batfamficprompts

[batfamficprompts]

every single time i see one of those ‘pov you forget to mute yourself on discord’ tiktoks i think of the batkids. i just fucking know they’ve spent so long boredly fucking around on comms during patrol that they have honed the skill to acapella any song they want on the fly just to entertain themselves during slow nights.

Bruce will be dealing with a group of muggers when out of nowhere about 6 different voices will perfectly team up with NO verbal planning before hand just to serenade him with Meghan Trainor or Britney Spears and they will Not Listen when he tells them it’s distracting.

one time Damian got smacked in the head with a brick during a group mission and he was collapsed on the ground trying to get his bearings and not throw up while Bruce and Dick were fighting to get to his side, and STILL despite the concussion they could hear the little fucker providing the background beat to Jason Tim and Stephs performance of Fallen Kingdom by Captainsparklez.

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Yknow how lions will sometimes pretend that their cubs' biting hurts and stuff as a form of encouragement

Imagine that but like

Robin!Dick: *bap*

Bruce: *dramatically throws himself into a shelf*

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Jason and Dick falling back into being brothers after Jason gets resurrected except both of them keep forgetting that although Dick is still older, Jason is now very much not a small little Robin anymore.

Dick, pointing to an ugly old guy on TV: that’s you

Jason, gesturing to a pug: that’s you

Dick: *flicks the side of Jason’s head*

Jason: do that again and i’ll smash your face in

Dick: bring it on, little wing!

Jason: *jokily shoves Dick off the couch*

Dick: *flies two feet and smashes through a glass table*

Tim and Damian watch Dick try and sneak up on Jason from behind to shove him in the pool but Jason doesn’t even budge, and they see Dick’s eyes widen in regret before he gets judo-flipped into the water. Jason tries to jump in after but forgets how big he is and manages to both land directly on Dick’s flailing body and cause a wave big enough to drench Alfred standing at the other edge. Damian turns dead eyes onto Tim,

Damian: promise me we’ll never be that immature.

Tim: we can learn from their stupidity

Alfred, dripping onto the tiles, Jason and Dick struggling in the background: please see that you do.

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people don't talk enough about how fucking funny it is that bruce can sub in his kids as batman when he's too busy. like can you imagine it from the league's perspective? imagine you have this really mysterious, geniusly scary guy that you know next to nothing about, never cracks a smile and yet always comes out on top, and one day he shows up to a league meeting and there's just something... off. about him.

you can't pin it down because he's literally acting exactly the same as usual and there's no reason to think there's anything wrong, but maybe he shifted in his seat one to many times, or he looked just a tad bit too bored during green lantern's case review, but something's just... odd. so you quietly ask superman after the meeting if anything's up with the bat bcs you know those two are closer and also clark can hear heartbeats so if something's wrong surely he'll pick it up? and without hesitation he leans over to you and mumbles 'yeah batman was busy, that's his 17 yr old son. he's a crime lord and kills people sometimes though so we're not allowed to let him into the weapons department.' and then walks away like it's normal.

like the whiplash the league must go through every time they realise that no, this is not their fearless dark and brooding leader, this is in fact one of his dipshit kids being forced to sub in bcs the real batman broke an ankle, is incredible.

wonder woman: so that's my proposed plan, what are your thoughts batman?

batman: hn. i think that- *voice raising two octaves* oh shit hold on my phones buzzing

the league:

batman, answering the phone and immediately dropping the Bat Posture™: what do you mean- aw come on little wing that's not fair! but- no, NO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ALFRED I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU- IM SORRY OK I'LL BUY YOU MORE- *catches sight of the league watching him, baffled* *stiffens* ok listen i promise to replace them but i gotta go, please show me mercy iloveyoubye *hangs up*

the league:

batman:

batman: *coughs awkwardly*

superman: *sighs*

batman, to superman: ...red hood found out i ate his chocolate pretzels-

superman, shaking his head: just... just stop.

the flash: so this isn't batman either, is it?

wonder woman: if this one's also a criminal im losing my mind.

superman, tiredly: no no, this one isn't a criminal. this one's actually a cop.

batman: *sinks down in his seat* b's gonna kill me

green lantern, mystified: where does he keep GETTING you all from!?

'batman' dick, who made a pact with jason to Always Fuck With Bruce Whenever The Opportunity Arises: batman is a whore.

they think they've finally sussed out all 2 of batman's kids and then one day during a meeting 'batman' ends up on a 30 minute rant about different hacking methods this tech villain could be using that results in him half way through a sentence breaking off to say '-oh uncle clark could you pass me that pen- thanks, anyway so-' and then five minutes after that when the league have all been exchanging incredulous looks he finally freezes and is like. SHIT.

wonder woman: you're different from the other two, aren't you?

batman: maybe i am maybe i'm not, you can't prove it.

wonder woman:

green lantern: so like, are you new or have you just managed to avoid sub duty up until now?

superman, coughing: actually, this is this ones ninth occasion of replacing batman. you've just never realised before.

the league:

batman: yeah actually the other two are kinda mad i lasted longer than them...

the flash: how the fuck does he keep getting kids with the exact same build as him!??!?

'batman' tim, spent 20 minutes padding the suit out so he would look the part, still mad that bruce keeps palming WE work off on him: oh he forces us to take steroids for it.

the league, concerned:

superman, pinching the bridge of his nose: now come on red robin-

batman, fully tearing up and looking distraught: PLEASE uncle clark, it HURTS, you can't keep COVERING FOR HIM!

superman, frantically to the league: this one lies.

bonus

the league, squinting at batman:

the league: ...

superman: *head in his hands, too disappointed to do anything*

the league: *silently exchanging looks, wondering if anybody's brave enough to say anything*

duke as batman, fully aware this is fucking stupid but jason and tim fell on the floor laughing when dick came up with the idea and frankly, he wanted to see if anybody would have to guts to call him out: so, are we all ready to start the meeting?

[batfamficprompts]

It's raining nonstop where I am so I'm just picturing the Batfam during a flood.

Red Robin uploads a TikTok from the safety of a roof saying "watch him go!" As Red Hood keeps trying to drive his bike against the current. A big wave comes by and he's slowly dragged downhill. The caption reads "don't drive during floods".

Batman and Robin are on the ground helping civilians out of cars when the intensity doubles and in minutes Damian goes from wading knee deep in the water to swimming. The emergency batfloaties get triggered and he floats away as Bruce fails to grab him by half an inch. "Robin serenely drifting in the current" becomes a meme.

Someone takes a picture of a very flustered spoiler trying to squeeze the water out of her cape. The second she lets go the weight of the water makes her fall ass over backwards. Black Bat ends up giving her her waterproof cape.

Signal makes mirages of sharks in the water to scare the shit out of any criminals. Oracle uploads the recordings with Benny hill as background music. Bludhaven escapes the worst of the storm and Nightwing sends pictures to the group chat patting the barely wet concrete just to rub it in. He still slips on a puddle and eats shit, Barbara sends that to the group chat.

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Headcannon that due to diligently monitoring the Wayne family’s media image, Alfred is chronically online, and as such, is constantly dropping slang into conversation like-

(Over the coms)

Batman: Alfred, what’s the update on the Arkham situation?

Alfred: *Ahem* Unfortunately sir, it is as they say- ‘we’re cooked’

Collective groans from Tim, Dick, and Jason over the coms

Batman: …Huh?

Jason: *muttering* I knew I should’ve stayed outa this one…

Damian: I don’t understand, what are we cooking?

Alfred: It’s giving ‘failure era’, sir-

Dick: Damn it!

Tim: We really are cooked

Damian: What does that -?

Alfred: It’s lowkey not-

Batman: In English Alfred. Please.

Alfred: *Sigh* My apologies, sir. The Joker has escaped.

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Danny doesn't get why everyone looks at him suspiciously hes just a guy he hasn't even turned phantom since he got to Gotham like seriously this is the most normal he's been in years why are they looking at him like he announced he was going to be a villain

Gotham as a whole does not trust the new guy who moved there everyone knows who he is because he's so kind clearly a ploy to lure them into a false sense of security so they'll be shocked when he becomes a new rouge well not this time oh no

Or

Danny moves to Gotham and no one trusts him no matter what because every time a goodytwoshoes from out side the city tries to be kind and helpful they end up twisted and insane and they ain't bying that this kid is all sunshine and rainbows

[batfamficprompts]

Fear toxin as an inhibitions-wiper for emotionally-closed-off character angst and hurt/comfort is fun and all but. gang listen. I think. I think for Tim we’ve been going about it wrong. because I’ve seen Plenty of “Tim drake on fear toxin would be SO BRAVE and try SO HARD but eventually break down crying and need reassurance about his abandonment issues.” Very common take. It drew me, it was sweet, it was fun, but—listen.

Instead, what I wanna see is “Tim drake on fear toxin would go full-steam, 100%, unsettlingly analytical.” I wanna see him get neurotic as fucking hell. Consider. What if it wiped his filters, not by going “your family does not want/love you,” but with a broader “the feeling of general security and safety you’ve had is no longer a certainty. There’s danger here. Find it.”

Send him into survival/panic mode—And for Tim, make that look like the most stone-focused information control of his immediate environment that you can imagine. Like—! It might not even make a good fic! It might just be him going radio-silent for 24 hours, because he holed up in a safe house running 7 different programs on every piece of tech he owns. I just.

Please. Do you see it? The effects of fear toxin on Tim “I have contingencies for situations you couldn’t dream up on acid” Drake. Please.

[batfamficprompts]

AU where Tim, age nine, walked three miles to his neighbor’s house, held up his bleeding hand to Alfred, and asked if he could please have a bandaid. He got stitches instead, and a hug from Dick, who squeezed him tight and asked, “Can we keep him?”

And then Tim never went home again.

He learns gymnastics with Dick and reads in the library with Jason. He shows Alfred how to reset the wifi and rambles on to Bruce about his latest obsession (shipwrecks), and he never sees his parents again.

Behind the scenes, there was a kid left alone in a mansion while a whole international incident played out. It included a kidnapping, a ransom, a failed hostage negotiation, and two dead parents never coming home.

It pokes at a wound in Bruce when he is told about the Drakes and he has always been productive in tragedy. He knows how to shove the hurt away and build something strong on top of it.

The adoption was seamless. The sell of the Drake Estate was effortless. The trust for Tim. The memorial. The scholarships in Jack and Janet’s names. Bruce does it all methodical and singleminded.

And somewhere. Somehow. They forget to tell Tim.

Sometimes he misses his mom and dad. He misses his old room and being alone in a big house, but months turn to years and he likes it here. He really does. He has brothers here and Alfred, and they say they’re his family. He likes that.

They said they wanted to keep him, so they kept him. Kept him forever.

Then Damian is there.

Tim comes home and there’s a new boy, about the age he was when they got him. Tim asks in a whisper, “Did they take you too?”

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Prompt:

Duke doesn’t know what’s going on with the crime lord that sometimes is, and then again isn’t allowed at the cave.

All he knows is that the mood of the entire manor takes a nose dive each and every time there‘s an altercation with him, and everybody goes out of their way to NOT explain anything to Duke.

So, as the only one in the manor with more than one brain cell dedicated to proper human interaction, he decides to take the easiest route and just ask Red Hood himself. Considering he‘s the only one the guy hasn’t tried to maim at least once.

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Fanfic idea:

When Jason inexplicably gets out of his grave and starts wandering the streets of Gotham it's not Talia who finds him, it's John Constantine.

Jason: *Zombying*

Constantine: Ah! A zombie!

Jason: *Holds his hand*

Constantine: Ah! Attachment!

Tim: What'cha got'cha there mr. Magic User who isn't supposed to be in Gotham?

Constantine: *Holding a dangerous artifact he stole from Tim's house*

Constantine: *Shoves Jason forward* The old Robin.

Tim: Holy overreaction, magic man.

Featuring tired-single-mom-of-two Constantine™, magical side of Jason, Tim's house full of cursed artifacts, League of Assassins in distress and bat-kids making Bruce re-evaluate his life choices by getting involved with sorcery.

[batfamficprompts]

hmmm deaged duke thomas REFUSING to let batman nightwing or red hood near him because when duke was a kid batman had just lost robin and was super violent on the streets, nightwing was in blud so duke wouldnt really know him and red hood has guns??? what??

and duke (this is the kid who reads people flawlessly and also trained to beat the riddler from an young age) is evading capture at every turn. his powers are erratic and hes starting to get scared, the manor will not let him out, and where are his parents-

when suddenly there he is. duke thomas’s robin, and his most trusted protector, tim drake.

just more of duke thomas with the tropes the other brothers get hit with all the time, and also more of tim being dukes robin please!!!

[batfamficprompts]

When Bruce “died” all his kids ended up gathering together for the reading of his will. Things were split pretty evenly between them with certain assets going to certain people (the company to Tim, the Manor to Alfred etc). At the end of the will there is one last line

“Don’t let your brother turn into a supervillian.”

All of the siblings are busy arguing about who Bruce might be talking about except for Tim and Cass, who are standing away from the group. Tim has an amused gleam in his eye and Cass is staring him down.

“Don’t you dare.” She signs at him knowing full well that Bruce was talking about Tim.

“I’m going to take over the League of Assassins.” He signs back to her.

Which was always the plan, he just couldn’t leave right away. Dick giving Damian Robin was a perfect excuse. Also, Bruce was def alive just lost in the time stream and the league would have the resources he needs to find answers.

Six months later, over 100 bases blown up, and with coordinates to recover Bruce, Tim returns to Gotham. He’s not alone though. Oh no. Drake Industries has had a complete overhaul under the leadership of the teenage heir and if all of the new employees are ninja assassins thats for Tim to know and no one else.

When Bruce returns he gets swarmed with questions from his kids about which brother he was referencing at the end of his will and he gives them all a confused look.

“Tim of course. The kid borrows my morals like library books.” At this, Dick goes ashen.

Tim? Bruce had been concerned about Tim? Tim who has been off the grid for the last 6 months doing god knows what?

“Tim should have known I was referencing him. He should have told you and the fact that he didn’t means I should be concerned.” Bruce glances to his son who can’t contain his smile.

“It’s hardly my fault the Ra’s has the charisma of a used gym sock. Besides, at least I offer benefits and paid time off. Also you don’t have to worry about the LOA anymore. They all work for me now.” He smiles a bit wider and then disappears into the shadows.

Bruce, who wrote that last line after going through Tim’s Young Justice Records, simply signs. “Could be worse. He could have become Gun Batman.” Which unloads an entirely new floodgate of questions from those around him, but as long as his kids are safe, happy, and still walking a mostly moral line then Bruce is happy.

[batfamficprompts]

Ti-MOTH-y

I had an idea but I don’t know what to do with it.

Basically Danny for whatever reason starts calling Tim ‘Moth’ instead. Because the word moth is in the name Timothy.

I don’t know why he’s doing it. Neither does Tim. Danny just noticed everyone called him Tim or some variant of that. Examples are: Timbit, Timbers, Timmy, etc

So, to be different, Danny just starts calling him Moth. Much to his and his family’s confusion.

[batfamficprompts]

You know what

Story where Jason and Dick get into a fight (both are young) and Jason goes to Bruce like this "Hey, b, remember you said you'll replace anything i broke"

"Did you break your gameboy?"

"Nah, but my brother is not brothering right so i want a new one"

And Bruce doesn't know what to say to that, but a few hours after they go to a gala and at some point, little Jason comes back again "B, b!"

"Yes, Jay?"

"Remember what i said about wanting a new brother"

" yes...?"

"I want this one" He says, holding little Tim by the armpits

[batfamficprompts]

thinking about the batkids annoying each other and one of them just go "god i was an only child before bruce i miss it so much"

and then there's just a collective agreement and they're all staring at each other in silence after because somehow they forgot NONE of them had siblings before this

[batfamficprompts]

Damian: “Back in the League, there used to be an insufferable imbecile who would hinder my training by constantly standing in the way. Mother claimed it was unintentional, but I knew. Every day, I look forward to paying him back.”

Bruce: “Damian, you should not—Jason, why are your coms turned off?”

Jason turned them off because he was laughing so hard (it was him).