beginningtotrustagain

[beginningtotrustagain]

Choose to be happy

Although my life right now is not what I expect it to be, I am responsible for it. Even though sometimes other people make decisions for it, I am in charge of what's my reaction to it. So, I simply will make the most of what is here. I will make myself happy because I deserve to be. I am the one incharge of my happiness. No. One. Else. I may be in a delay but in time, yes because I am almost there, I will live my life to the fullest. 052916

[beginningtotrustagain]

Do not feed your insecurities. You can't gain anything good from it.

Yourself

[beginningtotrustagain]

One day you're 15 and what complicates life is if he likes you or not; Now you're 21, you realize what an idiot you were for actually thinking it was a problem.

my 21 year old self

[beginningtotrustagain]

This pain will end. Don't worry.

Believe

[beginningtotrustagain]

To the past few nights I've spent on crying

One day, it will be fine. Everything will turn out right. Not just tonight. Even though how much I regret the things I've done in the past, I cannot change them. If I could just turn back time and undo all the things that complicates the present, I would. But I think if I have to mend it, I should start by forgiving myself. I'm not making an excuse but in all honesty, I am not perfect. I am not a perfect daughter nor a perfect lover. My parents and my lover deserve a whole lot better than having me in their life. How could I, right? How could I do these things to them? I am so unfair and worthless.

[beginningtotrustagain]

Just because the past taps you on the shoulder, doesn't mean you have to look back.

Don't let it drag you down.

[beginningtotrustagain]

Back to the nights where I cry myself to sleep. Goodnight, fucked up life.

[beginningtotrustagain]

12:11am thoughts

I hate it when I obsessively stalk him and arrive at other people's profiles. Just finding out how close this person is to him or how many times they've hang out together. It makes me look back on how complicated our situation was before. And how f*cked up our feelings were. I know I shouldn't linger on these thoughts and I know I shouldn't have to torture myself with this kind of thinking. We are stable now. Not perfect but happy. And it's enough. Always.

[beginningtotrustagain]

Usually, the greatest battles are just in your head.

Stop worrying

[beginningtotrustagain]

But most of all, are you happy?

Things I ask to myself

[beginningtotrustagain]

January 11, 2016

My very first flight that I didn’t want to happen. Yes, for the first time I didn’t want to travel. My emotions were high and my mind was such a mess. Looking at the people I didn’t want to leave. The pain. I wanted to stay. I wanted my flight to be cancelled. Throughout the trip, I was just crying. Pathetic. I didn’t care what the other passengers would say. My eyes were bulging red from crying all day and night. I didn’t want that day to come. It was just like waiting to get hurt. You know it will, you try to prepare yourself, but when it hits, you just feel so helpless. I wanted the people I love to let me stay, but what can they do right? Even my own parents want me away. What I felt on that day was one of saddest that I ever encountered. It was like being brought back to those memories that broke my heart Nevertheless, what can I do. I cannot decide for myself. I am not happy.

[beginningtotrustagain]

Okay lang yan, Jaz. Kasalanan mo naman eh. Tanggapin mo na lang lahat ng binabato sayo.

[beginningtotrustagain]

“Take me somewhere far, somewhere we can both escape to.”

[beginningtotrustagain]

December 12, 2015 One of the happiest days of my life. Quality time for us.

[beginningtotrustagain]

Tell me, what do people gain from breaking hearts?

10:23pm thoughts

[beginningtotrustagain]

Isn't it so hard to convince someone what should they believe in? To explain yourself but they put another meaning in it or they would insist on what's acceptable for them. I think it's unfair to judge on what merely is an accusation. And that is the problem with people who don't listen and put on too much pride on themselves; Turning things around, making me a liar.

[beginningtotrustagain]

Why have you done this to me?

Upto now, I'm still broken.