#letter to myself

[csuitebitches]

Personal growth truly isn’t as complicated as some of you make it seem.

If I could write a letter to my 18 year old self…..

“You don’t need to purchase fancy guides or watch hours and hours of YouTube videos. You don’t need to have 13 degrees in psychology in order to understand yourself.

The main reasons why one fails at “levelling up” are quite simple.

Lack of discipline.

Lack of accountability.

Not being able to manage time.

Not being able to say no to things in order to prioritise yourself.

Doing something you know you shouldn’t be doing, and yet, you do it anyway because FOMO.

How do you prevent the above from happening?

You have to be hard on yourself and listen to your rational instinct. When your intellectual side tells you that its best not to engage in a certain thing or not to be lazy about doing something, listen to that side. People always seem to know better but choose the easier path of not doing anything.

It’s your decision whether you want to look back at life and get upset with yourself for not having the willpower to do yourself justice. Or, you look back at yourself and thank your stars that you had the sense to start early.

Even if you don’t end up getting 100% of what you visualised, at least you’ll respect yourself for sticking to your guns and doing what was best for you and your life.

It’s not about ego. It’s not about hustle culture. It’s about ending this cycle of misery and procrastination and constant justification of your mindlessly stupid actions.

It’s time for you to grow up and put in the goddamn effort, because no one else will. You can’t demand the best of the best when you have nothing to bring to the table.

Stop wasting your time with idiots who don’t share the same values as you. Start reading more again. You’re not going to marry that guy you’re with and you know damn well that you’re going to leave him anyway - so just do it already. Stop the vicious cycle of breaking up and getting back.

I’m glad you enrolled in that university, even if you were a little nervous to leave home. It’s going to change you as a person. Absorb those experiences and realise that the world is not black and white.

There’s much to learn from and you’re wasting your time watching brain-dead influencers on YouTube and instagram. Minimise your social media footprint. Go back to doing the things you loved, even if you feel that the whole world mocks you for it. They don’t. Nobody cares.”

[cinefairy]

i love appreciating the small things in life. my headphones that i wear every single day. the sun rising and gleaming in through my windows. omg not to mention opening my window and having cold gushes of wind blow against my face. i love making yummy toast i love it when the butter melts into the bread that makes it look like it’s glowing.

i love going on 1 hour walks and seeing the trees turn into orangey red, spotting a beautiful deer in the midst of the trees, seeing couples or people by themselves just enjoying the peace and quiet that the nearby lake has to offer.

oh and i looove garlic bread.

[carl0p]

You are going to be a doctor.

- from me, to myself.

[dactylicreveries]

And their are the cold nights where I miss you a little more, my inside crumbles and the heart cries.

[worldofherwords]

perhaps I'm destined to only receive flowers once I'm six feet under

[harf-e-kun]

🌸

[slikkyslim]

Dad, there has always been an ocean of silence between us. A lifetime of words left unsaid. In ways I feel that I don't know you at all. I barely knew you way back then. What I now want you to know is this. I was just a child. But I knew you were broken. I don't blame you and could never hate you. I felt how the path tore at you with its jagged edges. Your unspoken pain is no stranger to my blood and bones. I carry it, too.

Tanya Markul

[depressed-musiclover]

"Dear me, I am sorry.

I'm sorry that you tried so desperately to fix others, when your own hands were shaking. I'm sorry that I didn't give you enough time to heal, that I let you seal the wounds of everyone else whilst your own were bleeding. I'm sorry that there were days when smiling hurt but you forced yourself to laugh so that no one had to worry about you. I'm sorry that you gave all of your time and effort to people that didn't give the same amount back. I'm sorry that there were nights when you cried yourself to sleep and no one bothered to understand why. And I am so sorry that I did not love you, like you deserved to be loved."

Letter to myself.

[toothmeetingtooth]

To The Curator

come here

let me look at you

you’ve grown up

you’re all sharp edges now

cheekbones carved by clenched jaws and

words you bit your tongue against

heart hardened by ignorance and audacity

i wish i could carry you

hold you and

feel you settle

tell you to shut out the world and

listen to the blood rush through your body

to grasp strained voices and hold them still

i wish i could take sandpaper to the marble and help you feel beautiful

ease the edges of your ribs and have them protect your heart

let your lungs expand and embrace the feeling of being whole

i wish that you would look at yourself without regret

i wish that you felt safe enough to sit and breathe

and breathe

and breathe

[letterstomonkey]

Celebration Fixation

Quill pens dipped in liquid gold running a tab higher than all my siblings combined,

and of course,

the invitations will be sent with personalized bouquets of roadkill on a stick.

You are not the sun, but this morning I carried you out of bed because I love you like an astronomer catching the constellations you speak of in your sleep, and

I keep the moons who dare eclipse your heart bookmarked by dog ears, ready to defend you, faithfully, before you even recognize you are in danger, and

by the end of it all I have gone blind, but

You have never burned so bright.

I kiss your cheek desperately, fighting for your gaze to meet mine, because

although I love you, I am wounded when

your eyes regain consciousness beneath the safety of ennui that you feel

From anybody's gaze you care to meet,

except for me;

The sight of me confronts your insecurity,

stinging like a backhanded slap where my lips pressed your cheek with exorbitant passion, instilling my belief that the dimple upon your cheek wasn't there until I kissed you.

I shelter you like a wooden gazebo between a soccer field and playground,

pleading with you to come running back to your mother's blanket at half-time,

digging in the cooler for a clementine, you ask Mom to peel it for you because

her fingers will never again be this dexterous and nimble,

her belly never again this fruitful,

her heart will never be so full as when you needed her to reapply your sunscreen on the sidelines

You miss my lips on your cheek not until a week later,

and you remind yourself that love is a family affair, always.

I practiced stenography

so I will write your invitations to listless lovers I disapprove of, if it is what you ask me to do, only if I may inscribe them in illegible stenography

All the while, I will celebrate you in collecting Sunday morning sunbeams so you never have to wake up feeling anything but warm and sheltered, and

I will continue to love you better than branding you like cattle,

and I love you enough not to accept your invitation, because

I will celebrate you better than quill pens dipped in liquid gold,

because I love you enough

to ask you

to be quick to reject love that lives stationery

to please write me with gold dipped, quill pens

to please water me during the dry season,

to please tend to these roots as though you love me,

as though they are not the only roots you have ever known,

I know you, please know that I love you

You could love me back in liquid gold

if only you had one less other hand to hold.

Yours truly,

Monkey

P.S.

A whole year of writing and posting Letters to Monkey has now come and gone. I have never before loved you more than I do after a year of dissecting your own point of view.

[penaalmujahidah]

Dear my self,

Katamu "Cukuplah Allah sebaik-baik penolong dan pemelihara. Cukuplah Allah bagiku." Namun, mengapa masih ada rasa sakit ketika mengetahui orang lain diberi nikmat yang tak bisa kau dapat? Mengapa masih meratapi takdir-Nya? Mengapa masih suka membandingkan kebahagiaanmu dengan orang lain?

Sudah ya, sekarang saatnya kamu memahami makna dari kalimat "Cukuplah Allah bagiku" dengan benar. Sampai kamu paham bahwa kenikmatan dunia yang kamu lihat itu sebenarnya tidak ada apa-apanya. Sampai kamu paham bahwa Allah adalah sebaik-baik pengatur. Jika kamu memahami kalimat itu dengan benar, maka tak akan ada lagi gelisah saat apa-apa yang kamu inginkan belum saja terkabul. Tenanglah diriku. Allah Maha mengetahui waktu terbaik untuk memenuhi semua kebutuhanmu.

Cukuplah Allah bagimu, sayang. Maka kamu akan tenang.

@penaalmujahidah

[laikacore]

i reach back and i say,

“you are ten. it has been the hardest thing you’ve lived through so far, or the hardest that you can hold in your mind, and

it will only get harder

but it will also get better.

you see me here,

i’m nearly twice your age

and i’m still learning to be you.

you cry when you need to cry, you laugh when you feel to laugh

you run and you play and you sing.

here i’m undoing the damage

that will tear you apart for the next

several

years

but

now i’m learning

to cry when i need to cry and laugh when i feel to laugh

and eat and sleep and play what and when i want

and love and be loved

and not bend over backwards

for someone who doesn’t deserve it.

and like you i need to learn these lessons over and over again

and like you when i mess up i’m just looking to be loved

and like you i’m never going to stop

and for you i’m going to make sure

everything will work out just fine.”

for myself at ten by laika wallace

[aashiquidreams]

A year ago today I was happy working in a new work field. A place I thought was the right fit for me, even though it was a stressful job. For me it was the fruit of my labor, since I had worked so hard on healing throughout the years. I even managed to earn certificates through it all and change my career path. This was it! I felt like I was finally going somewhere with my life. Money struggles were over and I started to have dreams and new goals for myself again.

A few months later (March) it all came crumbling down due to health issues and two months later I lost my job. Here I was.. feeling like I had failed again. Looking back I no longer look at it that way. I was forced on a different path and had to put in the work to get better. I now see it as something that was necessary to bring me to the point where I am today. A redirection I might say. I’ve changed so much this past year. I managed to build healthy habits and let go of unhealthy ones. This includes unhealthy relationships with family and friends, resulting in removing some of them from my life. I became both mentally and physically stronger. My self worth, self esteem and self love improved. I got somewhat calmer, especially once I surrendered to the transformation, which initially felt like a curse. Along the way I met some inspiring people. People who reminded me of parts of myself I had completely forgotten about. Someone even helped me discover a side of myself I didn’t know I had in me. I’m so thankful for these people.

This past year I also learned about trauma and its effects on our bodies. I came to realize that I still have some work to do there. And I will! I just have to find the right way for me and the money to do this. Losing my job hasn’t exactly been easy financially, but I trust that everything will work out as it should. Working out like I have been these past 10 months is a good start, I believe.

I’m getting ready to go back to work. This time I really hope and pray it’s more in alignment with the path that I’m supposed to be on. I’m now fully aware that last year when I started my new job the warning signs were there. I ignored them and then my body forced me to stop. One of the many lessons learned this past year! Lessons I clearly needed to make the necessary changes in my life.

Astrology played a huge part in this transformation, and although my knowledge in Human Design is minimal, both made me understand and trust this journey a bit better.

This is the first time I’m open about what I’ve been through this past year. Even the people close to me don’t know what it’s been like for me. It’s been quite lonely, but God never left my side. Even though I’m not practicing any religion I firmly believe He always watches over me and takes care of me.

I don’t know what more life has in store for me, but I’m positive that I’m on the right path. I am confident that this will help me attract better opportunities and better people. Maybe down the line even a healthy, loving relationship. More importantly, I’m working on an improved version of myself and I love that for me!

[hawaiiancowboyy]

“Dear Younger Kalani,

You can scream. You can break. You can scream at the top of your lungs so everyone can hear and finally see you. You dont have to shrink yourself for others to consume the space you occupy. You can be seen. You are far from perfect. So is everyone else. You are a mighty tiger. Fearsome. Radiant. I love you and cherish the time we had together. I keep you in my heart.

Love always,

21 Year Old Kalani

[floweryaya]

dear little me,

you've grown up and it's been hard

being nothing, but a part

of a society that doesn't accept what is different

but trust me when i say you're special

and one of a kind

simply because you're kind

when everyone else is tearing your heart

be brave and be strong

write your own song

write that story you've had in your mind for so long

and never let them say your feelings are wrong

please, keep your heart safe, it's precious

people will try to steal it, break it, hurt you so bad

don't ever give it away, even when you think you've gone mad

and please, don't be sad

just remember, kindness is always the way

and can brigthen up your day

stay pure and stay you

because there's no one who can tell you who to be

don't ever think of changing the way you see

this beautiful world

you have your way with words

use them wisely

to help people see what cannot be seen

and feel the magic

i love you.

[harf-e-kun]

🥀