfem]

[balkanradfem]

im putting a fruit sticker on you. im sprinkling blades of grass on you. im offering wedges of my tangerine to you. etc.

[balkanradfem]

if yaoi is so good then why aren't they women

[balkanradfem]

Hey so I saw your post about your health problems I hope your doc checks your phosphorus (it’s a blood and urine test) and vit d levels because if they are worried about your bone health those are more important than calcium actually and calcium supplementation can actually be bad for your heart and for calcification problems like you mentioned also if your pain is that bad I hope they have a REAL pain management conversation like more than just over the counter nsaids like we talking is it an accute problem? Then maybe a course of something stronger (I want to say torridol? It’s been a hot minute) and gabbepetin is often a first try for chronic pain which may or may not help the nerve type pain but there are lots of non opiate options if they’re squirmy about that. Hope that helps. Don’t let the buttheads get you down.

Thank you so much for telling me! I will ask about phosporus, and last time we checked vitamin D it was super low. I took supplements for a bit then forgot about it.

They gave me deksketoprofen for pain and recommended some paracetamol but I ignored that second one because the pain isn't that bad anymore, I'm more concerned about being unable to lift my arm at all, like it doesn't wanna go there at all. Pain was real bad just for like 2 days! Now its like a 4 which I can ignore. If I try to lift my arm it goes to 9 though.

Everyone was real nice to me in the ER! They weren't sure what was going on and were honest in saying they only think its the calcificate and it could be many other things. They told me to come back if it doesn't get better in 5 days. I do think it's the calcificate because I have a central pain spot in my shoulder that hurts to touch, that must be the source. I'll get my phosporus levels checked!

[balkanradfem]

Health conspiracy theories

So my health has been in the trenches lately and I have not had one day of peace. Today I will argue my conspiracy case that it's all because of stupid magnesium supplements. Hear me out.

So my doctor told me to buy magnesium supplements because my leg hurts when I sit down for half an hour, she told me it's cramps and I need magnesium. As soon as I started taking it, I developed a rage issue (and I'm not the only one affected like this by magnesium supplements) and then had my period come a week and a half early, without the usual hormonal changes. I then paused taking the pills because I was moving, and everything was okay for two weeks! But my leg was hurting a lot so I went back to take more pills.

And guess what happened as soon as I took it for 3 days. My period came early again. It's been two and a half weeks since my last one, and again, no hormonal changes. I became concerned so I went to the pharmacist to ask about it, and she explained there's no way magnesium would do this, it's likely the stress from moving, I should go to a gynecologist to get checked out.

But in my heart I knew it was the magnesium. The wretched supplement messed up my period cycle somehow.

Next day, I went foraging in the forest, got some mushrooms, and apples, and then I had some chores in the city and as I went on, my knee started hurting! And it was my right knee, not the usual troublemaker. I ignored it, thinking it's nothing, and by the time I was home, the pain was so bad I became unable to walk. I spent 2 days in bed, knee bandaged, unable to bend without severe pain. Then I could limp, but not ride my bike, because biking means you have to bend your knee. So I spent a few days limping, eventually managing to walk, but it took a while before I could ride my bike. I still can't use the stairs normally.

I didn't have a fall, or anything like that, knee started acting up just because I climbed the hills for a bit, which is crazy, I do that often.

And then, I went to visit a lady in the hospital; it went without incident. But when I came back, my left shoulder started hurting, much more than usual. I assumed I somehow pulled a muscle and ignored this.

Next day, the pain worsened, and I started wondering if I tore a muscle instead, I did try to help that lady to walk and maybe that did it? Third day – I could no longer sleep trough the pain. Reaching out with my arm made me scream. I could no longer extend the arm, or lift it, and I felt the pain trough ibuprofen. I lost all motion and could only clench my arm close to my chest, the only position that didn't hurt as severely.

I was baffled and barely talked myself into going to ER; I suspected something was wrong with my nerves because my fingers were numb and tingling. I had bad experiences trying to prove a nerve issue before, so I suspected people in the ER would just tell me to go home like everyone else usually did. I have no idea how I looked when I got there, but they took me seriously. Maybe too seriously, people were whispering when I sat next to them, out of respect? Multiple doctors stared at me in concern. I was shaking, and very pale and unable to move much so maybe I looked 'in pain' enough. Anyway they sent me to get an x-ray, and they found – a calcificate in my left shoulder. It means my body created a bone-like structure where it shouldn't be, and it's breakind down now. They explained it's melting and it's going to hurt for the next few days, it could melt by itself or maybe I would need ultrasound to break it. But it's tearing into my tendons and muscles so that's why it hurts. They diagnosed me with tendonitis, told me to get anti-inflammatory medicine to keep the inflammation under control and sent me home.

So now I'm at home, bedridden, making sense out of all of this. This isn't the first time they found a calcificate in my body, I know there's one in my neck that didn't break yet – but I literally don't get enough calcium from my diet. I think my body is actively taking calcium from my bones; a year ago I got tested for calcium in my blood, and my doctor said it was 'kind of low, but nothing serious'. I also know you can't find out if you have enough calcium from just a blood test, because it's mostly stored in the bones and teeth, so you'd have to measure the density of your bones two separate times to see if there's a difference.

I read articles upon articles on why calcificates happen, and other than autoimmune diseases, it's high levels of calcium in blood. Which I don't have! In fact, I'm supposed to be taking so much nettle infusion to get calcium, but life has been insane so I forgot. And I don't have any of the other diseases they're claiming cause calcificates, and it's supposed to happen later in life anyway. So what's going on?

This is where I get back to magnesium. Back when I was researching about nutrition, I read conflicting information about calcium and magnesium, like you're not supposed to take one with the other, or you have to take one with the other, every source said differently. One source told me that taking magnesium can help you re-absorb calcificates from your body, because it helps absorb it back, which I was intrigued by, but didn't know if it was true.

But then I think about all the world of trouble I've been in recently. The knee and the shoulder. Is it possible that magnesium started breaking down calcium in my body somehow? That calcificate in my shoulder was just chilling in there until I started taking magnesium. It sure didn't re-absorb in a gentle way, what if re-absorbing meant it was going to break and start tearing down my shoulder? Is that the only way for this to happen? Why was my body even making stupid calcium deposits in my shoulder, we need that nutrient inside of my bones. Is this why my knee was so weak it came down with severe issues from just a day of moving around?

I blame magnesium for it all. I was fine before the wretched pills. Now I'm probably going to get every problem under the sun. And it didn't even fix my leg. How dare magnesium do this to me. I declare war. I will not take the supplements.

This feels like potentially me absorbing so much misinformation that I'm landing on insane conclusions but I swear I was not reading articles on shifty or news websites. It was healthline, cronometer, and university websites and information that came from official, or official looking sources, even if sometimes it turned out to be conflicting. If there's someone educated on this who can offer me a sourced explanation I would accept that.

[balkanradfem]

A beautiful place in the sun

[balkanradfem]

I have been thinking today about Dumbledore's and Snape's roles in the story and why I personally, find one more compelling then the other.

(I think the reason why I've been thinking about that is because I follow a lot of great Snape blogs whose favourite is obviously Severus. And the thing is, I get why! I love his character too! But Albus just tickles my brain a bit more ...)

Anyway, in my opinion, the four main characters through which morality is explored in the books are Harry, Voldemort, Snape and Dumbledore. Voldemort and Harry make up one axis of morality. Their stories mirror each other in many ways, while their reactions to what happens to them stands in direct opposition to each other. One could go into detail here, but since this post is not supposed to be about them, I'll simply argue that this axis explores the concepts of deliverance through selfless love and sacrifice vs. damnation through selfish and self-centred hubris (oh the protestantism of it all...).

And then there's the axis that is Snape and Dumbledore. Again, two characters with remarkably similar backgrounds. (Broken families, intelligence, isolation and othering throughout their lives...) And, contrary to Voldemort and Harry, these two even make very similar choices that lead them into very similar catastrophes. (They react to their respective situation by radicalisation into very dangerous and violent ideologies, leading to a loved one's death.)

A part of their reactions to these are also similar. Both pledge themselves to some sort of penance, both are deeply changed and scarred. Both isolate themselves even more from the people around them.

BUT there is a difference and it's not a moral one. It's how they present themselves. It's how they appear to the rest of the world and thus how we first get to know them.

Severus is not a pleasant man. We can argue about just how much damage he did to his students and if he's actually as bad a teacher as he appears to be through Harry's eyes. But there is no doubt that he is just ... not nice. And not kind either. He's spiteful, often snide, makes openly hurtful comments and holds a grudge like nobody's business. And all of these things are VERY obvious.

Albus (barring some glaring exceptions that most people never see and we only get to witness very late in the game) is none of these things. He's gentle, quirky, humorous and sort of just distantly kind to his students. Everyone we meet that we are supposed to trust places him on a pedestal as a beacon of both morality and intellect, while at the same time, painting him as a bit of an eccentric. All of these things isolate him as effectively from other's as Severus unpleasantness. They serve essentially the same purpose, yet leave very different impressions on both a young Harry, and the reader.

In other words, both of these characters have built reputations around themselves that serves to distance themselves from others. They don them as masks because they do not want what's underneath — their humanity, their vulnerability, their love and pain — to be known.

Yet what's underneath is remarkably similar. The difference is that one mask is (to maybe stretch that metaphor a bit too thin) significantly more pleasant, more comforting than the other. So for one (Snape) what's underneath is beautiful by comparison. For the other (Dumbledore) it can only be hideous if what one is used to and expecting is the ideal of goodness itself. Dumbledore, who was previously a godlike figure, was torn down by his humanity. Snape, by contrast, was lifted up by his.

Aside 1: I think this is one of the reasons why so many fans hate Dumbledore to an almost comical extend. They haven't forgiven him for not having lived up to the ideal he projected of himself, the ideal of pure goodness that only ever was a facade to begin with. So when he makes a mistake (for example, when he hurts Harry through neglect bc he fears what will happen when he gets too close), it must be malicious instead of simply the human failure of a traumatised man.

Aside 2: I think Dumbledore recognises this too (that he was torn down by his humanity, where Severus was lifted up). The phrase "my word, Severus, that i shall never reveal the best of you" (quoted from memory) has always struck me that way. Albus views his own capacity to love as his downfall. In Severus, he sees it as his salvation. I wonder if there was ever resentment there...

Anyway, this is, imo what the moral axis of Snape and Dumbledore explores: The inevitability of one's humanity and goodness, not as an absolute transcendant ideal, but a conscious struggle within a complicated world.

I, personally, find the tearing down of Dumbledore as a god figure more emotionally and philosophically intriguing than the lifting up of Snape. Maybe because to believe in the lie of the benevolent god is so much more convenient and comfortable than to believe in the lie of the nasty and unpleasant children's book villain.

The latter one demands forgiveness for the mask (and many can't forgive that either) but the former, demands forgiveness and sympathy for what's underneath. And that is, I think, significantly harder.

[balkanradfem]

Huck

[balkanradfem]

[balkanradfem]

LOTUS🪷

[balkanradfem]

Just had a man in my replies explain how scared he was of cops after witnessing so many cases of police brutality, but he still snapped at me for saying that's how women feel about men.

Remember this. Men get it. They understand what fear and caution and paranoia are. They just don't care when it's women because they don't see you as human.

They understand generalizations when it's something they fear. They understand generalizations when they're paranoid about catfish and golddiggers and whatever else.

They just don't care about your fears because they feel entitled to have access to women and react to us revoking that access like a kid reacting to having their toys taken away.

[balkanradfem]

tbh people dont talk about how disturbing the popularity of sibling/step sibling porn is nearly enough.

[balkanradfem]