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bitterepiphany · 4 years ago

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your silent words

ao3

basically a smutty rewrite of the arumika oneshot i did a little while ago

The day Eren walked out of the International Forum, they had initially assumed he just wanted to get some fresh air. Only Mikasa’s gaze had lingered on his retreating back for longer than the other’s, prompting a gentle tug on her arm from Armin, who just shook his head softly.

“He’s okay,” he whispered, “He probably just wants some fresh air… we did have a big night last night.” Armin rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, still feeling the aftermath of their ‘drunken shenanigans’ - as Hange had put it - in his pounding head and sore throat from the bile that his stomach had upended promptly after he woke up. Though he definitely didn’t have the worst of it; Sasha, Connie and Jean looked barely conscious as they slumped in their seats, cradling their heads in their arms and leaning discreetly on each other’s shoulders.

His words did little to ease the worry in Mikasa’s eyes, but she straightened in her seat, meeting Armin’s eyes briefly and gave a small nod.

****

It became apparent that Eren did not simply just want some fresh air. When he failed to return to the Forum, the group made haste to leave as soon as it finished, with the hope that he would just be waiting for them outside. What followed was a frantic rush around the city searching - searching shops, the markets, bars, back alleys, anywhere a broody 19-year-old Eldian would be hiding to get away from his responsibilities. They didn’t stop searching until a resigned-looking Levi had to physically force the panicking Hange to listen to Onyankopon; the sun was beginning to set, and it would raise suspicion if the boat they planned to commandeer back to Paradis lingered in the harbour for too much longer.

Armin was baffled. To say that Eren had literally vanished into thin air was not an exaggeration. The group had lulled into a shocked stupor; they had no idea what to do. Armin could see that Levi, despite his carefully schooled calm expression, was fuming - it couldn’t help that Hange, who, as commander, would face all sorts of awful questioning back home, looked utterly devastated; they had put enough trust in Eren to bring him along and not to do anything rash, and it just blew up in their face.

The person Armin was more concerned about, however, was Mikasa. She had transitioned into that unnaturally calm demeanor he had only seen when she thought Eren was dead all those years ago in Trost, and subsequently whenever he had gotten himself kidnapped by Reiner and Bertholdt, and Rod Reiss, respectively. She had searched for him with a frightening intensity, barely uttering a single word the entire time, that look ever present on her face.

Now Mikasa stood on the docks, facing back towards the city, eyes roaming over the buildings, as if Eren would simply appear in a doorway and stride out to join them. Armin carefully walked over to her side. She didn’t acknowledge him initially, continuing her silent search of the city landscape, but Armin knew that she could tell he was there.

Armin felt a wave of guilt rise up in his chest as he looked at her. What if he hadn’t stopped her from following him out of the assembly hall? There’d be no way Eren could have escaped Mikasa if she had been there with him. He should have known, should have seen that something was amiss with Eren, should have seen the signs somehow. But there was nothing he could do now.

He reached out and touched her arm. “Mikasa?”

She closed her eyes for a moment. Mikasa turned to him. For a moment, Armin saw behind the blank look in her eyes. He saw the raw pain in them, the terror at being left behind, once again. Suddenly, he was back atop Wall Rose, steam burns stinging painfully on his cheeks, struggling to find the words to say to comfort a younger, scared Mikasa as she came to terms with the fact there was nothing she could do to get Eren back this time.

Armin said nothing for a few moments, and just looked at her. She seemed to crack even more under his gaze, her face twisting, lines of worry and misery forming, her eyes betraying her internal conflict.

“Armin…” Her voice was barely a whisper, hardly rising above the gentle sounds of waves beneath the dock they stood upon. “What am I supposed to do? Wh-why did he leave? What did I-”

“Mikasa,” he interrupted, knowing where her thoughts were taking her. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I promise. We’ve done all we can, and -” he reached out again and took her hand “- now I guess... all we can do is hope that Eren knows what he’s doing.”

Mikasa stared at their hands, mouth opening to protest, but he squeezed her fingers firmly; she looked at him again, before her shoulders sagged. “I guess so,” she breathed. Finally, she looked away from the city skyline and turned to face the rest of the group. Just in time, as Onyankopon appeared on the deck on the boat, calling them over.

“We’ve only got thirty minutes to get out of here before they start asking questions!” he yelled, “I’m sorry, but we either leave Eren here, wherever he is, or we leave you all here!”

Hange looked over them all, their eyes lingering on Mikasa with concern. They glanced at Armin, who nodded slightly. “Ok guys, it’s time to go...” they announced heavily, “There’s nothing else we can do.”

“Quit your moping, brats.” Levi glared at them all in turn. His eyes softened slightly. “Let’s just go home.”

They traipsed up the gangplank, Jean, Connie and Sasha heading below deck immediately, finding themselves prone to seasickness due to the unfamiliar, jarring feeling of the boat rocking over waves. Armin’s hand was still linked with Mikasa’s, and she trailed behind him slowly, head hanging miserably. Armin found the movement of sea travel to be soothing, the rolling waves fascinating to look at. Mikasa and Levi didn’t seem to mind either, but Armin suspected it was due to their Ackerman genes that kept them from getting an upset stomach.

Armin led his subdued friend over to some crates overlooking the bow of the ship, as Onyankopon, Hange and Levi called out to each other as they prepared to set off. They took a seat, Armin’s eyes tracking a sea bird as it glided on the breeze over their heads.

Mikasa was quiet, but Armin could see the shaking of small tremors in her hunched shoulders. He ran his thumb softly over her knuckles, every callous and scar lining her palm pressed up against his own.

He didn’t let go of Mikasa’s hand the entire trip back.

****

Months passed, and the only indication they received that Eren wasn’t dead in some ditch was a singular letter, - detailing nothing much but the fact that they should entrust Zeke with everything - arriving at the island a few days after they returned. After Armin and Mikasa had confirmed that, yes that was indeed Eren’s handwriting, they had been swamped in meetings with a whole range of officials ranging from Queen Historia to the damned Reeves Company, all demanding how on earth they had fucked up so badly that they had allowed their most vital asset and bargaining chip of the Founding Titan to simply run away.

Being stationed in seperate divisions following the incident - Armin in HQ assisting Hange with strategy and official business; Mikasa in the field training new Scouts recruits - Armin scarcely had the chance to see his best friend. He was concerned for her, and if those few days after receiving that letter were any indication of her mental health, he could only imagine how she was doing at the moment.

As soon as she had read it, Mikasa had become concerningly withdrawn. She only appeared among the group if she had to for meetings, and as far as Armin was aware, she hid in her room any other time. He had tried to talk to her, but she never opened her locked door or was evasive and distant with him during short breaks in between meetings.

He lost his chance to really try and talk to her when they were separated, and now three months had passed, work just keeping him glued to a desk or at Hange’s side. But he resolved to ask for some leave to join Mikasa, who was assisting Levi near Shiganshina in the wildernesses of Wall Maria.

He approached Hange’s office, running over his excuses on how he was going to convince them to let him go. He resolved to just tell them the truth, since Hange would likely see through any feeble lie he made up. Armin reached their office, and knocked on the door.

“Come on in!”

Hange was perched atop their desk, examining a wad of paper. Upon seeing who it was, they grinned and hopped down.

“Armin! I was just about to go find you, did you look over those reports from the new recruits near Karanes?” Hange walked behind their desk, rummaging around for a second and pulling out a tin. They opened it up, and Armin spotted what looked like biscuits. Hange offered him one, and he took it.

He bit into it, letting the sugary taste fill his mouth. “Yeah, I saw those reports, I’ll bring you my notes on them after this.” He rubbed the back of his neck, scratching at his undercut. “But I wanted to ask you about something else.”

Hange nodded, mouth full. “Oh yeah, go on?”

“Honestly? I know it’s been a couple of months since we went to Marley, but I’m really worried about Mikasa,” he explained, “I could tell she wasn’t doing too well back then, and I just don’t know… she’s never been this long without being with him, and - “

Hange waved their hand at him, cutting him off. “Say no more Armin, I understand, I understand.” They bit into another biscuit thoughtfully. “Levi hasn’t said much about her in his updates apart from standard stuff, but I’m sure he hasn’t had much luck in getting her to open up either… Do you want to head out to them tomorrow?”

“Oh!” Armin was surprised at how willingly they agreed. “I mean if there’s anything else you need me to do before I go -”

“No, no, it’s fine Armin, seriously,” Hange insisted, “I mean I hate to lose such a diligent worker like you, but I know you’re probably the only one who can get Mikasa back to her old self… well, as much as she can without Eren…”

Armin smiled, nodding. “Thank you so much Hange, really.”

Hange just ushered him out of their office, stuffing another biscuit into his hand.

****

The trip to Wall Maria took him less than a day by horse, and he arrived at the Southern Survey Corps training grounds at sundown. Jean, who alternated his time between this camp and the eastern one near Karanes, rode out to meet him as he arrived, and he updated him on the state of things. Apparently, Captain Levi had the recruits renovating an abandoned barn, and was even harsher with his cleaning regimes than he was when they were part of his squad. Jean chuckled as he recounted Mikasa’s attempts to give the kids an easier time by sneaking in extra rags, changing water discreetly, and helping them carry around the splintered planks of wood, much to Levi’s annoyance.

They were rubbing down their horses Jean sighed. “You know, sometimes I miss those days when we were all together in Levi Squad.”

Armin paused, tilting his head thoughtfully. “Well, we still technically are part of his squad, but…”

“It’s not the same,” Jean nodded, “Not when we’re split up all over the place like this. Heh, remember when we were on the run and had to scamper around in the wilderness for a couple of days?”

Armin chuckled, recalling how Levi still somehow managed to get on their asses about keeping themselves clean while they slept huddled together under trees in the dirt.

“Yeah… somehow, those days seem more laid back than what we have to do now, in a way,” he said, making his way to the mess hall with Jean. “Oh, by the way, how’s Mikasa doing?”

Jean, who’s hand was reaching to open the door, paused. He looked over at Armin, sighing. “She’s the reason you came, right?” he asked.

Armin nodded.

“Well, she’s -“ he ran his fingers through his hair tiredly “- she’s not okay. She tries to hide it, but we can all tell that she’s barely coping. She won’t open up to us, or anyone, not even Levi.” He looked over at Armin again and punched him gently on the arm. “But you’re here now, you little silver tongued snake!”

Armin snorted, stepping inside the hall behind Jean. The recruits were still at dinner, and chatter ceased abruptly as they looked over at the new arrivals. Armin and Jean spotted Levi and Mikasa eating on the other side of the hall, and they raised their hands in greeting.

“Oi! Brats!” Levi’s voice rang across the room. “Where’s your respect? An important guest just arrived and you just ignore him?” He strode to Armin’s side and gestured to him. “This is Officer Armin Arlert, he’ll be here for a few weeks to help you twats out, okay?”

The sound of wood scraping on wood filled the room as the recruits hurried to their feet. They saluted. “Sir!”

Armin saluted back, still not used to being a higher rank than these kids who weren’t much younger than him. He turned to Levi. “It’s good to see you Captain.” The older man just nodded at him, glancing at his shoes.

“You didn’t track in dirt, did you?” Armin shook his head, smiling. Levi looked over at Jean, who was getting food. “Tsk... Jean! Get Arlert a plate too!”

Armin made his way to the table, where Mikasa sat. She looked up at him, eyes wide. They just looked at each other for a moment, Armin trying to see how she was before he said anything.

“Mika -”

She jumped up suddenly, and wrapped Armin in a tight hug. The tension left his body, and he hugged her back, smiling as she rested her cheek on top of his head. “Hey… I missed you,” he mumbled.

Her arms tightened around him. “I missed you too, Armin.”

****

The night had passed without event, Armin, Jean, and Mikasa chatting about what they had been up to the past few months, laughing together when Levi roused on the recruits for making a mess of the food hall. As they helped clean up, Armin scrubbed dishes, when Levi approached him and pulled him aside. He placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Look Armin, I couldn’t say anything to you right in front of her, but I know why you’re here and I’m glad you came.” Levi sighed and crossed his arms. “She’s not good, and she’s a shitty-ass liar too, so everyone can tell. I’ve tried, but she won’t tell me jack, so all I can really do is try and keep her busy out here.”

Armin nodded understandingly. “It’s okay Captain, I’m sure it's better for her to be doing things rather than just… being alone with her thoughts,” he mused, “But I’ll talk to her, see if I can make her feel any better.”

“I’m holding you to that, brat,” Levi groused. He jabbed a finger out at Armin’s chest. “I won’t let you leave till she’s back in somewhat working order, you hear me?”

“Yes sir!”

Levi snorted, gracing Armin with one of his rare half-smiles, before ushering him back into the hall to continue cleaning. Armin hummed. He supposed Levi cared about her in his own, special way - after all, they were each other’s only family left, and it couldn’t have felt good for Levi to see the only soldier who came close to his strength in such a state.

He returned to washing the dishes, and couldn’t help the warmth spreading through his chest as Levi smacked Jean across his head for disrupting a massive dust pile and causing all the recruits to sneeze. He caught Mikasa’s eye and that warmth only grew when she cracked a grin at him he couldn’t help but return.

I guess some things never change, huh?

****

Mikasa walked him to where he would be sleeping in the officer’s quarters after the recruit’s curfew. They paused in front of the door. Armin glanced back at her. That closed off look had returned to her features. “Come in,” he offered as he turned the handle.

“‘Kay”

The room was fairly spacious, with a decently-sized bed, a cupboard, and a desk in the corner. Armin flicked the lamp on and it filled the room with a soft amber glow. Shucking off his jacket and shoes as Mikasa did the same, he clambered onto the bed, looking up at her and patting the covers next to him. She seemed to hesitate slightly, before sighing minutely and settled next to him.

Realising he had no idea how to start this conversation with her without bringing up really sensitive topics, they sat in silence for a while. Then, Armin felt her slender fingers brush lightly through his hair, rubbing his bangs between her digits.

“Remember when I used to braid this for you when it was longer?”

Armin smiled, recalling the days before he cut his hair shorter, and Mikasa would sit him down and braid it back for him during times when he couldn’t get a trim and it would start to get in the way.

“Yeah,” he murmured, “You were always really good at that kind of stuff…”

She hummed. “Sometimes I miss your old hair..”

“Really?” He scoffed. “I don’t, it was ridiculous! I looked like a blonde coconut!”

She chuckled at that, tousling his hair roughly and eliciting a small squeak of protest from his mouth. “It suited you though, you were cute.”

Armin blushed slightly, peeking at her shyly. Mikasa was beautiful. Always had been. She possessed this fluid elegance that graced her movements, making it seem like everything she did came so naturally to her. Armin wasn’t afraid to admit that for a time after he first met Mikasa - back at the tender age of nine - he had become pretty infatuated with her. Maybe it was her exotic beauty, or the way she always was willing to patiently listen to him ramble on about the books he read, or maybe it was the fact that she was so willing to stand up and fight for a small, weakling boy like him, that she barely knew, but he became smitten almost instantly.

He wasn’t sure if those feelings ever went away. They were buried, deep down inside of him, pushed aside due to the knowledge of how Mikasa felt about Eren. They were so close, though, that the casual touches, the inside jokes, and soft gazes were so common that Armin sometimes struggled with the thoughts of how he felt about her. Most days, he thought he had accepted it, accepted the fact that that sort of bridge had never been built between them. But now, with her fingers running through his hair, her eyes locked onto his, he wasn’t sure whether the lurch in his stomach as the lamp light fell across her face was from dinner, nerves, or something he’d rather not address.

“Armin…”

Her voice had dropped to a whisper, husky with something that made Armin’s skin crawl with goosebumps. The atmosphere was heavy with something he was scared to identify.

Suddenly, her hands were framing his face, and she was straddling his hips. Armin’s breath caught, his body reacting too fast for him to control, and before he knew it, his hands rested on her hips, gripping lightly. There was something desperate in her gaze, eyes searching his for something he didn’t think he could give.

“Mika-!”

Satin lips were pressed against his, hard, fast, hungry, with a brute strength and ferocity that only Mikasa could be known for. He had little choice but to give, the cautionary part of his brain screaming ‘ stop her!’ falling to the wayside of the part that urged him on, that caused him to grip her sides harder, to push back with an unknown strength of his own, to slide his tongue over her’s, to explore her mouth in all the ways he had imagined in the past.

But when he opened his eyes and saw the tears lining hers, saw the jumps in her breaths as she attempted to contain her grief, Armin couldn’t continue. He pushed her back gently, brushing the hair out of her eyes.

“Mikasa,” he murmured, “You need to talk to me. Not, whatever… this is.”

She averted her eyes quickly, turning her face. There was a pause. “Talk about what?”

Armin frowned. Slowly, his hand travelled down her face and caught her cheek, turning it back to face him. Their eyes met. “You know saying that won’t work on me right?” She just looked at him, eyes wide. He could feel her tremble under his fingers. “I’m here, Mikasa.”

And just like that, the dam broke. Her face crumpled, and broken sobs ripped out of her throat. She collapsed into him, head landing on his chest, and he gathered her into his arms and just held her. She curled up in his lap, her head buried in the crook of his shoulder, hands balled so tightly in his shirt he wouldn’t be surprised if he found it ripped later. He settled his chin atop her head, fingers stroking the hair on the nape of her neck, slowly, soothingly.

Armin let her cry, allowed her to let out those body-shaking sobs, letting her release what must be months of awful, pent-up feelings. Slowly, her tears subsided, leaving her sniffly and trembling. Armin rubbed small, gentle circles on her back, and she shifted, raising her face off his chest and wiping at her eyes and nose.

Mikasa glanced sheepishly up at him, mouth parting to form words. Armin’s finger pressed against her lips, stifling them. “Don’t apologise,” he said quietly, “It’s okay.”

Her breath hitched awkwardly, and she swiped at her eyes again. “I-I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore,” Mikasa whispered thickly. “I feel like it’s all my fault, like I should have done something, said something, be-before he-” she broke off again, new tears leaking down her cheeks.

“Hey, hey…” Armin soothed, thumbing away the liquid on her face. “I told you before, you did - you’re doing - everything you could.” He lightly brushed her hair out of her eyes again, leaned forward, and pressed his lips to her forehead. “Mikasa…” he mumbled against her skin, “You’re here, and that’s enough.” He paused, gathering his nerves to say what he planned to next.

“If… if you need something, like that … I-I can help, I guess?”

Her shoulders shook slightly as she took a breath.

“I don’t wanna use you like that, Armin…” she whispered, looking down at her legs curled around his hips. “Even… even if I don’t even know how I feel about you in that way right now… I know how you feel about Annie, and I don’t- I don’t want to ruin -”

He cut her off by pressing a long, hard kiss to her lips. She melted into him, resistance crumbling.

“I’m not thinking about Annie, Mikasa. I’m thinking about you. You’re not going to ruin anything, I promise.”

Something between them broke at his words. She surged back towards him, kissing him desperately. Clearly, she didn’t want to waste any time, her hips rocking against the steadily growing bulge in his pants, causing him to moan softly into her mouth. Her lips separated from his with a slight smack, and she tilted his jaw up with her fingers, peppering butterfly kisses all over his neck.

Quick as anything, she unbuttoned her shirt and pulled it off, not even giving Armin a chance to admire her toned body before he was entranced by the sight of her bare breasts; she had removed her bra too with laser-quick efficiency.

In the attempt to keep up with her pace, Armin’s hands cupped her breasts, squeezing them, rewarding him with soft, breathy sounds from Mikasa, which only grew louder as he leaned forward and captured a nipple between his lips. He sucked, their bodies moving as they grinded against one another.

Armin’s shirt found its place on the ground, and soon did his pants. He couldn’t contain his groans of pleasure as her slender fingers stroked up his hard length, practically yelling aloud when her lips sealed themselves around the tip, bobbing up and down lightly.

“M-mika, I’m not gonna.. if you…” he choked out. She seemed to get the message, releasing his cock with a loud pop, and fumbling with her pants.

Every inch of her body was a sculpted killing machine, and Armin somehow got the privilege to see her bare and vulnerable like this. They gasped and moaned into each other’s mouths as she lowered herself onto him. She set the pace, keeping her eyes locked with his as they started slowly, building themselves into a rhythm, her hands on his chest, his on the surprising softness of her ass.

She was very vocal, groaning and humming in pleasure as she worked herself on him, and soon it became too much for Armin to handle. Gathering his strength, he surprised them both by successfully flipping her onto the mattress in a single, fluid motion. Pressing his lips to hers, he set a hard and fast pace, swearing softly under his breath as her walls gripped him tightly.

She urged him on, legs locking behind his hips, arms looped around his neck, whispering encouragements in his ear until he peaked, remembering to pull himself out and spill onto her stomach, burying his face and stifling his moans in her shoulder.

Mikasa pressed a tender kiss to his collarbone as she gently pushed him off of her, and he rolled to the side, panting in exertion. In a contented silence, they cleaned themselves up together, then slipped under the covers.

Armin wrapped her in his arms, and reached behind him to flick off the lamp. Darkness swept across the room, and he settled against her, burying his face in her hair.

Mikasa had always smelt of home, of the scent of fresh-baked goods wafting down the back of a Shiganshina alley-way, stone streets wet with the rain from an afternoon shower, of a crackling fireplace in the winter, and of exotic market spices that would make his nose tingle in curious ways. He closed his eyes, breathing her in, breathing home in, allowing her to sweep him up in it, the steady rhythm of her breathing lulling him to sleep.

****

The weeks passed in a contented blur following that night. Mikasa emerged from her cocoon of misery and returned, for the most part, to her normal self. Armin spent almost all his time with her, just enjoying each other’s company, letting themselves forget some of the outside worries, focusing instead on the recruits, Levi, and the rotating members of their squad that came to train with them. Both Sasha and Connie had arrived, stayed for a few days, and been on their way respectively, and had both been ecstatic to hear that Mikasa was doing better. Sasha was so happy she had hoisted Armin over her shoulder and paraded him around, yelling about how he was a magician.

Ever since that first night, where the recruits had witnessed them hug openly, whispers and giggles followed them around whenever they were together - which was basically all the time. Their openly affectionate nature towards each other didn’t help dispel the rumors that Armin was Mikasa’s lover, either. He heard enough envious groans from both male and female recruits alike that sometimes he teased them by making a show of linking his and Mikasa’s arms together as they walked, or randomly giving her surprise hugs from behind. They would smirk at each other, knowing that if the recruits found out about what they were really doing together, the reactions would be much more severe.

Mikasa stayed in his room almost all nights, quietly slipping through the door with her cat-like grace, padding across the floor and locking his lips with hers. Armin asked no questions, and they rarely talked on these occasions; they would strip, fuck each other senseless, then tangle themselves together to sleep, exhausted enough by their ‘ activities’ that they would just be lulled to sleep soon enough.

But their little bubble of contentedness would pop occasionally, and the reality of their situation would sink in. It truly hit Armin hard how badly Mikasa had been struggling when she approached him one afternoon, and wordlessly handed him a small box. His eyes widened when he realised what it contained, the sight of the small metal blades breaking his heart. He felt tears prick his eyes, and he pulled her into a long, bone-crushing hug, only letting her go when Levi had approached them, worried that something had happened.

Duty called though, and the day he had to return to HQ came quicker than either of them would have liked. But as they said their goodbye’s Armin held her close and promised he would visit more often, even looking over at Levi and saying he’d try and bring Hange along, much to the older man's delight - if his exasperated snort was anything to go by.

“I’ll come up too,” Mikasa said, linking her fingers with his as he mounted his horse. “It’ll be good to take these kids out, and I’m sure even grandpa over there is getting sick of this place.”

“Oi brat, I heard that!”

Armin chuckled, squeezing her hand. “Promise me you’ll find me if you ever need to talk about anything?”

“Promise.”

She smiled and waved as he rode away, remaining in the same spot, watching him as she grew smaller and smaller over his shoulder, until she disappeared from sight entirely.

****

Mikasa made good on her promise to visit, and she and Armin spent the months alternating travelling north and south to visit for a few days at a time in between work. She seemed to enjoy her time at HQ, sometimes showing the recruits around and helping Levi and Hange assign them tasks, or just hung out with Armin in his office. She helped him with his ‘work’ , locking his office door behind her, or dragging him into a spare bunkhouse where they would have their way with each other. Other times they would just hang out; play silly games; sneak food in and eat; or they would sprawl on the floor and he would read books out loud to her.

He took her to see Annie in the basement once. She just stood there, gazing up at the crystallised girl, eyes contemplative. She didn’t say anything, and simply watched as Armin went through his usual routine, recounting what he had been up to since he had visited last, reading snippets from the newspaper, and reciting random facts about things that popped into his head. Hitch wasn’t in today, so it was just him and Mikasa. Armin could feel Mikasa’s gaze on him as he went through the motions, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty when he came apart under her touch when she dropped to her knees in front of his desk that same afternoon.

It was during one of their less ‘active’ afternoons when they were leant up against each other, Armin reading some fantasy novel about a prince going on a quest to save a princess, when Hange suddenly burst through the door, looking frantic. Armin jerked and looked up at them, only to feel his stomach drop as he saw what they clutched in their hand.

A letter. And Armin recognised the messy scrawl on the envelope.

****

So then they were huddled together on the rocking airship, Armin shifting uncomfortably in the new ODM gear. He thought about what he was going to in just over an hour. He thought about all the people he was about to kill.

Mikasa looked over at him, and he knew that she was aware of his thoughts. She shifted closer to him, covering one of his hands with her own. He looked up at her, and tried to smile reassuringly.

“Armin,” she said suddenly, breaking their silence. “I will stay with you, if you want me to. I can support you with what you have to do.”

His eyes locked on to hers with surprise. “What?” he exclaimed, “You can’t do that, you need to be there to take out the Warhammer!” He gritted his teeth and squeezed her hand. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry. The plan should hold out fine. Plus, Eren’ll end up doing something stupid and dying if you aren’t there to help him out.”

Mikasa huffed slightly at that, a small smile gracing her lips. Her hands reached up and parted his bangs, and she pressed a kiss to his forehead. “We’re here, together, and that’s enough, right?”

Armin looked at her, his best friend, his rock, his one constant throughout their crazy lives. He smiled.

“Yeah. Together.”

#arumika #armin arlert #mikasa ackerman #oneshot

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bitterepiphany · 4 years ago

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commissions are open !! sharing would be much appreciated

EDIT : the three slots have been filled, but i'm keeping them open for the time being :))

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bitterepiphany · 4 years ago

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chapter five of haircuts babey

#aruani #annie leonhardt #attack on titan #haircuts

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bitterepiphany · 4 years ago

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that's the thing about the nightmares, they never really go away

slight manga spoilers i suppose?

Armin jerked, screams echoing in his ears, the smell of rotted decay lingering in his nose, and the red tinge of blood hazing over his vision. He struggled to inhale, fire burning in his lungs, skin melting, his skin was melting, he couldn’t breathe, it was too hot inside his titan, he couldn’t breathe, he had to hold out, had to distract Bertholdt so Eren could deliver the final blow, he couldn’t breathe through the steam, he was going to die, he was going to die, he was going to-

The scene shifted, and the contrast hit Armin like a truck. Cold, salty air bit at his skin and he collapsed. Frigid salt-water rushed into his mouth, causing him to choke and hack for air, this new method of being unable to breathe somehow scaring him more than the steam. His arms thrashed, fighting against water that seemed far too dense, his body far too heavy to pull himself up to the surface, to inhale lungfuls of the precious, life-giving air. Wasn’t he just above the surface? How did he sink so far, so quickly?

Armin opened his eyes to try and seek the sunlight that would filter through the water if he was close to the surface. The salt bit at his eyes, causing him to squint reflexively, chest aching, stomach sinking when all he saw was inky-blue darkness, no way of telling which direction was up.

Then, it was as if some kind of spotlight was cast upon his flailing body in the water. He could see the water particles drifting through the water, and gut clenched in horror as he bore witness to what was occupying the water with him. Bodies, hundreds of bodies as far as his stinging eyes could see, faces contorted in awful masks of pain, horror, and fear. Blood began to seep from their orifices, staining the water a bright crimson, the sharp, acridic tang of metal entering his mouth, his nose, invading his senses.

Why?

Armin struggled, the bodies floating closer, too close, the hands trying, failing, to sweep away the bloody water. He began to choke, lungs failing from lack of oxygen, desperate hacking noises lost in this cage of water.

Then, the scene shifted again. Air filled his lungs, but he was falling, falling too fast, too far, that Armin couldn’t orient himself to his situation.

He hit the ground with a bone-breaking thud. That familiar red haze of blood greeted his eyes as they opened. All of a sudden, blinding pain lanced through his body as he felt his lower half get crushed by what could only be described as a chunk of rock debris. Loud, thudding footsteps vibrated the ground.

Armin gasped with pain, struggling to stay conscious, and when his vision cleared, he was met with a sight that shook him to his core. A towering, monstrous titan made of red flesh and sinew stood over him, steam circling it’s unproportionately small head like a cruel imitation of an angel’s halo. Armin felt his body numb. Tears pricked in his eyes. He knew what this was. This was what he did to Liberio. He could remember the sight of a small boy crushed beneath rubble, his gasps of agony too far down for Armin to hear.

Why? Why did I do this?

Why have I been allowed to live after such sins?

The debris seemed to triple in weight, and as his bones crushed and his consciousness faded, Armin began to scream.

***

Annie was awoken to the squirms of the body beside her. She groaned slightly, ready to give Armin an earful for waking her - he knew how much she hated not getting a sustained, full sleep - but any thoughts of reprimanding when the squirms got worse, and soft whimpers emerged from the tangle of sheets.

Shit.

Annie began to pull away the blankets covering her husband, and Armin emerged, sweat patches soaking through his shirt, his face contorted with pain. His breathing was erratic, his fists opening and closing on nothing, and Annie could see his eyeballs rolling around under his eyelids.

“Armin,” she said forcefully, grabbing his shoulder in an attempt to still his movements. “Armin, it’s a nightmare Armin, you need to wake up.”

He cried out suddenly, causing her to flinch back slightly, and then his eyes snapped open, searching around the room desperately. Annie reached and flicked the bedside lamp on, illuminating herself, and his gaze locked onto her, chest heaving. He stilled, before hissing in pain, hands rising to rub at his cheeks, and then, all but fell out of the bed, rushing to their bathroom.

“Armin!”

He slammed the door behind him, and Annie heard the lock click into place. She slipped out of bed and strode over to the door, pressing her ear to it. She could hear the shower running. Annie pounded on the door, knowing that being soft and subtle wouldn’t help Armin out of his current headspace right now.

“Armin,” she called, “If you don’t open this door right now I will kick it in!”

She waited for a few seconds, heard no response, then slammed her fist into the wood again.

“Armin!”

Annie heard the squeak of the shower curtain being pulled aside, and sighed in relief, not exactly in the mood to be kicking down doors in the fear that he had done something to himself. The shower didn’t stop, however, and when the door opened and she was greeted with the sight of Armin, still fully clothed in his bed-things, dripping wet. His eyes were bloodshot - he had obviously been crying. Armin didn’t speak as he gazed at her.

“Nightmares?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

He nodded, flicking water about.

“Burning,” he whispered.

Annie sighed, humming softly. She stepped into the bathroom, reaching up to push Armin’s sodden hair back off his forehead. She pulled at the hem of his t-shirt, making to tug it over his head. He raised his arms.

“Let’s get these clothes off, ‘kay?” she said gently, chucking the shirt into the corner of the room. “I don’t want you to catch a cold…”

He seemed to revive a bit at her ministrations, taking his pants off himself, and, once fully undressed, stepped back into the shower.

Annie knew that the water would be freezing cold; he had told her long ago that a lot of his nightmares involved the feeling of being burnt - the result of some subconscious reminder of what it felt like when Bertholdt almost killed him.

“The cold is the only thing that makes it go away…” he had informed her.

She watched as Armin sat down on the shower floor, curling in upon himself and wrapping his arms around his legs. His shoulders began to shake with sobs. Her heart wrenched at the sight of him looking so vulnerable and lost.

Making up her mind, Annie shucked her clothes off too and stepped into the shower, crouched down next to Armin, and wrapped her arms around him. She felt him stiffen, head turning to her.

“What...?”

Annie moved around him, positioning herself so she slipped onto his lap, his head nestled under hers, against her chest. Her fingers carded through his hair, massaging at his neck. The frigid water raised goosebumps on her arms, but she endured it for Armin, pressing her cheek against the crown of his head.

“Hey,” she murmured, feeling his arms snake around her to hug her back. He squeezed her slightly in response. “Do you remember when I taught you how to swim?”

She continued without waiting for a response. “You were so scared, I had to keep reminding you that we were just standing in waist-deep water…”

Annie felt his shoulders shake, and she paused, scared that she had upset him further. But he looked up at her, and she was comforted to see a slight smile gracing his lips.

“Yeah,” he whispered. His voice was hoarse and scratchy from his cries, but at least he was speaking. “I thought I was gonna drown…. o-or… uhm..” His words petered off, eyes growing unfocused.

Shit. Wrong topic.

Annie rushed to bring him back, to stop him from falling back into that void of helplessness and fear.

“Hey.. hey,” she said, cupping his face in her hands, forcing him to focus on her, “I was there though, wasn’t I? I would never let you drown. Not ever.”

Armin blinked up at her, gaze clearing slightly. He began to nod slowly.

“Yeah… of course…” he replied. Then he gave her a small grin, that familiar cheeky glint flashing in his eye. “I’ll always have Annie to look after me won’t I?”

She huffed, relieved that he seemed to be coming back to her. Annie reached up and turned the water tap off, stopping the flow of icy water. She tipped his head up and pressed her lips to his, and he leaned into her, kissing her back earnestly.

“I love you,” he whispered when they parted, pressing his forehead against hers.

Annie smiled, rubbing her nose softly against his.

“I love you too, Armin. And I’m always gonna be here for you, no matter how many nightmares, I promise.”

He stood up suddenly, hoisting her up in his arms. She let loose a soft ‘oh!’

He walked and flopped them down on the mattress, wrapping his arms around her tight, wiggling down so his head rested on her stomach. It was his favourite position these days.

See, that was the thing about the nightmares, they never really go away, but Annie was damned if she wasn’t going to be here to help him through each and every one.

#aruani #armin arlert #annie leonhardt #nightmares #oneshot #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin

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bitterepiphany · 4 years ago

Text

the bodyguard situation

archive of our own

@zuzusexytiems enjoy ;))

ooh also partly inspired by @amy-r-k's aa first kiss hc <3<3

warning: contains spoilers for 139

If somebody had told her during her days in the Southern Training Corps that Armin Arlert would become the 15th Commander of the Survey Corps, Annie would have scoffed in their face. There would be no way in hell that a boy that soft and weak, a boy that struggled to even complete the Training Corps program, would become the leader of by far the most dangerous branch of military here on this island.

But times had changed. Times had changed so drastically, so mind-bendingly, that Annie almost longed for those days, those simple days when the only troubles worrying her mind was the location of the Founder, and the guilt over all the destruction they had wrought on the people within the walls. Funny, how something so enormous could become so simple in hindsight.

Something hadn’t changed, though, in Annie’s world. It surprised her sometimes, how much she had come to rely on that soft and weak boy from training, how just the sound of his voice could ground her, reminding her of all the years she spent in that crystal with only his and Hitch’s words to keep her sane.

Things had happened slowly, softly. There was so much aftermath to deal with, so much death, destruction, and fear to manage, that for at least the first year after Eren’s death, they barely had time for one another. Fragile, temporary stalemates disguised as peace were made between surviving humanity and those of Paradis, and work began to salvage and rebuild what was flattened.

Armin had been forced to take up his role as the new Commander, and for a period of time, stood at a similar rank to Historia as the only surviving military leader after the rest had been turned into titans and subsequently killed. While Historia stayed on Paradis, Armin and their surviving group - Annie, Reiner, Connie, Jean, and Pieck - who were dubbed, ‘The Heroes of Paradis’, stayed in Marley, negotiating with their surviving leaders and helping the cleanup and rebuild effort. Levi remained in Marley to recover from his injuries with their more advanced technology, and Mikasa chose not to go with them, opting to instead retire from military work to instead mourn her loss in peace.

But after things had settled (or as settled as they could be after eighty percent of the world was crushed), the unresolved tension between them couldn’t be ignored through their various distractions anymore. From lingering looks, hands brushing each other for a little longer than it to be accidental, and making constant, see-through excuses - if the looks Pieck and Jean gave were any indication - to spend time with each other, it became almost unbearable for Annie. She began to think about his confession on the boat on a daily basis, thinking it over. What if he didn’t feel that way anymore? What if he realised that she was a monster, and that she didn’t deserve someone as good as he was? What if - and this thought made Annie feel physically sick - he found another girl, and she was everything Annie couldn’t be?

It was only after Pieck had cornered her after she was caught staring openly at him for the umpteenth time that she sucked it up and decided she would confront these feelings. That was, until an incident on Paradis where a group of rogue Jeagerists decided that the current Commander of the Survey Corps needed to be replaced.

Now, it was known to those that knew him through training and the subsequent years that Armin didn’t excel physically. Though he had improved and filled out into himself in the years since he inherited the Colossal Titan, he would never reach the prowess of his other male comrades like Reiner, Jean, Connie, or Eren.

Though this information was never made ‘public’, it must have gotten out somewhere, and during an orientation for some new Scouts that Armin was overseeing, a group of young men broke away from the group and rushed him. Luckily, Armin was quick to react and defended himself until they almost overwhelmed him, but at that point, Jean and Connie reacted and dragged the attackers off him. Annie herself wasn’t with the group when it happened, instead away with Reiner discussing Marley things with Historia, but when she was notified of it, she was furious. Needless to say, the decision to give Armin a constant guard was non-negotiable, and it became clear to everyone else who wasn’t budging on being the one for the job.

Armin tried to protest the decision, saying he didn’t need a ‘babysitter’, but one look from Annie shut him up pretty quickly. He did confide to her later that he was grateful she was doing it, instead of some upstart young Scout, or even one of the boys in their group, claiming that they could become a bit suffocating in their insistence that he couldn’t defend himself at all.

The words left unsaid between them seemed to take a backseat as they now spent basically all their time together. Armin let his guard down around her, and she had to admit to herself that she couldn’t imagine her life without him at this point. There were some realisations within herself that she was scared to look at though. Once, Armin questioned whether she wanted to leave the group to go live with her father, since that seemed to always be her goal ever since she left for Paradis Island all those years ago.

Annie had spent time with her father early on in the months following the Rumbling, but had found herself drawn to working with Armin and the others, though was reluctant to leave her father initially. He assured her it was okay though, and encouraged her to get out and do something she enjoyed with her life. She still visited him regularly in Marley when she could.

They never openly acknowledged it, but the intimacy between Armin and Annie slowly began to increase. Armin had a couch in his study, and sometimes they would sit there together, Armin reading some book too boring for her to be interested in, and Annie would just relax. One afternoon, the sun was falling just right over her body, and she allowed herself to close her eyes. The next thing she knew, she had awoken to her cheek pressed into the fabric of Armin’s shoulder, one of his arms resting loosely around her shoulders. He was still reading in the fading dusk light, and when she shifted, he looked at her, a small smile on his lips.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” he whispered, smirking slightly. “Poor form of you, sleeping on the job, huh?”

He was teasing her. Annie pushed herself upright, fighting a yawn, failing to do so, all while shooting him an icy glare.

Armin just laughed.

Fuck.

Annie couldn’t maintain her icy demeanour at that. That damned laugh of his always broke all of her walls. She just huffed and turned her head, heat creeping up her neck. Armin’s laugh faded, and Annie glanced over at him. She was surprised to see him glancing at her sheepishly too.

“You know,” he mumbled, blushing, a hand coming to rub the back of his neck, “Uh, I don’t mind if you, you know, do that…”

Annie’s breath caught. Armin blushed harder, eyes averting.

“Uhm,” he continued, still resolutely not looking at her, “Hitch used to always say that you looked scary when you slept? But… you… don’t really, I think you look kinda cute actually and- oh?”

Annie had scooted closer to him during his ramblings, and, without a word, rested her head back onto his shoulder.

“You talk too much,” she grumbled, curling up beside him.

Armin huffed out a laugh, his arm returning to its spot around her shoulders.

They stayed like that until Annie fell asleep again, and the both of them had to be shaken awake by an amused looking Pieck, who smirked at Annie mischievously when the latter discovered Armin had wrapped her up in his arms, his cheek pressed up against her hair.

***

Some invisible barrier had broken between the two of them since that afternoon. Annie found herself sleeping on Armin in various different places whenever they sat together for extended periods of time, and he became more touchy, often grabbing onto her hands to lead her places and show her things, and being quite cuddly when she fell asleep on him, leading Annie to wake up pressed tightly against him, trapped by his arm.

They found themselves in a unique situation, and neither Annie nor Armin were oblivious to the rumours and giggles that followed the two of them around at Scout Headquarters. Their close friends wisely chose not to mention their growing intimacy, but that didn’t save them from the badly disguised stares and whispered speculation that erupted from Junior Scouts as the pair did their daily business around the grounds.

It didn’t help that Armin and Annie did absolutely everything together after the attack. The two didn’t say anything to each other, the only indication Annie got that Armin noticed it at all was his telltale habit of rubbing the back on his neck and hair when he got flustered or nervous when the whispers got a little too loud for comfort.

Things reached a peak one night after a long meeting negotiating new regiment leaders and discussing the rebel Jeagerists that seemed to be grouping up together again.

It was raining hard after a sudden downpour, and Armin and Annie were faced with the newly treacherous task of making their way across the grounds to their adjacent rooms in the Commander’s and Captain’s dorms.

They stood under an awning, peering through the darkness, trying to route a path that would result in the least amount of drenching. It didn’t seem possible.

“Well,” Annie said, “I suppose we can just have a shower after…”

“I guess… let’s go!”

Annie cried out in surprise as Armin grabbed her hand and yanked her along with him, and then they were off, running through the sheets of water and getting thoroughly soaked to the bone. Annie let herself go, and began to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, and soon Armin joined her, their laughs getting lost in the roar of the rain.

Just as they reached their barracks, Annie’s foot landed in a particularly slippery patch of mud and she toppled over, gasping. She squeaked in shock as a pair of arms wrapped around her and saved her from a faceful of mud. Armin pulled her into him, and her palms flew up to grip his shirt at his chest. They stood there for a second, staring at each other, far closer than they had ever been before, chests heaving with exertion.

Armin’s arms tightened around her slightly.

“Are… are you okay?” he breathed.

Annie could feel his heart racing beneath her hands, and she suddenly became acutely aware of how fast her heart was going too. She nodded, breathless.

Armin didn’t seem to want to let her go. Annie found that she didn’t want him to either.

All of their interactions since his damned confession on the boat ran through her head. Annie took a breath. She had made up her mind. Enough of this dancing around one another. Just as the words building up in her head for months passed her lips, Armin spoke.

“Annie,” he said, eyes intensely focused on hers. “I think I’m in love with you.”

Her chest caught.

“I…”

Feeling as though her entire life had led up to this moment, Annie abandoned any response she might have had on her tongue, gripped his shirt harder, rose on her tiptoes, and kissed him.

She could feel the tension leave Armin’s shoulders, and he almost slumped into her, leaning down so she could stand flat-footed, kissing her back, hands sliding up her body to cradle her face. They broke apart, lost in their own little world, eyes locked.

“Wanna get married?”

Annie let loose an elated giggle, sure that this high she was on was never going to let her down. It was all too incredible to even describe.

“Yeah.”

***

Rumours about the Commander and his female companion had been the hot topic of Scout members for months. A set of questions regarding them circulated.

“Who’s that scary-looking lady who’s always with the Commander?”

“Is she some kind of new captain?”

“I heard she was his bodyguard!”

“No surely not, she’s too small for that, maybe she’s his assistant.”

Another smaller, more knowledgeable section of older Scouts found the pairing to be unbearable.

“She’s the Female Titan!”

“Why haven’t we killed her yet? You know how many Scouts she killed, right?”

“Why on earth does he seem to be friendly with her?”

“They look like some sort of couple! No way am I serving under someone fucking a traitor!”

The Commander and his female companion were very aware of the whispers, but they didn’t care. Let them think what they wanted, they thought.

One afternoon, an amused-looking Reiner was lounging about, supervising some of the younger recruits in their training. He heard some of their whispers, and laughed aloud.

“You guys don’t know?” he scoffed, rolling his eyes, “She’s no bodyguard. That’s his wife .”

Rumour has it the squeals of shock could be heard from across the grounds.

#aruani #armin arlert #annie leonhardt #attack on titan #chapter 139 spoilers

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