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no judgment 2.0

everett blakely x harry crosby

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wordcount: 2.6k

Two weeks had passed since Harry's injury, and finally, he was discharged from the infirmary. He couldn't stand to see those white sheets anymore. Everyone was coddling, treating him like something fragile. He'd had enough. He couldn't wait to get back into his hut. Back to Ev. And Dougie, of course.

Smokey had warned him to take it easy and grounded him for another two weeks. Harry hated it. He wanted to get back into business. He hated being bound to the ground while everyone else went up and did something.

He limped away from the infirmary, dragging his left foot a few inches behind himself. It hurt, but he’d experienced worse. The stitches were pulling at his every movement, and a few times, he was afraid they might rip, but Smokey proved to have done solid work. Besides, one of the nurses gave him painkillers, in case it got too bad.

The gravel crunched beneath his boots, and he was just happy to be outside again. He wasn't the type of person to stay inside all day. He had missed the fresh air.

But that wasn't the only thing he had missed. He had missed Ev—a lot. In the first few days, his pilot had shown up, sat next to Harry's bed, keeping him company. But then, his visits suddenly stopped. Instead, Dougie was by Harry's side at any free moment.

Rosie also said hi from time to time, but he was busy with flying training missions with the new crews. Even Colonel Harding checked on Harry, but no Ev. He didn't show up again. Harry didn't know why, but it made his heart crack.

It took him a while to get to his hut, but eventually, he arrived. He pushed the door open with a quiet grunt. He didn't expect anyone to be there. But when he stepped inside, Dougie's head shot up behind a worn comic book.

His eyes lit up. "Croz!" Immediately, he was on his feet, rushing over to his friend. "They told us you wouldn't be out for another week," he said, just about to pull Harry into a tight hug, before he realized that that wasn't the best idea. Harry was still holding his side in a protective manner.

Harry chuckled, patting Dougie's shoulder. "I convinced Smokey to let me go earlier. I just couldn't stay in there anymore. I felt as if I was going crazy." He looked around and ran his fingers through his hair. "Where's Ev?" he asked, looking back at Dougie.

"Ev?" Dougie blinked at Harry, a nervous chuckle leaving his lips. "Well, Ev is, uh, he's flying a practice mission right now." He cleared his throat and looked away.

That only confused Harry. "He's flying practice missions?"

Dougie nodded. "Jup. Has been doing it for a while now." A nervous chuckle let his lips. "He says that the newbies need an experienced pilot by their side, you know."

"Ah." Harry looked around. His eyes stopped at his bunk. Usually, Ev slept in the bunk next to him. But his stuff was moved. "Did–Did Ev move bunks?"

Dougie shifted, clearly uncomfortable. He went back to his bunk and picked up his comic book. "He did." He folded it and placed it under his pillow. "He's… being difficult right now." A tired sigh.

Harry bit the inside of his cheek. "Did I do something wrong?" he questioned, and Dougie's head snapped around.

"No, no, no," he immediately said, walking back in Harry's direction. "You did nothing wrong. It's a him-problem, you know?" He placed his hand on Harry's shoulder. "Look, I don't want to say too much, but your injury really rattled him. He doesn't know how to handle it. That's why he's been distancing himself from you."

With a huff, Harry made his way over to his bed, slowly sitting down with a pained groan. He clutched his side, cursing. His painkillers were fading, and he wasn't allowed to take another load yet.

Dougie followed him and sat down on the bunk that was Ev's just a week ago. "Do you want me to tell him that you're out?" he asked, leaning with his elbows on his knees. "If I'm not wrong, he should be back any moment."

"No." Harry shook his head. "I will talk to him myself." He shifted so he could lie down. "And to be honest, I am too tired right now." He took a deep breath, swallowing the pain and closing his eyes.

A quiet sigh left Dougie's lips. "Alright." He stood up. "I'll make my way to chow then." Before he left, though, he turned around one last time. "Red's been asking about you. I'll tell him you're out and about."

Harry hummed in acknowledgment, giving Dougie a thumbs up. As long as he could catch a few minutes of sleep right now, he didn't care about anything else. Except for Ev.

The days passed, and Harry barely caught a glimpse of Ev. The pilot came when Harry was asleep and left before he could wake up. Dougie had offered multiple times to talk to Ev, but Harry had denied. He had to do this on his own.

During the day, Harry was busy in Group Ops, though Red and Harding made sure he wasn't overworking himself. If he even showed the slightest sign of discomfort, Red made sure to kidnap a Sergeant and ordered him to get Harry back to his hut.

"You're in pain," Red noticed, placing the map in his hand on the desk. He took a sip of his coffee.

Harry sighed. "I'm fine, Red," he muttered, scribbling down a few coordinates he would need later.

Red shook his head. "Don't bullshit me. I can see it on your face."

"It's nothing," Harry replied, trying to shrug it off. It wasn't necessarily his side that was hurting. It was the fact that one of the most important people in his life right now refused to talk to him. "I am okay."

Red pursed his lips and set his coffee cup down. Then he rounded the table. "Something's going on, Harry," he said, his voice soft. Harry hated it when he did that. It made him fold too easily. "You're not okay."

An annoyed sigh left Harry's lips. He straightened his back and turned toward Red. "It's nothing. Really. I'm okay."

"Douglass said something else," Red countered, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "He's worried about you."

Harry's eyes narrowed. "Well, then Douglass has to stop talking about me." He turned away again, his fingers gripping the pencil he was holding.

But Red wasn't finished yet. "I am worried too, you know," he said, shamelessly taking the pencil out of Harry's hand. "You look like a ghost, a shell of yourself. We've all noticed, trust me." He placed the pen out of Harry's reach. "I know this is about Blakely."

Harry tensed. "You don't know anything."

"Well, that's wrong." Red shook his head. "I have eyes. And so does Douglass– so does everyone on this base." He leaned against the desk, trying to catch Harry's eyes. "You and Blakely used to be attached at the hip, but now? I barely see him, and I barely see you. Let alone together. He's out there, flying any and everything he can get his hands on, and you're in here, sulking away."

At that, Harry snapped. "He left me, okay?" Everyone in the room flinched at the volume of his voice, looking at him with wide eyes. "He. Left. Me," Harry repeated, quieter this time. Tears were welling in his eyes, and worry was sketched into Red's face.

Red turned to face the other people in the room. "Leave us for a moment, please," he instructed, giving them a little wave to emphasize his words.

People were scrambling to their feet, gathering their files and hurrying out the door.

Once Red was sure they were alone, he stepped closer to Harry. "Harry," he said in a soft voice. "Look at me."

Harry's eyes were glassy, and all Red wanted to do was pull the younger man into a hug.

"He was there." Harry's voice trembled as he spoke. "But then–then suddenly he was gone. He just stopped visiting. Why?"

Red hummed in acknowledgment. "He's scared," he replied. Unfortunately, Red only knew it too well. He had experienced that kind of cowardice himself, and he'd rather get shot out of the sky instead of having one of his boys experience it.

"That's why he's running from you. I mean, it's stupid, but he doesn't know what to do." He placed his hand on Harry's shoulder. "He's hurting you, I know, but maybe you should be the one to talk to him. Not wait until he talks to you."

Harry shook his head. "And what will that change? The way I know him, he's just gonna shrug it off." He ran his hands over his face, shakily exhaling.

Red squeezed his shoulder. "I don't think that. Talk to him and confront him." He pulled back. "If I'm not mistaken, he should return any moment. Go to the tarmac and catch him."

"And what if he doesn't want to talk?" Harry asked, voice muffled. He was still hiding behind his hands.

A small laugh escaped Red. "Then I'm permitting you to throw things at him. Or I'll get him on kitchen duty for a week. Tell him he can choose."

Harry straightened his back, wincing at the small twinge in his side. "You'd really do it?" He looked at Red, brows furrowed.

Red nodded. "Of course I would, if that means he'll finally get his head out of his ass." He clapped Harry's back. "But now you should get going. Take my jeep, then you're faster." He handed Harry his keys.

Harry took them and briefly glanced at them before he gave Red a tight smile. "Thank you." Then he started to head for the door.

"No problem." Red smiled. "Oh, and tell the others they can come in again!"

Harry arrived at the hardstand of the Just-A-Snappin the moment Ev jumped out of the front hatch. He had a clipboard in his hand, staring up the hatch and checking off the list on the clipboard.

He hadn't noticed Harry yet.

Slowly, Harry walked closer until he was just a few feet away from Ev. Then he spoke up. "Hello, stranger."

Ev froze before he slowly turned around. Surprise flashed over his face. Then guilt, followed by something Harry couldn't identify. Ev cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck. "Harry. Nice to, uh, see you out here."

Harry pursed his lips and nodded. "I wouldn't be so sure about that." He kept his distance from Ev. "You've been avoiding me. And I want to know why." He had his hands buried in his flight jacket.

"I wasn't avoiding you," Ev replied, a little too fast for Harry's liking.

A humorless snort was Harry's answer. "Yeah, right."

Ev sighed. "I was just busy flying," he tried to explain, glancing at his clipboard. He hoped it could somehow save him. He knew it couldn't. "It's been busy lately."

"Don't bullshit me," Harry replied, rolling his eyes. He took a step closer to Ev. "You were there. You were sitting next to me, holding my hand and talking to me. But the moment I was able to stay awake for more than five minutes, you were gone."

Harry’s voice rose with every word, his tone sharp and his eyes narrow. "I needed you," he hissed. "I needed you and you left like some kind of coward!"

The air around them both got thick, and Ev could see Kenny ushering away his mechanics from the corner of his eye. Now, Harry and he were alone.

Silence stretched between them. Ev didn't know what to say. What could he even say? Harry was right. He had just left without a word. He had been a coward. Well, he still was.

"Say something!" Harry demanded, the look in his eyes wild. He was desperate for answers. "Did I do something wrong? Is it me–"

"Christ, no!" Ev cut him off, running his hand through his loose curls. "It's not–It's not you…" He fixed his eyes on the asphalt below him.

Harry threw his hands in the air. "What is it then? Enlighten me, please!" His eyes were blown wide, his chest heaving. He was talking himself into rage. "Were you disgusted by me? By my injury? Was it the way–"

"It's because I love you," Ev snapped, cutting Harry off once again.

Harry blinked, mouth open. "What?"

"I love you," Ev repeated. This time quieter. "That's–That's why I left. I couldn't–" His voice cracked, and he shook his head. He couldn't look at Harry right now. He couldn't handle the disappointment. "I couldn't handle it." He took a deep breath. His knuckles were already turning white from the grip he had on the clipboard. "I couldn't handle seeing you in that bed."

He took a shaky breath, and it took all his courage to look at Harry. Tears were gathering in his eyes. "Every time I closed my eyes, I saw you bleeding out on the floor of our fort, and it was destroying me." He swallowed. "I thought that, maybe, it would hurt less if I didn't see you," he confessed, a dry chuckle leaving his lips. "But I was wrong. If anything, it only got worse."

Harry stared at Ev, still trying to process his words. Did he hear it right, or was he going crazy? Was he hearing things he wanted to hear, or did Ev actually say he loved him?

"I am sorry, Harry," Ev stared again, distress clear in his eyes. "I shouldn't have–"

"God, you idiot!" Now Harry was the one to cut Ev off. Without any other words, he took another step forward and pulled Ev in by his tie.

Then their lips crashed.

The clipboard in Ev's hand clattered to the ground as his eyes widened in surprise. Harry started to pull back, but Ev caught him by raising his hands and burying them in Harry's hair, pulling him closer–and finally kissing him back.

They were both out of breath when they pulled back, staring at each other.

Harry was the first to find his voice again. "I love you too, you know." He let go of Ev's tie, smoothing it down again. "I just… never thought you'd love me back."

Ev chuckled lowly, cupping Harry's cheek. "How couldn't I love you?" He asked. "You complete me."

Harry bit back a smile. "Now you're just trying to flatter me," he said, amused. That familiar twinkle was back in his eyes.

"I'm not," Ev replied. "I am serious." To underline his words, he pulled Harry in for another brief kiss.

"You know," Harry said after a while, "We still have to talk this out…"

Ev bit the inside of his cheek and pulled his hands away. "I know." He nodded. "But maybe, we shouldn't do it here, out in the open."

Harry glanced around. They were alone right now, but he knew that wouldn't be the case for long. Kenny and the boys had to get back to the forts so they'd be ready for tomorrow.

He turned back toward Ev. "Yeah. I think that, too." He tilted his head. "In the Mess hall after dinner? It's usually empty by that time."

Ev nodded. "That sounds good." He smiled. He knew it would be a hard and emotional conversation, but it had to be held. His actions were standing between him and Harry, and they couldn't just ignore it, could they?

Harry shifted on his feet, briefly grimacing when his stitches pulled. He had forgotten that injury already…

Ev immediately noticed. "Do you want me to drive you back?" he asked, worry evident in his voice. "Kenny left me a Jeep." He pointed toward it.

"Only if you join me for dinner." Mischief twinkled in Harry's eyes.

Ev smirked. "Deal."

#writing #ao3 #fanfiction #archive of our own #story writing #masters of the air #mota #harry crosby #red bowman #everett blakely #evcroz #my shaylas #i love them #rare pair

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