bayynaam

[bayynaam]

i try to get you off my mind but boy—heaven—boy!

[bayynaam]

it was october, i was 19.

there was nothing i wanted more, nothing i wanted less.

[bayynaam]

i have yet to write about, my finger and your teeth.

[bayynaam]

i eat and sleep well on days when i meet her. she makes me happy, that is a fact. i think of leaving her, that is also a fact.

[bayynaam]

my heart harrows at the thought of you being left to yearn the presence of an elder brother all your life

[bayynaam]

i begin to hate as fiercely as i once loved. it's me

[bayynaam]

tell me it's not all about losing, and i will love again

it is all about losing,

isn't it? isn't it? isn't it?

[bayynaam]

it is all about losing,

isn't it? isn't it? isn't it?

[bayynaam]

it is only after we've lost everything, that we're free.

[bayynaam]

if accuracy was to be defined.

The jump from 2019 to 2024 is sooo violent.

[bayynaam]

wasn't it all just yesterday? you and me, and all things in between

[bayynaam]

isn't life after all, a destructive continuation of loving and losing?

[bayynaam]

i write. i write quite fiercely sometimes. i write because it is the only way ive learned to survive.

[bayynaam]

this life is a horrific recurrence of calamities.

[bayynaam]

there will always be things in life we won't talk about- like the friend who broke your trust

[bayynaam]

i know the world is a disaster and there's all sorts of wrong that make it unpleasant and unholy, but i know there is something dangerously beautiful about it at the same time that makes it so worth loving.

[bayynaam]

there's absolute clutter (a myriad of dispersed memories and unforgotten moments and a tangle of unassembled words and raging fury) inside my head.