brainweird-equilibrium

[brainweird-equilibrium]

schizospec culture is looking back on your journal entry with disorganized speech in it and seeing your past self casually switch between languages mid sentence because why not it's already indecipherable in one language

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[brainweird-equilibrium]

if any schizophrenics/psychotics are reading this, a friendly reminder: don't be afraid to reject the clinical system if it isn't working for you.

people pathologize us by default and criticize anyone who questions them, but the clinical system can be (and almost always is, in my experience) toxic, arrogant and actively harmful.

this includes psychiatrists, clinical psychologists (therapists can be ok though), medications, ECT, TMS, EMDR, inpatient stays, risk assessments (which are statistically less accurate than flipping a coin) and so on and so on forever.

your experience and understanding of the world is different from most people's. that's all. no one has a right to tell you that what you believe is a delusion. they don't know what's correct. there is no objective truth. they only know what's normal, and normal is a flawed concept.

of course the clinical system can be helpful, and if it helps you, it's 100% valid to use it.

but as someone who was diagnosed schizophrenic and herded through the clinical system, institutionalised for over a decade, put on over 20 psychiatric medications, had my brain zapped and thwapped in 16 rounds of ECT and 40 rounds of TMS, let me tell you: it's basically all bullshit. my life got so much better when i politely told them to fuck off.

when i started saying to myself, "these voices are real", the voices got easier to bear. and they are real! they're real to me, so they're real. and that doesnt mean i have to listen to them. it's possible for them to be real and wrong at the same time. but fighting their message is better than fighting their existence.

and when i started saying "it's ok to believe what i believe" even though 99.9% of the population doesn't agree with me. and when i started respectfully and calmly ignoring everyone around me telling me i was delusional, my beliefs stopped bothering me so much.

i know it sounds like backwards advice. i'll probably get criticized for "enabling" you or something.

but here's the thing: they're not you. they don't know everything. they're arrogant enough to think they do, but at the end of the day, they're pretending to be experts about an "illness" they've never experienced themselves. they were probably taught about it in medical school by someone who has also never experienced it.

they don't know what's best for you. you know what's best for you. do what's right by you. trust your gut. and if they tell you that your Right is their Wrong, fuck em. it's none of their business.

[brainweird-equilibrium]

"average person has 3 alters" factoid actualy just statistical error. average person has 0 alters. Polyfrag Georg, who lives in cave & has over 10,000, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[brainweird-equilibrium]

schizospec culture is feeling like u understand reality and the way the world could work in such a different way that sane people could never undersrand

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[brainweird-equilibrium]

Here are ways in which NPD can be a genuinely debilitating condition:

- Not being able to pick up new skills and hobbies since we can't cope with not being instantly good at something.

- Not being able to put in efforts towards obtaining the things we want since entitlement makes not having those things handed to us distressing.

- Not being able to keep a job if that work environment involves receiving frequent criticism.

- Not being able to engage in competitions since the possibility of losing is too much of a risk to the ego.

- Having to isolate from others due to envy being triggered and resenting other people's success.

- Social withdrawal from feeling like no one could ever understand us as a consequence of feeling special and unique and that we can only be understood by equally special individuals.

- Breaking off relationships suddenly due to a sudden fear of being mocked due to association with the person.

- Avoiding people in front of which perceived humilation was suffered.

You are welcome to reblog and add your own ways in which NPD has negatively impacted your life.

[brainweird-equilibrium]

Something I've learned about triggers is that's they really vary so much depending on the person. Not just as in what triggers you but how you're triggered as well. Yes, some people experience visual flashbacks. But some of us only FEEL as if we are back in an extremely traumatic moment, which can make it harder to recognise as a flashback. Some of us experience hallucinations, like hearing parts of the event/s, or smelling something that you smelled when it occurred. Some of us will get headaches or stomach aches when we're triggered. They're a lot of different reactions you can have to triggers and a lot of them aren't even recognized as flashbacks or a result of being triggered, even when they are.

Which is why, as someone with PTSD who has a bucketload of different responses to being triggered, I have to ask myself "when did x symptom start? was I triggered?" a LOT because I usually don't immediately recognize I've been triggered. Sometimes I merely find myself feeling ill with no idea why at all until I realize I've stumbled upon a trigger. A lot of us do because the way that triggers are talked about is extremely watered down and simplified for the convenience of others, despite how difficult it can make it for some of us with triggers to recognize them.

But in case any of y'all are wondering: hallucinations (visual, auditory, tactile and more) can be a sign you've been triggered, same as nausea, headaches, seemingly random waves of emotion (that don't seem to match your current activity) and a lot of other things as well. And plenty of times you're not going to realize you've been triggered, which is why it's a good thing to ask yourself questions when things like these "randomly" pop up.

Ask yourself when the symptom started, what were you doing, who was around, until you can get a feel for the situation. Sometimes it can take several times before you recognize what's causing it and sometimes you don't figure it out at all but it's always better to ask yourself these questions than not because even if you don't figure it out, it helps make you more aware of yourself and your surroundings and how they interact with your mind and body.

[brainweird-equilibrium]

Love bombing is not a euphemism for "too much affection too soon," or "high desire for contact."

"Love bombing" is a term originally used in the context of cults to describe a deliberate and coordinated recruitment method that involved feigning friendship and interest in a potential recruit, via flattery, flirtation, physical affection, and very directed positive attention to everything the recruit says in order to lure them into the cult.

Since cults and abusive relationships operate in similar ways and use similar tactics, love bombing in an interpersonal relationship looks like manufacturing closeness in order to trap someone into a relationship in which the abuser has all the control.

And I know these days there's a million bullshit junky articles out there that make you think this is a symptom of cluster b personality disorders, but there is no way for you to be love bombing somebody without realizing it.

If you are an affectionate person and the level of affection and attention you give makes someone uncomfortable, you are not "accidentally" abusing them.

If you are uncomfortable with the level of affection and attention someone is paying you, they are not de facto abusing you.

Love bombing is about using someone's desire for human connection to fast track them into a situation you control that they will feel disinclined to leave.

[brainweird-equilibrium]

I’m with my partner rn, and can hear him breathing softly as he sleeps. I could probably count the amount of times I’ve felt genuine happiness on my hands, and this is one of those moments.

I’m not sure why, as all I’m doing is sitting here with my boyfriend sleeping, but I’m beyond happy just listening to him at peace rn knowing he’s mine. I love him so much. Growing up & never forming attachments to people has lead me to believe I’m incapable of being in a relationship long term or incapable of experiencing “love” as seen in the media; I’m very proudly able to say I am in a long term [ healthy ] relationship & in love with my partner as he is with me. Younger me wouldn’t believe this would be possible, and would probably look down upon me for being ‘vulnerable’ or ‘weak’ but I currently don’t care. Nothing can take away how happy I am, and how proud I am to say I’m finally attached to someone enough to safely say I love them, and will probably spend the rest of my life with them.

Those with AsPD & NPD are able to be in happy and healthy long term relationships despite what others & our brains occasionally tell us. -I am proof of this happening & so are countless others-

[brainweird-equilibrium]

oh i want to be an ally to psychotic people how do i do that

easy change everything you’ve learned about psychosis. completely. everything.

okay more lengthy explanation: firstly what IS psychosis.

psychosis is a condition that impacts: your sense of reality or beliefs about reality, your ability to think and consequently speech, and sometimes your motor movements. and a bunch of other stuff (negative symptoms)

this can be short-lived, linked to other things (mania can lead to psychosis as an ex.), or more chronic. more chronic psychotic disorders, like schizophrenia, can enter remission periods, but may not always. (this is both related to treatment and individuals. some individuals will never have a remission period.)

psychotic disorders are (in accordance with the DSM-V) : delusional disorder, schizotypal personality disorder, brief psychotic disorder, schizophreniform, substance/medication-induced psychotic disorder, schizoaffective disorder, psychotic disorder otherwise nonspecified, schizophrenia and m-maybe schizoid personality disorder i don’t remember if it counts. OFFICIALLY disorder that can have psychotic features are bipolar disorder, depression disorders, and PTSD. (personal observation has lead me to note BPD and disassociative disorders also can have psychotic features but I don’t think the DSM-V mentions that.)

as a disorder, it impacts every. single. part. of your life. especially when chronic. in europe, the employment rate is 8-35% (with better chances for single-episode) for schizophrenics. and in the united states, it is about 10%. in general, psychotics have a lowered life expectancy by 10-15 years.

ok how to be ally.

change your thinking.

listen to me. seriously now. people with psychosis will think in ways that are weird, nonsensical. they’ll have weird body movements. they probably won’t respond appropriately in society. sometimes they may talk to themselves. sometimes they will refer to themselves only in third person. that’s all things ‘most people’ don’t do. you need to firstly be deeply comfortable with the weird, strange, and novel. don’t infantilise strangeness, but don’t treat it as if it doesn’t have a place in society. this also btw, applies to people you see IN real life. if you see someone walking in a weird way or talking in an incoherent way and your instant reaction is This Person Is Gross then you suck. (Not because it necessarily indicates psychosis but because motor movements are not indicative of what a person is.)

understand and drill it into your head that not every psychotic is looking for remission and that is not because they’re incapable of knowing. it’s just some of them are satisfied with the way they are. that’s fine!! some psychotics will use religion, and spirituality to make sense of it. for some of us (myself included), it makes more sense to avoid it. never assume you know more about a persons reality than they do.

You should not reality-check without permission this could be its own post. but like basically never outright say No this isn’t real. Even if it’s NOT real. If someone’s delusion is like, their bones have become small apple pies, you shouldn’t go “your bones are not apple pies.” You shouldn’t outright say “Yeah your bones ARE apple pies” either it’s more nuanced but you should ask people YOU ARE CLOSE TO how they prefer this to be done.

be patient with psychotics when you can it’s soooo hard to socialise and eat and leave bed and literally every waking second of my life i am using energy i don’t have. Just be kind with them. Come over and cook if they’re fine with that. Stay by their side. Help them clean their room every once in a while. Community support is one of the biggest things that improve the lives of psychotic people.

this is so rambly help

[brainweird-equilibrium]

People who view their scars as signs of survival, I love you.

People who are proud of their scars, I love you.

People whose scars remind them of negative or upsetting events, I love you.

People who are ashamed or embarrassed of their scars, I love you.

People with complicated relationships to their scars, I love you.

People who are neutral toward their scars, I love you.

People who choose to cover up their scars, I love you.

People who dress irrespective of their scars, I love you.

People with prominent scarring, I love you.

People with scars only visible to themselves, I love you.

[brainweird-equilibrium]

Something that I first applied to working with children, and have applied in a limited form to working with adults: you don't need to tell someone when they read your instructions wrong. Sometimes it's enough to point out what they did right and then whatever they didn't do? You ask them to do it in more precise words, and you make it sound like it's a new request. Remarkable how fast things get done this way.

[brainweird-equilibrium]

Aspd is this right here

[brainweird-equilibrium]

phrases like "grippy sock vacation" really are not funny to me anymore. i get using humor as a coping mechanism, but i'm tired of psych hospitalization or institutionalization being nearly exclusively talked about through fucking cutesy jokes. the subject deserves so much more depth. survivors of the trauma, abuse, and neglect deserve so much more support. but all we get are jokes and borderline romanticization.

[brainweird-equilibrium]

It’s easier to say “my child is crazy, mentally ill, clinically insane, psychologically disabled” than it is to say, “my child has been through violence in every aspect of their life, and we have never shown support nor care for their mental well-being while they were trying to recover or restabilize themselves. We never gave them a home to relax in.”

Because then families would have to accept that there’s a duty to protect and support each other, and that would inconvenience them and be too much work. It’s easier to yell at someone and purposely misunderstand that you’re yelling at someone recovering from violence for being overwhelmed by daily functioning than accept that your child needs support. The same as everything else that doesn’t nip the problem in the bud, that easy way out medical label usage that both psychiatry and families push has been actively worsening situations for years.

A family member is attacked and starts to act unstable, disruptive, mean, and avoidant. You ignore it and focus on their lack of properly fulfilling expectations and how awful the change in their personality is. You give them a pathology to blame the behavior on, but nothing actually changes. The family member gets worse. The chain of trauma continues because no matter how many pills you give someone or what you call their reaction to trauma, it won’t erase or ease what happened to them and how the people around them responded when they needed other humans to show them mercy and gentleness.

How many of us would have turned out differently if we had homes that felt safe, supportive, and understanding of our suffering and reacted accordingly?

[brainweird-equilibrium]

do you think ethical applications of ABA are possible?

I don't.

I hear, and take very seriously, the perspective of Black parents of Autistic kids who say that they need to put their children through ABA in order to protect them from being subjected to anti-Black violence. I understand the argument, and I think it's very important that we not admonish or demonize a parent in that situation who has to make that choice.

But I also think it's absolutely heinous and dehumanizing that it has to be the choice. A child being forced into compliance via repeated conditioning and abuse in order to escape death is not a good outcome. I don't think we can pretend that's a good outcome or that it's an acceptable state of affairs. It's yet another manifestation of the same anti-Blackness and ableism that leads to oppositional defiant disorder diagnoses, personality disorder and paranoia diagnoses, and a lack of accommodation for Black Autistics.

I hope that distinction makes sense. It's not sensible, fair, or compassionate to hold Black parents who make that choice ethically responsible for it. The roots of the problem are systemic. But that doesn't mean that the ABA the child is being put through in that case is in any way ethical or any less abusive than it always is.

The same goes for parents whose Autistic children have self-injurious stims, or any of the other cases that are often trotted out as examples of when ABA is the ethical choice.

ABA is inherently unethical. And if we want to eliminate the abuse of Autistic children via ABA, we have to target the systemic forces that make it alluring to many parents, and that box some parents of marginalized kids into seeing it as their only option.

[brainweird-equilibrium]

idk if we are most accurately described as DID or OSDD 1a

we have been able to observe some amnesia (& who knows what else we just aren't noticing)

but like, mostly we agree with the perspective that we are in the end one person in a bodymind that has adapted to function via a lot of compartmentalization and dissociation

like it feels weird and wrong to say I am bodhi or mars or whatever but it DOESN'T feel weird to acknowledge that we all are part of this same root bodymind. we are not each other but we ARE all "me"

dunno if that's more like lack of differentiation or just a more medical perspective

but does it matter, really?

[brainweird-equilibrium]

it's okay if you get confused easily. it's okay if you forget things easily. it's okay if you lose track during conversation easily. it's okay if you have to ask for clarification often. it's okay if you struggle to parse information or sensory unit. you're not "playing dumb" or "doing it on purpose". it's okay to be disabled, some people just refuse to be accommodating.