big-heckin-chonk - Tumblr blog

[big-heckin-chonk]

do y’all not understand my sTRUGGLE with EdPuzzle!??!? i am AUTISTIC and therefore I do not comprehend a WORD being SAID

[big-heckin-chonk]

side note, this isn’t me saying everyone has to listen to me all the time and let me infodump, this is me saying, “if you have other interests of your own that you’d like to talk about, please let me know in a kind, non condescending manner, because sometimes i find it hard to understand that people enjoy things differently”

i need to rant so here i am. i am autistic, and while i’m not ableist to others and would never look down on another autistic person, i have so much pent up internalized ableism because of my childhood and the things i was told. i love the fact that i see the world in another way, and that i get it experience things some people will never get to, but on the other hand, i hate myself and that part of myself because i know my life could have been so much easier if not for it. i listened to a world that told me that i was not good enough, and not normal enough, and i hate that i did. i hate that as a kid, i was told that talking about things i enjoy is wrong, and god forbid i be loud about it or *shudders* not make eye contact!!! /s. i hate that i was told that people were always laughing “with me” and when people bullied me and laughed at me, i laughed along with them because “the adults told me they were being nice, so my ‘friends’ must be too.” i hate that i’m now scared of conversation because i don’t want to raise my voice (because god forbid i’m excited about something /s) or talk too much, or repeat something over and over again because i feel like i haven’t been taken seriously, or because i don’t want to look over at one of my friends/people i sit with and see that they’ve been rolling their eyes and waiting for me to shut up already. i hate that i cant tell when someone is just sick of listening to my voice and i hate it when people lie and say they don’t mind. i hate that i feel like i’m not allowed to talk about things that excite me and bring me joy because to me, those things are really fun, and nice, and enjoyable, and they make me want to squeal with happiness because “oh my god have i told you about this one thing i noticed in my favorite movie that no one has really talked about before?!” or “guess what i read about this one astrological sign that i didn’t know before?” to me, these are the things that being me the most happiness and the only thing that can make me even happier is being able to share them with the people i hold dear, and it fucking *hurts* when i can’t, or i feel like i’m gonna get laughed at for liking it. i’m so sick and tired of being told that i am not enough and who i am is not “normal enough.” the things i’m most upset about right now are the whole conversation thing because it’s so stressful for me to have conversations with nt people because i am terrified of just annoying them, or making them mad, or getting laughed at, or just being straight up told to shut the hell up. i’m so upset that i can’t talk about the things that i love with the people i love, and i’m even more upset when i’m told that no one cares because “literally no one cares about that” or “that’s not even relevant.” like, okay, if something goes off topic, bring it back nicely. i mentally and physically cannot handle people telling me that i’m boring, uninteresting, or weird. this was a huge scramble of things, but yeah... yeah..

[big-heckin-chonk]

i need to rant so here i am. i am autistic, and while i’m not ableist to others and would never look down on another autistic person, i have so much pent up internalized ableism because of my childhood and the things i was told. i love the fact that i see the world in another way, and that i get it experience things some people will never get to, but on the other hand, i hate myself and that part of myself because i know my life could have been so much easier if not for it. i listened to a world that told me that i was not good enough, and not normal enough, and i hate that i did. i hate that as a kid, i was told that talking about things i enjoy is wrong, and god forbid i be loud about it or *shudders* not make eye contact!!! /s. i hate that i was told that people were always laughing “with me” and when people bullied me and laughed at me, i laughed along with them because “the adults told me they were being nice, so my ‘friends’ must be too.” i hate that i’m now scared of conversation because i don’t want to raise my voice (because god forbid i’m excited about something /s) or talk too much, or repeat something over and over again because i feel like i haven’t been taken seriously, or because i don’t want to look over at one of my friends/people i sit with and see that they’ve been rolling their eyes and waiting for me to shut up already. i hate that i cant tell when someone is just sick of listening to my voice and i hate it when people lie and say they don’t mind. i hate that i feel like i’m not allowed to talk about things that excite me and bring me joy because to me, those things are really fun, and nice, and enjoyable, and they make me want to squeal with happiness because “oh my god have i told you about this one thing i noticed in my favorite movie that no one has really talked about before?!” or “guess what i read about this one astrological sign that i didn’t know before?” to me, these are the things that being me the most happiness and the only thing that can make me even happier is being able to share them with the people i hold dear, and it fucking *hurts* when i can’t, or i feel like i’m gonna get laughed at for liking it. i’m so sick and tired of being told that i am not enough and who i am is not “normal enough.” the things i’m most upset about right now are the whole conversation thing because it’s so stressful for me to have conversations with nt people because i am terrified of just annoying them, or making them mad, or getting laughed at, or just being straight up told to shut the hell up. i’m so upset that i can’t talk about the things that i love with the people i love, and i’m even more upset when i’m told that no one cares because “literally no one cares about that” or “that’s not even relevant.” like, okay, if something goes off topic, bring it back nicely. i mentally and physically cannot handle people telling me that i’m boring, uninteresting, or weird. this was a huge scramble of things, but yeah... yeah..

[big-heckin-chonk]

does anyone ever just want to platonically hold hands with your friends? or am i just touch starved?

[big-heckin-chonk]

💎Some Crystals and their meaning in Witchcraft💎

Recently I am a huge - like really huge - fan of crystals. That’s why I thought that I will try to write a detailed list about crystals and what they are good for. I hope this little list  may be useful for others too.

Anxiety: amazonite, amber, agate, emerald, herkimer quartz, jasper, lepidolite, lodestone, obsidian, quartz, rose quartz, sodalite, turquoise

Balancing/Stability: amethyst, desert rose, jasper, pearl, quartz, red jasper, sodalite, turquoise

Banish fear: banded agate, bloodstone, sodalite

Banish negative energy: amethyst, black onyx, black tourmaline, danburite, lepidolite, malachite, onyx, quartz, smokey quartz, tourmaline

Calming: amatonite, herkimer quartz, howlite

Clarity: azurite, citrine, fluorite, hematite, magnetite, obsidian, pietersite, quartz sapphire, smoky quartz

Cleansing: amber, obsidian

Courage: carnelian, hermatite, turquoise

Creativity: amazonite, ametrine, apatite, aventurine, carnelian, celestite, chalcedony, citrine, flourite (blue), lolite, jasper, kunzite, opal, sunstone, tiger’s eye, lapiz lazuli

Divination: bloodstone, obsidian, turquoise

Empathy: aquamarine, blue aventurine, chrome diopside, rose quartz, malachite

Faith: emerald, imperial golden topaz, labradorite, onyx, sodalite, variscite

Friendship: ruby fuchsite, rhodonite, turquoise

Forgivness: rhodonite, rose quartz

Happiness: amazonite, amber, citrine, red goldstone

Harmony: moonstone, rose quartz, sodalite

Healing: amber, angelite, jasper, kyanite, malachite, quartz, rose quartz, turquoise

Help in focuse: banded agate, citrine, lodestone

Hope: blue aventurine

Indivituality: malachite

Inspiration: amazonite,amethyst, ametrine, blue chalgebony, blue goldstone, carnelian, citrine, garnet, orange calcite, quartz

Joy: amazonite, citrine, labradorite

Love: angelite, citrine, desert rose, dragon blood jasper, garnet, jade, opal, quartz, rose quartz, ruby, turquoise

Loyalty: dalmatian stone, turquoise

Luck: amazonite, amber, apache tears, aventurine, sapphire, turquoise

Meditation: emerald, herkimer quartz, quartz, sodalite, turquoise

Mind: pyrite, sodalite

Passion: carnelian, garnet, ruby

Peace: amazonite, amethyst, emerald, larimar, lepidolite, rose quartz, selenite, sodalite

Positive energy: amber, apache tears, calicite, citrine

Protection: amethyst, black tourmaline, hag stone, kunzite, obsidian, smoky quartz, tiger’s eye, tourmaline, turquoise

Prosperity: amazonite, aventurine, citrine, jade, moss gate, pyrite, ruby , tiger’s eye

Psyche: black tourmaline, calcite, emerald, labradorite, tuquoise

Psychic: chalcedony, unakite

Relieve stress: blue calcite, herkimer quartz, lepidolite, quartz, sodalite

Self-confidence/Self-esteem: amazonite, amber, ametrine, black tourmaline, chrysocolla, garnet, larimar, pearl, prehnite, rhodonie, rose quartz

Serenity: emerald, lepidolite

Sleep: amethyst, emerald, howlite, ledestone, sodalite

Strenght: amber, hermatite, red jasper

Success: amazonite, pyrite

Tranquility: emerald, lepidolite

Trust: onyx, ruby fuchsite, sodalite, turquoise, variscite

Vitality: carnelian, garnet, orange calcite, red agate, ruby, ruby zoisite, sunstone,

Wisdom: tiger’s eye, sodalite

Wealth: aventurine, citrine, green calcite, jade,malachite, pyrite, tiger’s eye, tree agate

In the future I’ll expand the list when I find enough new and useful information. I hope this little post will help someone. 😊

[big-heckin-chonk]

another thing i hate is when people say things like “stop being so loud” or “be quiet” when you might start to raise your voice without realizing. because it just doesn’t feel good, and it makes me sad. and because maybe that person was just excited to tell you something or was talking about something they’re passionate about, but you told them “no, *you* are being too loud and *you* are not being ‘normal’ enough. calm down.” just stop making people feel bad for being happy, is what i’m trying to say.

[big-heckin-chonk]

i really hate social media sometimes, especially ones like tiktok where a lot of people make fun of others for literally just enjoying something and having interests. if you say you don’t have any interests or hobbies, you’re lame and boring, but if you like something like youtube, you’re annoying and obnoxious. i don’t get why people can’t just let others enjoy things, like why can’t you just let people live. there’s no need to be mean to others just because you watched Outer Banks on Netflix and your friend still likes some you tubers. or if you like something and you genuinely enjoy it and then someone else says “well, that’s really cringe and weird.” like how am i supposed to react to that? i’m not about to feel great about myself if all i’m being told by everyone around me is that i have to hide my interests, and if i don’t i’ll be told i’m too weird or too annoying or too loud. like, i’m sorry that i actually enjoy things? i’m sorry that i have hobbies that bring me happiness and for some reason you feel the need to bring me down just because something makes me happy.

[big-heckin-chonk]

Okay, so I’m genderfluid for context and I keep having identity issues with it and i’m like “am i faking it” what if it’s just for attention (even though i haven’t really told anyone) and then i have days like today where my dysphoria is so high and so just like “big” that i know i’m not faking it so yeah, genderfluid thoughts

[big-heckin-chonk]

any witches anxious as hell this past week

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okay, hear me out, Toxic by the Glee Cast (the season 5 version) is like very nice to not only vibe to, but there's so many different sounds in it so it's very stimmy for me (i like)

not to mention I'm queer and the unholy trinity was my queer awakening (but thats not the point of this post 👀)

[big-heckin-chonk]

don’t mind me, just reblogging this so i remember

Thanks for all the support.

Cr: @wolfieoffline

[big-heckin-chonk]

okay, i play among us with friends and lemme tell you, it is not easy getting the code when you have apd

*i just realized it has said “apps” because of autocorrect for like a month i’m so sorry*

[big-heckin-chonk]

This chicken says autism acceptance

[big-heckin-chonk]

birb all the way :)

I made a thing

(Feel free to repost to other social media sites/apps. Just leave my credit in the picture. Thx)

[big-heckin-chonk]

*talking about citations in english class*

my teacher: and what do we alphabetize these by?

the class: *silent*

me: ... the alphabet

[big-heckin-chonk]

am i the only one who gets annoyed by original characters in fanfiction? like, if i see the tag i stop reading it? please tell me i’m not the only one.

[big-heckin-chonk]

does anyone else just use tumblr as like a random stuff account? like you don’t want or need followers, but you wanted to share something, even if it reaches 0 people? or is that just a me thing?