bpd-squirrel - Tumblr blog

[bpd-squirrel]

brain is so fucking loud

and i wanna talk to someone

but i’m just a bother

like why am i so fucking annoying

[bpd-squirrel]

I wish I didn't miss him

I wish missing him didn't reopen the hole in my heart every time

[bpd-squirrel]

cluster b culture is getting better and masking and then everybody and their dog being like "you don't really have [insert cluster b pd]" like. tell that to the me two years ago who worked their ass off to get better and spend their days breaking down. i hate people like that

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[bpd-squirrel]

bpd culture is always being the "it's okay i understand your feelings and why you acted this way" person but never the one being understood

[bpd-squirrel]

having bpd is actual hell on earth cause no one tries to fucking understand you and they write you off as being difficult and too much and they leave and we’re left with this fucking personality disorder that consumes my entire fucking existence and they act like its THEIR inconvenience that IM ill.

[bpd-squirrel]

girls will be like hm this song reminds me of the most tragic thing that has happened to me I think I'll listen to it on loop

[bpd-squirrel]

It’s cool to not be totally healed from something 9 months later and it’s also cool to understand that you don’t really heal from anything you just live beyond it and find new happiness and it’s cool to grieve the loss of some sort of innocence you can’t quite name and it’s cool if you’re crying because I am too

[bpd-squirrel]

no matter how awesome things happen to me i always fall back right into the exact same fucking loop and i feel like shit and isolate

[bpd-squirrel]

Since the OP made their post unrebloggable (and blocked me. Both actions they are well in with their right to do)

I'm going to make my response it's own post because I think the point is important

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As someone who is autistic and has BPD and CPTSD and loads of trauma yes you sometimes need to change how you interact with others to keep people around

When I was 13 I hit the few friends I had when I was angry

I had to change that in order to keep those friendships

When I was in my early 20s if I was losing an disagreement with my husband I would threaten to kill myself. My husband told me it hurt him and was cruel and manipulative behaviour, because it was.

So I worked hard to change that to keep my relationship

It's easy to say "I shouldn't have to change for others" and that's true to an extent. You shouldn't change your interests or passions or dim your light. And you should have space to be imperfect and flawed and not have to pretend your ugly bits aren't real. But if something you are doing it causing other people harm you kinda need to change that.

That's called "living in a society"

People adapt to each other and make space for each other in their lives. You adapt to them and they adapt to you

You start being more diligent about throwing away the empty toilet roll because it really bothers them. They start warning you before they run the blender because you hate loud noises

I stopped threatening to kill myself because I was mad I was losing an argument and my husband stopped being so vocally judgemental amount media he personally dislikes

There is a certain type of person who heard the phrase "your emotions are valid" and took that to mean "my emotional reactions and my behaviour are always objectively correct because my emotions are valid and if you have an emotional response or react to what I'm doing negatively then you are wrong and you can't be hurt because my emotions are valid"

And that's a recipe for disaster

Your emotions are valid to feel. They are how you feel and there are reasons you feel the way you do

However, your reactions and behaviour are something you can learn to control and can be irrational

We live in a society and we as people change each other as we interact and that isn't necessarily a bad thing

[bpd-squirrel]

life sucks man. I just want ONE good thing

[bpd-squirrel]

[bpd-squirrel]

used to talk about you to almost anybody, now i never say your name, the memories are muddy, used to talk about you to almost anybody, now the thought of loving you just seems a little funny

[bpd-squirrel]

i never wanna know if you moved on, got a new job, got a fiancé with a pretty ring on, if you got lost, if you hate your boss, i never wanna know, if your past keeps you up at night, cause i never worry about mine

[bpd-squirrel]

[bpd-squirrel]

it would be cool if knowing a behavior or thought pattern was irrational made you stop doing it

[bpd-squirrel]

[bpd-squirrel]

Bpd culture is always feeling like an emotionally stunted teenager even though you'll be 28 soon.

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