bbeomcr

[bbeomcr]

average | kth

"i think i did good!" you said, little happy twitches on your fingers.

your friend, who had been waiting outside the halls for a while, looked at you. a bit annoyed, of course, she had left barely a few minutes into the exam - she was extra sure that the failing mark would be as big as her workout hours. still, she assured you that of course you did well on your exam; you had been studying since forever, spent hours on end trying to remember every formula, every theorem, every single little thing that could be included.

even then, a small portion of your mind wandered back to the room still filled with students - he was still there, looking at his paper and you couldn't help but wonder if all you did was wrong. he was smart by default, you on the other hand had burnt out way too quickly.

"i gotta run," your friend said while taking all the things she had on the floor with her and reaching for a small kiss on the cheek, "say bye to the others for me". 

you nodded, still smiling.

you waited for the rest of your friends, all still inside and doing their best to score at least a passing mark; it wasn't like you didn't have any faith in them but you tried your best to help them, yet none of them was interested enough in their academic life.

so after a bit, the three of them came out.

"i'm so gonna fail this class."

"i think i'll get a passing mark if god likes me a little bit."

"you also put 43 on the two-b, right?"

all of you headed to the bus stop.

you hadn't seen taehyun yet and while you thought you did well on your exam,  it bothered you that he still hadn't come out. maybe you didn't do that great? maybe it was harder than you thought but your mind simplified it way too much? why didn't he, ace-of-the-class taehyun, come out?

"yeah but if you think about it, they were missing one..." your friends were still discussing one of the points, but you couldn't bring yourself to pay enough attention. your brain went over all the points on the exam, revising them and comparing them with the mock test.

"it couldn't be 43, it's way too much, i got 16 and it's more reasonable than 43," chaehyun said a bit annoyed, locking eyes with you. a bit puzzled you tried to wire back into the conversation.

"i got that in the mock test and i'm pretty sure it was right," you replied, sunghoon backing it up with a nod. "i could be wrong though, i'll check it once i get home."

"there was a mock test?" she asked, looking rather pale.

the small chat about the test was cut once the four of you spotted the bus. just in time, you saw how taehyun and his friends made it to the stop.

this part, you thought to yourself, was the worst part of taking an exam this late in the afternoon; not only your unitmates but also everyone from the other class-units were waiting for the bus to arrive (and every other student taking late classes, college was just something else).

"i don't know, it wasn't that hard," you overheard him say to his friends, smile latching onto his every word, "still, i think i'll tune in on some soccer match or something, i don't know."

of course.

"don't you have to complete that thing in math, tho?" one of his friends asked, laughing around, "i was right next to you in that lecture and i couldn't understand a thing."

you took another step, hearing beomgyu and sunghoon say something about setting a study session.

"it's not hard, i'll do it maybe this weekend? scratch that, make it monday," he said, "i'll relax tonight, and tomorrow too,"

"you've been relaxing all year, shut up."

you finally stepped on the bus, now almost filled to capacity and saw the single seat in front of your friends empty; beomgyu was just behind you, and you thought that maybe he needed to be closer to your friends than you did, so you took the nearest one empty, still away from your friends.

taehyun and the rest of his group were all seated behind you, and you couldn't help but try to block what they said; this wouldn't help one bit. not him saying all these subjects were easy, when you spent days on end sheltered inside your dorm room with papers sprawled on your desk; nights awake memorizing, revising, writing and taking notes over and over again; the times you cried because your brain just could hold anything; the thoughts of how badly you were wired and how dumb you must be to not understand anything - you couldn't help but think about how you were putting your heart and soul on only two subjects because you were too stupid to make the full course. 

and he just talked about how easy college was.

about how this test was just about paying attention to lectures and class.

about how math was just about thinking a bit.

about how dumb you must be to not understand simple physics.

about how chemistry was just logic.

about-

"bye, sweetie!" chaehyun said, getting off the bus with beomgyu. right, they were going to the movies to wind off the stress from the test.

sunghoon waved them goodbye before gesturing you to take the seat next to him. you took the chance to get away from the group of boys behind you before anyone could take the seat.

"you know you're not dumb, right?" he murmured just as your backpack was in place.

of course he could tell.

"let's not," you said, still smiling, "i'm happy, so let's not."

he, however, didn't let this one slide - you could tell, as his eyes drifted to your back where you knew taehyun was (you heard him laugh, you heard his friends call his name, you heard them still), that he knew exactly what you were thinking. "you're not dumb,"

you left out a sigh, preparing yourself for the conversation ahead - the way home was still long.

"i know," you said, not believing it, but using it as a way to cut short his lecture about self-worth and self-love and all that bullshit, "you're not dumb either."

he chuckled, and by his face you could tell the wasn't buying it nor enjoying your response, "he doesn't define your worth nor your intelligence nor whether or not you should feel guilty about meeting your basic necessities," sunghoon didn't stop, just made sure you were still listening, "you were on the top five of your class when you graduated highschool, you're one of the smartest, most hardworking people i know and just because he doesn't do shit to achieve academic praise doesn't mean you're less than him."

oh, but you knew this wasn't true. taehyun was smart; smarter than the average and you, of course, were just average. "he was top of his class," you muttered, "he wasn't just 'in the top five', he was the top of his class - he was number one, valedictorian worthy, ribbon deserving," you didn't stop there, just made sure sunghoon looked you in the eye, "i was straight a, he was straight a+ - my worth is defined by how much i can get, his by how much there is to get."

sunghoon looked rather mad, pissed at your words and the way you talked, and yet he kept running his mouth as if you hadn't told him all you had to say.

"he's math smart," he said, "yes, he's math smart and so what? he's the perfect engineer, he's cut for this, he choose what he's good at, he's probably gonna be valedictorian by the time he graduates college and you're still going to be 'only the top five' but do you know why?" he paused, sorted his mind and continued, "you could be at the top if only you had chosen what you were good at."

"i'm not-"

"you taught yourself three languages and can speak them naturally, you can deduce a dialect and mimic it just by hearing it once, you can manage grammar rules, you can write an essay in four different languages perfectly," he was getting pissed and you could tell, "all that effortlessly, and now you're putting hard work on math-based subjects. do you know how smart you are? you're language gifted just like he is with math, and now you're putting your heart and soul on something that some can only dream of."

"that's-"

"i don't give a shit about whatever you say about taehyun, he's not even half-deserving of all the praise you are; you choose this knowing it would be hard, he chose it because it's the only thing he's good at."

you looked at him, now mad about his words, as if he was insulting you instead of him; as if it wasn't about making you feel better, "it won't change anything," you said as the bus came to a stop. 

he sighed, defeated once again after having the same conversation over and over. the next twenty minutes were filled with silence; him looking out the window, you playing with a loose strand on your shirt. (taehyun had stopped laughing, now chatting softly with one of his friends once most of them had gotten off on their stops - it's not like you cared).

once the main square came into sight and the streets appeared to be busier you knew you were just in the middle of the city, the stop only a couple of meters away and the both of you got on your feet, following everyone who needed to get off there. just as he was going down the steps, you called him out "i know you wanted to make me feel better, thank you."

he didn't look any happier, only waving goodbye and you took that as an accepted apology. he gestured to an empty seat on the back of the bus for you to take and you did, taehyun changing for one near the middle now that almost every seat was empty.

you thought about everything as your own stop was approaching, about kang taehyun, his friends and your own. about the privileges he had, about him and the wealth behind him, about your own family breaking their spine to fund your studies. you thought how you were gonna tell your parents that you failed the past math exam.

your stop came, and as you were leaving the bus, you locked eyes with him.

you had to be better than him.

[bbeomcr]

beomgyu ♡ ‘thursday’s child’ (230805)

[bbeomcr]

이름의 장: TEMPTATION - Concept Photo ‘Lullaby’ Behind Video

[bbeomcr]

11:37 p.m. | cbg

Dirty. That's how you felt the second you came back to your senses.

Now that you were aware of everything once again, the regret could almost outweigh the discomfort of being covered in sweat and saliva; if anything, you would rather feel ashamed than disgusted of whatever the hell happened.

And yet, as Beomgyu's warmth found you (there was no denying that his hands were the softest around your waist and that his nose tickled your neck in a way you had missed too much) you felt like this was your last chance of enjoying him. Not that you had cried yourself to sleep craving the safety of his embrace.

If you could go back, you would for sure.

"Beomgyu," you whispered, hoping that maybe if you were careful then things wouldn't have to end, "I think we should get cleaned up."

The hands on your waist moved a bit, as if he was still trying to figure out whether he should move and let go of you or just hold on a bit longer and it made you think of the maybes and what ifs that could have been.

"I don't want to," he whispered back, and the way his lips moved on the crook of your neck made you chuckle.

You felt him smile and that was when it hit you; you were still (very much) in love with him. And it immediately went to your mind that this was the Beomgyu that you missed so much; the one that held you close at night and softened his voice when you felt vulnerable - that maybe if you had tried just a little bit more you could have had this every day. But this Beomgyu (the one you actually fell for) was the one you rarely saw anymore.

So you held his hand, caressed his face and kissed every inch of his skin just one last time. One last time, so you would at least remember his smile and the red on his cheeks, because this Beomgyu was nothing like the Beomgyu you broke up with.

"I'll go to shower, sleep for a bit," you said and he kissed you one last time before nodding.

And you took that as a cue to leave his bedroom - to take all the things you had left behind, get dressed and walk your way out.

[bbeomcr]

bad blood | hhj

PAIRING | hwang hyunjin x m!reader

STATUS | WIP

GENRE | heros!au, villains!au, superpowers!au

CONTENT | ? chapters

WARNINGS | 

“When have you ever heard of a hero being happy?.”

[bbeomcr]

of witches and kings | cyj

✧chapter 3: close.             ✧ words: 1.6k.             ✧ warnings: mention of violence.

Yeonjun never had a place to call home.

Back in the palace, the nights felt always lonely, the hallways way too cold and the endless rooms painfully empty - it was normal back then, to feel how the sickly white marble floors made way for never-ending boring rooms filled with a nothingness he was so accustomed with. Even with servants going in and out, or his siblings singing and yelling and laughing.

The concept of belonging never felt familiar to him, it was just a childish dream that he never outgrew and as time passed by it had to stay like that; a dream he would never achieve no matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he wished and no matter how long he waited. Now, in the dead of the night and looking at the stars, he wondered if he would ever feel complete.

Even after leaving everything behind and running away from all he knew, he found out that whatever feeling he was chasing could not be found. Yes, somewhere between the planning and chasing, he was able to feel a rush of euphoria and freedom, but it all fell apart as the days passed by - as he felt himself get lost in the forest, as he felt his leg shut down and as panic flooded his body in a foreign living room.

To Yeonjun, this was just another place to feel trapped. A cosy and warm place to feel trapped.

"Jun!" yelled a sweet yet exasperated voice. A draining place to feel trapped.

Before he could even react, warmth filled both his sides as Tulip and Beomgyu laid on the ground with him, squeezing his body between them. It felt odd and uncomfortable -too packed, suffocating- but he found out that caring about anything now was almost impossible, the task of getting away from the loud pair felt draining (and executing it would, as always, end up in inevitable failure).

Beomgyu's arm found his own and he squeezed, tight and sharp, "Tulip's worried about you," he said, a hint of a grin fighting to make it to his lips, and the grip started to hurt as the boy's nails clawed his skin. "How's your leg, by the way?"

He hated the rough tone Beomgyu’s voice held, always sharp and cold whenever he directed it at Yeonjun, and the hold he had on him felt just as bad. In contrast, Tulip caressed him with an unbelievable, almost overwhelming gentleness (it felt as soft as their voice, sweet and careful around him, so tender it made him want to cry) that made it so hard for Yeonjun to even answer, but he had two people staring at him with a greater weight than the thousand mics the press used to point at him.

His leg didn’t change much in the few weeks he spent with the two. He still couldn’t feel much, only a tingle everytime Tulip healed it, yet most of his leg stayed just as numb as it was days ago; he was barely in control of his own body, and it irked inside of him.

“It’s okay,” he whispered as Beomgyu and Tulip finally looked up into the sky.

Tulip squeezed his hand, just like the first time he stepped inside their home, and he realised once again how his body froze into the warmth of their bodies. ‘Calm down’ was what Tulip tried to tell him without having to speak, but there was nothing inside him that could follow the command. Not that the boy on his side helped the cause.

There was a subtle mock in Beomgyu’s words when he asked Yeonjun; “Is it still sore?”

Oh.

This wasn’t good.

He forced himself to keep his thoughts away, tried to force his words out and keep the frustration tears at bay. He didn't want to reflect so freely the shine of the stars on his eyes, the glistening never looked good in him anyways.

“Beomgyu, that’s enough,” there was enough bite into Tulip's words to make him shudder, and instead of the soft edges he always found on their voice, it sounded just a little bit too much like his own mother. He wondered for a second if Beomgyu had ever felt the same, because just after that, the blonde left them both alone, and his arm felt the ghost of claws breaking his skin over and over again.

Being alone with Tulip was different. It was different because he had a hard time figuring out how he felt - Tulip was comforting, like the fluffy blanket he adored as a kid, like the stuffed tiger he suffocated in his arms to sleep and like the hugs his sisters gave him every morning. Tulip was a safe place, and yet still he felt the mortifying urge of leaving before ruining all the things that made Tulip Tulip. Maybe it was the irrational fear of missing that too, that the Tulip he knew would get tainted by him and all the burdens that he came with - that Tulip would be taken away just like everything he had ever found comfort in. His mother's stern face flashed once, and he knew that this would never last enough.

And Tulip was such an honest soul, it would be truly a shame if they just disappeared (because of him).

It came by a surprise when Tulip sat with their legs crossed and began to speak, “I was thinking, that maybe you’d want to stop wandering around.” And Yeonjun wasn’t sure what that meant exactly, since he had been stuck, almost chained to the cottage and the woods.

He made sure to voice it anyways, and Tulip’s brows furrowed. It felt odd - a wrong kind of odd, like those times his father refused to look at him, and Yeonjun silently wondered if maybe he should have just kept his mouth shut.

He probably should have. But then Tulip smiled, tight lipped and borderline cold, but at least that was better than the way their brows touches and the creases it created. “Winter’s approaching,” they said, “and you don’t have a place to stay.”

Right. Was his initial thought. Winter was near, and even when the telltale signs of it were splashed everywhere, he tried his best to push it down to the deepest part of his mind. That way, maybe if he ignored the obvious problem for long enough it would just disappear along with the last autumn leaves - that way, maybe he would be able to join the decomposing leaves and finally escape the troubles of being made of flesh and bones.

“I know,” was his only response, contrary to the uncertainness tainting his mind, “I will leave tomorrow, if that was your concern”. The doubt making him question if he was really doing the right thing lasted for a few seconds, but it only made sense to keep on with his journey. After all, the ties keeping him locked in the palace were the exact reason he decided to leave it all behind.

Then when Yeonjun prepared himself mentally for the pain of carrying his body on that damn leg, Tulip called out. “You should stay here, Jun.”

If only it was as easy as it sounded.

“I don’t think it’s convenient, Tulip,” was his response almost immediately. If he winced in pain once he got on his feet, then them both could act as if that never happened. “My leg is still injured, and as long as I’m aware, you’re low on food.”

Yeonjun saw the way Tulip got to their own feet and got as close as they possibly could; their eyes inspected his face, from the way his eyes shifted to the endless darkness ahead to the nervous twitch of his lips. The scrutiny made his fingers curl in hopes to ground himself, and Tulip only made it worse. “Is it because of Beomgyu?”

Now that was another problem. Fuck Beomgyu and his stupid antics.

His mouth worked faster than his ability to control it, and soon words he would never say otherwise came flooding out of it; “It wasn’t until you said it,” Yeonjun whispered, eyes closed expecting a cold, piercing feeling hit his knuckles.

It never came.

Instead, only the freezing autumn air met his face as Tulip put just the right distance between them. In his mind, this was wrong - where was the punishment? Where was the yelling and the hits? And where was the pain grounding him when it all became too much? (kindness and silence only made his skin tingle in discomfort, his brain itch from the lack of familiarity. He needed the corrections, needed to be told where he went wrong - needed to be held accountable for making Tulip mad).

“I really think you should stay, until spring,” they said from where they went to look for his cane. “Winter is hard on travellers, especially if they’re injured”.

The lack of roughness kept him wary. Tulip’s soft hand held his cane for him to take, and just as he started to walk there was another sneaking to his waist. Yeonjun felt on edge, his own hands felt sweaty and his skin sticky (yet Tulip looked at him with so much calm that it could never make sense in his world).

“I don’t want to be a nuisance for you,” his mind went wild with unsaid words and while the hands holding him made him regret ever dreading this place he knew staying would complicate everyone’s lives. Nobody could be kind to him and live up until he could return it.

It seemed Tulip completely disagreed with him, “well I want you to stay.”

To say Yeonjun was at a loss of words would be an understatement. “You don’t.” It only made sense for him to use both his legs on the way back.

2 | 4

[bbeomcr]

beomgyu, what are you doing?

[bbeomcr]

TYUNNING : FORCE @ ongakunohi 2021

[bbeomcr]

hyuna for vogue korea ♡

[bbeomcr]

when 으르렁 comes on 🕺🏻

[bbeomcr]

beomgyu big cute

+

[bbeomcr]

BEOMGYU ☆ BLUE HOUR ERA

[bbeomcr]

TAEHYUN ☆ BLUE HOUR ERA

[bbeomcr]

200607 YEONJUN ’Puma’

[bbeomcr]

SOOBIN ✜ Can’t You See Me?

[bbeomcr]

beomgyu big cute

+

[bbeomcr]

for you | kkh

PAIRING | huening kai centric

GENRE | nonidol!au, fantasy!au, magic!au

WORD COUNT |

WARNINGS | mcd, depiction of death, angst, suicide, character death.

"Because life wasn’t meant for everyone."