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They Make Me So Sick

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I had a vision

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the slow realization that simon lives in probably the best timeline

the one where marceline is not mourning over simon's corpse for centuries- the one where simon is kind and didn't shove his madness onto someone else- the one where the vampires were stopped and humanity was able to flourish because one child had someone to look out for her- and the one where everybody is simply alive.

like imagine knowing that. imagine seeing first hand that your meager attempts at helping made a literal world of difference. imagine knowing there is no existence better than the one where you lost everything you ever knew

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[gary and marshall see fionna blip back into her apartment]

marshall: yo

gary: HEY FIONNA YOU'RE BACK!! oh, so much happened while you were gone! uh, me and marshall got to know each other a little and... we're kind of a thing now? Oh, never mind us, what did you get up to?

fionna:

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Parents

When you’re a kid, your parents are everything They don’t even need to try You respect them because they’re there You look to them for guidance, for approval And if you’re lucky, they give it But if you’re not, well…

Then you get older You meet more people And your parents aren’t everything anymore You get the chance to be yourself You get to grow up And you stop respecting them just because they’re there You don’t need them for guidance anymore You don’t need their approval But if you’re lucky, they still give it anyways If you’re not, well…

Sometimes when you grow up You forget to bring you with you To the outside, everything is fine You grew up You don’t need their help anymore, you don’t need them at all But buried deep inside you That kid couldn’t keep up The one who was supposed to grow up with you The one who needs their guidance and approval The one you tried to leave behind

If you’re lucky You can help that kid You can reach in and pull them up And hold their hand so they can grow up

If you’re not, well… That kid They never grow up They never get what they need They stick with you Reminding you of what could have been What you wanted but never got What you needed from them that they never gave

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To wish for the unattainable

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From The Ashes; We Must Be Reborn

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What's In a Name? (Pt.2)

They say names have power They tell us stories, of Trickster creatures Who can do anything if only you gave them your Name. They tell us stories of names So powerful they mustn't be uttered aloud But never do they tell us what Gives them such power

Is it love? Is it from the love of a mother, Seeing her child for the first time, and giving him The most precious gift she can Is it the love of a friend, a sister, a lover, Calling out for the world to hear Is it born of the love within ourselves To accept one given, or to forge our Own from the ashes of another

Maybe its destiny A meaning locking in our future Young boys, futures fated to fight Soldiers in the making, set in stone Families living out the past in their present Under a title none of them ever bore

Perhaps it comes from us And how we define power A name is just a word, until we make it more Maybe the power comes from within us The power we give them To control us To mean something Or to say something

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What's In a Name?

What's in a name? People have names Places, things, animals Even I have a name I think

Well what makes a name a name then? I have a name that I respond to when called But I will respond to anything To things that are not names To things that are not my name

Maybe not that one then I have a name that identifies me But there's a few of those Some people know some Others know others

Not that one either I have a name on paper But that's not my name either That's just A word

If that's what makes a name I don't want one

What's left then? What else do we have left? If none of that What can we ever say Truly makes a name A name We use that word so often We talk of nicknames, name calling, making a name for yourself What does it all mean How can I ever claim a name For my own If I never knew what a name was to begin with

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The Girl In The Red Dress

short story written based on the following stimulus

She sat there, in the dark. The walls around her were battered and broke, the black and white paint chipping off to reveal the gloomy gray beneath. The ground was littered with chunks of wall and other debris. You could barely see what the floor really looked like, there was too much rubbish. It was dark in there, the only light seeping through a high window across the far wall. It was quiet, not silent but quiet. The only sounds that could be heard were the distant whirring of vehicles flying through the air and gliding across the ground. It was cold too, the concrete, the air, all of it, not quite the bone chilling cold of the snow but still cold. She wished she had a jacket and not just the loose red dress she was wearing. Where had it all gone wrong, she'd been told of the wondrous things that AI would bring, free time, better quality of life, and an all around better earth. How had it gone so very very wrong? She laid down on the small bench she found amongst the debris trying to keep warm, she began to drift off thinking of all the wondrous things that could have been, but weren't. Maybe, just maybe, if she wished hard enough, some of it might just come true.

She didn't know how long she was out for, could have been a few minutes, could have been a few days, all she knew was that she was being watched. There was someone there, waiting, watching. She tried to pretend she didn't feel it, the crawling sensation on her neck, maybe if she ignored it it would go away, it was probably just a small animal after all. She stood up and began to walk across the room, bare feet stinging against the cold concrete and metal strewn across the floor. She glanced up at the small window near the roof. The sun was out. That was good, she could go outside later and try to find something to eat. But for now she just needed to stretch her legs. She began to walk towards the boxes in the corner, her usual walk about the abandoned building. But something seemed unusual. As she walked over she saw a glint of something, what was usually a dark corner today was shining back at her. Fear began to build, but curiosity as well. After all she was still technically a kid, 15 wasnt that old was it? Whatever the case, the shine intrigued her, so she walked towards it. The debris in the corner piled high, higher than the rest of the room, hell it reached halfway up the wall. Carefully she began to climb the stack to investigate the shine, she was nearly there when she heard a noise behind her, a clatter, she turned around and saw a small animal climb out of the wall and look around skittishly. She sighed, that must have been what was looking at her before, though she still couldn't shake the feeling something was off. She turned back around to finally figure out what was glinting in the usually pitch black corner but as she turned and looked back and forth she found it was gone. 

‘Weird’

She climbed back down and winced as her feet once again met the cold harshness of bare concrete. She turned around and froze. Stood barely 2 meters from her was the very thing she dreaded coming across, a robot. It stood a good head and a half taller then her which in and of itself was scary. Sure it had a human shape but it was too smooth, Too perfect to ever be human. It was coated in a shiny, light gray finish, it looked too smooth to be metallic but it wasn't exactly a gloss either. Running all across its frame there were glowing pink and purple lines, they ran like veins and muscle lines on a human, they seemed to have a pattern but she couldn't place what it was. Its joints exposed the small wires running through it and would probably have been a weak point if it went for the fact those worse were covered in a near indestructible coating that protected them from all types of weather and even sharp objects like knives. It stood up straight, perfect posture. Its surface was clean, not a speck of dirt was to be seen. It was perfect in every way imaginable, and that was exactly its problem. It was too perfect, and tried to fix anything that wasn't. Which is how we got here, to a destroyed shell of a world.

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Where I Exist

I started out as nothing In a world where people are wanted dead In a world where i don't exist

People look at me and they make assumptions People look at me and they not-so-subtly ask their friends “Hey is that a boy or a girl?”

People look at me and they force their own expectations on me They dehumanise They call me an ‘it’ or a ‘thing’ instead of a person They draw lines that don't make any sense Lines between things that don't make any sense “You’re too short to be a boy” “You can't be a girl, your voice is too deep” “How can you not be a boy or a girl?” “You’re not a real boy”

All of it, every little thing they say, is designed to bring me down To destroy my confidence To pressure me to ‘fit in’ and ‘be normal’

They say these harmful hurtful things, masked by faux curiosity Designed specifically to tear me down from where i stand

I built myself from nothing In a world that wants me dead A world that wants to pretend i don't exist

A world where if i dare to announce my presence, countless people will be there waiting With no other goal Then to shut me down To tape over my mouth To deny me comfort And to deny me my happiness

In a world built on darkness, hatred, and bigotry A small light remains In the farthest corners  We sit by the flickering light of our small fire It crackles and burns to keep us warm as we begin to build each other back up Brick by brick, stick by stick Together we will continue to build eachother up Together we continue to build our growing fire Our small fire isn't so small anymore Its getting bigger bigger and bigger with each passing day We build it up stick by stick, flicker by flicker It keeps us warm in a world oh so cold

But, fire catches And The same fire that keeps us warm Attracts those who like the cold Those who want to tear us down Those who take one look at the fire we've built, and want nothing more then to see it extinguished

Those same people still whisper those same things “Is that a boy or a girl?” “You're not a real boy” “You can't be both” The venom in their voices, vicious in their attacks Though i try not to let them They tear me down  Brittle bricks starts to break, rocks rumble and ricochet off the edge Leaving me lying on the floor, helpless

But now, instead of a tiny flicker, i can see a blindingly bright flame sitting nearby No longer just me, now we can build each other back up again No matter how many time someone tears us down We will still be here to build each other back up

From nothing we built ourselves In a world that wants us dead In a world that can no longer pretend we don't exist

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The Soup Of My Life

a short story written based on the following stimulus by Shaun Tan

Soon, it would be ready soon. They just needed to add the final ingredients and it would be complete. Months had passed since he had embarked on this journey, they had slain giant beasts beyond their comprehension, learnt the ancient ways of farming. Hed spent hours upon hours, days upon days hammering away until what was once a chunk of shapeless ore resembled more of a spoked wheel than the chunk of metal he began with. And finally, after so long, it was almost ready, they just needed to add the final ingredient, the secret ingredient to make anything better. Love. They had collected a box full of their most personal belongings, things that he held great sentimental value for, they would have the best effect. First, a childhood stuffed animal, Bonk as she had been named, she was a lanky bunny given to them when they were 4 as a birthday present from their best friend and namesake, of course that was before the accident. He missed her dearly. Second was a gold star, this wasn’t just any gold start though, this was the first gold star sticker they had ever received. He was so proud that day, went around showing it off to all their friends, it was a nice memory. Hed gotten it for drawing the best picture of a deep sea blobfish out of the entire class, the drawing had disappeared over the years, lost to time, but the sticker stayed, the sticker always stayed. And into the pot it went. The last item  was a small red, bouncy ball. This ball represented everything that had ever gone wrong in his life. They'd been playing with it when they heard about Bonk, they were chasing after it when they ran past their parents room and overheard them arguing, after that day 3 had turned to 2. and the ball itself had been responsible for the worst of all, it had been an accident, truly, but maybe if he'd had listened, if only he'd have listened when his mum told him to put the ball away or played with it somewhere away from the kitchen. But of course, being a kid who thought they knew better than their parents, they hadn't. They'd kept playing, making a few close catches before finally and disastrously, the ball shot off one wall, hit the floor and then aimed straight for the bottle of oil near the stove, hitting it and knocking it straight into the fire, exploding into an inferno of light and heat. Somehow he'd made it out relatively unscathed, his mum wasn’t so lucky. They try not to think about too often, maybe this was for the best, good things never came from this ball it was time to get rid of it. And feeling as if they had a huge weight lifted off their shoulders, they tossed in the ball, and closed the lid. 

Now it was time to wait. 

Two hours later, it was time. This was it, months and months of effort and time and work, a lifetime of experiences, the culmination of it all lay resting in this pot. Grabbing a bowl, they collected a portion and took a sip. Raising his hand to an ok gesture, they said the first thing to come to mind,  

"good soup" 

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Jack's Test

a short story written based on the following stimulus by Shaun Tan

It was an ordinary night, just like any other. Jack was laying in bed, but they couldn’t sleep. They'd been laying there for hours, tossing and turning trying to get to sleep. But no matter how hard they tried, they just couldn’t. They glanced over to their alarm clock to see how long they'd been in bed for. The clock read 12:01. 

 Midnight, great. 

Just as Jack prepared to return to their thus-far fruitless attempts at sleeping, they spotted a strange light out their window. They climbed out of bed and walked towards the window as low green and red light flickers on their walls and against their face. It was... nothing? Right as they got to the window and peered out, the light vanished, and the yard out their window seemed empty. That can't be right. but then again maybe the sleep deprivation was getting to them. After scanning the yard one last time to make sure there really was nothing there, Jack turned around and went back to bed. But this time as they pulled the blankets up to their chin and grabbed their teddy close, they found it easy to close their eyes and within minutes fell asleep. 

Jack awoke to a strangle rustling sound. They assumed it was some animal out their window and groaned as they pulled the blanket back up over their head to block out the light. The rustling persisted though, and seemed to be getting louder, disrupting Jack's much needed sleep after last night. It got louder and louder until it just, stopped. Finally Jack thought, curling contentedly deeper into their blankets only moments before they felt something tough them on their shoulder startling them out of their half-slumber. They reefed off the blanket and rolled over to see whoever had touched them only to see, a rabbit? 

 A large rabbit but still, a... rabbit.  

It sniffed them curiously before sitting back and tilting its head at them questioningly. Only now did jack stop and look around. This... wasn’t their bedroom. Somehow, Jack now found themselves in their bed, sure, but their bed now stood solitary in the middle of an expanse of tall, golden grass, rolling hills as far as the eye could see in one direction and what seemed to be a city nearby in the other. In the grass surrounding them there sat 3 more rabbits, all of the same large stature the first they saw had. Just as Jack started to process the strange place they seemed to have found themselves in, the first rabbit spoke. She seemed, scared. She told them how shed spotted them across the field and rushed over. She told them that this place wasn’t meant for them. And she told them how they needed to leave, now. Before any of them were spotted.  

And that’s how Jack found themselves here, in an underground shelter, surrounded by tens if not hundreds more of the same over-sized rabbits. The first rabbit that had found them, Zuri, she had told them her name was on the way, had since run off, saying something about needing to find 'The Elders'. Jack didn’t know what to do, they were in a strange new place, surrounded by strange new people. They didn't know what the rules were, they didn’t know what was expected of them. And worst of all they'd been told something vague about them not to have supposed to been there. 

Thankfully, Zuri wasn’t gone for too long. Unthankfully, when she returned she brought with her a set of 5 more, even larger rabbits.  

The Elders, they supposed. 

Their suspicions were proved right when the new rabbits introduced themselves as such. The Elders said they were the ancient protectors of the rabbits, and that Jack would have to prove themselves trust-worthy, or they would not be welcome here. Zuri was already doing them a huge favour by vouching for them to give them even this chance, so they better not blow it. 

The test to prove themselves, it turns out, would be a game of Go Fish. Seriously, Jack decided to keep their mouth shut on that, probably be better to just go along with it rather than question The Elders' methods and risk being kicked out. 

The game starts out fine, after a few small hiccups of them not knowing what their cards are called which get smoothed over quickly, and Jack is feeling pretty confident in themselves. That is, until they spot the other players cheating. Whispering this to each-other, hiding cards, all sorts. So what, they think, just because they're all going to cheat doesn’t mean I have to, I'll win fair and square, they’ll see. The game continues on, and Jack, predictably, starts losing. Just when they reach their breaking point though, the point when they know there's no hope of them winning, Zuri shows up and quietly offers to help them cheat. She knows everyone else is cheating too, she tells them, so what's the harm in them cheating a little as well? She raises a good point they have to admit, they don’t know what they’ll do If they can't stay with the rabbits, they don’t even know where they are, let alone how to get home. They almost agree but, no. Even if it means they lose they want to stick to their morals. Maybe they can confront the cheaters later or... something, they're smart they're sure they could figure out a way home,

Eventually... 

Hopefully. 

So no, Jack turns down Zuri's offer and they finish the game, losing by a landslide. They walk back to The Elders and apologise for wasting their time, and they prepare to leave. Not as if they have much to take with them anyways. But as they begin to walk away, The Elders call out to them. The real test, one starts, was not one of skill at the game, but one of morality. By refusing to cheat even when others were, and even further by accepting defeat even in such unfair conditions, Jack has proved themselves trust-worthy, and one of good character. They could stay. And maybe even they would help them find a way back. 

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Summary:

Marcy always knew they didn't fit in with their peers, even hanging out with Anne and Sasha never really felt quite right. it only takes a trip to another dimension, moving across the country, and way too much time for self reflection for them to figure out exactly what the problem was.

or;

Theres no way Marcy could be trans, until there is.

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Writing Masterpost (Non-Fiction)

links to all my non-fiction writing, including essays and personal pieces

link 1

link 2

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Writing Masterpost (Fiction)

links to all my fiction writing, including fanworks and original writing

i couldnt wait here and get stuck wearing someone elses skin

Jack's Test

The Soup Of My Life

The Girl In The Red Dress

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Poetry Masterpost

links to all my poems and the like

Where I Exist

What's In a Name? (Part 1 | Part 2)

Parents