bethbayless-blog

[bethbayless-blog]

I am autistic, asexual, and a Christian. I am finding that as I figure things out, that I contradict myself. I am fine being with the congregation bit crowds are overwhelming. Being part of the praise team/choir I feel fine but when I am talking to others about the goodies I made, I get tounge tied. I find my worldly labels both comforting and frightening and I am not sure why.

[bethbayless-blog]

I envy my fur child. He gets to play and sleep all day. I have to work and clean out his poop box. But he makes it worth it.

[bethbayless-blog]

Me when Inam in the zone....

Vs me not in the zone

[bethbayless-blog]

I have been entertaining the idea of starting a YouTube channel for my projects. My writing, cooking, and sewing. But I know how hard it is for YouTube content creators. I want to get my work out there and be able to only have my name on it. It may not be a good idea though. I am not sure.

[bethbayless-blog]

nd culture is trying to figure out if you just don't get overwhelmed that often or you got overwhelmed so often when you were younger that you got used to ignoring the symptoms of being overwhelmed

.

[bethbayless-blog]

Autistic culture is getting annoyed when someone screams in your ear to try and scare you

.

[bethbayless-blog]

adhd culture is maintaining a conversation with someone, and losing focus for a millisecond, and never being able to regain focus at all

.

[bethbayless-blog]

As a pivotal scene for one of my characters, I think this one needs a bit of work. It feels too short and choppy.

For some context, the POV character is a Sprite, newly chosen to be a guardian and errand runner for his people's goddess. He is not used to being on the battlefield. Fairy and demon are racial slurs to his people. Endrah is pronounced end-ruh.

TRIGGER WARNING. THIS IS ON A BATTLEFIELD I REPEAT TRIGGER WARNING. THIS IS ON A BATTLEFIELD I REPEAT TRIGGER WARNING

Endrah sped through the air, feeling the Drifter’s Pull even stronger as the sounds of battle reached his ears. He heals his heart beat match time with his wing beats. He darted over a small hill and the smell hit him like a blow. Blood, smoke, and ashes reigned supreme, with fear and rage, following suit. Humans battled each other, opposite sides marked in green versus yellow. Endrah hovered on the sidelines, taking in the scene of weapons and warriors scattered across the field and flying through the air. Endrah had seen arrows before, even used them to hunt. But, these arrows were not truly arrows, the heads wreaked of poison, the shafts wore metal strands finer than a violin and the ends were shaved bird feathers that smelled of ash. Swords were different here too, for they were not elegant and deadly, but made for hacking their way through the thick human armor, bone, and flesh. Warriors were set ablaze and died as they tried to rally, both from flaming arrows and magic that Endrah could not sense. The warriors in yellow outnumbered the ones in green by now, looking well rested compared to those in green. Those in green were bloodied, bruised, and covered in mud. Although shaken, Endrah summoned a mighty wind, putting out fires and stealing the arrows. He used it further, amplifying his voice.

End this battle now, before I must involve myself,” Endrah whispered.

To the humans on the battlefield, his whisper sounded as if the wind itself shouted in their ears.

“Ignore the voice and push on,” the leader among the yellow clad men shouted. He raised his sword, one that looked closer to those in Aviary. “Demons speak in our ears, push on.”

Endrah took to the sky, hurling gusts of wind to drive the yellow-clad-men back. “The battle is over. Leave this place,” he said.

“There is the demon,” one of the yellow-clad-men shouted.

“Kill it,” another shouted.

“We will not listen to a fairy,” the commander declared. “Shoot it down!”

Endrah darted down into the hills again, and made his way behind the yellow-clad men. He sent their arrows away with each wave, and sweat broke out of his brow. His braid tickled him as he came up behind the commander and tensed to lift the big human. A gust of wind pushed the man forward, into a stumble, and Endrah put his arms under the human’s. Then, he took to the air, straining not to drop him in his heavy armor.

“Release me Demon,” the commander shouted. “Release me fairy of fire! You will be killed today!”

“I will not,” Endrah said. His voice shook from effort to speak as he hovered with the human in his arms. “Call your men off. If you do not, I will take you as far as I can, as fast as I can and leave you in the water.”

“Demon, kill me with a blade or not at all,” the commander demanded. He struggled and Endrah reached for an immobilization spell.

“Go back to your land, Tolocians! You are not, never were, and never will be welcome here,” the commander in green shouted. He rallied his men and started driving the yellow-clad-men back with shields.

“The battle is over,” Endrah said. He cast his voice over all the warriors. “As the Air Drifter, you must listen to me! Go Home. Recover your dead tomorrow!”

“I will not allow a demon with an insect’s wings to give me any orders,” one of the yellow-clad-men shouted. He raised his bow and knocked the arrow. The others in yellow followed suit.

Before he could call the wind again, three arrows hit Endrah, in the shoulder and in each wing, tearing them. He could not hear his scream as the poison ate at his wings and flesh. He and the armored commander fell from the sky as a white light took Endrah with him.

[bethbayless-blog]

My adorable son posing for pictures

[bethbayless-blog]

You know you're poor when even though you're in a lot of pain and think your foot is broken, you go to work for both jobs a d hope that some day you'll be able to pay for the necessary steps to correct the damage someday.

[bethbayless-blog]

A follow up to my most recent post. I posted about my encounter with an amazing cashier on another site. They were androgynous endearing a tiny but more to the feminine side. Someone started a comment thread that really ticked me off. So, I bring you Entitled guy vs me and a few awesome people. EG = Entitled guy. ADs = awesome people. Odd= the one who only commented once or twice. And I am Me.

EG: I hate the use of they. They is plural. Them is plural.

Ad1: @EG Not any more. It’s a gender neutral personal pronoun, in the absence of anything else, when you don’t know someone’s gender.

Me: @EG to avoid beating a dead horse, the person was dressed in a more feminine way, but I couldn't tell. But do kindly leave negativity like your comment out by the door.

EG: @me I’m not being negative. I’m being my real self.

Me: I'm not having this debate again.

EG: @me and I’m not ignoring the rules of grammar just because of ambiguity.

Me: EG ah yes, the question I should have asked instead of for some assistance with moving my newly bought cat litter should've been if the cashier was a man or woman just to please someone else's curiosity and wanting to stick with rules of grammar. Please just let the dead horse lie.

EG: @me did the cashier have a name tag? Proper name trumps pronoun any time. @Me and no I will not let this issue die. I’m tired of having to change my use of a language and it’s rules to suit the latest cause of which we seek to not offend. THEY/THEM is PLURAL. Create a new singular gender neutral word if you are so concerned that you can’t use or know someone’s personal name and don’t want to offend with gender assumption.

Me: @EG It was bckwards, showing me the back. EG see previous replies. I am done trying to explain myself.

EG: @me I didn’t ask you to explain yourself.

EG: AD1 I do not call any person it. If I am interacting with a drag Queen for instance. I say her when in character, but if I’m dealing with Doug, out of character I say Doug or he. AD1 don’t get me started about how the British created and accent and grammar to sound superior to other races/cultures. AD1 admittedly the rich in New England have done the same thing. The William F. Buckley speech pattern.@AD2 by proper name.

AD1: EG “The British” didn’t create English. The English did. It’s a language. Not created for superiority but due to the anthropological history we have here due to how many people invaded us. Also…. The English didn’t create grammar. Or accent. Everywhere you go there are different accents. If you came to visit where I live you wouldn’t understand us despite us speaking English. In case you’re not aware, there are many other “British” languages. I’m guessing you are American. EG PS I’m amazed you use the term Asperger’s as that was invented by the Nazis, after the doctor who experimented on and killed autistic children. That’s why we don’t refer to it as Asperger’s here in the UK.

EG: AD1 yes I know about the Nazi doctor. If I use HFA that will offend as well. I’m old enough that autism wasn’t a consideration. People like me we difficult kids. There was no understanding. No dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets. Conform or be punished, eat what’s prepared or go to bed hungry. There was no coddling of my generation of weird kids.

AD2: and if you don’t know their name?? What then?

EG: AD2 Pardon me, what was the total? Look at that. I didn’t need a gender neutral/specific word. To relate the experience later, the cashier said, then added this detail, that was one clever cashier.

AD2: EG You didn’t answer my question.

EG: Kind of like avoiding race identification. “Then this black guy walked up.” As opposed to, “Then this guy walked up.” AD2 yes I did. I answered with an example of how I avoid gender assignment in an androgynous/ambiguous situation.

Odd: Bob Oyler yup I learned to have meltdowns in private to avoid getting beat. I learned to find a place to hide or shut down mentally to avoid getting beat.

EG: Odd I share your pain.

AD3: EG The word 'they' has not been exclusively plural since the 14th century. I just found that out in 30 seconds of googling. It’s amazing how educating yourself can save you from looking foolish.

AD4: AD3 I've been using plurals not exclusively to transgender people, my whole life. Like when I'm talking shit and I don't want to be that gossip who reveals the subjects true identity 😂 I know it’s not the lesson here, I’m just saying. You can make them work. 🤷‍♀️

AD5: AD4 Everyday English speakers use singular “they” frequently. They use it when the persons’ gender is not clear or doesn’t matter. Like:

“someone is at the door” “let them in”.

“If anyone calls, tell them to call back.”

Languages are like living beings, they grow and change along with the people who use them. The change that is happening now is that people are beginning to be more accepting of a person’s gender being on a spectrum. Like some autistic people, a person’s gender may not be visibly apparent. Does this sound familiar?

“My pronouns are he/him.” “You don’t *look* like a man.”

So, today, we now encounter people whose gender isn’t clear to us and those people have not told us how they prefer to be addressed. It’s logical to use singular “they” in those situations. It’s respecting them as valid humans, even though they don’t match the majority of people — the people you might call GTs (gender typical ss — I just made that up!).

[bethbayless-blog]

A while back, I was Christmas shopping at Walmart. I was overstimulated and going through the checkout line. Autism is fun that way. I accidentally caught the attention of the cashier. They looked more feminine (makeup and hair) but were androgynous. They got me talking after I complimented the bow in their hair (Lilo and Stitch). We ended up talking about one of my special interests, big cats (more specifically lions and hyenas). They were really really sweet and kind, letting me take my time, helping me every step of the way. They were amazing and I wish there were more people like them.

[bethbayless-blog]

I made a post on Facebook about an awesome interaction with a cashier at Walmart. Long story short, the cashier (who looked a bit more feminine but I couldn't definitely give a gender) helped me through a meltdown while checking my items with the sleeper thing. The following conversation is in the comments and still going. This entitled guy (EG) is knowing on my last nerve. AD1 &AD2 are awesome dudes (no gender reveal here except EG) and Odd is the odd one out.

EG: I hate the use of they. They is plural. Them is plural.

Ad1: @EG Not any more. It’s a gender neutral personal pronoun, in the absence of anything else, when you don’t know someone’s gender.

Me: @EG to avoid beating a dead horse, the person was dressed in a more feminine way, but I couldn't tell. But do kindly leave negativity like your comment out by the door.

EG: @me I’m not being negative. I’m being my real self.

Me: I'm not having this debate again.

EG: @me and I’m not ignoring the rules of grammar just because of ambiguity.

Me: EG ah yes, the question I should have asked instead of for some assistance with moving my newly bought cat litter should've been if the cashier was a man or woman just to please someone else's curiosity and wanting to stick with rules of grammar. Please just let the dead horse lie.

EG: @me did the cashier have a name tag? Proper name trumps pronoun any time.Beth Bayless and no I will not let this issue die. I’m tired of having to change my use of a language and it’s rules to suit the latest cause of which we seek to not offend. THEY/THEM is PLURAL. Create a new singular gender neutral word if you are so concerned that you can’t use or know someone’s personal name and don’t want to offend with gender assumption.

Me: @EG It was bckwards, showing me the back. Bob Oyler see previous replies. I am done trying to explain myself.

EG: @me I didn’t ask you to explain yourself.

EG: AD1 I do not call any person it. If I am interacting with a drag Queen for instance. I say her when in character, but if I’m dealing with Doug, out of character I say Doug or he. AD1 don’t get me started about how the British created and accent and grammar to sound superior to other races/cultures. AD1 admittedly the rich in New England have done the same thing. The William F. Buckley speech pattern.@AD2 by proper name.

AD1: EG “The British” didn’t create English. The English did. It’s a language. Not created for superiority but due to the anthropological history we have here due to how many people invaded us. Also…. The English didn’t create grammar. Or accent. Everywhere you go there are different accents. If you came to visit where I live you wouldn’t understand us despite us speaking English. In case you’re not aware, there are many other “British” languages. I’m guessing you are American. EG PS I’m amazed you use the term Asperger’s as that was invented by the Nazis, after the doctor who experimented on and killed autistic children. That’s why we don’t refer to it as Asperger’s here in the UK.

EG: AD1 yes I know about the Nazi doctor. If I use HFA that will offend as well. I’m old enough that autism wasn’t a consideration. People like me we difficult kids. There was no understanding. No dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets. Conform or be punished, eat what’s prepared or go to bed hungry. There was no coddling of my generation of weird kids.

AD2: and if you don’t know their name?? What then?

EG: AD2 Pardon me, what was the total? Look at that. I didn’t need a gender neutral/specific word. To relate the experience later, the cashier said, then added this detail, that was one clever cashier.

AD2: EG You didn’t answer my question.

EG: Kind of like avoiding race identification. “Then this black guy walked up.” As opposed to, “Then this guy walked up.” AD2 yes I did. I answered with an example of how I avoid gender assignment in an androgynous/ambiguous situation.

Odd: EG yup I learned to have meltdowns in private to avoid getting beat. I learned to find a place to hide or shut down mentally to avoid getting beat.

EG: Odd I share your pain.

[bethbayless-blog]

Oh no. Nothing good comes from a crack like this.

[bethbayless-blog]

Oh no. Not good.

[bethbayless-blog]

A part of my yearly Nanowrimo project

Fifty years ago, another world war broke out, And after that affair was settled, what used to be The United States of America broke into civil war. Now, what used to be a singular country is four. Alaska and Hawaii reclaimed their rights as individual countries, along with most of the territories. My story here only applies to what used to be the western half of the USA, now called The Unified Republic of Grounding. They used to be the states of Washington, Oregon, Idaho, and Montana. Certain laws became more strict, most of them surrounding guns and crime. 

    If one wants to have a gun, they need to take a year long class on gun handling and use. They also have to take a test every three months to make sure they are only using their gun properly and only when absolutely necessary. Only one gun per person unless they are in the military or police force. Military and police officers may have two. 

    Rape and murder will get you executed. If a court and judge find you guilty beyond all doubts, you will be executed three weeks to the day after your sentencing. If there is some doubt, you will be sentenced to prison for life without the possibility of parole. 

    Funny thing is though, serial killers are slippery buggers. That is where I come in. I am not a cop. I am not in the military. I don’t have a gun. I have a knife and a rope. I kill serial killers because no one has caught them yet. When I am caught, I will welcome death the way that friends do. I don’t wanna give away who I am just yet, so I will go by Sera. 

My first kill was when I was seventeen. I was taken by a serial killer called the Button Thief, because she always stole the buttons off of her victim’s shirts and pants, replacing them with a note with IOU written on it. She didn’t expect me to grab the knife from her, and honestly neither had I. In hindsight, it was cruel of me to take the knife out of her gut when I ran. She must’ve laid there for a couple hours before she was really dead. 

My second kill was actually a rapist, my rapist. Not right after he did it. I was in too much shock and too scared. He came from a rich, important, entitled family. I thought I was the only one, and that no one would believe me. Then, I met another girl, Scarlet. He got her pregnant. Scarlet didn’t want the baby but her sister’s friend was dying for one. Scarlet introduced me to Carly, who he had also raped. I couldn’t stand to hear any more. I stood up from the table and stormed to his house. All I had in my car was my wallet and some twine from feeding my uncle’s cows that morning. It was enough. I used it to choke him. When he passed out, I wrote rapist in red sharpie on his forehead. I left Scarlet and Carly’s numbers on a card in his lap, took my twine, and went on the run. 

My mom always said I had a bad luck magnet inside me. I think I see it now. It’s like killers and rapists are drawn to me. I don’t give them a chance to kill again while the authorities close in on them or ignore them. You wouldn’t believe how many times killers are actually rich, entilled, and supposedly amazing people. I have killed eight people this year. I killed three last year, mostly because I couldn’t lure them out. I lost count of how many all together. After the fifth, they started to blur together. I’m surprised I haven’t been found. 

I am so tired of killing. I want to live for myself. I wanna drink a cup of hot cocoa made with warm milk and marshmallows without the thoughts and memories of my kills invading my mind. But the day I stop, no one will be around to kill the serial killers and rapists that can hide behind money and fame. Maybe I should recruit an apprentice, I am fifty after all. I hurt. From all the beatings I’ve taken from killers and rapists begging for their lives the way their victims did. My hair should still be a shade of red, but it’s white. 

Well dear new pen pal, I should go now, so that you don’t catch me too soon. You won’t get any fingerprints from any of my kills since I was twenty-five or this letter, which is typed up on a public computer. And, so that you’re aware, I am an international killer, just so that you can have a little help. I hope you take your time, so that I can kill a few more killers and rapists. Good luck lieutenant. 

[bethbayless-blog]

I used to work in the cafeteria at the college I was going to at the time. Just about every other day, a girl close to my age, would come up to my station (pizza and pasta) and demand that I put the pepperoni circles on in a certain way. She got so mad when I quoted company policy on not making personal pizza unless it is because someone cannot have the thing we offer at that part of the buffet or stations we have. (Endless salad and pastas a main dish station that changes every day and pizza station.) She'd get mad and demand I go get my manager, aka head chef. He never answered that call so I'd come back and say he was busy. She'd go off in a huff and be right back the next day with the same story. I was told she had no allergies and not to give in.