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Mrs. Claus

Who is Mrs. Claus?

We have heard of Santa Claus Father Christmas, St. Nick that Jolly Ole’ Elf who brings toys to good children (and we are all someone’s child) that keeper of lists Naughty and Nice passing judgement bang of a gavel sounds Ho. Ho. Ho.

But who is Mrs. Claus?

We reckon she exists cooking and cleaning for Santa keeping the home fire lit on that long winter’s night.

Perhaps she manages the elves in their workshop wrangles reindeer help-mate reader of letters suggester of gifts.

Perhaps like attracts like (or is it opposites attract?) And she is the voice of mercy of leniency of one more warning to be good listen to your parents don’t tease your siblings or classmates or neighbors or strangers.

Perhaps opposites attract (or is it like attracts like?) and she is prosecutor making a case for each name to be marked naughty to leave switches or coal or no gift at all for those who stab friends beat classmates steal from neighbors torment strangers.

I have heard another tale drinking brandy with Santa late one night after his rounds were done one whispered drunkenly in the quiet moments between dark and dawn.

Mrs. Claus (beautiful soul that she is, my bonny Conny, he hastened to add) was once a fury a priestess of blind Justice Inanna hanging from a meat hook embodiment of angry pain seeking vengeance.

She takes the naughty list (he whispered) gives warnings to those good of heart who but strayed and erred gives lumps of coal or switches to those who need telling one too many times

a reminder of worse yet to come

if ways are not mended.

Then there are those (he whispered so softly I almost did not hear) whose nightmares she stalks. Who do you think arranged visitors three to old Scrooge? Did you think him the first or last to behold such visions?

And those that don’t heed their dreams?

(I asked softly.) (He drank deeply then answered with a tremble) Those who turn away from redemption in sullen silence or with a sneer?

Who think they’re untouchable by Consequence?

Those are snatched by Mrs. Claus (or is it Mrs. Claws?)

with nails sharp as scythes

wraps them in dark tendrils injects them with fangs and transforms them into…

Did you ever wonder where elves came from? Santa’s helpers spies analysts of your every deed and word watchers of your every mouse click keepers of your every secret (Big Data hires them as consultants) those procurers of toys?

I wonder what crimes Jolly Ole’ Saint Nick committed when young.

Or maybe opposites attract.

Kimberley Long-Ewing

all rights reserved. Copyright 2015

(A little something I wrote for the holidays a few years ago)

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Episode

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Another cursed word. Why must you be this way dictionary? Today is the word inchmeal. It means to slowly accomplish something - getting there little by little. I can see ways to use this word in my WIP. Can I do it in a way that sounds natural? That I’m not so sure about.

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Not a cursed word!! Advocate - verb for arguing for something. This is a word I can use. I have two characters who are fighting for social justice. Whoo!

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And we are back to cursed words. Saturnine. A fantastic million dollar word that means someone is a gloomy Gus, an Eeyore. It’s meant that for thousands of years dating back to the Roman god of agriculture - Saturnus, a bent somber fellow with a grim demeanor. I don’t think it would change much in the next thousand years. I suppose I can work it into a character description or have one refer to another as such. Maybe use it to describe a setting or place. Not sure this one will survive editing.

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One of my passions is the work I do with a small non-profit called Spirit Lake Wellness, dedicated to educating the general public as well as health care and mental health care professionals about wellness on a wide range of topics. The podcast is part of that outreach and we recently relaunched it after a hiatus.

This episode discusses pain management during end-of-life care. Trigger warnings for discussions of death, addiction, and opiates.

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Today’s word is embellishment. Not a cursed word! Easy to use! Has a slow rate of linguistic drift! This is a word I can easily fold into WIP! Huzzah!

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Today’s cursed word is Blandishment. I can work with this one. It means to persuade or coax into action. It tends to have negative connotations akin to bribes and other dubious means of persuasion. It’s one of those words I wouldn’t want to put in a novel more than once though.

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Today’s cursed word is trenchant. It’s an adjective used to describe communication that is particularly sharp, perceptive, and cutting.

Whelp.

I think this one can be kept as is with minimal linguistic drift. I could use it to describe how someone says something. Would be even better to have a character use it describing someone/something else as it would tell the reader much about them - well educated, well read perhaps?

But let’s consider linguistic drift. We are, after all, in a world a thousand years in the future. It’s not a common word today so either it comes back into everyday usage (was it ever a common word?) or perhaps it is rediscovered by some futuristic word nerds who bandy it about as part of their secret in-group speak. In this case, our young intellectuals would use it ironically, applying only to those stating the obvious and those being quite dull. Those not in the know would assume, from context, that trenchant was a synonym of dullard or bore. And thus it would ripple out into the collective and take on a meaning very different from the one it has now.

Might be hard to explain in the WIP.

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I had an idea. A Terrible Idea, mind you. One that many others have quite possibly had then either pursued it fruitlessly and ended in a pit of despair or were wise enough to walk away from this Terrible Idea. When I proposed it on a writer’s discord, hoping to be talked out of it, I found only enablers egging me on and one, I swear, got out the Popcorn. So now I am on the path of this most Terrible Idea. And today I have seen my future and I do weep.

What is this Terrible Idea? I have subscribed to one of those Word of the Day things. Not a bad idea in and of itself. No, the Terrible Idea is what I plan to do with these Words of the Day. I have decided to take the Word (cursed though it may be) and work it into my current WIP. No matter the word, I am determined to fold it into my manuscript. I have, however, enough sanity to allow myself permission to cut words in the editing process. No Word shall be immune to the editor’s pen and can be crossed out, nay, deleted with the backspace key and thrown into oblivion. That shall be my saving grace.

Now we are on day one of this treacherous journey and I am taking you all with me down this road to Hell. The word today is a harbinger of things to come, of the challenges to be met and overcome. Todays word is yips. Yips - a plural noun referring to a state of nerves before engaging in a sporting event, originally used in the context of golf.

I do not write about sports. I certainly do not write about golf.

My only option is to repurpose this cursed word by finding salvation in my setting. You see, a thousand years in the future, yips will (I say it will and thus it is so for I am god of this far futures world) shift in meaning, drift down the linguistic river to take on new meanings. The term “a case of the yips” will be stolen by teens in the year 2204 to mean messing up due to nervousness during a musical performance, at first applied to drumming on metal pipes in abandoned streets on the edges of shrunken cities then picked up and applied more generally to freezing up in any public performance or social situation. Then in the year 2457, it will be revived by a historical vid-novel about a person overcoming their fear of public speaking to become a leader in the Sparks movement. The use of the term quickly falls out of favor by 2462. Unbeknownst to the rest of the world, Sparks - those nomads of the Great American Desert - have been using the term with little linguistic drift since floating out into desert skies.

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My lilacs finally bloomed. Planted the lot when they were 12 inch twigs. Dang, that took a lot of patience.