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Fin or Bin: Super Mario Wonder

I only played the first DS title of the ‘New’ Mario series (a naming convention which really survived the test of time, eh lads), having been left a little cold by the very many sequels that were churned out hence. While I’m sure they are fine games, there was an inherent disposability to them that put me off, a distinct lack of charm never more apparent than when the Wii game came out and, from the wealth of characters the series is known for, players 3 and 4 were Blue Toad and Yellow Toad. Nintendo being unable to even spare the effort to make one of them Toadette was a pretty damning representation, and the whole package always felt very dry and soulless. Couple that with the weird floaty controls of the relatively new genre of 2d games presented in 3d, and it felt to me that Nintendo had left this style of game behind creatively, instead treating them as merely a guaranteed $60 from Grandma at Christmas that didn’t need any special attention to do well.

We are SO back.

Goodness, I wish they’d called it something else. Getting through this review without talking about how wonderful the artstyle, animation, environments, and level designs are is simply an impossible task, and I haven’t a clue how to talk about the sense of wonder prevalent throughout. I can’t imagine how hard this would be if this was my job and I had a professional career to stake on my ability to find enough synonyms. (Hey, Time Extension. I know you’re reading. I’m game if you are. Call me.)

GOSH it’s a great game. The controls are just perfect. Mario Peach hasn’t controlled this well since Super Mario World on the SNES, a great sense of momentum and gravity keeping things snappy and rapid, and it’s huge- I don’t know a total level count but every time I think I’m getting towards the end of a world, the path splits and there are three more stages to clear, plus secret exits. We even have the return of long-time fan favourites Blue Toad and Yellow Toad, dusting off their platforming boots once more to show those plumber guys how colour-coded identical twins are supposed to do things.

Fin or Bin:

Have you seen how cute Princess Peach is in this game? I’m finding it hard to cope. The lil spin she does at the end of each level raises my blood pressure every time. I’m four worlds and 4.5 Special Stages in, but I was locked in til the Finish the first time I heard the Piranha Plant Parade, a moment so surprising and so cute I was genuinely moved to tears.

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Fin or Bin: Neo Cab

This is the story of a gig economy driver who is barely able to scrape by since a company that produces self-driving cars took over the city, whose owner is now using their extreme wealth to influence government policy and shape the country according to their whims. It's uh. It's uhhhhh

Fin or Bin:

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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Fin or Bin: Endless Legend

I suppose it would be trite to use the Final Fantasy joke again?

This isn't our first foray into the Endless series, with Space and its cleverly-named sequel Space 2 coming back-to-back about 2 years prior, both of which held my attention but ultimately did not supplant the inexorable Master Of Orion 2 as my go-to 4X.

To my mind, 4X games come in two flavours, which I will call Civ-like and Orion-like. (I am sure veterans of the scene are screaming and crying at me- I will happily listen to any corrections made on my ko-fi page.) A civ-like is played out on a grid, usually on a single plane or planet or landmass, while an orion-like has distinct points of interest such as stars, with the space between being non-playable.

The Endless Space games, then, were orion-likes, while Legend is distinctly a Civ-like, and for my money the better for it. Many of the idiosyncrasies of Space are also present here, which gave me a strange sense of instant familiarity- combined with knowing how to play Civ, it meant I could pretty much dive straight in. It's testament to how good these games are that the same systems can carry over into two distinct styles of play, but it definitely feels like they were designed for a Civ-like and then squished into the Orion mould later on.

That familiarity came at a price, however, in that my first game felt like it was plodding along exceptionally slowly and it took me a while to realise why. I had researched boats, yes, and my city was built by the coast, but I had no option to build those boats, and was therefore landlocked for a long time on a tiny island that didn't allow expansion. Only after much frustration did I search the internet for the answer to find that, indeed, every unit simply has a boat with them at all times, and can cross bodies of water with impunity any time they like. Argh! A second bite of the cherry gave me a far more successful run at being Emperor God King and as is typical, I brought peace and prosperity to the land under the rampage of my crushing war machine.

Fin or Bin:

In the two years that have passed since I played Space, I still haven't come up with a decent 'Endless/Fin' joke to close out on. It's hard to really explain why Legend feels better than Space other than to simply say, it feels better. It can't only be because the Space games use starlanes? (I bloody hate starlanes.) Obviously it hasn't replaced Master of Orion 2 as my go-to space 4x, but I may well need to rename this subgenre to Legend-like.

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Fin or Bin: Football Manager 2020

I've never managed a football before, but I've always suspected they would be the kind of game that would suck me in wholesale and entire aeons would pass before I escaped. The dice finally decided it was time to put my managerial chops to the test, only five years late, and so I loaded into the weirdly-silent main menu and began my journey.

Up and coming managerial genius Sera Peterfinowicz joined rising stars the Penis Boys as they took their eager first steps into the world of professional football. First order of business was to look through my list of players and get to the know the team. Unfortunately, one of them shared a name with a kid I went to school with- completely unacceptable. I immediately singled him out to criticise his performance in training and his overall attitude to the team, and asked if he knew anyone who could replace him before telling him he was going to be transferred out if things didn't improve.

There simply isn't room for that kind of dissent on my team- I run a tight ship, and his petulance was affecting team morale. A few days later, I sold him for $200. Cha-ching!

That really lit a fire under my boys, which was fortunate as we then began a strict training regimen of hardcore endurance training twice a day every day with no rest periods. Running around for 90 minutes is a taxing ordeal; very important to raise their stamina. Three weeks into the training, I met with my team for the first time to introduce myself. I told them in no uncertain terms that they were to win a league they weren't actually entered in before the season was complete or there would be hell to pay, which really inspired them to step up their game.

A potential new recruit made himself known to me while the Penis Boys trained their little hearts out, eager to join their ranks. I offered him a salary of $0 and told him his prospects were to warm the bench for his entire career, and he enthusiastically signed the contract. I immediately held a press conference to discuss the signing and refused to answer any questions.

Our first big game approached, and it was time to talk strategy. I was given a list of pre-made formations and declined them all, preferring the element of surprise. I set my entire team into forward attack positions and stationed everyone on the left side of the pitch only, to confuse and disorient their opponents who had to cover the entire field. In the locker room before the match started, I gave an inspiring pep-talk where I told the team that nothing they did mattered and this game was meaningless, leaving them "confused and disenchanted".

A smattering of existentialism gave them a unique energy in the first half, during which I employed my master strategy- swapping my forward attacker with my goalkeeper. Think about it! The role of the forward attacker is to score goals. If he is in my goal, that means every time the opponents shoot at my goal they're actually giving the ball to my main scorer! They would be architects of their own demise!

A second pep-talk at half time left the team anxious, disinterested, and hesitant, and our game ended with an incredible 15 goals on the final scoreboard. Unfortunately they were all scored by the opposing team. I berated my boys for their abysmal performance and told them they wouldn't be paid for two weeks as punishment. I really feel like I've made my mark on the sport already and I'm excited to see where the Penis Boys take me next.

Fin or Bin:

Oh! Ah. Well then.

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Fin or Bin: Perimeter

I've previously noted that following a great game is an impossible task for whichever title the dice pull up next, and since I am already considering Super Puzzled Cat a top contender for my Game Of The Year, I was ready this time. Taking that into account with my usual seasonal depression, I actually rolled my way through multiple games before settling on Perimeter, returning each to the backlog to have a second chance when my brain is less *gestures wildly*. I needed a game that I didn't have high expectations for, and one that wouldn't ask too much of me emotionally; something I could click about in for a few hours and then forget about. And Perimeter surprised me, because it's actually a pretty neat game.

It's got a real Total Annihilation feel to it, always a good thing in my book. This RTS uses a single resource, Energy, which accumulates automatically and infinitely so long as you have energy cores, letting you safely ignore the micro and focus on the macro. Base expansion is the name of the game here, which comes in two halves- first you must terraform the land to make it flat, and then build energy generators to expand your area of influence. It's pretty impressive to have free terraforming in an early RTS, and allows you to shape the terrain to suit your strategy- a single ever-growing mass, or send out narrow tendrils towards areas of interest and build a second base elsewhere.

The key attraction here is the titular Perimeter, a base-wide shield you can initiate at any time that repels all attacks and destroys anything that comes into contact with it. It's extremely powerful but drains your energy reserves rapidly, so it's only good for buying you a little extra time to mobilise your forces enough to repel the attack coming your way.

I find the music especially interesting, and I would put good money on the composer having a history in the demoscene. The soundtrack reminds me of the amiga in general and Chaos Engine 2 in specific. The music that plays when your Perimeter is active is chilling, a low tension to accompany what is already a stressful situation, and really brings a palpable sense of danger to the proceedings.

Fin or Bin:

I was fully ready to Bin this, casting it aside as 'kinda cool but meh'. Instead I found a game that I imagine is among the last of its kind- the RTS genre was dying slowly and hasn't ever really recovered, but even this late into the genre's tenure Perimeter still managed to present some unique ideas and impressive tech. I played the original release but those interested should play the recently-published Legate Edition, which fixes a lot of stuff that the original publisher mangled.

(Steam (Legate Edition))

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Fin or Bin: Super Puzzled Cat

Well, where on earth do we start with this one?

The developer is an old friend of many years. We have worked on projects together before, and he even flew me out to attend his wedding. So, no; this is not going to be an unbiased review. None of them are, but it's especially prudent to say so for this one.

I first discovered Touhou in late 2008 and by early 2009 had made it my life's mission to defeat the Extra stage of Perfect Cherry Blossom. Back in those days youtube was still useful as a social platform, and I became fast friends with a fella named Sadistic Penguin, whose own runs (uploaded in the magical new technology of 'high definition video') were instrumental in finally attaining that goal. We remained close and following the release of Touhou 12 in 2009, we decided to create our own Touhou fangame.

Day and night we discussed and planned and thought about and dreamt about 'Symmetry Of Black And White'. He would work his programmer magic and I would stitch together the narrative, and it would be glorious. Ultimately it never panned out- not for any specific reason; many projects will simply fail at some time or another. But the fervour and excitement for the project lives with me to this day- dreaming up some new idea or plot twist and hurrying over to Yaplet (RIP), IRC (RIP), or twitter (RIP) to spam them at him and (fail to) add them to the design doc.

It wasn't our only bite at the cherry; many other projects came and went, all of them falling short for one reason or another, and the dream eluded us once more. Over time, life happened, as it is wont to do, and as our host platforms fell apart so did we, not with intent but simply as a regrettable part of life's twists and turns. I've always made a specific effort to keep one thread of connection, however bare, and I like to hope he did the same- not out of naive ambition that the fervour could one day be rekindled, but to keep that distant dream alive, even if dormant.

And- would you look at that, he only went and bloody did it, didn't he? After many many years of work, Super Puzzled Cat is here, it's on Steam, you can buy it with your earth money right now (and wishlist it and follow it because the algorithm demands it). I am so, so proud of you, SP. You did it, man. You realised that long-held dream- and I know it was long-held, because you've held it for at least as long as I have. You have my genuine and heartfelt congratulations on bringing a project to a close and achieving a goal that was out of reach for so long. If I know you as well as I think I do, you'll be cracking away at the next dream before long, but take some time to bask in this first. You thoroughly deserve it.

Fin or Bin:

Sorry. I know this overly sentimental review probably isn't useful to you at all in terms of marketing. Here's your one-liner testimonial for the Accolades Trailer to make up for it: "Super Puzzled Cat is a slice of hot buttered toast on a cool Autumn morning." I can come up with that sort of guff all day if you need more.

What I hope is more valuable to you, is that you have inspired me to Finish reaching for my own dream- one of many as I am a perpetual dreamer- and see my novel finished by the close of 2025. You can have a free copy, even though I had to buy my own copy of SPC, y'cheap bastich! ...Just kidding. It was my sincere pleasure to add it to my cart. And if anyone else reading this wants to know that pleasure, click the link below!

(Steam)

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Fin or Bin: Toejam and Earl

The dice said 2025 was going to start with all the retro hits first, and strangely two in a row for games released in 1992. So, what largely-irrelevant nostalgic story from my past do I have for this one?

Way back in the early-mid 90's, Sega decided to outfit a fleet of double-decker buses with Mega Drives and Game Gears and send them to all of the UK's major cities, because buses are definitely cooler than whatever Nintendo was doing at the time. And I got to see one! I have very little memory of it; mostly I remember playing Aladdin on the Game Gear, all of which were strapped down with some heavy duty security mounts. Everyone who went also got a goody bag of various Sega tat, which is what I have the strongest memories of. Included was a poster and a sheet of temporary tattoos featuring that one blue hedgehog, along with Dynamite Headdy and- you guessed it- Toejam and Earl. I guess Sega weren't yet fully convinced their mascot should be spiny.

So although they emblazoned my bedroom wall for many years I never actually got to play their game, until today. Was it worth the wait?

Thrust upon a randomised set of islands, TJ and E must search for the missing parts of their spaceship so they can get back to their home planet Funkotron. Littered along the way are presents containing random items, which can only be identified for the first time by using them or talking to a randomly appearing NPC who will tell you what's inside for a small fee. Items can be good or bad, so there's always a risk if you don't want to pony up the cash. Game Over means starting afresh with a newly generated island, so be careful not to-

Wait a minute. Randomised dungeons? Unidentified items that can be boon or bane? A different game each time you play it?

Hey! This is a roguelike!!!!

Fin or Bin:

Sorry lads- it doesn't matter how funky you are, rules are rules here at the No Roguelikes Club. (Hades gets a pass because it's 'no roguelikes', plural. I'm allowed to have one.) It's the nineties-est game I've ever played and absolutely overflowing with style and charisma, but the gameplay itself is simply not for me. I wish I had access to that Sega Bus merchandise, since there doesn't seem to be any images of them online, but sadly they are stuck in a storage Bin somewhere... in the attic... in another country. You Sega archivists will have to wait.

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Fin or Bin: Darkwing Duck

I'll confess- I actually have played this before...

...when I was three years old. You'll forgive me if I decide that doesn't count.

The only real memory I have of the game is exasperating my brother by calling it "Duckling Duck", because that was a word I knew and 'darkwing' is a pretty tough construction for a kid who can't even write yet. I don't remember the cartoon at all- I forget if we just didn't get it in the UK or if it was a bit too dark for me (sensitive).

The videogame version of Duckling Duck is 90% Mega Man, little surprise given it was developed by Capcom, and will be immediately familiar with anyone who has played one of Mr. Man's games. Notably, the difficulty is tuned significantly down in comparison; this was apparently before Disney saw fit to punish renters by mandating their games be as cruel and unfair as possible, after which I'm sure Megaman's difficulty would have been heartily encouraged.

Fin or Bin:

Like Ducktales before it, this is a real rainy-afternoon kind of game (probably why they called it the Disney Afternoon Collection), over with in a couple of hours and easy enough to get through even as a newcomer. Games like these were made to be played through multiple times, but Finishing it once is enough for me; it's a cozy little slice of proof that very old games can still be entirely playable today if the core is good, and Megaman diehards should certainly have a gander. No, wait, that's the wrong kind of bird...

(Steam)

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Games Of 2024

2023 was dominated by Tears Of The Kingdom, and it wasn’t until the very end of the year that I had another game I even wanted to consider for GOTY. In 2024, I already had three main contenders by June. Funny how that works out sometimes!

Even outside of those three, it’s been a stellar year. I think as BBLC progresses, my attitude towards games has changed enough that acquisition is no longer a priority; I’m really only buying games that I want, rather than anything that seems like a good deal. As a result, there are fewer clangers (though there’s still been plenty of Bins!). Not at all a bad thing, I’m certainly spending less money, and I’ve managed to whittle the backlog down to under 40 games for the first time in about 5 years. With 59 games played in 2024, will next year see the backlog cleared? I've said so every year since I started so probably not!

Expect to see some virtual reality on next year's list! A last minute surprise from Santa saw me gain ownership of a Quest 3S headset which I'm still adjusting to. 2025 may also bring us the successor to the Switch, and regardless it will certainly be bringing Metroid Prime 4. Odds are good that my GOTY 2025 has already been decided. But that’s the future, and this article is about the past. Video games!

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Ys 8: Lacrimosa Of Dana

Last year’s ‘GOTY That Isn’t TotK’ is this year’s ‘GOTY that I think people reading this will enjoy the most’. I started playing it at the end of last year and it lasted into February of this year, so I get to count it for both years. My early estimation that Ys8 was going to be a great time was spot on, with fast fluid combat and a ripping soundtrack, but what surprised me was how much I enjoyed the cast of characters, as they came together in Castaway Village one by one, each with a tale to tell. When the game ended I genuinely felt a little sad, because I was going to miss our little village. Of course, there was also the small matter of the end of the world to deal with, but that’s old hat for Adol by now. I have the novelisation to read through still, whose existence still baffles me.

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Hitman 2 Hitman Harder

Between only being sold 80% of the actual game (via a bundle that didn’t mention this, the rest having since been de-listed and impossible to acquire) and a general apathy for the score-chasing content (all of which was denied me due to playing offline, because this entirely single-player game needs to always be online or it doesn’t function correctly) I was less than impressed by Hitman. It’s a shame all the corporate bullshit ruined what could have been a fine time.

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Project Wingman

I have so much to say about Project Wingman. It's my 'Game Of The Year That Is Just For Me (I, Solely, Am Responsible For This)'. I played through it three times in succession all the way to the hardest difficulty setting and came away still wanting to play more. A constant visceral thrill that nails the hard-to-master experience, skill progression is palpable and pulling off a crazy stunt that nails a difficult kill is always a rush no matter how many times you do it. Outside of that, the radio chatter between characters is wonderful when you can take your attention away from the dogfighting to notice it, and I've developed an affection for the whole squad- an impressive feat given you never see more of them than their planes zooming by for a fraction of a second. The orchestral soundtrack is phenomenal, culminating in a truly harrowing final boss sequence to utterly gorgeous music. And then right at the end of the year they dropped a six-mission DLC pack with one stage in particular that will live with me forever as one of the most stressful and most enjoyable videogame experiences of my life. No exaggeration, I came away from it with my arms and legs going numb because I was so tense I wasn't breathing. …In, like, a good way. You'll be seeing this again in next year's list because I still just hop into a mission from time to time so I can enjoy the skies some more- and it's VR capable so you can bet I'll be sitting in the cockpit for real once I get my sea legs.

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Ducktales

This really landed in that sweetspot where licenced games were good, didn’t it? Before the SNES era where they were deliberately made unreasonably difficult because Disney didn’t want to miss out on the rental money, and long before they became shovelware dreck because they knew it would sell even if it was bad. I can imagine a modern audience turning their nose at the idea of playing an old disney platformer for these reasons, and that’s a shame- there’s a good, if brief, time to be had here.

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Touhoumon Another World Revised

At about 80% of the way through the story, this accessible and player-friendly game said “ok, now you’re a competitive player” and started pulling off some absurd nonsense that no casual player could hope to understand or counter. A real damn shame as I was enjoying the hell out of it until that point. There's some neat QoL stuff that is probably found in most fangames and romhacks these days, but still I'd like to see the official games adopt some of it. Let me change what ball my pokemon are in!

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Final Fantasy Mystic Quest

This game is just neat. I think giving it the Final Fantasy title may have actually done more harm than good, but it's still a good time with some fun ideas, a mild Zelda-lite approach to dungeons, and a monstrous soundtrack. Control your expectations and you'll have fun with Mystic Quest.

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Orwell

In my BBLC review, I wondered if I was doomed to fail no matter what I did as part of the game’s political commentary, or if I just sucked. Having played through it a few times to see all the alternate routes, turns out I just suck. Surveillance works!!!!!

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Wandersong

Nope, I still can’t talk about it. You have to experience this one for yourself. It’s a warm blanket on a chilly day, and you'll love it. This isn't one of those "but actually it's DARK AND GRIM!!!!" kinds of 'trust me', it's just lovely and has some really fun surprises.

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Banjo Kazooie

It's very rare that old games are as good as you remember them, but BK just got it right. Every bit as playable today as it was when it released, tight levels absolutely crammed full of things to find and very fun movement throughout. Even the humour isn't as dated as I suspected it would be. Simply a top class game that has withstood the ravages of time.

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Hexologic

I finished it before I wrote my post, so I'll let that stand. It's great!

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Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze

I played four DKC-likes this year, and this was my least favourite. It's almost-but-not-quite like the old games brought into the modern era, but they changed all the small things that made it DKC. Also I know he's a gorilla and is supposed to be weighty and feel heavy, but even so the momentum is just all over the place. DK feels very difficult to control once he gets going, and also very hard to get going in the first place, which was never a problem in the SNES games. Finally, the puzzle rooms are just thoroughly miserable and I'd rather they were excised completely. There's perhaps 6 unique designs that are re-used ad nauseam through the whole game. The SNES games had 1-3 unique rooms per LEVEL. It's not at all a bad game, but definitely disappointing. Despite all of this, it gets 10/10 because Dixie Kong is cute.

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Yooka Laylee impossible Lair

It's a better Donkey Kong than Tropical Freeze was. Not without frustrations- when you take damage Laylee will fly around the screen randomly and chasing her down will often just lead you into more trouble, for example- but they are worth enduring for the excellent level design and fun secrets. HOWEVER! The Impossible Lair itself, which is the game's final level, is complete and total ass. I understand that's the point of it, and in that regard it’s a job well done, but something that is 'bad on purpose' is still bad. If not for that, this would be an easy and hearty recommendation to anyone who likes 2D platformers, but the final hurdle is too much for anyone who doesn't have a steep tolerance for frustration.

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Sunset Overdrive

I am astonished by how little impact this game left on me. I Recycle Binned it in my review but I actually played it through to the end (not 100%) and the whole experience just washed right off me. It is an incredibly, extremely, astonishingly ok game, just about as Fine as a game experience can be, and it's hard to talk about. I am however left to wonder; after film had been a medium for twenty years or so, do you think there was a sudden wave of 'haha, because it's a film'-style jokes? It seems to be rife during this era of video game to grind everything to a halt in order to waggle their eyebrows at the player and make self-references. It's very very difficult to pull that kind of humour off well and Sunset Overdrive doesn't manage it. (MGS2 and Undertale are the only examples that come to mind of it being done well.)

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Earthbound

For as frustrating as Earthbound frequently is, holy smokes the entire Giygas sequence is worth it.

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Great Ace Attorney

I’m still plodding my way through this one so I won’t give a definitive verdict. It’s definitely a more disposable entry into the series- not necessarily a bad thing. I do not like the jury system at all, it doesn’t add anything to the cases, the jurors are all annoying and they don’t have any actual character (none of them are named) so it’s not like they are actually going to matter to the story at all. I’m on case 4 and poor Naruhodo just can’t catch a break!

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The Corridor

It's a short experience that I talked about as much as I wanted to during my BBLC post!

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Melody’s Escape

I don't have anything more to say about Melody either. Good game!

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Soundodger

I got maybe 2/3s the way through the advanced levels before calling it quits. Very fun game but I had played all the songs I enjoyed and the remaining ones were a slog to get through with some annoying patterns (the reverses are very cool in theory but I have no way of knowing when one will happen or where the bullets will go, stop this). The Chipzel level is absolutely fantastic and that's all that matters.

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Mass Effect

I had fun being the universe's most petulant jackass, starting fights for no reason and condemning people to death because I could, but the gameplay itself was a little underwhelming. Combat lacks any sense of impact and I found myself simply watching healthbars to see if I was actually doing any damage with my shots, as there is no other sense of feedback. It was also a lot shorter than I expected, though that might be in part because I didn't do any of the sidequests- still, KOTOR and Dragon Age's main quests felt a lot longer. Overall not a bad game, perhaps past its prime- I didn't play the Legendary version which may be improved in exactly these ways.

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Dragons Dogma

A surprise hit in the late summer, I went into it expecting a mostly-okay RPG in the Elder Scrolls vein, but found a much snappier and more responsive experience. I modded the shit out of it for some QoL stuff that had me scratching my head but once that was done, Dragon's Dogma became one of my favourites of the year. It wasn't only because you can throw people off cliffs without consequence. Not only because of that. The legend of my tiny homunculus called Balls will live on for eternity.

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Final Fantasy 6

In the ever-swirling vortex that is 'ranking final fantasy games', this one was mid-tier for me. People praise its story and characters which I agree are ALMOST very emotive, but also three minutes after his entire family and country are killed in a horrific poison attack Cyan is having goofy lol magic robot clown hour and the mood is a little off kilter as a result. Going to invoke the wrath of the entire universe by saying, of all the FFs, this one could use a modernisation the most. FF7 didn't need it, FF4 REALLY didn't need it, but FF6 would very much benefit from it. Giving its characters room to breathe in animated/voiced cutscenes would nail the tone, I think. Now, listen, this goes against EVERYTHING I usually stand for, alright? Leave Chrono Trigger well alone. I only want this for FF6.

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Master Of Orion 2

Surprisingly I didn't play much Orion this year. I think I burned out playing an especially large amount last year and didn't quite get the buzz back. I think I got a little too good at it, I guess. Maybe I should switch back to Civ 5 in 2025 which is the-same-but-different enough to scratch the itch but give a different experience.

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Neopets

Neopets is in a weird spot right now, even for Neopets. I came back last year to join the faerie festival which gave away an endgame piece of battle equipment for little more than logging in 5 days consecutively, and stuck around to take part in the plot that was due to begin six months later, which released literally the only weapon in the game that is more powerful for little more than logging in for 20 days consecutively. Since then there's been a vast swathe of incredibly rare and expensive items just kinda given away for nothing, which is an effective if questionable way for them to tackle the thorny issue of black market off-site sales for real money, but I suspect there is something else at play here. When mobile gacha games shut down they usually have a month-long event where you get to roll at vastly increased odds just for the fun of doing it, and I wonder if the same is happening here. 'The Void Within' plot signals the December of neopets as it is known today, and rather than try to fix the myriad issues it'll be retired and reformed into a mobile-friendly app game, or just licenced out for endless mediocre match-3 games (oh, too late). That's sad to think about, but I do at least intend to ride out the plot in full.

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Half Life, Hazard Course, Deathmatch

I painstakingly sought out and tinkered with the demo version of Half Life, which was actually its own standalone title called Uplink, in a fit of nostalgia. HL1 is showing its age a lot, in part because it was so ahead of its time. It is so atmospheric you expect it to play a far more modern game of stealth and cover, but in actuality it plays a much more oldskool run-and-gun type of game. Anyway, about two weeks after I managaed to get it working, Valve updated the steam version of HL1 to work seamlessly on modern computers and it also now comes bundled with Uplink in the package. Womp womp. The Hazard Course is also fun to run through- it's the tutorial for what was a pretty complex game at the time, and I remember me and my brother used to race through it and I frustrated him with my strategy of ducking under doors to clear them half a second faster than you can when standing. I miss those days.

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Starcraft 1 demo

I first played this in… goodness, 1998? 1999? We only had the demo version but I played it a lot, and had strong memories especially of the little animated profile pictures each unit had. The soldier guy saying “go go go!” but only opening his mouth one time was a source of endless hilarity when I were a wee boy, and it was a sudden remembrance of that fact which made me seek out the demo once again. The game hasn’t held up too well, especially in terms of unit pathfinding, but it sure scratched the nostalgia itch. If you linger on the first mission briefing too long the AI lady gets concerned and asks if you’re alright, which I thought was really cool as a kid.

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RTX Portal

My ultra-fancy new graphics card came with this as a demonstration of its power. It’s the standard Portal in all ways except it’s very shiny and nice. I was particularly impressed with the way light refracted through the big red floor buttons. But I’ve never really been one who cares much for graphics, and it wasn’t long before I just stopped noticing how nice it looked. Still, Portal is a great game and it had been long enough since I last fired it up that it was worthwhile going through it again.

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Xenoblade Chronicles

Incredible game. It's my third Game Of The Year, and any other year it would have absolutely swept up. I own both 2 and 3 but I wanted to play the first game before starting those, so I rented it and it absolutely blew us away. midgi got ABSORBED and she wasn't even playing, she just happened to be around while cutscenes were happening and suddenly she's sitting with me to watch the rest. The characters, the voice acting, the staging, the music, everything was superb. …Except the gameplay; the battles are a bit pants. But who cares about that when Melia is here? Metal Face was such a great villain, Shulk is a lovely protagonist, I wish Dunban was my dad. Xenoblade's got it all and I can't believe it took me so long to get to it. I can't wait for 2 and 3, the latter of which I understand is even better, BUT I don't want to burn out on RPGs so I am being very well behaved until the backlog dice roll them.

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Final Fantasy 5 Four Job Fiesta

Didn't finish on stream this year, but we played long enough for me to roll berserker for the first time! Thf/Whm/Ber/Nin was my final team, rerolling a Chm in the fourth slot for something a little more fun. Some real nice interplay with that team, thief gives zerk some much needed speed, while eqp axes on white mage makes for a very entertaining quakebot (and whm powers up the rune axe on the berserker of course). Finally, white magic on ninja makes scrolls super deadly, leading to another triple crown. I wanna play with a blue mage next year!

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Donkey Kong Country 2

The best of the DK games, despite starring Diddy Kong. That soundtrack is just legendary and the level design still fully holds up, but most importantly it gave us Dixie Kong. I only wish the DK Coins had some purpose like they do in DKC3- it is still fun to collect them (though I have long since memorised where they all are) but if I ever miss one it feels like a slog to go back and get it just for a high score at the end of the game.

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Donkey Kong Country 3

Pretty much every level except the very early ones have some sort of gimmick in this game, which makes them all memorable, but with ~50 levels and so ~50 gimmicks you can be sure not all of them are winners. The waterfall levels are a particular nadir with a lot of fiddly jumps that send you falling back to the start of the level for daring to explore in a game that normally encourages it. I kinda miss the straightforward platforming stages in 3, but it's still a good game.

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Space Crusade (Atari ST, DOS, Amstrad)

The first computer in my life that actually belonged to me was an Atari ST, and Space Crusade was my favourite game for it. I didn't really understand how to play it (a moderately technical board game adaptation was a bit beyond me at the age of six) but it was a fave, and later in life I came to own the superior-in-every-way Amiga version and played that to death. Curious, I wanted to go back to the ST version to see if the differences really were that significant (yes) and in the process learned of an MS DOS and an Amstrad version, so I had to give those a go too. Suffice to say, Amiga remains king. This is a pretty cool game that unfortunately has a significant reliance on RNG and it will ALWAYS screw you over, which makes it more frustrating than it needs to be.

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APB Amiga

And while we're playing old Amiga games, holy crap my brother had this for like 3 days and I always had a very vague memory of it but I couldn’t remember the title or anything else about it until just by happenstance I was on an amiga website and saw a screenshot of it, and lo and behold a decades-long mystery was solved. It's kinda bad!

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Bar Games

This uhhhhh wow haha I shouldn't have been playing this as a kid

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Deadlock

Valve's new game that was a big secret for a long time, by the time this post is going up I'll be allowed to talk about it in full. I hardpicked Vindicta on my first round and haven't looked away. I don't really care for MOBAs; every round is pretty much exactly the same game and I get bored quickly, and I DEFINITELY don't have the patience to learn the ins-and-outs to become anything close to proficient, but it's fun with friends.

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Unreal Tournament

This was another nostalgia trip. The bot AI doesn't really hold up any more but the shooting is so frenetic it's still fun anyway. I dread to imagine what the online is like.

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Lord Of Rigel demo

This might be The One. I only played a little bit of the demo and it felt a lot like Orion 2 without aping it fully. It also felt very different from Orion 1, which a lot of Orion-Likes tend to lean towards. Feels promising- I want to play the full version before getting too attached though.

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Final Fantasy 1 Pixel Remaster

First time playing this version! Obviously I have played FF1 to death in other flavours but there's some fun changes here, most obviously a return to vancian magic (spell slots instead of MP) but more significantly a change to how enemy AI works. Chaos can now use Curaga at any time and even spam it if you're unlucky. Strategy remains to buff up as much as you can until he first casts it and then delete him as quickly as possible. I did a normal run through with characters called Fighter, Thief, Red Mage, and White Mage (you'll never guess what classes they were), and then a sort of casual speedrun taking advantage of the PR's ‘boost’ function to essentially cheat my way through as quickly as possible, using what I have figured to be the most optimal party- Fighter, Fighter, Fighter, and Red Mage. Got a time of 2:14 which I think could pretty easily be pushed under 2 hours. I love this game and I know it very well so it's nice to get a slightly different take on it. Music is fantastic, obviously.

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Team Fortress 2

I don't know why I do this every year. I play the Halloween event, get frustrated by all the BS, stop playing and decide not to play any more… then load it back up an hour later and see if the next map sucks less. It doesn't. I just really want to finally get that one single cosmetic that never ever dropped over 10+ years of running the same event, and I don't even know why I want it any more since I don't even play the game. It's a shame that something I used to look forward to has become such a thorn in my foot. It would be improved significantly if you could do the contracts in any order, so you could skip the truly awful maps. Oh well, back to grinding out souls to roll the slot machine one more time.

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Tacoma

Not much gameplay to this, but I enjoyed the story. It has a moderate twist to the ending that makes the player's actions a little more positive (rather than mercenary) and leaves things open in a fun way. It's hard to talk about it without spoiling it.

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Ghost Trick

Please play Ghost Trick, by whatever means necessary.

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Entropy Zero

This is a Half Life 2 mod so I didn't want to make a BBLC entry tearing it to ribbons because, heck, teams of folks coming together to make mods is awesome even if they aren't to my taste. This one has some very impressive mapping, and custom weapons which are rare to see, but the tone is all over the place and bucked me off like a bronco. It wants to tell a dark broody bad-guy story about revenge and does so via a main character who makes wisecracks after every kill and communicates entirely in pop culture references. I dipped when the keraaaaazy aperture turret sidekick was introduced and the dialogue became "[wacky oddball nonsense]!" "Shut the hell up" ad infintum.

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Portal Reloaded

I fell off. I am 85% sure I have solved the puzzle I am stuck on correctly, but slightly incorrect angles on the laser beams all need adjusting and it’s a total pain to make those changes given any alteration in the present fully resets the future. Alternatively, I’ve just solved it incorrectly, but I can’t know that for sure until I’ve iterated my current solution enough times and it’s hard to raise the motivation to do that.

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198X

I think I said everything I needed to in my post. If you think it might resonate with you, it probably will.

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Bloody Hell

I finished it not long after my BBLC post. The final boss was fun for me, but I can definitely see someone with less STG experience getting frustrated with what was a pretty significant difficulty spike.

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One Button Boss Fights

Only played a little little piece of this. In a 2D single-screen game there is simply no reason for the camera to wobble and shift around with the player's movements. Nauseating.

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Shining Resonance Refrain

The music that plays while it is raining in town is utterly lovely, but all the effort in this OST otherwise went to the various pop songs that the characters sing, which isn't my personal cup of tea. It's surprising to me that in a game themed around music, I've kept only a few tracks for my personal playlist. This is a pretty fun RPG as such things go, a little cheap and a little janky but I enjoyed the characters and story a lot. Main character Yuma never endeared me but the villains are all great, ranging from 'I can fix her' to 'absolute bastard man' and all points between. Very fun roster of bad guys.

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Child of Light

It's been on my backlog since 2016, but attempting to play it in November 2024 proves that time has been unkind here. Wrestling with the required ubisoft account launcher only to find the game crashes upon launch. Hopefully one day it'll get patched to remove all the ubijunk.

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Pony Island

There's a chromatic aberration filter over the whole game, coupled with a slight-but-pervasive screen wobble that never stops, which combined to make this game impossible for me to play without feeling very unwell. A shame as it seems right up my alley, but I'm not going to make myself sick for the sake of a neat game.

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Pokemon TCG Pocket

Honestly baffling that this game launched with trading unavailable. Battle events need some serious rework, and battling as a whole quickly becomes boring. They need a random battle feature where you come up against a random deck (from a list of premade decks, not an entirely random set of cards) so you're not stuck fighting the same deck over and over. Maybe, like, you can do 10 random battles per day and you get an hourglass for each victory, or something. I think the pokemon card game itself, in real world form or gameboy form as well as here, is just kind of bad in execution from the ground up, but being bad doesn't mean it isn't fun.

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LTTP Randomiser

LTTP is my favourite game of all time and I was worried playing it in such a way would spoil it somehow, but it was actually the opposite- I got to use my fairly extensive game knowledge to solve unexpected problems and find my way through, and even learned a few things (never once had I stepped into what the community calls Hype Cave, I'm almost certain). Some highlights include spending 500 rupees at the Zora to receive 5 rupees instead of the flippers, pulling a shield from the Master Sword plinth, and getting 300 rupees from my dying uncle, who didn't think to bring a sword instead. I played five runs in total, three on Absolute Baby Mode and then a Triforce Hunt and an Inverse game. Inverse is fun, but as soon as you get Light World access it pretty much becomes a standard game again, so I'd probably only do that once.

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Fartbutt

I fell off after they changed the locker and effectively removed the ability to save a loadout and shuffle between them. They fixed that this year so I went back in, but it was too little too late and I'd been gone too long to get back into it. Also that one battle pass with only marvel skins was absolutely bloody awful because they've already done all the characters anyone cares about. Fortnite Man wearing Captain America's outfit? Gwen Stacey But She's Deadpool? C'mon.

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Research And Development

This is a very cool little Half Life 2 mod that uses the physics engine to create something more akin to a puzzle game. There's no direct combat here- you need to use the environment (and for one section, a giant evil lawnmower) to escape the facility. If you have Half Life 2 (of course you do) it's free and well worth a couple of hours of your time.

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Khimera Puzzle Island

A surprise late entry for this Binned game- the developer rolled out an update to address the only issue I had with the game (and called me out personally when doing so!), and I have since played an unearthly amount of picross. The puzzles are great, soundtrack is top tier, and even the cutscenes (skippable if you don't care) are enjoyable. I have only good things to say about the Khimera series.

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Bins:

Brutal Legend Nirvana Pilot Spore Creatures Blaster Master Dont Give Up Bioshock Knights of Round (capcom beatemup) King of Dragons Klang TWO

That's all for this year. See you at the end of 2025!

[bbs-backlog-challenge]

Addendum: Khimera Puzzle Island

This is entirely my fault, so, like, please go make it worth their while. I've updated the BBLC review to suit.

[bbs-backlog-challenge]

Fin or Bin: King Of Dragons

Belt scrollers are pretty fun, though I've never had the patience to get good at them; autofire controllers, cheat codes, and save states got me through many years of Golden Axe and Streets Of Rage. Now here's the Capcom Beatemup Bundle with seven of the blighters to completely fail at. During my surprise sabbatical from Tumblr, I played Knights Of The Round of the same collection, but King Of Dragons is the game I actually intended to play- its clear inspiration from DnD being a major draw, and I had seen it recommended elsewhere before.

In my review of Knights I remark that it is very barebones as these games go, with only a single attack combo. I now rescind that comment; a whole combo is quite the luxury in the stark world of Dragons where you have just one attack, at all, and no combos whatsoever. No grabs, no throws, no jumpkicks; the most exciting it gets is when you press jump and attack at the same time to use a magic spell which cuts your health to deal moderate damage to all enemies, and happens accidentally more often than not.

Fin or Bin:

It's a short review because there's just so very little to talk about. The theming is nice and it is unusual for player characters to have ranged attacks in these kinds of games, with Elf and Wizard firing an arrow or throwing a fireball respectively, but that's not enough to elevate it. Doubtless it's a laugh with friends, but that's a false metric- every belt scroller is more fun with friends. Don't feel too sad that these guys are being sent to the Bin, however- there's usually a full roast chicken in there for them to scoff.

(Steam)

[bbs-backlog-challenge]

Fin or Bin: Shining Resonance Refrain

My whole life, I've craved a certain… something. I've never quite been able to put words to it, and I lack many of the skills required to make it myself, so my search goes on. A music-based story where music is magic and the songs happen in-universe and have a specific impact on the story. A good example of something that comes close is Gitaroo Man, which I have played to death and love to bits, but it's not quite hitting that intangible sweet spot that eludes description.

I saw the Steam page for Shining Resonance and wondered if it might be The One, with its clear focus on music as a theme and the repeated showings of the characters standing in a circle playing their instruments to do battle. And early on, I was hopeful, as Diva Magica Kirika whips out her longbow which is also a harp (possibly the coolest thing I have ever seen in my life and I want one) and enters musical battle with the villainous Princess Excella, who is also very very cool and uses a flute-spear to control dragons. Like, damn, right?

Sadly the musical connection is only skin-deep. I had been hoping for perhaps attacks being timed with the background music making them more powerful, or a quick rhythm-action sequence to cast spells, but it is instead most similar to the Tales Of series. Overworld monsters collide with you, a battle begins, you mash attacks at them until they die, and move on. Even those circular jam sessions in the trailer are no more than mini cutscenes with no interaction that grant a slew of passive bonuses for a short duration after they are completed.

I didn't find what I was looking for here. But what I did find was a passable-to-decent RPG with some honestly very likeable characters and like-to-hateable villains and great voice acting. Cutscenes mostly play out in visual novel style, actions implied rather than shown, which is somewhat a shame.

Fin or Bin:

There's a delightful nostalgic bite to these cheesy, cheap, naff Gamecube/Wii era RPGs (this one originally on PS3), and I am eating. I'd give it a 6/10 on the cheesecake rating; Sonia's boob-window armour is very distracting for all the wrong reasons, but these kinda games often go the weird harem route with all the girls falling in love with MC (except the one who thinks he's s-stupid…!), and that doesn't seem to be happening here- though that might be because MC-du-jour Yuma is the saddest wet cat of a man you've ever seen and couldn't court a chatbot. But mostly, I want to Finish this to find out what the heck is going on with Excella, a villain so cool they put her on the storepage box art instead of any of the protags!

(Steam)

[bbs-backlog-challenge]

Fin or Bin: Bloody Hell

We’ve all been there, right? You get in to work, your manager says the boss wants to speak with you, you go to his office, he sits you down, tells you “I need you to kill Satan”, and there go your weekend plans.

Such is life for Azrael, tasked as such by God, and you really don’t want to say no to that guy. Also, you’re a seagull. Why not?

Add another to the pile of criminally-free games- Bloody Hell costs nothing but a download, and that’s a fine entry cost indeed. I guess I’d call it a twinstick shooter zelda-like; one single giant dungeon to crunch through semi-linearly with bonus upgrades and stuff for the explorers to find. There’s more than a whiff of Hades here too, not only in the setting, though this is not a rogue-like and the dungeon does not procedurally generate (thank goodness). As a long-toothed Touhou fan the bulletspam was manageable for me- I can see it being frustrating for someone less accustomed to the bullet hell genre, as boss attacks come thick and fast with little breathing room between waves. Save points are fairly forgiving and dying only costs you half of your accrued currency, which gathers back easily enough, so you’re free to continually mash yourself against a challenge until it folds.

Fin or Bin:

I’m right at home here; it feels like a cozy indie game of old and a mash of a few of my favourite genres. For the price of Nothing, it’s well worth a punt if you think you might have fun with it. You just have to Finish off Satan- how hard can it be?

(Steam)

[bbs-backlog-challenge]

Fin or Bin: 198X

Gonna pronounce it ‘nineteen eighty ten’ just to be obnoxious.

A short and sweet one here so I’ll try to keep the review the same. What appears at first glance to be a compilation of retro arcade-style games is in fact more of a visual-novel type affair, telling a story of wasted potential and feeling stuck, hints of a queer awakening, and finding escape through videogames. The arcade games are woven into the narrative and help push the story along, rather than being the main attraction; if you’re looking mainly for arcade thrills you may be left cold.

The games themselves are all actually fantastic, and will resonate strongly with anyone who was born or grew up in the 1980s (imagine that). It’s honestly a shame they are single-level affairs because they all play wonderfully and are genuinely fun to burn through as the story takes place around them. A Streets Of Rage style belt scroller opens the show but the into-the-screen racer steals it, in my opinion. A lot of care and attention has gone into making them feel authentic to the time period but there’s just enough modernisation to make them playable in today’s world, and of course the difficulty has been re-tuned significantly from the coin-gobbling days of old.

Unfortunately the story ends on a To Be Continued just as things are getting interesting, and the package as it stands is only around 90 minutes long. Hopefully a sequel is arriving soon (though I don’t know if I can stomach another game titled X-2).

Fin or Bin:

I would estimate there is a fairly narrow band of people who will get it, and anyone outside of that band will fail to get it at all. For myself, I’m an absolute mark for this kind of thing. I didn’t have arcades growing up but I did have home computers with arcade conversions and I was catapulted back in time to sitting in front of my Atari ST playing Lotus 3 and messing up all the disks because I was six years old and didn’t know how sensitive they were (RIP Space Crusade). But what I’m really a mark for is the gosh-danged MUSIC!!! 80’s VGM style synthwave tunes is my bread and butter AND jam. It didn’t take long to Finish, and I wish there was some way to replay the games separate from the story, and for some of them to be longer, but I’m definitely on the waiting list for part two should we ever see it.

(Steam)

[bbs-backlog-challenge]

Fin or Bin: Portal Reloaded

Nngh oh god, oh god my brain-

I’m sure everyone reading this has already played the two Portal games. You may even have played some of the many fan-made mods for the series; I have a few recommendations if not. Portal Stories: Mel, Portal Flash Map Pack, and TAG The Power Of Paint are three great experiences that either give you more of what you like or give you something new and different to play with, and as they are all free I heartily recommend you check them out.

New to the pantheon is Portal Reloaded, which despite the title is not a remake. Reloaded adds a new type of portal that lets you travel twenty years into the future, where everything is just as you left it (though even Aperture is not immune to the inexorable decay of time). In practice this means you essentially have two versions of the test chamber to solve at once. Objects from the future can be brought back to the present but not vice versa, and actions in the present alter the fate of the future; boxes will despawn and portals will dissipate if their location in the present is altered.

The result is utterly mind-bending as you not only need to contend with spatial awareness but also causality. Taking a box from the future into the present to solve one problem will then pose a brand new problem as you are now unable to move its present version without altering its fate and deleting it from the future which despawns it in the present. Argh!

The Portal series is known for its sense of humour which many have tried to mimic to greatly mixed success. There are no quirky cores in Reloaded- the humour is kept contained to brief voice overs at the start and end of each puzzle, and the effort is overall pretty sound. Nothing laugh-out-loud as yet but some decent chuckles.

Fin or Bin:

I’ve been taking it in bitesized sessions to avoid cooking my brain. The mechanics are slightly janky but it’s been entirely workable so far, and the puzzle design is out of this world. I’m always in awe of expertly-made puzzle games as I could never create something even passable. Reloaded is free to anyone who owns Portal 2, which is almost certainly you (sales are coming up if not), and comes recommended. At the current rate it’s going to take me twenty years to Finish it, at which point I’ll give my present-day self a hearty thumbs-up.

(Steam)

[bbs-backlog-challenge]

Fin or Bin: Final Fantasy 10-2

This is the last Final Fantasy game on the backlog (and at June 2016, the game that has been on there the longest), and I’m going to miss talking about the series’ nomenclature at the top of every post. This one must surely be the most egregious, being Ten Two, distinct from Twelve; a very rare direct FF sequel to a game which had a satisfying if bittersweet ending and did not in any way need a sequel at all.

This game is bad. I’m not going to pretend otherwise, and that’s not a spoiler for the end of the review- from concept through to execution, no part of this product is good. Two years after the events of the first (or, uh… tenth?) game, Yuna finds proof that a certain someone might still be kicking around, and so becomes a Sphere Hunter to follow that rabbit hole as deep as it will go. For those lacking the context, this is the Final Fantasy equivalent of going around garage sales buying up old VHS tapes to hopefully find someone who taped that lost episode of Doctor Who.

Honestly the whole package feels cheaply made and rushed and really just like it only exists because someone at Squenix realised graphics technology had become powerful enough to believably render girls in bikinis and they needed an excuse to do that. It’s flimsy and naff and feels like a Wish knockoff of the original game, using just enough of the same assets to ape it without directly infringing on the copyright.

Gone is the entirely bespoke Sphere Grid method of levelling characters, replaced with a… completely bog-standard Lv1-100 system that has almost no customisation whatsoever. Rather than strategically choosing the best character to swap into battle in a given moment, all three characters are functionally identical under the Dress Sphere system, which acts like a mid-battle class change. You can put monsters on your team now! I don’t know why. Battles are somehow active and hectic but also a sluggish mess, no longer the tactical style employed in the original title, now favouring a return to the old ATB system with added faff. New girl Paine (who I suspect is only here because they couldn’t convince anyone that Lulu would hop around in a swimsuit) is instructed to use the Power Break ability when her turn comes up, and then… proceeds to stand still for another twenty years charging it up before she can use it, even though it was already her turn.

All of the music has been entirely remade from the ground up, with not a single track carried over from the original. Series composer Nobuo Uematsu was not involved at all here, citing his work on other projects as a conflict in the schedule. Running around familiar locations with music that is somewhat similar but not quite right REALLY adds to the knockoff feel, and I suspect his conflicting schedule was ‘holy smokes I will work on literally anything else so I don’t have to waste my time on this’. The music is honestly awful, technically competent but tonally disastrous, and I hate it.

Fin or Bin:

Despite all its flaws, there is still yet something compelling about the game, and I’m not talking about the bikinis. I have tentatively called Ten my favourite FF game before, and it is just fascinating to watch it be so wholly mutilated- to see the same world done in as many wrong ways as could be imagined. I had to see more, I just had to keep going, and that technically makes this a Fin- but I got as far as seeing the ruins of Zanarkand which since the first title have been turned into a tacky tourist destination, and Yuna remarks how it hurts to see something so beloved and meaningful be turned into cashgrab slop, and the sheer lack of self-awareness on display was injurious. I really wanted to get through to the end just to say I had done so, but I think I’m pulling the ripcord.

(Steam)

[bbs-backlog-challenge]

Fin or Bin: Khimera Puzzle Island

Many moons ago I played criminally-free game Khimera: Destroy All Monster Girls. It ignited a rare joy in me that many paid games fail to find and I vowed that, at the soonest opportunity, I would throw money at the developer to express my appreciation.

It was a game that played solidly and also had a lot of crunchy charm about it in other aspects, mainly the oddball character designs (and approach to design in general) and fun dialogue. Thankfully, all that stuff carries over when you take an about-turn like genre-shifting from Megaman clone to picross clone.

So let's get it out of the way right now- there are a lot of completely pants picross games out there because it's a relatively easy concept to just throw up a load of boring puzzles and slap a $5 price tag on it. I am delighted to inform you, Khimera is some good picross, and that's coming from someone who has been playing since Mario first picked up a chisel on the SNES. The puzzle subjects are as oddball as the world demands- I guess you'd call it 'quirky'? Not quite 'lol so random' but definitely some bewildered smiles to be had here.

As someone who is good at picross I'm miffed that most of the puzzles are 10x10, since I can pretty much solve those on autopilot now (humblebrag), though I understand the need for their inclusion so newcomers can play some puzzles too. Even being simple, the pixel art is still well designed and fun to uncover. Few straight lines or block-filled areas, as it should be.

That all sounds great then, right? Yeah...

And it is. Go and buy the damned game. (Steam)

...which is why it sucks so much that the entire package is ruined by one very small and baffling decision. Main character Chelshia appears at the corner of every puzzle and spends the entire time dancing and she does- not- stop- moving. Ever. The whole time you're surveying the scene, there's a little bug in the corner of your vision stealing away your attention, and just when you think you've become used to the constant movement she changes to a different animation and your focus is lost once more.

It's tremendously distracting and trying to ignore it just builds up a constant frustration, an itch in your brain you cannot scratch because she's just THERE and she just DABBED and it's THE MOST ANNOYING THING THAT EVER HAPPENED. What where they thinking!

Fin or Bin:

Before writing this I legit reached out to the developer in two different avenues to see if I'm just missing something and it is in fact possible to tell Chelshia to sling her hook. Unfortunately I never heard back. There is an absolute slew of accessibility options right down to turning off colourful backgrounds and it boggles my mind that they didn't think to make her dancing optional. I'm absolutely gutted. I'm just going to consider this the free game, convince myself I paid for DAMG, and very sadly drop Puzzle Island in the Bin.

2024/12/22 Edited review to reflect the dancing being toggleable in a new update and this game is now 10/10 no notes

(Steam)