ballerwizard - Tumblr blog

[ballerwizard]

Slightly less horribly crushing!

FINALLY GOT A REAL JOB! NO MORE WIZARD CRAIGSLIST FOR ME!

I have INSURANCE now! I don't have to just cure wounds all my problems anymore! Fuck yeah!

[ballerwizard]

FINALLY GOT A REAL JOB! NO MORE WIZARD CRAIGSLIST FOR ME!

I have INSURANCE now! I don't have to just cure wounds all my problems anymore! Fuck yeah!

[ballerwizard]

Is entrapping people in a massive spider web and lighting it on fire illegal in the state of Massachusetts?

Time sensitive question.

[ballerwizard]

I live in a part of the country where most teleportation is illegal. I'm pretty sure your spells are considered crimes against humanity.

hey is like. arsenic lung an illegal spell? is cyanide blood illegal?

will i have my floating cartoon head on a platter if i, god forbid, transmute necessary body parts into common deadly poisons? i wanna made a guy sweat poison ivy oil

[ballerwizard]

No can do, the Wizard of Interesting Failure already got the curse and put her in a new tape. You'll have to take it up with them.

Bought an old VHS tape online and used Remove Curse and it FUCKING. WORKED. There was a CURSE on the VHS tape wth who tried to curse me.

[ballerwizard]

I also sobbed when I saw barbie appreciating an old woman, sitting beside her on the bench, because that's what a woman is and that's what being human is, and that's what life is and she saw imperfection and age and realized it was beautiful.

She was so scared of being imperfect and having cellulite and aging and dying, and then she saw how beautiful all of those things could be, and she cried, and I cried.

And I understood. And I felt understood.

[ballerwizard]

I also sobbed when I saw barbie appreciating an old woman, sitting beside her on the bench, because that's what a woman is and that's what being human is, and that's what life is and she saw imperfection and age and realized it was beautiful.

She was so scared of being imperfect and having cellulite and aging and dying, and then she saw how beautiful all of those things could be, and she cried, and I cried.

And I understood. And I felt understood.

[ballerwizard]

Yep, that's exactly what Steve said. I miss Steve.

hey @the-gnomish-bastard why are you killing so many gods people are going to war against you. they were my pals. thats not cool man. not cool. :(

[ballerwizard]

You made sure to get the proper licensing and certifications for the Thing, right? I'd hate to see a repeat of last time.

hey @the-gnomish-bastard why are you killing so many gods people are going to war against you. they were my pals. thats not cool man. not cool. :(

[ballerwizard]

Bought a bootleg CD off a bard and when I played it it cast Prismatic Wall around my CD player.

Selling the CD for $5

[ballerwizard]

Oh my dad is gonna be PISSED

I have killed another deity. This time a goddess.

I killed Glynwel, goddess of Elves. I bet you all saw this coming. If you had “Elf Deity Death” on your apocalypse bingo sheet, congrats!

[ballerwizard]

Reblog to destroy @the-better-wizard-council

[ballerwizard]

omg i told a million times just bc the amulet glows a bright pulsating red every time i'm about to commit acts of great evil doesn't mean the amulet is *driving* me to evil. it just gets excited is all

[ballerwizard]

I love Caravan, she's a great familiar, but teaching her to talk was a mistake. Her nest is on my building's fire escape and she keeps telling passers by to commit tax fraud. I'm not sure how she even figured out what taxes are.

[ballerwizard]

Oh. I actually feel kinda bad now. I still have the tape if she wants it back. I actually have a collection, it's mostly reruns of old TV. Ask her where she'd like to go.

Bought an old VHS tape online and used Remove Curse and it FUCKING. WORKED. There was a CURSE on the VHS tape wth who tried to curse me.

[ballerwizard]

Bought an old VHS tape online and used Remove Curse and it FUCKING. WORKED. There was a CURSE on the VHS tape wth who tried to curse me.

[ballerwizard]

based on true events