benignurse

[benignurse]

Long story short, I survived. https://www.instagram.com/p/CYI9wMFLo9YjwLv2NtM0H6K1agD6gq7Jw8Mkuw0/?utm_medium=tumblr

[benignurse]

It’s okay if you occasionally have negative thoughts, or fall back into old patterns. As long as you don’t give up on the new story and you continue to persist, everything will be just fine. Don’t let current circumstances break you. We all deserve nothing short of our every desire, no matter how impossible everyone else deems it to be.

[benignurse]

“Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.”

— Unknown

[benignurse]

“In life you will realize there is a role for everyone you meet. Some will test you. Some will use you. Some love you. Some will teach you. But the ones who are truly important are the ones who bring out the best in you.”

— Unknown

[benignurse]

Kayod

Yaman at ginhawa ang pangako ng pangingibang bansa. Kaya’t marami sa mga Pilipino ang hindi nagdalawang-isip na sumabak at makipagsapalaran sa ibang bayan. Ngunit kasabay din nito ang sakripisyo at pagtitiis na itinaya makapagbigay lamang ng mas maayos na buhay sa pamilya. Isa ang aking ama sa matapang at walang takot na sumubok.

Tandang tanda ko pa rin hanggang ngayon ang unang alis niya papuntang Middle East, bata pa ako noon mga nasa ikaapat na baitang. Hindi na sapat ang kinikita ng aking ama noog panahon na iyon lalo pa’t lima na kami noon sa pamilya dahil sa kakapanganak lang ng aking ina sa bunso naming kapatid, mas lumalaki na ang gastos, kaya’t napagdesisyonan ng aking ama na mag ibang bansa.

Ang aking ama ay nakapagtapos hanggang high school kaya’t kahit papaano ay natanggap naman ito sa ibang bansa bilang isang Trailer Truck Driver. Kung dito sa Pilipinas ay tiyak na minimum wage lang ang sweldo, ngunit sa Middle East ay doble sa kinikita ng isang driver dito sa bansa.

Ang mga unang buwan ang pinakamahirap sa lahat dahil bukod sa aming naiwan dito sa Pilipinas ay malaki rin ang ginawang pag-aadjust ng aking ama sa isang bansang banyaga sa kanya mula sa pagkain, pananalita, kultura at pakikisama. Nakaramdam ito ng pagkahomesick o kalungkutan at pagnanais na makapiling kaming muli na mahal niya sa buhay. Noong mga panahon pa na iyon ay hindi pa masyadong uso ang social media at talaga namang pahirapan ang kamustahan dahil sa mahal ang binabayad sa load sa kadaminutong kausap namin siya.

Unti-unti dahil sa tiyaga at sipag ng aking ama, kahit paaano ay nakakain na kami ng mas maayos, nakapag-ipon na, nakapag pundar na rin ng bahay, maliit na negosyo, at napapag-aral kaming mga magkakapatid sa mas maayos na paaralan.

Kung iyong titignan parang ang sarap lang pala ng buhay ng mga taong nag-aabroad 'no? Ganun lang pala, mag-iibang bansa ka lang tapos aangat ka na sa buhay. Sa aking palagay, doon nagkakamali ang mga tao dahil sa likod ng lahat ng mga padalang pera, mga padalang tsokolate, o kahit ano pang materyal na bagay ay kitang kita ko sa unti unting pagtanda ng mga mata ng aking ama ‘yong hirap ng trabaho nito sa ibang bansa, ang mawalay ka sa pamilya, at mag-isang lumalaban doon.

Ilan taon na rin itong pabalik-balik doon, uuwi pagkatapos ng dalawang taon at dalawang buwan lamang magbabakasyon. Sa maikling oras na ‘yon ay natuto kaming makuntento at sulitin ang bawat oras na kasama namin ito sa Pilipinas.

Ngunit kahit ilang beses na itong nangingibang bansa ay hindi pa rin kami sanay at lagi pa ring bumubuhos ang luha sa loob ng aming bahay sa tuwing aalis na ito. Tandang tanda ko pa ang sinabi ng aking lola habang umiiyak ako, “Kung mananatili dito ang iyong tatay sa Pilipinas, anong kakainin n’yo?” Sa mga salitang ito bumalik sa reyalidad ang utak ko. Hindi ko naiwasang magtanong sa aking sarili kung bakit ganito kahirap mabuhay sa Pilipinas na kakailanganin pa ng aking ama na mangibang bansa para lang maibigay ang mga pangangailangan namin.

Ngayong taon dapat ang uwi nito mula sa ibang bansa ngunit dahil sa pandemya at lalong pagtaas ng mga kaso ng COVID-19 ay pansamantalang hindi ito makabalik sa Pilipinas. Sa ngayon, tanging internet at wifi lamang ang tulay sa aming pangunguli sa presensya ng aking ama. Matagal na rin ng huling nagkasabay-sabay kaming kumain sa hapag ng kainan kaya’t sana ay matapos na ang pandemyang ito upang mayakap at makapiling na naming muli ang haligi ng aming tahanan.

[benignurse]

Tonight, I'd like to remind myself how I deeply enjoy being alone.

[benignurse]

Checkout Day 21: Budokon Yoga Flow by Anna Manalastas on REBEL! https://share.rebel.ph/r3GD/video?af_force_deeplink=true&wid=443

[benignurse]

I just received my grade on one of my major subjects for my last semester of my 2nd year. To be honest, I am closed to deadline for the submission of the requirement for this semester's scholarship but it was all worth the wait. I was just hoping but I'm not really expecting that my professor will really give me this kind of grade. I felt honored and pressured at the same time.

I will do my best to prove to myself that I deserve this.

Thank you Lord.

[benignurse]

I'm really into yoga lately.

It trains my mind, body, and soul to just be in the present moment with no judgement.

Inhale. Exhale.

It keeps me focus and grounded.

[benignurse]

Just few days ago the result on the PNLE was released. For sure, those who passed the boards cannot contain the happiness they are feeling right now. However, to those 2,000+ who were not able to make it this July, I hope they won't give up. And to all the nursing students like me who are currently on a uncertain situation, please let's stay still. It's better to bleed in the training than to bleed in the battlefield. Hang in there. We'll get there (RN) soon.

[benignurse]

[benignurse]

pondering

[benignurse]

It's nice to have a cup of coffee from time to time.

[benignurse]

Just when you thought you are alone, music finds its way to sit beside you.

[benignurse]

FRESHMENT ORIENTATION

I could still remember that I was late on the first day of class because I thought it will be more chill and fun but I was wrong. I remember that I was in section B and because of some adjustments, I was transferred to section A because they separate the sections based on who graduated in STEM and Non-STEM.

There was something special in our section that really binds us so well. We didn’t have a hard time getting to know and connecting with each other because since day one we never had a dull moment.

There are two parts of Freshmen Orientation: university based in the morning, and college based in the afternoon.

Maybe that’s the reason why when we had our first freshmen orientation in late August 2019, we are one. We already established good relationships with each other and we were all excited especially when the emcee introduced our department. I could still recall our yell and it goes like this “Nursing students, nursing students; Mga may talento at potensyal. Nursing students, nursing students; Mga estudyanteng hindi susuko.” It was one of the proud moments to represent the Nursing Department.

Lucky for me because it was not hard to adjust to the environment when I entered college because I graduated in Senior High School at CEIS which is under CEU. I am quite familiar with the places and some rules but since I am now in college, rules are a bit strict and so the professors.

In the afternoon, it’s the first time all the nursing students are in one room together with Non-STEM and Second year. Each section showed their talents in singing and dancing. I felt proud because nursing students are not only good in academics but can also showcase their hidden talents. Besides that, our Professors formally introduced their selves on us and discussed the rules and regulations in our department. I felt happy and excited knowing that on my journey towards RN they will be our second parents to teach us, guides us, train us, and push us to unleash our full potentials to be good nurses someday.

As the event ended, I finally felt that I am now a real Nursing student. I realized that those people who were with me during the event will be the same people I will be with and will be part of my college journey. We are a family. We may have different stories about why we are here but one thing’s for sure: we are all struggling and fighting for the same reason. This to save lives in the future.

[benignurse]

I.

I am a Nursing student. I’m the oldest among my siblings. Being the oldest is both a blessing and a curse because it exposed me early to the reality of the world; the responsibilities and duties. This trained me to become an independent person and a leader not only to my siblings but also to other people. Maybe this is also a reason why I’m quite matured and I see things from a different perspective. However, the spotlight is on me and so the expectations of other people around me. That is why it is quite hard because I am my parent’s retirement plan. When I entered college, I ought to myself that every action that I will make must lead me to the right path because there’s no way that I’ll be a disappointment for them.

I am a mix of extrovert and introvert. I love talking to people and listening to their stories and experiences yet I also enjoy being alone. I am a work-in-progress person. I have my own strengths, insecurities, and weaknesses that I’m still trying to improve and practice.

I don’t see myself as a smart person rather I want to describe myself with grit: a combination of passion and perseverance. I learned this word from one video that I watched in TedTalk. I want my success with grit. I also believe in delayed gratification. I’d like to suffer for now so I could enjoy the rest of my life later.

I really want to become a doctor someday. So I decided to choose Nursing as my premed course. I wanted to experience first being a nurse to help my family and other people to prevent having disease and accompany them until they’ll meet their full recovery because I am in a country where health is being prioritized when death is nearly coming. Besides helping other people, I want to change how society sees the nurses here in the Philippines. So when I become a Doctor I won’t be joining those Doctors who bully nurses.

Yes. I am full of dreams and I don’t want to just look up in the skies dreaming of being a Doctor I want to live my dreams. I know the path that I’m choosing is going to be a roller-coaster ride but I’m willing to accept all the challenges that life will throw on me as long as at end of this journey I will soon see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[benignurse]

Let me tell you my story first...

Back then, I always dream of becoming an architect or an interior designer because I know that I have talents in arts and drawings but things have changed. During my junior high school years, I chose Food Trades instead of Drafting because of the fear of having low grades which I somehow regret.

So when I reached year 10 I became interested in the field of Health Profession because one of my classmates told me that “Oh ‘yung Tita ko MedTech ang kinuhang course no’ng college. Ang taas ng sweldo ngayon.” Hello? Of course who wouldn’t love a high salary right? So yeah I’ve searched on the internet about Medical Technology, Nursing, and Pharmacy.

Before that, I need to decide first what strand I’ll be choosing for senior high. I’ve consulted some people and asked for their opinion and experiences. That time, my NCAE result showed that I showed to belong to ABM (Accountancy, Business, and Management) but there’s a part of me that wants to choose STEM and you know the future always scares me. Some say “Kapag STEM ang kukuhanin mo puro MATH ‘yan.” “Mahirap ‘yan” “Baka di mo kayanin” I got commets like that. While Battling what strand Should I take I remember that time that I let the fear won just because they said you’ll get low grades they said it’s hard.

So I chose to hard one. I chose STEM. But those people are also right. I’ve got low grades. It was indeed hard. Hard to the point I couldn’t Imagine I’ll survive. I experienced running in the girls' comfort room just to cry because I failed on this exam. I experienced not sleeping because we need to finish our project. I cried in front of my classmates and my teacher because we’ve taken for granted one subject just to finish the other one. I’ve experienced failure even if I did my best.

It’s not always hard. I’ve discovered a lot about myself. I made friends. I passed the exams. I enjoyed biology, chemistry, anatomy, and physiology. I learned what study technique I should do. I discovered I love studying and learning new things especially if it’s about the human body.

This led me to decide that I really want to belong in the field of the Health Profession not just because in the future I’ll get paid high. At first, I thought, I belong to MedTech but as I’ve observed and experienced working in the laboratory and in the nurse station. I fell in love with Nursing. Remember what they always say when you fall in love? There is no exact time and the definite reason why you fell for that person or that thing. You’ll just feel it. One day a wake-up and decided that this is the path that I want to take.

I remember what my Values Teacher once said that everyone has their own mission on earth. As you grow older as you become wiser and mature the universe slowly unfolds your purpose. And it is for us to find out. It is in our will to look for the omens of God. Each of us has its own personal legend and I think helping other people with the help of science and medicine is my purpose. In my quiet times, I love to listen to what's my mind and heart are saying... I weigh things. I really want to become a doctor but I need to become a nurse first.

I will always remember what my father told me once that I need to focus first on the present and give all my best and effort so that when the future happens I know that I gave my best in the past and I'm ready to face the future fully equipt.

I know nursing will be hard and challenging but I want to be challenged. I want to prove to myself also that I can do it.

I always choose the rocky road the harder part the difficult one because it's better to suffer now so I could learn things than to suffer forever without knowing anything.