blushingxpilgrims

[blushingxpilgrims]

cleaved in two,

i yearn for you

—yearning, 2025

[blushingxpilgrims]

i don’t have much to say

other than the way you talk

the way you move is unfair

compared to my

spider-like tendencies

i want to splinter and devour

weave and consume

eight legs sprouting from my head

six to grasp it all

and two to hold onto you

though you were never mine to lose

—spider-like, 2025

[blushingxpilgrims]

Ono no Komachi & Izumi Shikibu, tr. by Jane Hirshfield & Mariko Aratani, The Ink Dark Moon: Love Poems by Ono no Komachi and Izumi Shikibu, Women of the Ancient Court of Japan

[blushingxpilgrims]

i was born two months prematurely in a hospital room i have no recollection of. i’m told i came out screaming. who could blame me? the first cry is symbolic, i suppose. “a good sign!” strong lungs. life outside the womb. a healthy transition. what do they know? i’d say it’s a premonition for future grief. i’m still kicking and screaming, lungs heaving, trying to get the words out.

—BIRTH, 2025

[blushingxpilgrims]

[blushingxpilgrims]

to love is to spill your guts, right?

idk. i wrote a poem about it though.

read here: https://medium.com/@alizajgarza/the-autopsy-2da833848aa2?sk=7878c125247ebef29712fb01a663a8cb

xx

[blushingxpilgrims]

can tomorrow change everything today couldn’t?

—today/tomorrow, 2024

[blushingxpilgrims]

i never told you because you never asked. but if you had, if you still want to, my answer would be yes

—ask me, 2024

[blushingxpilgrims]

[blushingxpilgrims]

i’m trying to find a place to put this feeling you’ve given me. under my bed won’t do; i can feel it when i try to fall asleep. in my drawers won’t work; i can feel it when i get dressed. my closet won’t do; i can feel it when i put on my shoes and i want to walk straight to you. for now, i’m carrying it inside my chest, but it’s getting heavy. if i offered, would you take it? accept it? give it a chance?

[blushingxpilgrims]

i’ll be the wreckage at your feet

i’ll be whatever you need

—whatever, 2024

[blushingxpilgrims]

ache

ache

ache

repeat

[blushingxpilgrims]

i like crisp, hazy mornings

hot tea and blazing stars

i like passion, sincerity

i like what you are

i like what you do

things that break, things that mend

contemplating the end

—i like, 2024

[blushingxpilgrims]

love, however, is the exception. this has to be what it is—what this feeling is. what else could it be?

—love

[blushingxpilgrims]

tear it all apart, then call it art.

—you know how this goes

[blushingxpilgrims]

i’m addicted to tragedy;

will you join me?

—tragedy, 2024

[blushingxpilgrims]

i met Love when i was still young

on a weekday, in a hallway

sometime ago

watched it pass me by

as i stood silently

hands wavering

it disappeared into the crowd

and i turned around

with memory hovering over me

indefinitely

old enough to see

but too young to know

the meaning

i met Love again! years later

and can you believe it?

it remembered!

me

under the cover of darkness

we had a drink

a joke

a dance

Love, Love

it keeps running into me

a childhood memory

i keep remembering!

Oh, Love has made a mess of me

-i met Love, 2024