boysaresuicidal2 - Tumblr blog

[boysaresuicidal2]

I've given my whole heart to people who have taken advantage of it. And somewhere along the way.. I lost myself. I've spent so much of my time saving other people. that I forgot to save me.

[boysaresuicidal2]

you don't cross my mind as frequently anymore i still wonder how you're doing but no longer dwelling on the fact that i won't know i also stopped thinking if you cared to think about me anymore i'm accepting you and i are strangers again there has been so much i could update you on but now that's what my tumblr is for

[boysaresuicidal2]

I never thought anyone could be in love

with me. I never thought I held the capacity

to be loved. I knew how far I'd go for the

idea of love. I knew the depths my heart

would go for who I loved, but this maze of

love never being reciprocated, or somehow

fell short. I found myself feeling smaller

every time someone left, the investment cost

me so much. I just wanted to be loved.

[boysaresuicidal2]

I thought I had you. For a slight moment, I

thought I had you. I thought you and I would be

different. We became so close in such a short time

and I thought you genuinely cared about me. You

didn't play games with me. I thought we could

actually be something. I thought wrong. Days

going on to weeks going onto months with little to

no contact. But I do know one thing. We made an

impact on one another. And we will always be in

each others' memories. At least memories don't

change, while people do.

[boysaresuicidal2]

I treated you good as I possibly could and that still wasn't good enough for you. You have no idea how much that gets to me, you made me realize that no matter how good or how much love I give to that special person it's never going to be enough.

[boysaresuicidal2]

You probably never speak to me again I still don’t know what i did wrong but honestly i'm so glad i knew you at one point, and we shared all those wonderful moments. I cant thank you enough you made me smile and laugh I was the happiest i ever was so thank you. Maybe one day we will meet again. And explain to each other what happened between us. Until then, I hope you live your best life and I hope you do all the things you said you always wanted to do. And if you meet someone else down the road, that'll be okay, I just hope he treats you better than i ever did. As long as you're happy. I'm happy. My one wish isn't for us to be together in the end.. Sure, I want that and that would make me happy. But my only wish is that you are happy and doing well both physically and mentally. I just want you to be happy. I want you to feel loved and safe. I want you to feel comfortable and at home. As long as you're happy. Even tho if it's not with me. I think the reason why I got attached so fast Is because you made me something After being numb for so long. Im not moving on, but i am letting go. I'm over here waiting for you. i clearly get the message after not getting any responses back. Im not going to forget you, I never will. Someone as special as you is unforgettable. Im just focusing on myself to become a better person. I will always love you. its time to let go of you. i cant be with someone that doesn’t give me the time of day. Take good care of yourself. Stay beautiful

[boysaresuicidal2]

You had me crying at 3am in the morning in the corner of my room because I felt like I wasn't good enough to live anymore

[boysaresuicidal2]

It's so so hard to live sometimes act like

I'm fine to everyone when I'm really not,

honestly I'm not, I pretend I'm fine all the

time and no one even notices I just wish

somebody would notice how not okay and

broken I am about everything and help fix

me, unfortunately though life's not like

that, I don't know if it ever was but I sure

wish it was now, I'm helping out people

putting their broken pieces back together

when, well me myself I'm still completely

shattered trying to put my own pieces

back completely alone. No one knows

what I go through I'm not much of an open

person, yes I do tell people when I'm upset

over little things or not in a good mood

but never does someone know the times

that I don't want to be here anymore, at all

[boysaresuicidal2]

sorry to interrupt your scrolling. but are you alright? be honest, i’m listening.

[boysaresuicidal2]

I have laughed with people who have said the most terrible things about me and they think I don't know.

[boysaresuicidal2]

I just want to disappear to the point that not even I could remember myself.

[boysaresuicidal2]

Sitting in my room just thinking and…….. 😔 maybe you never like talking to me at all and just felt sorry for me 😢😕 but on the other hand I got so excited and happy just to send you messages 🙁💔

[boysaresuicidal2]

It's this feeling. This lightheaded feeling.

The feeling of emptiness and

disappointment. The feeling that

frequently flickers through your ear,

constantly reminding you that you are not

good enough... that your never gonna be

good enough. You can try and try but yet

never good enough. You isolate yourself

from the world in hopes of finding

something better; a better life, a new

identity. "Close yours eyes" you say to

ourself softly while the warm tears flows

down your cheek, but unfortunately that's

not the case. You open your eyes and yet

you're still living, still breathing, still you.

[boysaresuicidal2]

[boysaresuicidal2]

Anxiety is so bad. You can

have

someone in front of you

telling you

screaming that they love

you. You'll

hear it. but that voice in

your head is

there, telling you no they

don't, no one

does, it kills and always

wins. No one

understands

[boysaresuicidal2]

Letter to myself.

Dear me,

I am so sorry. I'm sorry that you tried so desperately to fix others, when your own hands were shaking. I'm sorry that I didn't give you enough time to heal, that I let you heal the wounds of everyone else while your own were bleeding. I'm so sorry that there were days when smiling hurt but you forced ourself to laugh so that no one had to worry about you. I'm so sorry that you gave all of your time and effort to people that didn't give the same amount back. I'm sorry that there were nights when you cried yourself to sleep and no one bothered to understand why. And i am so sorry that I didn't love you, like you deserved to be loved.

[boysaresuicidal2]

I don't know how much value I have in this universe but I do know that I made a few people happier than they would have been without me as long as I know that I'm as rich as ever need to be