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bmared · 4 years
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I just want some people to love me, or to be ran over by a truck. At this point, I'm not picky anymore.
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bmared · 4 years
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Reblog this if you’re polyamorous, searching for a cryptid, trying to communicate with demons, willing to throw a Molotov cocktail at a police car, really want more tattoos/piercings, or just really love nonbinary people.
No one will ever know which one 👀
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bmared · 4 years
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You go through life waiting for your soulmate. You find them, but that's the thing. They're already in a relationship with each other.
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bmared · 4 years
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Facts
Tony: Booty shorts that say “god is a woman and she pegs” across the ass.
Stephen: That’s too many words, there’s gotta be a way to shorten it and get the same point across.
Tony: If your ass ain’t big enough, that’s a personal problem.
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bmared · 4 years
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Forgiveness.
To some, it's the literal definition.
To me, it meant letting someone have their way with whatever they want.
After a long, difficult battle, the shark themed villain, dubbed "Placoi" by the media, seemed to disappear into thin air.
"Damn it, she always seems to get away, doesnt she?" My young ward, Overcharge, asked.
I only nodded in agreement, but the smile on my face showed nothing but absolute joy. I could barely contain my excitement, and it took all my effort not to squeal with joy, like my mild mannered alter ego would. After months of battling, and racking up millions of dollars in damages, we were so close to stopping her.
Back in our lair, on a remote island, I'm taking off my super suit, when my phone gets a call.
"Miss Mabry," it's my assistant. "You have an appointment in twenty. Get here on time or I'm removing your coffee priviledges."
"Okay, Piper, I-" I was cut off.
"You have a caller ma'am. Someone named 'Alyssa Dukes'? D'you want me to patch her through?" Piper asked.
I rubbed my temples. Fifth time today I've had a random caller. It better not be a marketer.
The call goes through and I hear on the opposite end,"Hello? Is this Miss Mabry?" The voice is very familiar.
"Yes this is, how can I help you?" I answer with confusion.
The caller, Alyssa, replies,"We need to talk about your work ethic. You, almost catching me, again? Hahaha."
A chill goes down my spine. "How, in the hell, did you find out?"
"Tracker." She replies. "You use a tracker on all your shit to keep track of it. Last week, a prototype coffee machine went missing from one of your stores. Unfortunately, the chip wore out after an hour. Fortunately, I was able to mimic the signal with my own piece of crap hardware, and what do i find? Miss Alyx Mabry is "Shark Match"? I mean, c'mon. Give me a little credit."
"What happens now?" I ask.
"Now, nothing. But a week from now, you'll know. And, dont worry. I wont share your secret as long as your secretary deletes this audio as soon as you've finished tracking my signal. Come alone. I'll be there by myself."
The call ends, and I have a location.
"Ma'am?" Piper asks.
"I guess I'm losing coffee priviledge, huh?"
"Same cover?" She prompts.
"No, tell them I just didn't want to come."
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I get to the site the call led me to, and I find it's an abandoned warehouse on the edge of town. One of mine.
I get inside, and theres a table set up for what looks like dinner. A woman sits at the table with her back to me. I pull out my capture gun and launch a volley at her. It wraps around, and I hear the click telling me its locked in place.
"Oh, tsk tsk tsk. I told you unarmed." I hear from her. "But I guess, seeing as how this isnt technically a 'firearm', it doesnt count."
I approach her, slowly.
"Dont be afraid, sweetheart. If I wanted to hurt you, I would've went after that brat of yours, 'Overcharge'. By the way, what kind of douche calls 'imself 'overcharge'?"
I round the table and sit in the open chair.
"So, why did you call?" I ask, eyeing the spaghetti.
"I didn't poison it, if that's what your wondering." She answers. "And, I called you here because I have a proposition for ya'."
"Not interested" I answer quickly.
"Oh, c'mon. You dont even know what it is."
"Dont need to." I take a bite. I dont care if its poisoned, it tastes delicious. Weird after taste, though.
"Actually, you might wanna. The sleeping pill is gonna take effect soon, what with your heightened metabolism and all."
"Damnit" I bang my head on the table.
"I'm kidding" she says.
She flexes, and the ropes break, and I flinch.
I look up at her, and shes standing next to the table, in a black suit that hugs her curves.
"All I'm asking for is your forgiveness, and I'll stop all my crimes." She says, seriously.
"You arent serious, are you? The public would never allow that! You'd be lucky with life in prison." I yell.
"But what the public doesn't know, wont hurt them." She prompts.
"Huh?"
"Hear me out," she asks," we continue this whole 'pissing contest' in public, I terrorize the citizens, bring what seems like calamity, and you 'stop me'." She says, using air quotes. "During our fights, I'll cause little to no structural damages, I'll keep my zero body count-yes, I've kept track- and I'll put up practically no fight. How does that sound?"
"Like you actually did drug me."I reply with a straight face.
"Whether or not you believe me, or even accept this, it's still gonna happen." She sits back down and takes a bite of bread.
"What even prompted this?" I ask.
"I fell in love, and realized who I love will never accept me the way I am right now." She says.
"Wha?"
"Look, the answers not important. Just know I'll be cutting back on crime time."
"Why couldnt you have just said that?"
"Would you have believed me?"
I take a second.
"Yeah, you're probably right."
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Months later, and she was true to her word. I'd only fought her 12 times, about a third of her original time, and not so much as a scratch was put on the buildings.
During those months, I actually spent time with her, learning her past, trying to understand her. After hearing her story, it was no wonder she did what she did. With parents who acted like that, I woulda snapped. Slowly, ever so slowly, I realized we had a blossoming friendship. I saw a lot -probably too much- of myself in her. We got into a rhythm of after fighting, to sit down and talk.
After the twelfth fight, I finally had the courage to ask, "So, who was this mysterious man you fell in love with?"
She looked at me with a pained look.
"Nevermind that," she waved away the question. "Tell me, is there anyone in your life whose caught your eye?"
"Nuh-uh. You cant turn this on me. I asked you first." I stared her down.
"Fine." She said, breaking eye contact and staring at her lap, where she cradled a cup of tea. "First, before I tell you, you ahve to answer this question."
"It better not be a relationship question."
"Its not." She says. She looks around, closes her eyes, and stares at me, saying, "Do you think anybody can be redeemed? Do you think anyone can get forgiveness for any deed done, barring murder?" She bites her lip in worry.
I shake my head and giggle a little. "You've already asked this, and I said yes."
"I know, I just need to get enough courage to confess to you." She says.
"Wha-?"
She interrupts."I fell in love with you, but because I'm a villain, and you're a hero, I thought I could never tell you that. But, after all this time, I've grown as a person. I've still got some way to go, though."
"I-im flattered that you think that way, but-"
"You're straight, arent you, of course you are, why wouldnt you be. You're literally the perfect woman, and her I am, being a negative influence on everyone. I should've never invited you over, I'm sorry." She runs away, before I could stop her.
I get up and call after her, yelling "Alyssa!" But she either cant hear me, or doesn't want to. I dont panic, though. I cant. My phone starts to ring, and Its my assistant.
"Damnit Piper" I answer. "Now's probably the worst time. What do you want?"
"Its almost time for your speech. And, my names Jannet." She says blankly. Speech? I think to myself.
"Sorry, Jannet. I'm still trying to get used to Piper not being here." Is what I actually say.
"You're the one who promoted her."
I hang up and look towards the door Alyssa ran out. I take a step towards it, when my phone rings with a reminder. I glance at it, it says 'Mayoral inaugural speech'.
I put my phone down, and race towards the other door. I open it, and inside is my suit.
"Well, Shark Match," I say to myself," Time to Come out of the closet so your crush doesn't destroy New Yallk City. Man, sounds like a bad autobiography. Or a fanfiction title.
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The Mayor is exactly like you'd imagine him. Slimy and not particularly firm in any ideology that doesn't secure his vote. As a citizen asked to prepare a speech to secure to African American vote, I lost all faith in this man. But today I lost the additional bit of faith I didn't even realize I had. I don't like to keep up with politics, as someone in my line of work shouldn't, so it was a surprise to me when, in the middle of my speech, someone from the paper yelled "Why are you against gay marriage? Is it because of your parents."
"Who said that?" I yell. "I was trying to find some way to put it, but it didnt feel natural until now. It'd be pretty bad for my community if I went against it, now wouldn't it? I didnt even realize this man" I point to the mayor, "thought like that. What, do I need to wear the lesbian flag as a Cape now? Actually, that be awesome."
I shoot one more glare at the mayor, who's sweating by now. "Give him one term. If he doesnt clean up his act by then, I'll run for mayor myself. I'll even reveal myself at that point. Hows that sound?" The crowd cheers.
The dinner afterward was a littel awkward on his end, but only one thought kept going through my head. 'Did Alyssa see?'
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It was midnight when I heard my window squeak. I heard footsteps come close to my bed, a piece of paper get placed on my nightstand, and footsteps retreat.
I wait a minute, then get out of bed and turn on a light. The paper says "This friday, Same warehouse, 9pm. Wear something sexy, I need to apologize.
-Signed
Alyssa dukes"
I smile and set the note back down, pleasant thoughts accompanying me to dreamland..
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